Look left and right. Check the hallway. 

Peek carefully past the doorway and see if the coast is clear. 

Do it!

Escape. Make a dash to the bathroom. Close the door and hide, pretending you needed a restroom break. 

This is your moment. No boss, no kids, no spouse, no houseguests…

Whatever you need to escape from, you’ve done it. Take five to ten minutes to yourself and do anything that gives you a brief but delightful moment of joy. 

Congratulations! Now you know how to Stealth Slack. 

Stealth Slacking lets you release a little pressure when it feels like everything is just too much. When you really need a minute to feel free, Stealth Slacking will be a balm to your soul. You can slack off, regain your sanity, and reconnect with yourself. Stealth Slacking is an important part of the overall Slacker Magic way of being. 

Ten things I’ve found fun during Stealth Slacking episodes:

1. Reading a novel. (I keep one handy in my bathroom just for Stealth Slacking.)
2. Watching a few moments of Netflix. (This is why headphones were invented…for Stealth Slacking.)
3. Breathe. 
4. Sit on the floor and close my eyes for a full five minutes.
5. Shop. 
6. Write down ideas I’ve had throughout the day.
7. Text something funny to a friend. 
8. Vent to a friend. 
9. Look at cute puppy videos.
10. Listen to music. 

Happy Slacking!

I love Summer. I loooong for it by Spring. Right before it arrives I fantasize about it, imagining all the fun and sun I will soak in.  I imagine luxuriating in quietude and peace, natural settings and beauty. I imagine kids playing, running for the ice cream truck, rainy days and movies. In my imagination it’s perfect, sweet, nostalgic, and timeless. And yet.  While it’s happening, it’s usually not how I imagine it.  I get caught up – in the planning and prepping, the getting to and from all the activities, one after the other. When the long-awaited planned and prepped thing is finally happening I get caught up in thinking about what needs to happen next and about how and when I can take a break and recover from the thing. It all feels so planned, so jammed in and busy.

Nope, not this Summer. This Summer, I vowed to slow it all down, to slow myself down and drink in the moments. that I have longed for all year.  And I must say, it has felt DELICIOUS.

This Summer, I set an intention to notice and be with deliciousness. I began to track my Summer deliciousness. I looked for – and am continuing to look for – the experiences that brought about the yummy feeling that I longed for.  I did those delicious things, consciously. And there were so, so, so many.

• the first sighting of fireflies.
• kids selling lemonade on the corner
• sunsets and sunrises
• full moon glow
• beach days
• the cat on the back stoop
• canoeing in the cedar rivers of the Pine Barrens
• kayaking on the Ocean City bay
• boardwalk pizza
• the birdsong, first thing in the am
• the crickets
• the locusts, now in late Summer
• garden veggies ripening
• seeing a beloved friend I haven’t seen in forever and sharing our lives together
• seeing my son getting taller
• rainy days on the porch
• visiting the pig farm
• not talking to anyone for five hours
• reading a novel for the first time in years
• not scheduling, intentionally
• the camp show

I could go on and on.  And, so can deliciousness. Deliciousness doesn’t need to come to an end when Summer does. We can actually build more deliciousness into our lives. We can become aware of how we want to feel, and notice the feeling of it when it arises. We can notice what we can do in our lives right now that sparks that delicious feeling. Like a tracker in the wild, we can begin to notice exactly what conjures up the feeling that we want, and then do more of that. We can practice it. We can cultivate the skill of feeling deliciousness whenever and wherever we want to.

Deliciousness is a feeling. It’s in the body, it’s in my throat and around my heart.

It feels tender and soft, almost like an ache but in an oh so pleasant way. It radiates out, like sun rays. It’s fragile. It can be easily dampened or shut out completely if we’re not noticing.

When we notice deliciousness rising , we can simply be with it for however long it lasts. And we can enjoy it in all it’s delicious splendor.

The picture above, that’s me on the bay, in a moment of  Summer deliciousness.

What is deliciousness for you? How does it feel, what brings it about?

Share one or some of your delicious moments here.

Mara

Mara Wai, M.Ed. is a mind-body coach who supports her clients to shift their consciousness and energy for healing, growth and self-transformation. With mindfulness and a variety of mind-body awareness tools, her clients deepen awareness of inherent mind and body conditioning that exacerbates their pain, prolongs suffering or is no longer resonant with what they want out of life. With gained insight and practice, her clients create new, more desirable mind-body patterns that result in greater ease in body, clarity in mind and an inherent sense of self-trust to discern what’s best for themselves and take “just-right” actions. In addition to her work as a coach, Mara is the Associate Director of the Penn Program for Mindfulness, where she oversees administration and facilitates Mindfulness-based Stress Management programs. To learn more about Mara go to www.marawai.com.

Everything ached.

My head, my neck, my shoulders, my back. They all ached.

I sat a bit longer on my bed that morning.

I wanted to check in with my body, ask it directly what the heck was going on. Was it trying to tell me something? I didn’t want to automatically take an Advil(R) or distract myself with social media or food. I knew those wouldn’t help long term.

As I quieted my mind and focused my attention on the pain in my body, the first thing that showed up was a typical sarcastic response –

Hey, you forgot your heart, your heart hurts most.

You’re right, Bod, my heart hurts, let’s go there first. Tell me. I’m here and I’m listening.

You’re not going to get up and look at your list of 89 items to do today?

Touché.

Hush… listen.

The pain looked like a grey cloud covering different areas in my body. It moved around and changed shape but wouldn’t let go and lift.

After greeting it and making sure it felt welcome, I asked if it had a message for me. Then I listened silently.

“It’s too much.”

“What’s too much?”

“All of it. It’s too much.”

Such a simple answer yet so true.

There was so much happening around the world, specially right here at home. Frightening decisions and actions, divisiveness among the leaders and the people. It was a time for resistance, insistence on our values, and thoughtful action. I had to be aware and vigilant. I had to make a difference.

Something in me loosened up and the tears came freely.

Yes, it’s too much for me. It’s too much for any one person.

I’d been carrying it all on my broad shoulders.

The state of the world.

The state of all people.

The state of minorities.

The state of women.

Add to that the state of my business, my relationships, my plans, my health.

And the state of my cluttered office, the broken door handles, the semi move to NYC, the furniture, tonight’s dinner…

Too much.

Thank you, dear body for getting my attention, although we need to talk about less painful communication skills …

The pain subsided.

I finally got out of bed with two big messages:

1. You don’t have to carry the world on your shoulders.

This is a group project. A world project.

Do what little you can do in your corner of the woods.

Just be the way you wish to be in life – kind, loving, giving, yet fierce, determined, steadfast at the same time.

Add your energy to the newly vitalized force of evolution you see around you.

There’s a lot to do, but you’re not alone in this.

Let’s build community. Let’s stand together. Let’s use our light and creativity together to bring about change.

2. You don’t have to do it all in one day.

Choose.

Choose your top priorities.

Heck, choose just one thing in any given day!

Leave time to rest and play. More gets done with rest and play.

The world is not going to fall apart. Not with so many of us rising to hold it together.

Slow down. You’ll accomplish more in the long run this way.

How about you? Have you been carrying a heavy load too?

What messages have you gotten from your body lately?

Please share below.

One might think Abigail’s Mind-Body Coach Training is incredibly helpful in understanding chronic pain and learning different tools to help deal with it for ourselves and our clients. This is absolutely true but it’s much more than that. I took this training and became an endorsed coach a few years ago, and what I got out of it is a deep knowledge, intimacy and friendship with myself! Understanding our bodies, minds, emotions and getting to know our wise Selves are priceless in navigating life more peacefully and joyfully. This training was one of the first stepping stones in my spiritual journey to live an authentic, coherent life with integrity and compassion. I highly recommend it.

Leda Asmar is an endorsed Mind Body coach and a Certified Martha Beck coach. She helps people though transitions in life. She specializes in helping hardworking midlife women get unstuck, make authentic choices, and take charge of their lives by tuning into their inner voice and reconnecting with their true Selves.

website: www.ledaasmar.com

email: leda@ledaasmar.com

Have you ever felt that you need permission to do something you want or need to do?

I’m not talking about general polite permissions or legal permits, like “May I have this dance, please; may I borrow your lawnmower? May I give your child a lollipop?”

I’m talking about permission to be yourself, to care for yourself, to want something, to dream of possibilities for yourself.

I’m actually talking about permission for one of the most basic needs in life. Permission to rest!

There was a time in my life that I must have believed that I had no rights or needs, because it was my job to take care of everyone else. I think I might have thought I’m a robot, or Wonder Woman or perhaps Mary Poppins.  I don’t know how I got to that place, but it was so bad that I actually needed permission to rest, from whoever was around, even if that was a child. Really. “I’m exhausted, may I rest?” So lame!

My son, who was 10 at that time, remembers an incident when he tried to straighten me out.

It was 4:30 pm and I had just come home with my sons from their piano lessons. I knew I had to start on dinner preparations but I couldn’t keep my eyes open, my body ached and I needed a nap, a rest. So this is what I said to my son:

Michael, I’m so tired. I think I might lie down here on the sofa a bit. Maybe I shouldn’t. Don’t let me fall asleep and not get up in time to make dinner before dad gets home. I’m so tired. I had to get up early to do the grocery shopping, then you know I was at your school making books in the publishing center all afternoon, then we had to go to piano, I didn’t sleep much last night either… I’m so tired.  I should really start cooking but maybe just half an hour? Please come wake me up if I fall asleep, OK? Or maybe it’s better if I don’t…

Michael clearly irritated by my ramblings: Mom! You don’t owe me or anyone else an explanation why you need to rest! You can rest. You don’t need permission to rest. If you don’t make dinner, we’ll order pizza! Who cares about dinner!  Just rest.

So Michael gave me permission to rest that day, and I did. Just for that day.

Some years later, I read an article in O magazine by one of my mentors, Dr. Martha Beck. I don’t remember details but basically she was giving me permission to go hide in the cornfields and rest. So I took a nap and dreamed of cornfields that day.

But it was a long time before I gave myself permission not to ever need permission to rest. I rest all the time now and I enjoy it very much.

How about you?

• Your primary responsibility is to yourself. Did you know that?

• You don’t have to please anyone else.

• You don’t need permission from anyone!

• If you don’t care for yourself, love and respect your needs, you won’t be able to do your best for the others you love in your life.

• Not sure whether to rest or not? Just ask your body. Your mind will try to give all the reasons you should not, but trust your body.

• But if you feel you absolutely need it, I GIVE YOU PERMISSION to rest whenever you’re tired or even whenever you simply want to. And that includes you too, Michael!

Leda Asmar is an endorsed Mind Body coach and a Certified Martha Beck coach. She helps people though transitions in life. She specializes in helping hardworking midlife women get unstuck, make authentic choices, and take charge of their lives by tuning into their inner voice and reconnecting with their true Selves.

website: www.ledaasmar.com

email: leda@ledaasmar.com

Sometimes, I stay up late and keep on reading, eat another cookie, or sink deeper into the latest Netflix series, because it feels delicious.

Other times, what happens is this:

I think I have a craving, so I dig into the book, show, or dessert. Instead of feeling the delicious feeling of a craving satisfied, I feel one of two things:

1) An obsessive need to keep reading, watching, or eating

2) A sense of emptiness

These are clear indicators that I’ve missed the mark and haven’t addressed my true craving.

Pleasure is meant to be part of our lives. It’s meant to be tasted, welcomed, and enjoyed. However, it’s easy to pick the wrong pleasure sometimes when we’re not tuned in to our true needs.

When I notice that I haven’t satisfied my craving for delight or pleasure with my book, show, or cookie, it’s time to look deeper.

The question is, what is my true craving?

The true essence of what I crave is hiding underneath the surface desire. Instead of a book, show, or cookie, the craving might be rest, relaxation, play, fun, alone time, or refreshment. There are times when a book, show, or cookie does fulfill the essence of my craving. But when they don’t, it means I haven’t fully connected to myself to find out what I truly need.

Last week, I found myself reaching for Netflix. However, it just didn’t hit the spot. Even though it sounded fun to keep watching, I knew it wasn’t addressing my true craving. I turned it off and grabbed my journal. After jotting notes for a few minutes, the true craving began to emerge.

The essence of my craving was definitely rest and alone time. However, it was bigger than that. I needed structure around my alone time. I was feeling tossed about by the waves of motherhood and work, without enough time to reconnect to me. I craved a bedtime ritual, which I’d somehow lost among the travel and busy-ness of the last few months. I craved a morning ritual, which had disappeared during stomach flu week and never returned.

Even though I love reading or enjoying a show in my free time, my true craving was to go to bed early enough to have a morning routine again. It felt more delicious to spend time journaling, connecting to myself, and finding inspiration in a few spiritual writings than it did to read a novel or watch a show.

Did my mind argue with this choice? Oh yes. It always does. I had to remind it that the quick hit from the book or TV would only leave me feeling empty this time. It wasn’t going to feel delicious, because it wasn’t the true craving. Instead, I’d feel a little disconnected from myself and like my spirit was unsatisfied.

With my true craving addressed, I feel lighter, happier, and even rested, despite getting up earlier. I can breathe easier and something has opened up within my heart. That’s the signal that I’ve found the true craving and I’m following my inner guidance.

Pleasure comes in many forms, so you’ll have to look carefully as you explore your own cravings.

What feels like total joy to you in one moment will change tomorrow, or next week. It’s ever evolving, because it’s restoring you in different ways as you travel through life. Sometimes a novel is just the ticket. Other times, cleaning the closet feels like bliss. (No, really! This just happened to me last weekend!)

The key is to stop judging yourself for the pleasures you enjoy (why do we call them guilty pleasures, anyway?) and connecting to your true cravings. When you remove judgment and seek to know your true needs, you open the door to an entirely different world of self care. In the end, the things that need to get done actually get done with joy and pleasure. Call me crazy, but I promise you, this happens.

Besides, what do you have to lose? Nothing! Instead, you’ll be adding more pleasure to your life and addressing your true cravings. Now that is what I call delicious!

I’ve been having a little argument with myself about meditation ever since becoming a mom.  Before I was a mom, I think I just sat down and meditated. I can’t really remember. Now, though, sitting down to meditate for any extended period of time requires either a) a babysitter, b) me to be awake, or c) hmmm… maybe there isn’t a C. I keep trying to meditate in the evenings, but B keeps getting in my way.

For a few weeks, I was successfully devoting an hour 2-3 times a week to meditation. Maybe that will happen again someday, but for now, it’s just not. Lots of inexplicable things happen in motherhood, I’ve discovered.

As a working mom, and a working-at-home mom, and a person with a tendency toward mind-body syndromes, I really feel that meditation is essential to my well-being and my sanity. Also, it’s essential to my family’s well-being and sanity. You know that old saying, “when mama ain’t happy….”  As much as I hate to admit it, it’s kind of true. If my energy is off, everything is off. Now, I’m not striving to be perfectly centered all the time. (Well, ok, my inner perfectionist is striving to be perfectly centered all the time, but I am aware of her. Mostly.) Most days, I just want at least fifteen *&%*& minutes to turn inward and meditate, because it is a nourishing drink from the well of life.

I am not a total newbie to this feeling of struggle. I recognize it as a sign that I’m pushing against something larger, something wiser, and something that knows what’s best for me. Usually, this means that whatever I think I need is not what I need, and I get some sort of giant smack to help me course-correct. Ironically, this is one reason I meditate. I am not as much of a fan of these giant smacks, and I find that if I stay tuned in to my inner wisdom, they are not as frequent or large. (And yes, I keep asking for no smacks at all, but apparently I have ordered up Life Coaching from the Universe for Stubborn People.)

Well, as you may have guessed, I received a Giant Smack recently. I woke up one morning (well, ok, yesterday) and found that I could not focus on work due to the need to bawl and curl up in a ball on the floor. It seemed quite impossible to actually deliver on everything in my work life. It seemed as though I was infinitely behind and would never, ever, ever, catch up. It seemed as though I simply had too much on my plate.

This, I discovered, was not a coded message. The problem was, I had too much on my plate.

Now, that is not unusual. I have done that my whole life, and I kind of enjoy the challenge. It makes things interesting and fun. However, in Mom Life, it is no longer fun. Or interesting. It’s pretty much torture. And, you might notice that trying to add an hour meditation into my already full day is simply another layer of pressure.

Side Note: In Mom Life, EVERYTHING is different. I may not have fully accepted that just yet. I appear to still be adjusting to the fact that I am a mom, and that being a mom is completely different every day, and that working and being a mom is totally different from just working, and that being a working mom is totally different every day. It’s kind of like a Jack-in-the-Box that pops up and smacks you with something totally random, day or night. New tooth! WHAM. No nap! WHAM. Sudden Screaming Fit! WHAM! Poop in the bath! WHAM! Enormous Head Bonk! WHAM! Revolted by all foods and throw them on the floor! WHAM! Sudden Barf! WHAM!

I can see why meditating for long stretches is just not for me right now. However, the Universe, having delivered the smack, sent me a clue. In a random moment on Amazon, up popped a small book by Thich Nhat Han. I don’t even remember the title (I already own several of his books, and love his work). It was the blurb that caught my attention. It said something about meditating while doing daily tasks. Ding ding ding! Now that, possibly, could be do-able.

In the past, I have read about mindfulness, tried to be more mindful, and tried to be present in my daily life. Honestly, now I see that I did not even know what mindfulness IS. Momfulness is teaching me mindfulness. Because, in this little book, The Miracle of Mindfulness: An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation, Thich Nhat Han somehow got through to me and made me see that Aela, my daughter, IS my meditation. All day. Every day. Everything is my meditation. And that the Master does not meditate for an hour and then go “do life.” Even though I sorta kinda knew this before, now I KNOW THIS. The Master is noticing her breath, noticing and allowing her emotions, noticing and watching her thought patterns and reactions, and listing to inner guidance – even while mothering. Even while working. Even while cooking dinner.

I was trying to take a break from life to turn inward and recharge. That simply doesn’t work anymore. Not right now, in this new life. I can do that sometimes, but I must find another way, as well.

I am discovering how I can recharge right now. And again, right now. It’s really challenging to notice my breath, notice my emotions, allow them, and see my mind patterns while doing another activity, like mothering (in all its various forms). It forces me to develop my inner awareness and witness in a much stronger way than I was doing in the past. I’m really new at this, since I just learned it, but I’m really really excited about it. In one small shift of perception, I found a hidden doorway in the wall and entered a secret passageway – one that takes me where I wanted to go, all along. I feel like I just fit the last piece into a jigsaw puzzle, or solved a riddle, or found the last clue that solves the case.

I have that inner guidance, and it’s not waiting for me to sit down and meditate. It’s always here.

I’ve always TRIED to hear it throughout the day, but found it not-so-easy. Motherhood is teaching me to learn this art. The only thing I need to do to hear inner wisdom, and to feel that delicious feeling of being in-sync with the Universe, is to keep up with the emotional housekeeping. When I repress emotion, I get stuck in my mind. It loops. It worries. It does its thing. I can’t see it, because I am caught in it. When I feel my emotions, allow them, and return to my body, I become the witness of the mind again. I am freed of the tension it takes to hold in emotion. I am freed of the patterns that my mind repeats when I am not present. Everything is more relaxed and energized. Everything is more fluid. And inner wisdom simply flows through, informing, directing, and guiding me.

I certainly don’t do it perfectly. Because perfectly is just another mind-story. A pattern. A wisp of a thought that exists only in my mind. Reality is just right now – messy, real, grounded, and deeply, deeply rich. I’m a lifelong emotion avoider, but I do see that when I avoid, I miss this rich thing we call the present. Right now is the moment to feel. Right now is the moment to be here with myself. When I forget, there’s no problem. Because now it’s right now, and I remember again. And that’s my practice.

A coach knows, anytime you’re avoiding something, it’s a RED FLAG.  Blech.  Time to go face the music, look inward and get honest with yourself, etc. etc. etc.  Sometimes, that just doesn’t sound fun, even if you know, from years of experience, that the benefits will be boundless.

Alas, that is the trick of the ego.  It tells you a myriad of reasons why it’s totally ok to avoid that thing, that very, very uncomfortable thing.  (A sure sign you are sitting on transformative gold!)

My ego told me:

Aw, that’s just one coaching tool of many. Who needs it?

I think I can just see what the clutter in my basement probably means and just make some moves to clean it up.

I’ll do that tool later.

Nah, that doesn’t sound like fun right now.

There’s probably something dreadful I’ll find out about myself if I face this tool, since I’m so afraid of it.

Notice the various tricky ways my ego kept me from going inward for greater self-awareness!  Fascinating!

What is the Living Space Tool?  It’s a tool that uses your home as a metaphor for your life.  You notice what you don’t like about your home and then apply that to yourself.  It’s kind of horribly accurate. I was avoiding this tool so much that I didn’t even let myself ask myself what my least favorite area of my home was.

Until, of course, Life forced my hand.  That’s the great thing about the mind-body journey of awakening to your true nature and following that truth.  Once you start, you can try to avoid something as much as you want, but if you need to transform it, Life won’t let you get away with avoidance.

I discovered having a baby is a GREAT way to face all kinds of stuff I used to avoid. The Living Space Tool was just one.  Yet, it was a pretty important one.  After Aela, my daughter, was born, I found that it is quite difficult to work in my shared home office, for a myriad of reasons.  So I had to scour the home for a quiet, out-of-the-way area with some privacy for client phone calls, recorded telecourses, etc.  My home is not that large, so it did not take much scouring to realize that the guest room was the only really useful option.  (However, I did avoid this for months by working in pretty much every other area in my home and becoming quite proficient at flipping the mute button on my phone.)

Finally, I had to face the fact that I’d need to clear out the guest room and turn it into an office.  Which made me realize that it was my least favorite room in my house.  Which made me realize that it was, indeed, time for the Living Space Tool.

To summarize, my guest room contained:

1)     Furniture that required a stressful conversation prior to selling

2)     Stuff that needed to go to the secondhand store

3)     Piles of gift wrapping supplies

4)     My husband’s old Navy uniforms

5)     A closet with no door (from the house renovation we contracted in which the contractor, unfortunately, vanished three-quarters of the way through the job)

6)     No doorknob on the door to the room

How do these things reflect my inner life? Watch this: (these correlate with the points above)

1)     Fear of facing conversations that require setting clear boundaries and honoring my needs

2)     Fear of letting go

3)     A deep love of giving to others, but a need for my own space to be alone and to receive

4)     A need for a place of my own since my husband and I now live and work in the same space 24/7

5)     A fear of setting firm boundaries with those I love

And there you have it.  Years of avoidance became, in thirty minutes, transformative gold.  I learned so much about myself from that simple exercise that I could write at least ten blog posts.

The result of doing this tool?  Forward movement in the honoring my own needs department, improvements and more awareness around setting boundaries (a pretty essential skill for effective mothering), and improved, honest conversations with my husband.  Yep.  Transformative gold.

I cleaned out the guest room.  I made changes in honoring my needs, setting boundaries, and communicating. I started working in my new office this week.  When I walk in there, even though it only contains a card table, a chair, a yoga mat, a sheet (my pretend closet door), and a pile of candles, I feel my whole being expand.  I feel my breath move easily in my body.  I have a new favorite place in my home.

Why is it my favorite place now?

There is plenty of space.  The room has lots of nothing..

How does that correlate to my inner life?

Easy.  Right now, my focus is on meditation and the development of awareness of that giant inner nothingness that we call stillness, being, presence, space…whatever word you choose.

Now, I am in sync with myself.  My inner and outer worlds both reflect that which brings me deep joy, connection to myself, and the ability to love and respect myself.  Which, of course, means it is so much easier to love and respect everyone else.

Transformative gold?  Yep.

In the end, it always pays off to look at what you’re avoiding, take a deep breath, and dive in.  Maybe even before Life forces your hand.

In response to that message, most clients say things like:

But I don’t have time!

I’m already resting.

That can’t possibly be what I need.

But what if all I do is lie around like a sloth? How will I get things done?

I can’t listen to that message because I have so much to do.

I get it, because my body asks for more rest than seems appropriate to my mind. However, throughout this last year, I have learned a ton about resting, as well as my body and its messages. As a result, I’ve discovered three important things about resting that pretty much revolutionized how I rest. And you’ll notice that I’m a new mom, and here I am talking about rest. Yes! I’ve been forced to honor my true rest needs this year, so I am actually well-rested. I’ve discovered that taking care of my rest needs is pretty much where it’s at. It’s the most important thing I can do for myself.

Rest Insight #1: Rest Binges

Here’s what I’ve discovered: when my body is screaming for rest, it means I’ve waited too long to rest. I missed the subtler clues that were much less uncomfortable. The remedy for this is to binge on rest. By this I mean use any and all time I can to rest – while my kiddo is napping, going to bed early, and anytime I can find a sitter for an extra hour or two.

This might seem scary at first. The mind says – OH NO! I’ll never get anything done!

However, this is not true. The binge catches me up and then I am actually energized and able to get anything done more quickly and easily than before and it’s MUCH better than if I tried to slog through it, exhausted. Once the binge is over (it just sort of ends), I feel much better and am able to pay attention again to the subtler rest cues my body sends. (And honor them!)

Rest Insight #2: Pre-Resting

This is something I do to ward off exhaustion, keep my newfound and hard-won health, and stay centered in my body awareness. I take 10-15 minutes in the morning, at lunch, and after dinner to lie down, breathe, and check in with my body. Even if I’m not tired in the least, I do this resting. I use my mind-body tools.  I feel my nervous system relax into rest and digest. I get tingly all over, like I’m getting a massage or just took a dose of morphine. I let myself yawn, stretch, and breathe.

I also take a minute to see if I’m addressing all my needs. Am I thirsty? Hungry? Do I need to feel an emotion? Is there something my intuition is trying to tell me?

Rest Insight #3: Active Resting

This resting means taking the rest and digest feeling with me when I get up from the bed. I do little check-ins during the day as I’m doing activities. Whether I’m cooking, playing with my kiddo, walking, doing yoga, or working, I can pay attention to my body and my internal sense of awareness. I can notice my feet touching the floor. I can feel my energy drop down into my body if it starts floating up into my head in the form of worries, stress, or rumination. I can watch my breath for a moment.

The mind likes to judge rest as slothful or lazy. It likes to tell us to push onward and ignore the body’s rest signals. However, this is all just mind-noise. Rest, and being rested while going about the day, is an incredibly important piece of health, well-being, and inner peace. A fully synced-up mind and body allow rest to take place and feel good as a result. Rest is a mix of naps, sleep, and letting the nervous system drop out of fight or flight. I don’t count watching TV or reading as resting, because I’m not as deeply relaxed when I’m doing those activities. I count those as fun entertainment, so when it’s time for a rest binge, I don’t do them until I feel energized again. I’ve found they can actually prevent me from getting rest (especially if they are particularly engaging).

There is much talk about mindfulness these days, but not as much about restfulness. The secret is that mindfulness is restfulness. I prefer to think of it as restfulness, actually. When I rest into this moment, I am present. I am resting here. I’m not trying to get there, or there, or there. I’m just resting here. Now.

While I rest, Anamsong will also rest. So, there will be a few weeks without blog posts. As I write this, I notice the resonance of the word “rest.” Doesn’t it just feel good to say it? It sends a peaceful current through my body when I let it float around in my mind. Rest is healing. Rest is healthy. Rest is loving.

After the Healing Circle Call , my biggest takeaway was a feeling of love. When everyone reached out with love, I felt an inner knowing that I must access my most powerful feeling of love and treat myself to a whopping dose. Right now, that means rest, snuggle with my sweet baby girl, and laugh as much as possible.

Thank you all SO much for your participation in the Healing Circle Call and for all the amazingly kind comments, emails, and messages you’ve sent. I love the magic of connection through sharing, giving, loving, and receiving. I am blessed to be connected with all of you through our shared interest in the mind-body-soul relationship. I wish you a restful, joyful few weeks as well and look forward to writing again, post-rest.

My daughter’s cello’s name is Musica.

During one of her lesson’s that I will never forget, her cello teacher asked her to play a piece with the biggest, loudest sound that Musica could make.

So, she got into position, perfectly placed her bow and then with determination, focus, and all of her strength, she played.

Her efforts resulted in a bigger sound.

Her teacher then asked her to completely relax, to let go, drop the weight of her arm, and without any effort move her bow.

“Let’s hear Musica’s whole voice now!” she said.

Oh my goodness, the sound that came out of that cello just about knocked me off my chair.

It was huge and deep and strong and resonant and soooooo beautiful. I can still feel it now. The whole room was vibrating.

It brought tears to my eyes.

That sound did not come from force,

Or effort,

Or strength,

Or pushing,

Or pressure,

Or struggle,

It came from relaxing and letting go.

My daughter’s teacher is always saying that playing the cello brings you face to face with the greatest mysteries of life.

Like why it is that pushing, struggle and effort are no match for intention, ease, and letting go.

We have this tendency to fear that if we let go of struggle and effort we’ll never get where we want to go, that our lives will fall apart.

But, that never happens.

What does happen is, that when we turn our attention to where we want to go, drop the struggle and effort, and relax into being who and where we are, our full power comes through. Just like Musica’s.

We have more energy and less pain, we feel happier, everything gets easier and mysteriously, more gets done.

We are suddenly playing with our full voice.

And the sound is deep and resonant and beautiful, and just about knocks us off our chairs.

You just can’t force that level of power and beauty. You have to allow it.

This is a mystery I continue to explore every day, in my work, with my health, in my relationships, as a mom… in every aspect of my life.

I invite you to explore it with me.

There is no right or wrong way to do it.

Just allow yourself to explore and observe.

Learning how to be who you are, how to relieve pain, how to create your best life and your most beautiful sound is an art….just like playing an instrument.

I invite you to approach it the same way. With interest, curiosity, and experimentation.

What happens when you push?

What happens to your heart and your body when you’re plowing through your To Do list, struggling against your pain, forcing yourself to do something you think is good for you, or telling yourself that you can’t do it?

What happens when you allow yourself to be where you are and follow your inner flow?

Is there a way you can relax more into yourself and your life today?

How can you take the pressure off of your strings?

It’s really worth investigating because the beautiful resonance of being fully who you are not only benefits you, it is a blessing to everyone around you, and the single most powerful thing you can do to heal the world.

Assuming it actually needs healing. But that’s a mystery to explore another time.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear what you discover about you!

Lorraine Faehndrich is an Endorsed Mind Body Coach and Women’s Health Mentor with over 15 years of experience with mind and body healing. Through her company, Radiant Life Design, she helps women who suffer from Pelvic and Sexual Pain – including Vulvodynia, Vulvar Vestibulitis, and Decreased Sexual Desire – to relieve their pain, increase their pleasure, and reconnect with their soul, so that they can experience radiant health and outrageous joy in their body and in their life!

Lorraine offers classes and private coaching to women all over the world who want to create Pelvic Health and Wellbeing, realign with their purpose and passion, and live the life they truly want to live.

To learn more about Lorraine or to receive a Free Mind Body Alchemy Starter Kit visit www.RadiantLifeDesign.com