Years ago I received this excellent advice from one of the wisest and most practical people I know. At the time I was attempting some version of trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, relying on my mechanical style statement of jamming the stubborn item (drawer, door, key, trunk lid, you name it) into its “proper” place.

His advice, that the most important information was 1)not that it didn’t fit, but 2)why and how it didn’t, and 3) how to make it work with ease, it was a lightbulb moment for me. It led to noticing what what was stuck – and to non-violent household solutions.

For awhile “Don’t Force It” was my DIY mantra. Eventually I realized its truth as a more global philosophy. Force leads to struggle, which leads to a fight/flight/flee stress response, which leads to a host of mind/body pain, from IC, back pain, and fibromyalgia, to weight gain, anxiety and beyond. When I started listening to my body, it all fell into place.“Don’t Force It” replaced my previous all-purpose motto, the old Nike slogan, “Just Do It.”

One of my “do’s” had been to drag myself to the running trail whether it sounded like fun or flogging. I eventually started to notice that when my body’s need was to heal, my muscles and joints weren’t happy, the endorphins didn’t kick in, and the experience was more ordeal than exercise. Coincidentally (or not), I started reading about the concept of over-training, which provided scientific evidence for what I was experiencing. The gods of “should,” OCD, and habit didn’t strike me down for taking a day or week off. My physical being thanked me with energy and lifted spirits. I began to focus on my body’s messages and expanded my awareness to other areas of my life.

Additionally, as I played with listening to my body, I realized that at times she wanted something (physical activity, completion of a task, protein) and had difficulty being heard because of whiny thoughts: “It’s too much work, I don’t feel like it, I deserve six cookies.” That’s when my logic mind and my meta-consciousness (Compassionate Witness, Wise Guide) entered my awareness as helpful detective and observer. They have also become guides to what my being really desires: whether it’s doing, not doing, doing something else, or choosing to do/not do it this time, or file the info for the future.

My To-Do or Not To-Do Steps:

1) Notice the physical sensations and emotions from a situation/decision, especially heavy or light

2) Notice thoughts attached to emotions/sensations, if thoughts arise

3) Ask yourself what message is being sent

4) Act accordingly

5) When values, uncertain boundaries, or practicalities lead to actions that don’t feel body-centered (i.e. attend the meeting, change the litter box, pay the bills) give self a hug for awareness and file as “good to know for the future/what did I learn from this?”

The Quick Version:

I encourage you to experiment with ways of hearing what your body is telling you. I’m still learning and I would love to hear your own listening techniques. There are multiple benefits and no down side to getting your body’s opinion – and letting go of unaware force.

May the Ease be with you!

Ann

My Bladder Starts Talking

I experienced my first bladder infection in 1989 at the age of 24.  The pain ripped through my lower pelvis.  Panicked and doubled over I called the doctor.  Like a good patient I took the prescribed antibiotics and thus blossomed my affair with cranberry juice.  Bladder infections or UTI’s as the doctors called them, became my constant companions for two decades and were joined by chronic pelvic pain.

I consulted my first urologist but by no means the last in 1995.   She casually delivered the blow.  “I think you may have Interstitial Cystitis.”  Those words seemed to increase my pain.  The more I obsessed about my symptoms the worse they became.  I believed I was destined to suffer.

My Back Joins the Conversation

The year: 1997.  My fiancé and I drove home from Tahoe with me lying flat on my back in the rear of his car, seats folded down.  Back pain had joined my pelvic pain for the past 18 months and my back hurt too badly to sit upright.  Our weekend consisted of him snowboarding during the day while I read in bed.  I had heard about Dr. John Sarno’s book, Healing Back Pain and finished reading it on the drive home.  Why hadn’t a doctor ever mentioned the possibility of a mind-body connection?

On the drive, we talked about the stress in my life over the past two years.  My mother had suffered severe depression so badly she tried to kill herself not once, but three times and a long-term romantic relationship ended with dramatic flare.  I turned to my fiancé and said, “Honey, I think this doctor is on to something and I’m going to give it a try.”

The next morning my back pain was barely noticeable.  Was that possible?  I stuck with it, continued to call my own mind’s bluff and within a week I went for a jog on the local dirt trail for the first time in over a year.  This was my powerful introduction to the mind-body connection.  My back pain never returned but there was more than a decade to go for me to learn from my bladder.

Throw In A Dose of Autism

In 2002, I gave birth to my first son.  Right after his birth I couldn’t pee without pain and sometimes I couldn’t even go.  This lasted for weeks.  I felt frozen.  I couldn’t will it to happen.  The pain seared through my pelvis.  A specialist from Stanford diagnosed, Pelvic Floor Dysfunction and possible Interstitial Cystitis.  Then pile on top my son’s diagnosis of autism at the age of three and I was in a world of hurt.

I tried diets, trigger point massage (that’s just plain awkward having someone else’s hand up your who-ha), antibiotics, pain medication, abstinence, supplements, homeopathy and energy work.  You name it., I likely tried it; all looking outside my own body for the answers.  I didn’t find them there.

I Learn To Decode The Messages

The year: 2009.  I found the answers.  They lived within me.  When I asked for help, they were there, patiently and at times not-so-patiently waiting.

I stood, holding the yoga pose for what felt like hours until my legs began to shake.  Abigail asked, “Do you notice anything coming up?”

“Hell yes!!  Anger.” I answered.  Wow, where did that come from?  Who was I mad at?  I had no idea I was so angry.

“I’d like you to start with free writing.  Just write whatever comes up for you” Abigail suggested.  So I wrote, and I wrote and the stuff I’d been suppression for years began to percolate up through the resistance.

Weeks later, on a call with another coach, the anger began to surface and my body began to shake.  The coach suggested, “Grab the nearest pillow, take a good, deep breath and yell, scream and express the anger in whatever form that allows you to feel it.”

I put the phone down, took a deep breath, shoved the pillow into my face and screamed as loudly and forcefully as I could.  Then I did it again…then again.  I felt the tension release from my body and collapsed.  The tears flowed.  Tears of relief… tears of release…tears of cleansing.  Next came the grief that was buried below the anger.  I blew the doors wide open on my healing journey.

Pain Is The Messenger

Today, I’m full of gratitude for the gifts and wisdom my body provides me every day.  When I open up and listen, I hear my wisdom clearly.  When I stop listening, my body just gets louder until I do.

Clients ask me, “Are you pain-free?”

My answer, “I’m now pain-aware.”

I have many days where my body communicates in whispers and hushed tones so slight I consider it a pain-free day.  When I do experience louder pain, I greet the pain as my teacher and go to work to discover the message.

I delight in moments like yesterday.  The sensation began in my pelvis, like a low-burning fire smoldering in my belly.  When I asked my body for the answers, they were there.  I took several deep breaths, relaxed, did the work and within moments the pain dissipated.  I thank my body daily for the wisdom it carries when I’m open to listening.

With love and healing,

Diane

Generally, what happens is we focus on the result of this process.  We study our illnesses, whether they are frequent colds and flus, infections, vulvodynia, interstitial cystitis, pelvic floor dysfunction, irritable bowel syndrome, fibromyalgia, back pain, or something else.  We pay lots of attention to the result when we need to be looking at the process itself.  We need to be asking questions like, “Why am I living in a constant state of stress and fight or flight?” and “How can I stop this pattern?”

Nobody sets out to live their life with stress and constant fight or flight.  You’re probably not waking up every morning, choosing to suppress emotions, think panic thoughts, and generally stress yourself out.  All of that happens when you don’t understand how the mind and body work together, and how much power you have to create the lasting health you want.

I understand that if you’re feeling symptoms or pain, you’d like them to ease off.  Yet, it’s a catch-22.  In order for the symptoms to ease off, you’ll need to relax out of fight or flight and change the habits that are creating this reaction in your body.  Which, of course, takes time.  So, today I’m giving you a short, fast combination of tools that can take the pain down several notches very quickly while you’re working on the long-term changes.

It’s the combination of tools here that is effective, so do put them together.  None of them take more than a couple minutes, and can be easily added to your daily life.

1)   Pay attention to the muscles in the area where you have symptoms.  For pelvic syndromes, this will be the pelvic floor muscles.  Notice how these muscles feel.  Are they tight?  Do they feel like they are lifting something and are contracted upward, into your body?  If you’re focusing on another area, see if you can find the specific muscle contraction.  Breathe into this area of muscle tension, and mentally direct the muscles to relax.  For the pelvic floor muscles, focus on dropping them downward, as though you were preparing to urinate, or like the relaxed end of a kegel exercise.  Imagine your backside softening and relaxing, like jello, or butter – as though it could spread outward and melt into the chair.  Imagine your hips widening and relaxing.  (I realize nobody wants their backside to look like jello or butter – we’re talking about a FEELING here.)  Once you’ve relaxed the primary area of tension, see if any secondary areas need to relax.  Often, you’ll find tension in more than just the area where you feel symptoms.  Repeat this awareness and conscious relaxation every 30 minutes throughout the day.  Keep it up and you’ll begin to notice a huge difference.  By consciously relaxing your muscles, you are telling your body there’s no need for fight or flight.   It will learn to relax consistently, allowing healing in the areas where tension prevailed.

2)   Ask yourself what you are feeling, emotionally, after you’ve relaxed the muscles.  The primary reason we tighten and clench muscles is to hold emotional awareness at a distance.  Emotional energy flows through our bodies constantly.  To stop this, you only have one option: clench a muscle.  By becoming aware of what you are feeling, you release the need to hold tension, tell your body that fight or flight is not necessary, and allow healing to happen.  Sure, you will now feel the discomfort of your emotions.  However, you will quickly feel a lot less physical pain.  And, emotions do not last forever.  They come and go.  Once you can learn to flow with them and just let them be there, they will leave of their own accord.

3)   Breathe.  Nothing fancy here.  Just notice your breathing.  See what it feels like to breathe in and out.  Don’t try to breathe “right” or “better.”  Just be aware of this natural, tension-releasing process.  Enjoy it.  Let your body breathe exactly as it wants to.

That’s it!  Yes, it’s that simple, and yes, it works.  Repeat these three steps every 30 minutes, daily, for a week, and you’ll see results fast.  You’ll feel more relaxed, because you are helping your body release the fight or flight response from all angles.  You’ll begin reprogramming yourself and dropping old habits.  You’ll feel that healing is possible and happening.  You’ll notice breaks in the symptom intensity, or moments of no symptoms whatsoever.  As usual, the only side effect is more relaxation, the possibility of happiness, and relief – both physically and emotionally.

I’ve seen it time and time again with clients.  After a while, we don’t even talk about physical symptoms during sessions.  We’re too busy with the self-discovery process.  It takes us to new, healthier, happier places.  The more we learn about ourselves, the more we discover how beautiful, complex, and fascinating we are.

Of course, I may be biased, since I love self-discovery (both in my own life and clients’ lives).  I love it so much that I’ve made a career of it.  Yet, we’re all a bit afraid of it.  We don’t always want to know what we’re really thinking or feeling.  We don’t always want the unvarnished truth.  I certainly didn’t, at first.  My self-discovery process was expedited by vulvar and vaginal pain, maddening interstitial cystitis symptoms, and other physical pain.  In other words, I was drug relentlessly forward into self-discovery, kicking and screaming all the way.

But now – oh, how I love it!  Not only because it keeps me pain-free, but because it’s powerful.  Yeah, slightly scary sometimes.  But oh, so worth it.

Just a few weeks ago, I was at the Yoga Journal Conference with my business partner, yoga teacher Jess Ryan.  We were there to learn, but also to experience more self-discovery.  I took a class about head, neck, and shoulder alignment, which sounds quite banal.  I had no idea it would be the catalyst for this year’s biggest self-discovery moment yet.

After just a few short minutes of this class, I discovered that I habitually hunch my shoulders, curl them inward, and let my head droop a little.  I was flabbergasted to see that my upper body still reflects old thought patterns of insecurity and fear.  Being a mind-body coach, I knew that my mind and body were out of sync, and that I wouldn’t truly walk in my own power and strength until both mind and body were on the same page.  I also knew that there must still be lingering thoughts about myself shaping how I hold my body.  So off I went, down the road of self-discovery.

As the class continued, we learned how to position the hyoid (a small bone in the throat) right above the shoulders.  We learned how to lead with our hearts, literally, by raising the front of the chest cavity and sliding the shoulder blades flat against our backs.  It didn’t feel military at all – in fact, it was surprisingly comfortable.

As I played with this new body position, moving through yoga poses, walking, and sitting, a revelation hit me.  I have spent a lifetime hunching to try to hide my broad shoulders and seem smaller.  So much of my life has been spent trying to be smaller in so many ways.  My body has heard this message so much that it has literally changed its shape.

In that moment, I decided I am done trying to be smaller.  I am ready to embrace my strong, broad, shoulders.  I am ready to be me, exactly as I am.  I am ready to take up space in the world, to speak my truth, and be powerful.  I am ready to be a leader.  So, I stood up, hyoid back and heart up.  I turned to Jess and asked her what she thought.  She smiled.  “You look confident,” she said.  I felt confident.  I felt my body reflecting my self-love.

Why do we hide ourselves?  Why do we try to be smaller?  Usually, because we’re afraid of what others will think.  We crave love and approval from others, and so we change our shapes in an effort to be what we think others want.  I say, no more of this!  Let’s take this self-discovery journey and open back up, petal by petal, into the bright, beautiful flowers we already were, at birth.

When we try to hide ourselves, it affects our bodies.  Eventually, they protest.  Thank goodness!  I invite you, today, to come with me in this journey and to be a little more of who you really are, each day.  Show the world one more piece of you.  I’ll start by sharing another piece of me, with you.  (It requires a short story.)

Shortly before the yoga conference, I told Jess something I hadn’t really told anyone yet.  I told her I was writing a novel, and that I’ve always felt there’s a novel inside me.  As I gave her a quick synopsis of the plot, I hunched over and mumbled, “and, there’s a magic violin in my novel.”  She immediately scolded me and pointed out my reluctance to share that tidbit.  “OWN the magic violin,” she said.  So I said it again, loudly, right outside on a public sidewalk.  It felt great.

The point of all this is that you’re probably doing the same thing.  You’re probably hiding bits and pieces of yourself, here and there.  Your body is reminding you to bring them into the light, where they belong, other people’s opinions be damned!  (Though I think you’ll be surprised at the support you get when you allow yourself to be you.   Our minds usually fabricate what other people will think, when in fact they often love us more, in the end, when we are ourselves.)

This week, your homework is to find one little thing about yourself you can celebrate and share with the world.  You might have a little fun and create a mantra for yourself to repeat whenever you want to step confidently into your power.  Mine is: Hyoid back, Heart up, Magic Violin.  I say at least once a day, and then I head out into the world, fully myself.  Feeling even more whole than ever, thanks to this never-ending journey of self-discovery.

I used to think that nearly everything I did caused pain.  Before I knew it, the pain had ruled out most everyday activities, like walking, sitting, standing for too long, sleeping in certain positions, eating most foods, having sex, and more.  My life shrank, little by little, until there wasn’t much left.

At the time, I was unaware of the power of the mind to make associations.  Had I known, I might have been able to unwind the pain patterns sooner, which is why I’m writing this post to you, today.  You can stop the pain by stopping the mental associations your mind has made – which means your life will not shrink.  Instead, it will expand, and you will find that you can do anything and everything, pain free.

If you wake up, get out of bed, stretch, and notice some pain, your mind makes an association.  It says, “bed + stretch = pain.”  Then, the next time you get out of bed and stretch, you are more likely to find that you have pain.  You begin to expect to have pain every time you make that movement.

The brain does this association thing because it helps us learn.  Once, when I was three, I put my hand on the burner on our stove.  The searing heat burned a spiral pattern into my little palm.  My brain learned – “stove + burner + hand = pain.”  It was a helpful and valuable lesson.

However, this association issue can make a mind-body pain syndrome a crazy, confusing experience.  Before you know it, it hurts when you tie your left shoe, bend your right knee at a certain angle, sit in a certain chair, wear certain shoes…until you are performing unusual daily rituals to avoid all of these different activities.  Yet, when you do that, you start noticing that new activities are now causing pain.  This is because the pain is there, regardless of your activities, but your brain is making association after association after association.

I once bought a car based entirely on whether or not I felt pain while sitting in the driver’s seat.  The downside was, it was hard to find one.  The upside was, it made me a hard-nosed negotiator, and we got a great deal.  I could have cared less about having a new car unless it felt comfortable, so I kept leaving the car lot.  It turns out this makes salespeople lower the price to lure you back to the store.

Of course, then I discovered that the pain had nothing to do with the car.  Or walking, sitting, standing, running, yoga, sex, biking, food, etc.  It was coming from internal stress, internal avoidance of emotion, and my own mind’s ability to loop in endless circles about scary issues, leaving me in a constant state of anxiety and fear.  I was literally creating the pain by pushing my body into a fight or flight response daily – until my poor body was just at its limit.

It was such a relief to realize what was really happening.  I could have my life back!  I could change the internal patterns and release the pain.  My brain was simply adding 2 + 2 and getting 5.

Ready to release your associations?  Every time you do the activity associated with pain, explain to yourself that this doesn’t cause pain.  Then use a positive statement, like: My body is completely healthy when I…fill in the blank.  Think of other positive statements to add to that one, and even though you still feel pain (because the association takes time to break), say these to yourself repeatedly.  Do it daily, over and over again, and eventually you will break all the different associations.  It takes repetition and consistency.  But – it works!

Today starts the launch of the Client Interview Series!  I am so excited to share these interviews with all of you, as I think it will be immensely helpful to hear the wisdom and perspective of your fellow travelers on this mind-body healing journey.  Some of the clients I’ve interviewed (and will be interviewing) are still in the midst of getting coached, some are “graduates,” and some were never “official” clients, but used the processes outlined in various blog posts to achieve what they desired.  Everyone has something fantastic to offer, and I know their stories will bring hope, support, and more knowledge to all of you.

These interviews will be interspersed among other blog posts as we move forward through this year and beyond.   I look forward to both sharing them with you and the interviews themselves – I have had so much fun talking to everyone.  I’m so looking forward to talking to those of you who are on tap for future interviews.   This project is such a blast!

(P.S.  Want to share something?  Email me to set up your interview!)

I’m kicking it off with this fantastic interview with a super smart, articulate, and amazing client who will help you get out of that old way of thinking about physical pain.  “I fell down the stairs, I was in a car wreck, I rode my bike too much, I took that one medication, I had an infection….”  Sound familiar?  Holding you back from accepting the mind-body process completely?

Click the link below to get out of the mental loop!

Getting Out of the Pain Has a Physical Cause Rut (Interview)

Do you want to reduce your pain, right now?

As in, in the next ten minutes?  (And by pain, I don’t just mean physical pain – I’m also talking about emotional pain.)  There is one magical technique for doing so, but it takes a little practice.  Ready to find out?  Drumroll….

Breathing.

No, seriously!  In case you’re underwhelmed by that revelation, let me explain.  Breathing is the single most effective and important self-healing and self-coaching tool.  Most of us breathe “wrong” and have no idea we’re missing out on a huge percentage of vital, life sustaining, health creating oxygen.

So, if breathing is so natural, why do we do it wrong?  There are many reasons.  We hold our breath when we feel afraid, we spend years in the fight or flight response, we try to avoid being completely aware of the stress we’re feeling – I could go on and on.  We get in the habit of breathing shallowly and quickly, not realizing the effect this has on our body, mind, and emotional state.

If I could shout from the rooftops about the value of deep, diaphragmatic breathing, I would.  I figure ranting on my blog is the closest I can get.

The breath connects our minds and bodies.  It allows us a way in to our physical world – simply become aware of the breath and you are now firmly “in” your body.  Your awareness is back home, where it belongs.  From that vantage point, you can utilize the power of your mind to consciously relax areas of tension, allow oxygen to flood into your system, and become aware of what you’re feeling and thinking in this moment.  It is the starting point for all healing.

I have struggled for years with the frustration of not being able to teach my clients how to do a basic diaphragmatic breath.  I’ve tried explaining it, I’ve tried sending them to people in their region who have expertise…but now, I’ve finally found the perfect solution.  I’ve teamed up with a yoga instructor I know, love, and trust completely to teach and explain, verbally and via video, the basic diaphragmatic breath.  It’s simple, it’s easy, and if you do it every day, you’ll notice changes immediately.

Now, I often use a ten-minute breathing session to breathe away a headache or upset stomach, relax, or just re-connect with myself.  I had no idea I was breathing inefficiently until I went through my struggle with chronic pain.  Learning how to breathe was the main ingredient in my return to health.  It allowed me to access stored emotion (held as tension in my body), feel pain reduction right away (which gave me hope), stop panicking, feel joy again, and learn how to witness my own thinking (much of which was creating lots of physical tension as well).

So – if you haven’t noticed the telecourse/video offering on March 23, the info is below.  This is your chance to finally learn what I’ve struggled to teach you, and put this vital tool in your toolkit.  This, of all the classes I’ve offered, is the one you most need.  Don’t miss it!  (If you can’t make the live call, a recording will be sent to you post-class.)

Click Here for the details and registration.