“Argh!!!  My back is so stiff! I can hardly get out of bed. I hate this! Why can’t I get rid of this back pain?!”  This is how most mornings started for me for years.

“I feel like my body is my enemy!”

“Why do I have spent thousands of dollars and hours doing everything recommended: physical therapy, acupuncture, massage, visualizing, taking medication, staying away from certain foods – all in hopes that something is going to fix my back, but nothing works! It’s not fair. What is wrong with me!?”

I know it’s not pelvic pain – that has not been my pain – maybe you have migraines, chronic allergies, or another chronic condition. I am guessing your chronic syndrome might be a bit like my back.

My relationship to my back has been contentious and difficult.

Interestingly enough it wasn’t until I finally decided that this back pain wasn’t going away ever and made the radical decision to go into relationship counseling with my back that things finally began to shift.

Yes – you heard me – relationship counseling – with my back!

My back and I have been doing this relationship work now for a few years.  Our relationship is actually gotten much better!

Truth is I have discovered that my relationship with my back pain is often mirrored out in my world in my other relationships. When I start dealing more effectively and honestly in those relationships both at home and at work – my back and I get along much better!

Frankly, it was easier to get mad at my back pain than express my anger and fear to my partner, colleague, sister, mom, or dad. Well, okay, put any name and there, and it’s been true!

I have spent much of my life feeling like the world was not safe. As a result, I got really good at scanning and watching what those people around me wanted. I changed my behavior to match what I thought made them happy.

My super power became meeting other people’s expectations without even really noticing I was forgetting me.

When it came to my most important relationships at home and at work, I would:

• try really hard to be who I thought they wanted me to be.
• avoid difficult topics.
• say yes when I wanted to say no.

Much of what I was doing was trying to get away from the scary world around me.

I didn’t feel capable of speaking up and saying what was true for me because I was afraid of the other person’s reaction. Will they:

• Get mad at me?
• Leave or abandon me?
• Criticize or punish me?

What I did not understand was that how I was managing the world around me, was also how I was managing the world inside me. I was trying to push away the physical symptoms just like I was trying to avoid the potential disapproval from those around me.

My inner world of physical symptoms kept getting louder, and I just kept trying to fix them the same way I was trying fix my people relationships.

Clearly that was not working. With some inner relationship work, meaning turning towards my symptoms and listening and welcoming the information, I realized just how exhausted my insides were from me managing my outside world!

What I didn’t realize is my back was yelling at me because my body wanted me to learn to speak up and be more honest!

Oh – how I have learned!

Recently, I was visiting my mom, sister, and niece in Portland. My mom was talking about a woman who she thought wore a dress that was too short, revealing her ugly knees.

It didn’t feel right to me. So I spoke up and said, “Maybe that woman really loves how she feels when she wears her dress.”

Mom retorted, “Well she…(fill in the blank with critical, critical, critical comment.)

Instead of staying silent I spoke up again!

“I don’t like talking about someone so negatively. I get that you don’t like ugly knees. You are entitled to your opinion, but I’m not going to sit around and criticize someone else’s knees.”

Mom looked a bit put out, but I felt solid. I spoke up. I said my piece without taking away her opinion.

Previously, I would have laughed it off, gone along, and joined in at the expense of my own knees by throwing my “ugly knees” under the bus.

I didn’t this time.

Guess what?

I slept well and did not wake up with a stiff back!

Now, it is not always that straight forward, but I have found when I am honest, real and take a risk to show and speak up, my body and symptoms like it!

How much are you tolerating?

What is it costing you in terms of satisfaction?

Do you realize the impact to your energy?

How might your pain be related to what you are not saying?

Today, I speak up in all sorts of situations.

The key has been to turn towards those parts of me that have been banished underground and make them matter. Turn towards and be with them – they know what they want me to say!

You can try to get all the love you want from the outside. Honey, you won’t feel it or let it in unless you turn and love yourself.

When I make more of what I am feeling on the inside, I develop a much healthy relationship with my body!

The next time your head pounds, your back aches, your stomach twists in knots, or your pelvic floor is on fire. Turn towards it and say yes, welcome.

Want to learn more about how you can transform your relationships, both inside and outside?

Sign up for Susan Clarke’s and my 6-week transformational program, BE BRAVE – Transform Your Relationships To Reclaim Your Energy, Inspiration and Sense of Freedom.

Want to meet us? Join us for our FREE Webinar: 3 Mistakes Smart Women Make that Leave You Feeling Frustrated, Resentful, and Doing Too Much! Next

Wednesday, June 29 at 1PM MT, or

Thursday, June 30 at 10AM MT.

CrisMarie Campbell is an Endorsed Mind Body Coach, Master Certified Life Coach, Business Consultant and Speaker