Ever notice an emotion bubbling up and go into suppression mode by employing a decoy?

Decoys = conscious or unconscious ways of being or doing to avoid feeling emotions.

There are two primary decoy types:  physical & mental.

Unhelpful physical decoys are activities like excessive spending, mindless googling symptoms, obsessive reading, watching lots of TV; constant texting, sleeping too much, over-working, over-eating, over-drinking, over-exercising.

Over-Doing!

Oh.

On the flip side, our mental decoys show up as mind activities like catastrophic thinking, focusing on pain, perfectionism, obsessing, ruminating, pouring over ‘must-do’ lists, ‘figuring it out’, incessantly planning, analyzing, worrying, future projecting and regretting the past to name a BUNCH.

Mental Pressuring!

Uh huh.

You’ll know when you’re employing a decoy because it’ll have confusing subtle frenzied energy to it — like you HAVE to do it, and when you do there’s a sense of ease and dis-ease simultaneously.

Yep!

Ways of being and doing that aren’t decoys typically feel okay, neutral, and comfortable.  You can take the activity or leave it and feel content picking it back up when you feel inspired.

Whew!

I reckon our decoys are a bit like physical and mental gymnastics:  leaping forward, bending backwards, and rolling around twisting from side to side.

Which begs the question:

‘Why would many of us choose to extend past what’s comfortable, hold a headstand, jump up and down, spring forward, walk on tippy toes, flip cartwheels, turn and bounce and “go for” the really impressive dismounts instead of feeling our emotions!?!?!?’

Why Indeed?

Research indicates it’s because we’ve been socialized from an early age to view our seemingly negative emotions (sadness, anger, fear) as bad, negative, unpredictable and scary.  Even though we’re scientifically designed as emotional creatures to do just about anything to avoid discomfort (queue decoys), second only to avoid being viewed as weak.  Could it also be we don’t trust ourselves?  That we’re uncertain and fearful of what will happen if our emotions don’t flow, or worse yet, never leave?   Or are we just afraid that others will perceive and judge us as unlovable, weak, unworthy and reject us.

Abandoned!!!

This would be very painful because as social souls we seek out community and connection to survive and thrive.

What we DO know is humans will mightily propel toward anything and everything to stop, distract, disengage or numb pain and embrace that which renders us comfort.  (And they’re back.  Hello decoys!)

“When we deny our stories and disengage from tough emotions, they don’t go away; instead, they own us, they define us.” ~  Brene Brown, ‘Rising Strong’

I’m guessing you’ve probably identified your distraction ‘go-to’s’ and want to cease being a ‘decoy gymnast’, tell me where I’m wrong?

Let’s get you off the uneven bars and onto the balance beam feeling your emotions.

Give these suggestions a twirl:

• Be present and mindful of the activities you’re choosing to put your energy into.
• Close your eyes, breathe, shift your awareness to your inner world and ask: ‘Does this activity bring contentment or dis-ease into my life?’ Notice how you feel in your body when you answer this question.
• Resist judging, berating or beating yourself up when you discover yourself ‘decoying’.
• Don’t pressure yourself to quit using a decoy. At least initially. Gentle awareness is key.
• Offer yourself kindness, encouragement and patience like you’d give a young child learning a new skill.
• Allow time to integrate this new patterns of being.
• Clap or Snap when you’re ‘on’ yourself. Make this discovery and play. (Combining audible sounds with gestures ‘wakes up’ the brain.)
• Most importantly: Celebrate doing a new thing to see your distractions and then flip your focus to the body by frequently asking ‘What am I feeling emotionally?’

WAHOO!  Here’s to still being Human!

(Imagine doing front handsprings.)

Now with both eyes closed, balancing on one foot repeat ……

Huh?

(Good Catch!  No more gymnastics.)

Open your eyes stand firmly in your truth and state:

‘I welcome every opportunity to know, accept and love myself more.’

(Ta Da!  Victory Pose.)

***

Rebecca Hampton

I have Fibromyalgia – and not so long ago the incredible pain that came with it ran my life! Actually, I thought it had destroyed my life!

Now I’ve discovered my own capacity for peace and wellbeing, and I never would have thought it possible in my so-called ‘healthier’ days.

It’s possible now because I’ve found my authentic self through the Mind Body Process. I’m thriving and living a life that is abundant with joy, flexibility and movement.

I’m now on a mission to help other women challenged with chronic pain, autoimmune diseases and disorders.

Website: http://beckoningbalancecoach.com