“The notion that a human being should be constantly happy is a uniquely modern, uniquely American, uniquely destructive idea.”  Dr. Andrew Weil

Flashback to the time my high school aged son asked me: “Mom, where’s your great big smile?”  Daniel had noticed the absence of the ever- present smile that had earned me the nickname “smiley” for much of my life.

So what was going on? Was I grieving a loss, disappointed in my life situation or….. just in a funk?  The answer was NO!  I was finally waking up from the lie I had unknowingly been living for so long – the lie that kept me locked in a frozen state of sham “happiness.”

I was a master at disconnecting from my own truth. For decades my smile had served as a mask protecting me from the disapproval of others.

I learned as a small child that any expression of “negative” emotional energy like anger, fear or sadness was greeted with dismay by my parents. When I repressed these painful emotions, I felt safe and loved; indeed, my mask served as an effective coping mechanism for decades.

My habit of emotional avoidance kept me frozen in a kind of trance that did not permit emotional health or balance. The more I ignored myself and my uncomfortable emotions, the more my physical health suffered.

Merriam Webster defines happiness as a state of well-being and contentment, joy; a pleasurable or satisfying experience. Synonyms for happiness include cheerfulness, merriment, gaiety, glee, delight, good spirits, lightheartedness, exuberance, exhilaration, and elation.

Yes, we all want to experience states of well-being and contentment. Yet, the constant pursuit of states of elation can keep us from allowing and honoring our full range of emotions.

“Unless we can process, navigate and be comfortable with the full range of our emotions, we won’t learn to be resilient… the strong cultural focus on happiness … is actually making us less resilient.”  Susan David, PhD

We are not meant to be happy all of the time, and our efforts to be happy can actually create massive amounts of unconscious tension in our bodies that keep our nervous systems activated and interfere with our innate healing mechanisms.

Many people see themselves as flawed and abnormal because they experience periods of deep sadness, grief, despair, and anger. But humans are designed to experience ALL emotions. We cannot experience the gift of true joy if we don’t honor and accept the darker emotions.

“… it may be normal, healthy, and even productive to experience mild to moderate depression from time to time as part of the variable emotional spectrum….”  Dr. Andrew Weil

When we move from avoiding to allowing emotional energy, it flows through us. Our nervous systems regulate, and we begin to actually enjoy greater health AND more joy and contentment!

A true smile reflects the light and love within us.  As my mask slowly melted, my smile became a barometer of my truth. My life expanded, and my health was transformed.

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, and sometimes your smile is the source of your joy.” Thich Nhat Hanh

And, as always, remember – YOU hold the key to healing!

Elaine Jeffy

I was trapped in a life of chronic pain and anxiety until I learned that I was not a victim – I was just disconnected from myself and my innate power to heal.

After decades of failed treatments and finally surgery, I discovered the mind-body approach to healing, and it transformed every area of my life!   I was led to become a coach as I yearned to help others unlock their truth and claim their own healing power.  I am a certified Martha Beck Life Coach, Anamsong Endorsed Mind-Body Coach and certified by the Whole Health Medicine Institute in California.

Now I am privileged to help others harness their body’s natural ability to renew, restore and repair itself as they find relief from chronic pain, gain more satisfaction in personal/work/family relationships, and make meaningful changes in their lives!

Website:  www.yourkeytohealing.com

Email:  Elaine@yourkeytohealing.com

The disturbing events of the last year have created a wave of gripping visual images that float in and out of my conscious awareness:

Me, at the age of 11, marching for civil rights and singing “We Shall Overcome.”  Me, as a college student, when the slogan “Make Love Not War” saturated our student culture.

My great-grandmother embracing her son, my grandfather, for the last time as she helped him escape the pogroms in his native Poland.  He was hidden in a laundry cart so he could go unnoticed on his way to board a ship to America, the land of the free.  (Pogroms: a series of organized massacres targeting Jewish communities)

My children’s paternal great-grandparents who perished in concentration camps.

And finally….. the image of a grotesque, gaping wound flooded my awareness – the wound of racism, bigotry, violence and hatred that I struggled to hide for much of my adult life – the heartbreak which was just too much to bear.  

This led to the realization that I MUST see, hear and feel this wound.

My recovery from chronic emotional and physical pain occurred when I moved toward my discomfort and allowed it.

I now know that the only way to transform pain is to allow it, hear it, and honor its message.

Our society trains us to bypass emotional pain and to apply the “band-aide method” to much of our lives.  How often are we encouraged to “just get over it,” or “smile when our hearts are breaking”?

I learned early on, as many women do, that smiling was an effective tool to protect me from social disapproval and to diffuse potentially uncomfortable confrontations with friends and family members.  My smile became a mask and a habit that served to totally disconnect me from myself and from others.

I am grateful to my body for finally “speaking up” with an abundance of painful symptoms resulting in diagnoses ranging from psoriatic arthritis and trigger finger to spinal stenosis, piriformis syndrome and sciatica.

My screaming body certainly got my attention, but it took decades for me to truly acknowledge the fire that was burning within. I spent years simply trying to turn off the fire alarm with medication and treatments that did not help me.

My deep dive into the flames paved the road to healing.

Right now, our country is hurting. We may be experiencing confusion with surges of emotional energy we have never learned to navigate. Whether we want to lash out or hide, we owe it to ourselves to practice self-kindness and compassionate self-reflection throughout this voyage.

It is challenging to honor the anguish we feel in response to despicable and disturbing events, but our pain will eventually guide us to the actions that will lead to healing.

Again and again, in spite of my natural desire to avoid and ignore discomfort; I find myself plunging back into its depths.  Only then can the healing begin.

When we expose the throbbing heart of this wound, our truth will rise up to guide us.

It is time for all of us to break out of our comfort zones.  Let’s face the truth together and compassionately Let It Hurt.

Elaine Jeffy

I was trapped in a life of chronic pain and anxiety until I learned that I was not a victim – I was just disconnected from myself and my innate power to heal.

After decades of failed treatments and finally surgery, I discovered the mind-body approach to healing, and it transformed every area of my life!   I was led to become a coach as I yearned to help others unlock their truth and claim their own healing power.  I am a certified Martha Beck Life Coach, Anamsong Endorsed Mind-Body Coach and certified by the Whole Health Medicine Institute in California.

Now I am privileged to help others harness their body’s natural ability to renew, restore and repair itself as they find relief from chronic pain, gain more satisfaction in personal/work/family relationships, and make meaningful changes in their lives!

Website:  www.yourkeytohealing.com

Email:  Elaine@yourkeytohealing.com

As we enter a new calendar year we often spend time reflecting on the old year and setting goals for the new one.  The voice in our heads is frequently judgmental and critical making it especially important for us to recognize that thoughts and beliefs focusing on self-judgment and self-improvement do NOT lead to self-motivation!

How often do we hear, say or think a version of the following?

What should I do?

How should I behave?

What should I say?

How should I feel?

Or……..I shouldn’t have done that, said that, felt that, etc.etc.etc. ad nauseum.

I believe that this focus on the should and should nots can strongly impact our quality of life and our ability to heal.

Often the should and should nots are very subtle, hovering almost below our conscious awareness.  The inner critic is frequently reminding us to play it safe and follow the rules. It’s like a parent trying to keep us safe from danger.  We learned this pattern through interactions with our parents, teachers and caregivers. We relied on them for safety and survival.  Initially our very lives depended on these individuals.

Much of our mind’s internal chatter, including the should and should nots, relates to primitive survival instincts that are no longer needed and actually keep us disconnected from our natural intuitive responses.

We have all experienced the power of gut feelings – those wordless sensations that carry powerful messages revealing our inner wisdom.  This significant communication is often hidden or ignored as we mindlessly revert to figuring out what to do or say based on the should and should nots.

Regardless of whether the should and should nots are shouting or whispering, they are sources of self-pressure. They keep our body’s stress responses activated interfering with our natural ability to explore creative solutions and deep healing.

In order to foster healing and creativity we need to connect with the place inside ourselves where gut feelings, hunches, imagination and inner wisdom reside.

Maybe we simply need to change the questions we ask ourselves from what we should and should not do, say, be, etc. to –

Does this feel right to me?

Does this delight me?

Does this inspire me?

Does this energize me?

Our internal navigation system is always available to provide guidance as we explore the issue at hand.  Using our physical sensations as a compass is a tool that Martha Beck, calls the Body Compass. This compass connects us to the deep wisdom that speaks to us without words, without thoughts, without limits.

Give it a try:

• Close your eyes. Pause and turn your attention to your body.
• Drop into pure awareness noticing your breathing, feeling your feet touching the floor and your body resting on the support beneath it.
• Bring the issue into your awareness, perhaps visualizing it in your mind’s eye.
• See yourself changing jobs, asking for a pay raise, buying a car, moving to a new location.
• Without judgment, calmly scan your entire body observing your physical sensations. Are they heavy or light?  Do they feel free and expansive or tight and constricted?

Initially you may not receive a clear message. But with some practice and patience you will learn to identify your body’s “YES” and your body’s “NO.”  “YES” feels like freedom and “NO” feels like prison.

As you contemplate your goals and intentions for 2018 you may find yourself wondering what you should or should not do. Instead of falling prey to the should and should nots, simply shed them as you pause and remember that your key to healing is always available to unlock your inner wisdom.  The answer lies within you!

Elaine Jeffy

I was trapped in a life of chronic pain and anxiety until I learned that I was not a victim – I was just disconnected from myself and my innate power to heal.

After decades of failed treatments and finally surgery, I discovered the mind-body approach to healing, and it transformed every area of my life!   I was led to become a coach as I yearned to help others unlock their truth and claim their own healing power.  I am a certified Martha Beck Life Coach, Anamsong Endorsed Mind-Body Coach and certified by the Whole Health Medicine Institute in California.

Now I am privileged to help others harness their body’s natural ability to renew, restore and repair itself as they find relief from chronic pain, gain more satisfaction in personal/work/family relationships, and make meaningful changes in their lives!

Website:  www.yourkeytohealing.com

Email:  Elaine@yourkeytohealing.com

“A dishonest yes is a no to yourself.”

Byron Katie

How many times have you lied to yourself by saying yes when you truly meant no – and why is that one tiny word so hard for many of us to say?

Let’s take a glimpse into this phenomenon:  We evolved to live in cooperative societies, and for most of human history our lives depended on belonging to a group.  Like hunger or thirst, our need for acceptance evolved as a survival mechanism.  Tribe members shared the workload and protected each other from threats.

Belonging was essential.  “This need is deeply rooted in our evolutionary history and has all sorts of consequences for modern psychological processes.” says C. Nathan DeWall, PhD, psychologist, University of Kentucky.

In fact, scientists have found that social rejection activates many of the same brain regions involved in physical pain (Science, 2003).

In today’s world, when we choose to say yes when we really want to say no, we are engaging in needless mental and emotional conflict. 

This inborn fear of rejection may keep us stuck in subtle self -sabotaging patterns that can interfere with our body’s natural healing mechanisms.

Instead of keeping us safe, the need for approval can actually threaten our health and well-being.

We fear rejection, and the body’s stress response becomes activated leading to elevated blood pressure and heart rate, increased muscle tension and compromised immune function-which over time often lead to chronic illness and pain.

To heal, or become whole,
we must cultivate self- kindness.

About twenty years ago I realized that I was totally invested in the practice of making excuses instead of just saying no. I would always find some half-baked (albeit plausible) story to explain why I “couldn’t” attend a function or serve on a committee, etc. etc.  I was unwilling to risk losing the approval of people I barely knew – and why did I even believe I would be rejected?

I took a slip of paper and wrote “I am tired of making excuses for what I say and do” and kept it in my wallet for years.  This act revealed my budding awareness of how my choices were really out of alignment with my own truth.

Little did I know that this subtle form of self- betrayal was feeding an escalating war within myself culminating in years of chronic pain and anxiety.

I finally learned to lower my unrealistic expectations for myself and others; my body began to relax, relationships become easier, and I experienced greater safety and trust in all areas of life.

When we practice saying no from the place of self- kindness and acceptance, we promote our natural tendencies to heal.

Stay true to yourself.  Say yes to yourself.

Experience the healing power of NO!

Elaine Jeffy

I was trapped in a life of chronic pain and anxiety until I learned that I was not a victim – I was just disconnected from myself and my innate power to heal.

After decades of failed treatments and finally surgery, I discovered the mind-body approach to healing, and it transformed every area of my life!   I was led to become a coach as I yearned to help others unlock their truth and claim their own healing power.  I am a certified Martha Beck Life Coach, Anamsong Endorsed Mind-Body Coach and certified by the Whole Health Medicine Institute in California.

Now I am privileged to help others harness their body’s natural ability to renew, restore and repair itself as they find relief from chronic pain, gain more satisfaction in personal/work/family relationships, and make meaningful changes in their lives!

Website:  www.yourkeytohealing.com

Email:  Elaine@yourkeytohealing.com

By Endorsed Mind-Body Coach Elaine Jeffy

In late 2011 I felt totally lost and discouraged.  It was one year after back surgery, and my agonizing pain and sciatica were raging out of control.

My neurosurgeon prescribed physical therapy for pain of “unknown origin.” After all, the surgery had corrected the structural issues that had “caused” my symptoms.

The physical therapy helped me build strength, but did not help relieve my symptoms. So WHY was I STILL in pain?

I spent a lot of time googling for an answer to my dilemma.  Most of what I discovered online only led to more confusion and right into victimhood – the plague of post laminectomy syndrome – or failed back syndrome.  I would NOT accept that this was my fate and finally found the work of John Sarno, M.D.

Dr. Sarno was Professor of Clinical Rehabilitation Medicine at New York University School of Medicine, and attending physician at the Howard A. Rusk Institute of Rehabilitation Medicine, New York University Medical Center.

He authored four books: Mind Over Back Pain, Healing Back Pain, The Mindbody Prescription and The Divided Mind. Hundreds of thousands of individuals claimed that his books were responsible for eliminating or greatly reducing pain that had not responded to medical treatment.

Dr. Sarno’s words filled me with hope and liberated me from the unrelenting fear that had consumed my life. My fear subsided while reading about his theory that these physical symptoms are initiated by emotional factors that are almost universal in Western society.

I WAS NOT BROKEN.

Dr. Sarno’s career spanned over 50 years.  He found that many patients had severe back pain with mild or no abnormalities on X-rays or MRIs. And he noted that many people with significant or severe imaging abnormalities had little or no pain.

He also observed connections between emotional distress, adverse childhood experiences, and his patient’s personality traits (such as people pleasing and perfectionism) and the presence of back pain and other syndromes (IBS, tension headaches, etc.)

Through his clinical practice, Dr. Sarno came to the conclusion that tension induced reactions in the body create oxygen deprivation to areas of the body causing intense pain.  He believed that the syndrome originates in the brain rather than in a structural abnormality.

This pain is perpetuated and amplified by overly sensitized nerve connections between the brain and the body creating a vicious cycle of pain that can last for months, years, or decades.   Brain imaging studies show that physical and emotional pain both impact the same areas of the brain.

From Dr. Sarno in The Mindbody Prescription: “I told my patients there was really nothing wrong with their backs.  I explained that they had a harmless condition that must be treated through the mind, not the body.  Awareness, insight, knowledge and information were the magic medicine that would cure this disorder – and nothing else could do it.

…mindbody physical symptoms…do not imply mental or emotional illness or abnormaility… We are much stronger than we know, and have the capacity to influence what is going on in our bodies.”

Dr. John Sarno’s legacy is a powerful testimonial and inspiration. The day after his death a new documentary opened in New York City:  All the Rage – Saved by Sarno.  I hope you will have the opportunity to see this profound and potentially life changing film.

“The awareness of the power of the mind body connection- AND our innate ability to activate that power- is rising at an exponential rate in science and medicine.  It is no longer a fringe idea. The system is flipping. It is an exciting time.” Michael Galinsky, Director & Filmmaker, All the Rage.

Elaine Jeffy

I was trapped in a life of chronic pain and anxiety until I learned that I was not a victim – I was just disconnected from myself and my innate power to heal.

After decades of failed treatments and finally surgery, I discovered the mind-body approach to healing, and it transformed every area of my life!   I was led to become a coach as I yearned to help others unlock their truth and claim their own healing power.  I am a certified Martha Beck Life Coach, Anamsong Endorsed Mind-Body Coach and certified by the Whole Health Medicine Institute in California.

Now I am privileged to help others harness their body’s natural ability to renew, restore and repair itself as they find relief from chronic pain, gain more satisfaction in personal/work/family relationships, and make meaningful changes in their lives!

Website:  www.yourkeytohealing.com

Email:  Elaine@yourkeytohealing.com

One of the most powerful keys to healing from chronic pain, anxiety, or loss is allowing, honoring and accepting our full range of emotions.  We live in a society that relies on intellect at the expense of feelings.

The dark or commonly called “negative” emotions of sadness, fear, grief, and despair are not honored or viewed as socially acceptable; and yet these essential and powerful emotions carry compelling energies that lead to deep healing and transformation.

Emotions are energy – they are NOT positive or negative.  It is our thoughts and attitudes about emotions that cause us to label them as good or bad.  Free flowing emotions are like the weather – they come and go.

When we hide or banish these uncomfortable painful feelings from our conscious awareness, they remain stored within us and often manifest as chronic physical pain, anxiety and/or depression.

“The dark emotions are attention-grabbers, goading us into awareness. They’re like young children: If you attend to them they reward you. If you don’t, prepare for trouble. They have their ways of letting you know they need your attention.”  Healing Through the Dark Emotions, by Miriam Greenspan

My body tried to get my attention for decades. I suffered from a multitude of chronic painful conditions – severe spinal stenosis, scoliosis, sciatica, bulging and degenerated discs, degenerative knee issues, psoriatic arthritis, severe osteoarthritis, generalized anxiety disorder, foot pain, acid reflux, carpal tunnel syndrome, trigger finger and thumb, repetitive strain/stress injury, thoracic outlet syndrome, piriformis syndrome, tendonitis, etc.

My life was totally out of balance. I said yes when I meant no. I continuously suppressed my emotions. I had totally unrealistic expectations for myself and others while ignoring myself and my own needs. I was a slave to self-pressure – constantly pushing myself to do more, be more, work more, try harder. The way I was living my life led to severe unconscious muscle tension producing intense emotional and physical pain.

After exhausting traditional and alternative treatments without relief, I underwent back surgery. One year after surgery my symptoms were worse than ever.

I finally learned that, for me, healing is an inside job. I opened my mind and my heart as I examined my life and claimed my healing power – a power that is available to each of us.

When I learned to honor and allow emotional energy to exist in my body, I was free to heal.

“We begin to see the dark emotions as messengers, information-bearers and teachers, rather than “negative” energies we must subdue, tame or deny. We tend to think of our “negative” emotions as signs that there’s something wrong with us. But the deepest significance of the feelings is simply our shared human vulnerability. When we know this deeply, we begin to heal in a way that connects rather than separates us from the world.” Miriam Greenspan

So how do we honor and experience the emotions that our culture has taught us to ignore?  The very thought of allowing these painful feelings often evokes great fear within us. 

Here are some action steps to facilitate emotional awareness:

• Bring your awareness to your body and your physical sensations. What do you notice in your throat, chest, abdomen, etc? Notice sensations of hot, cold, heavy, light, etc. and allow your breath to support you as you allow all sensations.
• Simply turn your attention toward any emotional sensations you are experiencing right now. Just focus on the experience of the emotion itself allowing the physical sensations to be present without trying to figure them out or change them.
• Remain with this emotional energy until it begins to shift or until you choose to stop. As little as a minute or two is fine. Uncomfortable feelings of worry, fear, sadness, and anger will not harm us and will pass.
• Offer comfort and care to yourself with a compassionate message: Place your hand on your heart and say “It’s okay right now, I am safe,” or other words of kindness.

These simple practices facilitate healing. They reduce tension and resistance while boosting relaxation and activating our body’s natural self-repair mechanisms. They also help to keep us grounded in the present moment.

I encourage you to acknowledge, allow and accept these sacred feelings which will enable them to flow and transform – after all –

“There is nothing so whole as a broken heart.”

                             Rabbi Menachem Mendel

Elaine Jeffy

I was trapped in a life of chronic pain and anxiety until I learned that I was not a victim – I was just disconnected from myself and my innate power to heal.

After decades of failed treatments and finally surgery, I discovered the mind-body approach to healing, and it transformed every area of my life!   I was led to become a coach as I yearned to help others unlock their truth and claim their own healing power.  I am a certified Martha Beck Life Coach, Anamsong Endorsed Mind-Body Coach and certified by the Whole Health Medicine Institute in California.

Now I am privileged to help others harness their body’s natural ability to renew, restore and repair itself as they find relief from chronic pain, gain more satisfaction in personal/work/family relationships, and make meaningful changes in their lives!

Website:  www.yourkeytohealing.com

Email:  Elaine@yourkeytohealing.com