Guess how I came up with that one! Yep, on the massage table.

Obviously, if you hate massages, this tool isn’t for you. If, like me, you adore floating in dreamy relaxation while listening to soft music, then schedule a massage asap.

All joking aside, massage really IS a great self-coaching tool. Our bodies are magical, miraculous things that take care of us in thousands of unnoticed ways, day in and day out, for our entire lives. One of the amazing things our bodies do for us is store emotional energy. When difficult or painful experiences happen in our lives, our bodies help us make it through them.

If you’re in the midst of a trauma or crisis in your life, it is likely that you will feel mentally overwhelmed and unable to deal with every little emotion or issue that arises. For example, I just experienced a loss that involved much grieving. I was able to be present with the emotions of grief, allowing them to flow through my body and release as each wave came through. However, any additional emotional experience on top of that felt impossibly difficult. My mind revolted at dealing with the emotional detritus of everyday life on top of the grieving process.  So, my body helped me out and stored some of it for later.

In times of high stress, this is the body’s gift to us. All we have to do is remain aware that this may be happening, feel the emotions we can handle, stay aware of our bodies, and then help our bodies release stored emotional energy when the time is right. As you may well know from reading past posts, never allowing our bodies to release stored emotional energy results in physical pain – the body’s cry for help.

Like most things in life, the answer is moderation and balance. It’s a difficult task to NEVER store emotional energy in the body, and it’s also painfully difficult to ALWAYS store emotional energy in the body. What works and keeps us healthy is to allow the body to help us when the mind is overwhelmed, and the let the mind help the body when it is able again.

My body kindly stored emotional energy around issues unrelated to the grief I was experiencing. I was grateful, because I needed to focus on the grief. Then, after a couple of weeks, I felt ready to let my body release those held emotions. So, I went to my massage with the intention of both relaxing and feeling.  I sank into the dreamy half-asleep bliss for a full ninety minutes (SO WORTH IT!), and then I came home to feel.

And feel I did. Let me tell you, a good massage does wonders for bringing up whatever is being stored in your body! I let the emotions flow through, and I learned much from them. I felt the gentle re-alignment of body and mind taking place, which often reminds me of coming home from a long vacation. It’s sweet, slightly painful because the vacation is over, and very grounding. I feel settled in my own skin, my own body, and my own inner wisdom again.

That’s why I say go get a massage. If your body has helped you out by storing some emotional energy, you’ll be able to release it. (This can take several days, so simply get the massage and then wait. Feel whatever comes up, whenever it arises. It’s that simple.) Don’t try to be the perfect mind-body student and never store a darn thing in your body. Instead, recognize that we are all human, and that you need to store emotional energy sometimes. In fact, your body will take over and do it without your awareness in times of need. You’ll know soon enough, because you’ll feel a little tension somewhere. That’s when you pick up the phone, call up your favorite massage therapist, and treat yourself to a little self-coaching, disguised as R and R.

Really, could there be a more enjoyable mind-body tool?

Feeling emotions without knowing how to deal with thoughts can feel very overwhelming.  Why?  Because thoughts create emotions.

Thoughts and emotions are both energy in your body.  They are linked to each other energetically, which is a really important point to understand.  If you try to change thoughts/beliefs without feeling emotions, you’ll discover that thoughts recycle and come back into your mind even after you’ve worked on changing them.  Think of thoughts and emotions as having a connecting energetic cord between them.  Throw out the thought without the emotion and the cord is still there, keeping that thought in your consciousness.

When you do emotional work, you quickly discover lots of beliefs you probably didn’t even know you were thinking.  Our unconscious thought patterns drive our emotional lives, our actions, and the results that come from those actions.  If you discover a thought you didn’t even know you were thinking – rejoice!  There’s another mystery uncovered, allowing you to move forward.

For example, I used to struggle immensely with overeating.  I haven’t written about it much, but I spent most of my early twenties fifty pounds overweight.  Every time I ate to suppress emotions, I also suppressed thoughts.  Working through that confusing tangle of fear, guilt, shame, anger, sadness, grief, and the accompanying nest of thoughts took some time.  I remember one day, late in this process, when I sat down to eat dinner.  I felt really upset, and I allowed myself to feel the emotion.  Into my consciousness popped a thought:  I shouldn’t eat anything.

Now, my logic mind realizes this thought is completely ridiculous.  But I felt as though it was true.  It was buried so deep in my unconscious that I had to work through layers and layers of emotions and thoughts to even discover its existence.  After I did, however, I was able to release that belief using thought-work (such a the Byron Katie process called The Work, which I discussed recently in the post Coaching Myself).

Allowing and processing your emotions while also working with your thoughts gives just the right one-two punch to these tangled nests of painful energy in your body.  It is not a linear process.  You’ll sometimes feel confused, frustrated, or lost.  That, of course, is why coaching is so helpful.  But, if you want to do it on your own, you can.  Just know that you’ll need to take it slow, learn bit by bit, and be gentle with yourself.

Think of this as an archaeological dig.  Feel an emotion layer, find a thought layer.  Work that thought layer, discover another emotion layer.  Work through several emotion layers in a row, discover more thought layers.  Sometimes you’ll be working a thought to try to open up to emotions.  Other times you’ll be feeling emotions for a few days to discover the thoughts driving them.  There’s no set formula or pattern.

The good news is that I’m developing lots of new ways to help you with this process!  With the impending site makeover, you’ll have new resources.  But, those are just the beginning.  I’ve got some AMAZING stuff in the works that will help you access emotions and work thoughts more easily.  And, of course, I’ll be writing more about thought-work!