Do you tend to absorb other people’s feelings and pain?

Does it feel like there’s no membrane separating you from the world?

Do you ever feel depleted or sick from taking on other people’s energy?

If you answered “yes”, then you’re probably an empath.

In The Empath’s Survival Guide, Dr. Judith Orloff, M.D. says:

“Empaths don’t have the same filters that other people do to block out stimulation. As a consequence, we absorb into our own bodies both the positive and stressful energies around us. We are so sensitive that it’s like holding something in a hand that has fifty fingers instead of five. We are truly super responders.”

I resonate deeply with this visual of having ten times as many feelers as a “normal” person! If you do too, know that you’re not alone. Research shows that about 20% of the population displays this trait of being energetically sensitive.

After decades of absorbing the emotions and pain of my family – and friends and colleagues and strangers and everything everywhere all the time – I am SO relieved to finally have practical and uplifting tools in my toolkit to protect my energy!

Being energetically sensitive is a huge asset when you learn how to manage it. Shielding is a basic skill that empaths can use to prevent empathic overload.

Here are 4 steps to shielding your energy:

1. Mantra: Stay on your own journey.

When you notice yourself getting caught up with someone else’s emotions, use this mantra: stay on your own journey. It’s a reminder to stay on your own mental, emotional and spiritual journey, without crossing a boundary and wandering into someone else’s journey.

You can also say it “out loud” in your mind, to the other person. On an energetic level, you’re reminding others to stay on their own path, and not to give you their burdens.

This mindset will naturally start to shift your perspective on relationships. Using your voice (even the voice in your head) is empowering and has the effect of creating a healthy boundary.

2. Grounding: anchor your spiritual energy in your physical body.

Grounding is the most important step to self-protection.

If you’ve ever tried to visualize a protective bubble around you in the middle of a stressful situation and it didn’t work – it’s likely that you missed this crucial step.

Before we build a shield around our body, we need to be INSIDE our body. A house is only useful for protection, if we’re living inside of it.

When our spiritual energy is rooted in the physical body, that’s called grounding.

The problem is that sometimes we will ourselves right out of our body – consciously or unconsciously – to escape feeling our own pain, emotions, vulnerability and humanness.

Empaths are particularly challenged to stay grounded, as we are sensitive to harsh physical world energy and much prefer to hang out in the lighter, gentler energies of the mental plane and the spiritual plane.

But we are at our most powerful, healthy and safest when we are grounded in our body. Living “in” the body means that we have present-moment awareness of our internal sensations. There are the denser sensations in the body such as pain and there are subtler sensations in the body like tingling, buzzing, coolness, warmth, expansiveness, heaviness, lightness. When you become aware of this field of vibrations in your body, you’re in touch with your own life force energy.

The best grounding technique is the one that works for you. Simple ways to ground your energy include bringing your attention into your feet, noticing your breath, and doing a body scan. I love walking barefoot on the earth (or simply imagining that I’m walking barefoot) and letting the soles of my feet open to receive the delicious texture of the ground.

3. Shielding: Visualize an energetic boundary around you.

Once you’re grounded, make sure you stay connected to your body as you build your shield.

There are many ways to build a shield around you. One of my favorites comes from Karla McClaren’s book, The Language of Emotions:

“Reach your arms straight out to either side of you. Imagine that your fingertips are touching the edges of a lighted bubble that encompasses your personal space. Reach your arms out in front of you, and then raise them above your head. Feel how far your personal boundary is from your body. It should be an arms length away from you at all points – in front of you, behind you, on either side of you, above you, and even underneath you. When you can imagine this area all the way around you, drop your arms and let them relax.

Imagine that this oval bubble, which is around and above you and even underneath the floor, is now lit up in a bright neon color, such as lime green or electric magenta. Make your boundary quite obvious in whatever way you can.”

I love her suggestion to breathe with your boundary; imagining the boundary expanding a few inches in diameter in all directions as you inhale (just as your torso does when it inhales). On your exhale, the boundary returns to the arm’s-length distance from your body.

Another way to create a shield is to build a ball of brilliant white light in your belly, and then let it expand outwards so that it completely surrounds you.

Once you have a boundary, get a visceral sense of safety inside your boundary. You can bring to mind a place or memory where you feel safe, and fill up your bubble with a tangible feeling of coziness and comfort.

4. Practice shielding when you don’t need to.

Get used to the sensation of the shield protecting your body. It’s crucial that you practice it when you don’t need it. That way, whenever you suspect that you’re absorbing someone else’s emotions, creating a shield will be easy.

When you DO take on someone else’s negativity or pain inadvertently, remember to have self-compassion. You’re learning a new skill and if you’re not “failing” regularly then you’re doing it wrong J It’s going to happen sometimes, and that is absolutely OK!

Be loving with yourself as you play with these techniques (emphasis on play). Love is the highest of vibrations. And anything that raises your vibration will organically shield you from lower frequency energy. Self-love is grounding, shielding and healing. It’s the perfect medicine for all humans, not just empaths.

Do you have a favorite shielding technique?

Would you like to learn how to be more grounded?

Join me for Shield Your Energy – a free 5-Day challenge for women.

Uma

Uma Sanghvi is an Anxiety-Relief Coach who helps women heal from anxiety, stress and worry using trauma-informed techniques that calm the nervous system. She helps empaths to thrive so they can share their magic with the world. A life-long traveler on the spiritual path, Uma began Buddhist inquiry and meditation at the age of 16 and is currently a Unity prayer chaplain in Austin, Texas. Uma is a Fulbright Scholar, proud Hufflepuff and has a degree in biology from Stanford University.

After taking a few months to truly allow my body to heal from childbirth and surgery, I feel much, much, much better! I want to fill you in on what I’m doing in my own mind-body practice right now, and what I’ve learned recently. (In short – a lot.) Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing much about that!

I’ve come to realize that I have been dealing with a combination of an actual physical injury, surgery, AND a mind-body syndrome (otherwise known as TMS). Confusing! (What is a mind-body syndrome/TMS? Click here to learn more!) Plus, I’ve had to mentally recover from having what might be the world’s most embarrassing surgery. Seriously. It is called a sphincterotomy (commonly used for anal fissures, which is what I had, and extremely un-fun).  First of all, it sounds like the doctor removes one’s sphincter, which in fact, he does not. Thank God. Secondly, it has the word sphincter in it, which is not a word I love to bandy about in casual conversation.

Kind, caring person inquiring about my health: So, how are you doing? What surgery did you have to have?

Me: Coming along, getting better! It was a, um… shmmmumble.

Though there were many times in the last several months where I thought I might die of mortification and or extreme pain, I did not. I survived. Now that I understand the childbirth-anal fissure-TMS combo, it’s so much easier to use my mind-body tools and allow complete healing to happen.

In fact, I feel pretty much back to normal in almost every way. I feel creative, alive, and joyful. I still feel my emotions, and I still have the full array – anger, fear, sadness – you name it. But the sense of underlying contentment is back. Hallelujah! I am enjoying being a mom, honoring the frustrations that come with motherhood, and reveling in the amazing combination of getting to be a mother and a coach. I have created exactly what I wanted to create, and for that, I am supremely grateful!

My mind, body, and soul feel in sync again, and I am clearly hearing the messages from them all. My body still wants rest, so I am giving it much rest. My emotions are asking to flow, and giving me information daily about the best paths to take in every area of my life. And my soul has requested more meditation, which feels delicious, when I squeeze it in. Anything one does when following soul-guidance feels delicious!

Dealing with TMS

As far as the physical pain goes, well – I have dealt with TMS before, of course. I know where I am in the process. I’m at the point where all that’s left is a conditioned response to certain activities. In other words, the brain is used to experiencing pain and guarding against it when doing a certain activity, and it has linked that activity with pain. Even though there is no injury or reason for pain anymore, the activity still seems to cause pain. This is just the way the brain learns in everyday life, for everything. It connects the dots and makes associations.

The tool to use for this is a simple technique. Basically, you’re teaching the brain that there is no reason for the pain to occur, and that it does not need to fire off pain signals when you perform the activity. For me, the triggering activity is sitting down. So, every time I sit down, I say to myself, “Sitting down does not cause pain! I’m perfectly healthy. I’m listening to my emotional messages and no longer need pain to alert me.” Repetition is the key to success. You sit, (or do whatever the activity is) say the statement, and focus on inner emotions instead of any pain that arises.

The brain is pretty fascinating, isn’t it?! I know this process works, because I did it before, when I was dealing with the TMS pain in the past (vulvodynia and interstitial cystitis). I had to disconnect sitting, wearing underwear, wearing jeans, sex, walking, and riding a bike. This time, thankfully, there’s just one trigger!

The process is kind of interesting – it can take some time, but it happens much like learning a new piece of music on the violin. (It’s really the same process.) You practice, you practice, you practice – you go in the practice room every day and you feel like nothing is happening. You aren’t getting anywhere. Then, suddenly, you realize you have made a little progress. You can play a few passages better than before. Then, one day, you realize you have learned the whole piece and it’s no longer hard. Changes happen subtly, but they do happen.

So far, I’ve been doing this for three weeks. I can already see huge gains. Suddenly, there are several comfortable sitting positions, where before, I couldn’t take any of them. Ha! So there, brain! I am onto you!

The key to doing this process is to just keep at it. You have to recognize the fear of the trigger as part of the conditioned response, and use the same technique on that. The other important piece is to be quite gentle and loving with one’s self. That has been the theme of this mind-body learning experience for me. I am truly learning self-love, no ifs ands or butts. Ha ha! Sorry.

Intentional Self Kindness

My current daily mind-body practice is intentional self-kindness. I also notice whenever I am not being kind to myself and to shift toward kindness again. The self-love I used to offer myself is nothing like what I do now. Now, I am on a self-love mission! (More on that in the coming weeks!)

The other interesting thing about this process is that it is completely in line with the law of attraction. To bring about what you desire, you must “act as if,” to borrow words from Abraham. Act as if sitting is completely fine. Live like you would if you felt no pain. Feel the joy of that, and health follows. I also know this to be true, having done it before. So I am on the fun plan. I am finding as many ways to have fun while sitting down as possible. Luckily I have the cutest, sweetest companion for this – Aela, my little eleven month old daughter!

Thus far, I have enjoyed the following: sitting to nurse, read stories to Aela, play in the sandbox, play in the backyard, roll the ball to her, eat picnics with her, and snuggle. I also get to sit a lot when I work, and I have the best job in the world. So, that’s pretty darn fun.

I’m currently training a new batch of mind-body coaches, and I’ve decided to take the training right along with them. Listening to myself teach (which is always about listening to the soul wisdom that is flowing when I’m teaching) is helping so much. We always teach what we most need to know. The mind-body journey is about learning, learning, and more learning. I am learning so much right now, and I’m very inspired to blog again! I so appreciate your understanding during my healing break and your kindness this past year, amazing readers! Your emails, Facebook messages, and other support have been more helpful than you’ll ever realize.

I’m also back on my Anamsong Facebook page! I’d love to join you all again in fun mind-body/life conversation over there. Thank you to the fellow coaches who posted lots of inspiration there while I was in healing mode.

So, yes – I am back in the saddle! Though, thankfully, not an actual saddle. Baby steps, you know!

When I started applying mind-body concepts to my life in order to relieve pain, I discovered that my body tells me, quite clearly, when to say yes and no. It tells me exactly how to decide on everything, from personal life choices to business decisions. If I don’t say no to things that aren’t right for me, my body starts saying no to me. That’s what isn’t fun or comfortable.

Ignoring my body’s opinion about my life choices landed me into whopping amounts of physical pain, emotional distress, and mental frustration. Learning to listen to my body’s opinion taught me the way out of that mess.

That’s where most of my clients are right now – starting to learn how to listen to their bodies. If you’re working on that, too, this post is for you! Your body is the conduit for soul wisdom. You take in so much more information than you really know, day in and day out, and I see your soul as a vast being giving you wise and loving directives based on all of this information. You, in your body, are just one small element of who you really are. You, as a whole, are a soul.

In Celtic spiritual traditions (which I adore, so you’ll see me write about them a lot!), the soul is seen as much bigger than the body. Yet, the body is vital in allowing you to bring your soul-self into this physical existence, giving you timeless wisdom, information about what is truly right for you, and helping you carry out your life purpose.

So, when your body says yes or no to something, it’s really telling you what your oh-so-wise soul knows. This is some seriously powerful knowledge. Follow that soul wisdom wherever you go, and you’ll be astonished at what you can accomplish, from your own health to creating a joy-filled life in general. It sounds a little crazy or over the top, maybe, but as a person who is living it, I have to tell you that it’s real.

My life is so good right now that I don’t even know how to describe it to you. I look back to where I used to be, when I wasn’t listening to my body or myself at all, and I hardly recognize that person. Who was she? She wasn’t the real me. Now, I am fully me. Sure, I have frustrations or struggles, but I stay me throughout them. I know how to wade through the muddy stuff without getting lost or losing myself. This means I return to joy, to peace, to health, to calm, to love, over and over again. This means my dreams really do come true. This means I get to do my life, my way, and feel free.

Since this boundary thing can be a little frustrating to learn sometimes, this fall I’ve teamed up with Koelle Simpson, fellow coach and master of teaching boundaries. (Technically, she claims she doesn’t teach anything, because the horses she uses throughout her workshops do all the real teaching.) Koelle and I created the Energize Your Life Workshop to help you regain energy and YOU by setting healthy boundaries. It’s been filling up fast, so we are planning another one for March. (Stay tuned for that one!) If you need to connect with your body, learn how to listen to it, and practice setting clear and healthy boundaries, then these workshops are designed just for you!

I love to travel and I like to fly, even in this era of orange alerts. I love the moment of takeoff.  I like feeling suspended in time out of time, and finding my travel Zen is rarely a challenge.  So it was with some surprise that I recently found myself in my window seat freaking out.

Entering the third leg of a trip that had begun before dawn, expecting another 2-3 hour flight, I overheard a flight attendant mention that our flying time would be 5 hours.  It was as if a switch had been flipped in my brain and nervous system. At the thought of another five hours of immobility, I had the physical sensation of not only being confined in  too small a space, but also in my too small skin and mind. I felt paralyzed – and a little crazy.

My first strategy was to tell myself, “It’s just your thinking about the length of flight.” I believed it (sort of) but it didn’t make me feel any better. Then I remembered to breathe – slowly – which gave me the space and presence to realize what my body needed: to Get Out Of There.  I shivered and shrugged off my sweater without really thinking, then realized that movement itself was Getting Out without causing a major disturbance – or possibly activating the sky marshals. I stood in place, I stretched, I jiggled.  Instead of being frozen in panic, I felt the release of fleeing – while in flight.

The wave passed. I felt calm and even slept much of the time. Since then I have flown several times, and all was well. And if it hadn’t been smooth going, I knew I had an excellent body-based tool available: movement to disarm the “freeze” trauma response.

Freezing can have real short-term utility if one is a rabbit, gazelle, opossum, or sometimes a person in overwhelming circumstances.  It’s not so useful when the response becomes stuck and creates a pattern of anxiety or panic, often in situations that seem minor in proportion to the anxiety they generate.

I have become aware that for me there is a strong relationship between feeling anxious (usually a cover fear, anger, or sadness) and the action of “freezing.” I have started playing with physical anti-freeze as a strategy for releasing those emotions.   Dancing, running, singing, shadow boxing, or even imagining movements can get me Out of There. The anxiety dissipates as I thaw.

Aside from escaping across the savannah or going one on one against an adversary, how do you un-freeze? I’d love to hear your experiences and ideas.

May your emotional energy find its motion,

Ann