What Would Feel Better Now?

admin — Thu, 19 Sep 2013 07:00:33 +0000

By Anamsong Endorsed Mind-Body Coach, Jessica Steward

As a solopreneur, it can feel very strange and lonely working for oneself day-in and day-out. We no longer have a source of endless annoyance or inspiration in the form of other people. No one with whom we can brainstorm our brainiest thoughts or off of whom we can bounce our bounciest ideas. No one to wish away so we could just get some friggin’ work done already. Sometimes we lose perspective. Things can start to feel crappy. We realize we have been wearing the same sweatshirt for a month and a glob of yellow mustard from earlier in the week. Stuff like that.

One of my favorite tools to combat this state of extreme loneliness is to ask myself, “What would feel better/great right now?”

Borrowed from genius Law of Attraction (LOA) expert Jeannette Maw and brilliant Master Mind-Body Coach and Mentor Abigail Steidley’s premise that “Everything that I do with mind-body healing is in perfect alignment with LOA concepts,” this simple phrase is a great way of staying in the flow of positive and productive energy even when you would rather assume a fetal position with your childhood blankie somewhere underneath the dining room table. I may or may not be speaking from experience right now.

So ask yourself: What would feel better right now?

When I ask myself this, my response is usually “A shower”, which, unfortunately, speaks volumes as to the overall state of my personal hygiene. Your answer could also be “to shower”, or it may be a variety of other activities – to cry, to go for a walk, to tidy up the kitchen because it vaguely resembles a crack den, to take a nap, to call a friend. The key is that you want it to propel yourself from the current state of “funk” to a more elevated state of – at the very least – “meh”. If it takes you all the way to “huh” or even “not too shabby”, then that is marvelous!

However, what if the answer to the question, “What would feel better right now?” is “A milkshake.”

This is where it gets tricky.

Let’s break it down into three possible scenarios:

Scenario 1:

Your mental state right now: “Blah” to “Wah”.
Your mental state immediately after drinking a milkshake: ”HOLY CRAP, THAT WAS DELICIOUS! I THINK I’LL ORDER ANOTHER ONE! THIS TIME WITH MALT!”
Your mental state 5-20 minutes after drinking a milkshake: ”Oh my God! What have I done! I have no will power! I am weak! I am terrible! Please God, smite me for my frothy transgressions!”
Verdict: Don’t drink the milkshake.

Scenario 2:

Your mental state right now: “Blah” to “Wah”.
Your mental state immediately after drinking a milkshake: ”Oh crap. I’m lactose intolerant!”
Your mental state 5-20 minutes after drinking a milkshake: ”Oh. Crap.”
Verdict: Don’t drink the milkshake.

Scenario 3:

Your mental state right now: “Blah” to “Wah”.
Your mental state immediately after drinking a milkshake: “My, my. What a delicious treat. It’s a shame I couldn’t finish it, but my tiny inverted belly was full. I dare say I feel a modicum of delight creeping back into my viscera once again.”
Your mental state 15 minutes after drinking a milkshake: “Mmmm. I think I’ll have a quinoa salad with radicchio and soya beans for dinner tonight. But now, off to pilates.”
Verdict: Drink the milkshake. And I hate you.

The truth is that sometimes when we are feeling crappy, we will revert to decoy behavior – the mental or physical activities we’ve used in the past to avoid feeling our feelings – in order to help us cope. So sometimes the milkshake is just us reverting to old habits or behaviors in order to avoid feeling crappy – scared, angry, afraid, frustrated, homicidal – and sometimes it is a joyful treat that helps catapult us into that better-feeling state. Remember, you do not need to feel amaaaaaazing after your better-feeling activity; the key is that it moves you in the direction of something that feels not-too-shabby versus something that helps to make you feel even worse. Usually feeling our feelings – rather than avoiding them – is exactly what the life coach ordered!

So when you find yourself sitting in your own filth or your eyelids drooping out of overwhelming boredom as you force yourself to answer one more email or write one more blog post, ask yourself this very simple phrase, “What would feel better right now?” And be sure to listen for the reply.

Now pardon me, I hear a cupcake calling. (Milkshakes aren’t really my thing.)

Master Mind-Body Coach Jessica Steward helps healing & creative entrepreneurs get their work out into the world. She lives outside of Boston with her husband, dog, two cats, and two ukuleles. The cats can’t play the ukuleles. Yet.

Read more about Mind-Body tools and LOA!’
“One of my favorite ways to attract what I want is to make an evidence list.” ~Abigail Steidley

Dealing with Discomfort

admin — Thu, 12 Jul 2012 07:00:49 +0000

Much of the coaching I do with people revolves around accepting discomfort. “Ack!”, you may be thinking. “Why would I want to do that?”

Actually, it’s a powerful way to move toward healing in all areas. If you want pain relief, weight loss, or stress relief, you’ll need to befriend discomfort. If you want solopreneur success, you’ll need to befriend discomfort. If you stop and think about it, anything that stretches you a bit and any dream you’re working toward involves some discomfort.

Discomfort is not a bad thing. It’s just something we tend to try to avoid. Naturally!

Yet, when we try to avoid it, discomfort becomes more uncomfortable. It grows larger. It looms large in our awareness. Whether it’s an emotion or a physical sensation, when we try to push it away, it gets bigger. Discomfort is here to tell us important things – to give us clues that guide us to what we want in our lives. So it makes sense that it would speak louder when we try to ignore it.

My mind-body clients are actually mind-body warriors. It takes strength and determination to be willing to accept and befriend discomfort, so I say we get to call ourselves warriors when we do this. We get to celebrate our bravery and give ourselves some serious credit.

Physical discomfort from pain or other symptoms needs to be acknowledged (not obsessed about – obsessing is actually another way to push it away), befriended, and then listened to. Why? Because pushing it away only creates more tension in the body, increasing pain. Surrendering and relaxing into it, allowing it to be there, and listening to its messages is what allows the body to drop into healing mode. Accepting pain does not mean you are resigning yourself to having it forever. It’s actually the first step to letting it release.

Emotional discomfort also needs to be acknowledged, felt, allowed, and listened to. Much of our daily stress comes from NOT doing this. The more we try not to feel certain emotions, the more we create tension in our bodies, stress in our lives, and a tendency to try to control people and events around us. Letting emotions happen, on the other hand, lets us soften into their wisdom and relax our bodies and minds.

I’ve been grateful for my mind-body warrior practice as I’ve encountered discomforts during pregnancy. There have been many, but I’ve allowed myself to have them. Sure, I often try to fight them at first. It’s a natural response. Then, I put on my warrior hat and surrender to the discomfort. Every time I do so, it gets easier, the discomforts ease, and I listen to my body. A 9 month pregnancy affords many opportunities to practice this art, so I’m feeling really in the zone these days.