Before my years of vulvodynia, irritable bowel syndrome, and interstitial cystitis, I did a lot of hiding from myself and others.  I was afraid to be who I really was and spent many an hour criticizing myself and avoiding looking at what I really wanted out of life.  I worried constantly about what others thought of me and sought approval and validation outside of myself.  I couldn’t love me, so I wanted other people to do the job.  Turns out it doesn’t work that way.

My body, under the constant stress of me rejecting myself, soon balked.  As many of you know, the road to pain relief includes accepting yourself – all parts of yourself – learning how to love who you really are, and live your life authentically. This might mean something concrete and obvious, like shifting your career to mirror your life calling, or something more subtle like expressing your true opinions and emotions instead of making them wrong.  It might mean doing both.

I have found that to stay pain-free, I must continually be aware of any attempts to hide and, instead, bravely be myself.  First, alone, and then with others.  The moment I forget to do this, I accumulate tension somewhere in my body, and we all know that is the precursor to pain.   Though being completely authentic might sound scary at first, I’ve learned that it’s worth the initial “eeek” you might feel every time you go one level deeper.  The rewards include pain-relief, good-bye vulvodynia et al, and also the incredibly important but often overlooked experience we call joy.

As I’ve shed a few more layers in the last couple of months, I’ve reveled in an ever-increasing state of authenticity and joy.  You’ll notice I wrote about being not okay and about implementing the self-love practice I call the Love List.  I’ve given myself the homework of being absolutely real in each and every post.  It’s sometimes a little scary, but it’s always worth it.

The funny thing about hiding is that we usually only think we’re hiding something.  Then, when we’re not looking, it squeezes out through the cracks and becomes blatantly obvious to those around us.  So, hiding is utterly useless anyway.

I’ve discovered I’ve been making a futile attempt to hide a gigantic chunk of who I really am from you, and it’s not working. I’ve had thoughts about you, faithful reader, such as you will stop reading if I reveal this part of myself.  Thankfully, I am onto those thoughts and am no longer giving them any credence.  So, here goes.

For me, the result of choosing a mind-body path to end the pain of vulvodynia, interstitial cystitis, etc., was much larger than pain relief and health.  It was the beginning of an entirely new awareness, often referred to as spiritual awakening.  I am certainly not claiming enlightenment, but I am claiming a new understanding of myself and a connection to something bigger.  I like the word Source, but you may prefer Universe, God, or something else.

I had no idea that having severe vulvar pain and an annoying host of bladder symptoms would become a spiritual experience.  Had you told me that in the early stages, I would have laughed and rolled my eyes at such utter ridiculousness.  And yet…that’s exactly what happened.  I ventured into a completely new world, in which Source was love, and I was the recipient of this love.  It was immensely healing, on all levels.

I met many people who taught me and guided me on my spiritual path.   At first, I was skeptical and could hardly believe I was even considering all these spiritual and mystical concepts.  Yet, there I was, experiencing the power of energy healing, not just from Healing Touch practitioners, but from my own light-energy meditations and visualizations.  I was benefitting from these experiences, so often given little credence and referred to as “out there” or “woo woo.”

I didn’t want to become a crazy “woo woo” person who spent all her time in alternate realities, wore odd clothing, and smelled of incense.  I didn’t want to terrify my husband, lose friends, and be termed a weirdo.  Yet, I continually found myself in mystical bookstores, yoga classes, and other such places.  My reading list became largely spiritual and energy-healing related.  I loved it.

Over time, more and more of this “woo woo” stuff made its way into my life.  (I use the term woo woo affectionately.  I kind of like it.)  I read a lot of books and learned how to integrate spirituality and practicality – keeping one foot firmly planted in everyday life, so to speak.  I discovered that I can reap the benefits of a spiritual practice and still enjoy and use science and rationality.  I found a comfortable balance for myself.

Now, the time has come to come out of the woo woo closet.  The truth is, I use energy healing daily and feel a deep connection to Source.  This plays a huge role in my continuing health and happiness.  If I don’t start writing about this, I am depriving you of incredible healing tools.  I am also not being fully authentic, and that just doesn’t feel right.  I will never force any spiritual tools on you, and I can certainly teach you how to heal without focusing in that direction, but my soul is asking me to write about this, at long last.  I have learned how to hear the messages from my soul without needing the pain messenger, and so I will do as my soul asks.  It feels right and relaxing to do so.   Even as I write this, I feel a bubbling up of joy and delight.  I love being fully authentic, and authentic me includes a large dose of woo.

It is possible that you are hiding parts of yourself, too. Most of us are, but if you keep peeling back the layers and revealing your true self, I promise you that your health will get better and better.  You’ll feel self-love, joy, and peace.  I am not sure if we ever finish this authenticity process, but I am sure that it’s worth doing.  Today, take a moment to write in your journal.  Is there something you know about yourself that you’d like to fully embrace?  Start by embracing it all by yourself, with the door closed.  Baby steps are perfect.

And look forward to many more blog posts about spiritual healing tools and a variety of practical woo woo concepts you can use in your daily life, should you so desire.

Really excited that I’ve come out of the woo woo closet?  Want to delve into these powerful tools right away?  Then you might enjoy the upcoming Woo Woo Weekend for Practical Mystics, featuring Yo-Ching(SM), the innovative yoga and mind-body coaching combo.

• Breathwork 1 – Basic diaphragmatic breathing taught by a yoga instructor or voice instructor.  (One-on-one instruction is best.)  I would recommend this to every single person.  I think it is the most important thing you can learn – and this is saying a lot, because I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE coaching.

• Breathwork  2 – Someone who works with breath to facilitate emotional release.  You might need this if, for example, you worked with a therapist or coach and did basic breath-work, read about mind-body approaches such as Sarno’s, even took a program like Dr. Schubiner’s, and still have persistent pain.  In other words, don’t blame yourself, don’t blame the programs, information, or humans.  You just might need to release some serious suppressed emotion that can be regarded as basically stuck energy in your body.  (Remember, more coming in future posts.) (My favorite breathwork resource is www.barrattbreathworks.com.)

• Other body-based emotional release techniques, such as EMDR, EFT, or bioenergetic psychotherapy if you don’t have a breath-work specialist in your area.

• Traditional Western psychotherapy – If you have past traumas that you have yet to share with anyone, and if you hate talking about feelings or your personal inner life, you may need to start here.

• Energy healing – such as acupuncture, Healing Touch, or bioenergetic healing.  This comes in as a close second behind coaching and breath-work in my book.  It rocks.  No other way to say it.  It will speed up everything else you’re doing.

• Nutritional guidance of the non-scary kind (someone who can teach you balanced nutrition rather than an overly limited/restrictive diet).  It’s always helpful to support your body in its healing process.  This also means knowing that food alone may not be enough to cure you, and may not be the root cause of your issue.  You can just aid yourself and speed things up by giving your body what it needs.  If you’re prone to thinking your diet causes your pain, you might want to hold off on this one.

• A spiritual guide/teacher – Nothing is more reassuring than a spiritual connection.  My own personal journey to health was a spiritual unfolding within myself.  It may not be the norm to talk about this, or to even talk about its importance in a healing process, but I am not going to hold back anything from you.  I think it’s hugely important.  I will be sharing more about this in the future.  If you don’t work with someone in person, reading spiritual resources that feel right to you can be immensely comforting.  Follow your inner guidance.

• Yoga, t’ai chi, qigong, stretching, massage, and physical therapy – These can all have their place in your healing process – if you find instructors who know what they’re doing and therapists who are supportive.  While these may not heal you alone, they can be immensely effective in moving and releasing emotion and energy.  It can be easy to focus too much on the physical aspect of this kind of work and not enough on the emotional/mental release it stimulates, so be careful.  Make this a compliment, not the main focus.  As long as you’re not hanging all your hope on these things, you’ll find them fantastic supportive pieces of the puzzle – IF YOU ENJOY THEM.  Doing something you don’t like or that doesn’t feel right to you is never helpful.

• A physician you trust – I am a little bossy when it comes to my health, so I like a physician who will listen to me, take me seriously, and be willing to look beyond Western medicine and to the outer reaches of Western medicine.  Yes, I did find one!  I see him about once a year for a pap smear, but I like knowing I can trust him.  Mind-body healing does not mean throwing out Western medicine.  It’s about integration.

• Last but not least: COACHING! Yes, yes, I know I’m biased.  Seriously, though, NOTHING has helped me more than coaching.  It is the fastest way to relax your body, surprisingly enough, because it helps release thoughts and emotions that are causing the fight or flight response within your body.  And I didn’t even know about it when I was struggling through my initial healing process!  So you get to benefit from my experience, here!  Mind body (especially Martha Beck style) coaching is unique, straightforward, and immensely freeing.   As a spoke in the wheel for my clients, I also serve, due to my personal experience, as a sort of Mind-Body CEO, helping them see what works for them, what they can do for themselves, and how they can listen to their own inner guidance both to build their Healing Team and to learn to coach themselves.  I offer my own experience and knowledge as a guide and jumping-off point.  (In upcoming posts – much more about my personal application of coaching in my current life, so that you can see it in action and understand how it helps.)  If you integrate coaching with some of the traditional Sarno work, you get a hugely powerful mix.  If you put it together with body-based activities like yoga, breathing, and energy work, you’d have to work hard to stay in pain or ill!

If you’re struggling with mind-body healing and improvement is not happening for you, there’s no reason to give up, throw in the towel, or decide it’s a hoax.  I want you to know that nothing is wrong with you, you’re not doing anything wrong, and whatever you’ve tried probably isn’t wrong either.  It’s just a personalized, sometimes complicated process.  Breathe deeply, allow yourself some compassion, don’t be in a big rush, and explore.  Put together a Healing Team that works for you.  If you need only one person, great.  If you need ten people, great.  (If you read my blog regularly, I consider myself to be an honorary member of your Team, because it’s fun to think of you and your healing process (even if I don’t know you personally)!  Don’t forget to join my email list because there’s SO MUCH COMING (really soon!) that you might find helpful, and I always tell my email list first about exciting stuff.)

So what do I do now, in my life?  Who’s on my current Health Team?  Here’s my weekly practice: meditation, breath-work, mindfulness, journaling, self-coaching, yoga, visualization, reading, enough sleep, and PLAY.  I don’t do hours of everything – sometimes it’s just minutes here and there, depending on the day.  But I do these things because I love them and because they bring me peace, happiness, and health.  There is no sense of “should.”  I will be writing more about the lifestyle of mind-body health, so that you can learn from my “mistakes” and personal life lessons.

My Health Team consists of: my physician, my coach buddies, my energy healer (a nurse who uses Healing Touch), my yoga instructor (not for “fixing” my body, but because yoga enhances my mind-body-spirit connection and brings up emotions to be processed), my nutritionist (don’t use her as much anymore, but pop in and out here and there), and a great massage therapist (but that is not directed toward pain, it’s because I love getting massaged more than anything – I am a massage addict), and, last but not least – ME.

So anytime something is amiss within my mental/emotional world, I coach myself first.  Then I reach out to my support system and work with whomever is appropriate.  I get coached and take yoga classes weekly, and I consistently book energy healing appointments.  These three things, for me, are preventative, joyful medicine.  They are joy-enhancers.  When I want to treat myself, I get a massage.  The main point is, though, that when I think of my Health Team, I smile.  They all have great compassionate, kind personalities and positive energy.  So yes, sometimes it takes a village, but the village is there for you, waiting to help you return to health.