Though I take a pause here to say that the labels aren’t really that important.  They just help us see how we are being in the world right now – not how we are doomed to exist forever.

I’ve certainly written many a blog post about my own inner perfectionist.  She can be quite sneaky and often shows up, unbeknownst to me, with her perfection agenda in hand.  It’s turned into a game to catch her in the act and refuse to follow her plans.

I have noticed a trend with clients and even in random emails from blog readers, so I’d like to alert you to your inner perfectionist, too.  I have a hunch she plays havoc in your lives sometimes, and even more specifically, in your application of the mind-body tools.

Here’s what I keep seeing: people who think they need to do the mind-body tools enough, right, more often, better, with more gusto, every day of the week, for four hours a day, until they drop dead of boredom, etc.  In other words, perfectly.  In other words, some other way than the way that they are doing them.

THIS IS NOT TRUE! This is your sneaky perfectionist popping in and playing games with you.  The mind-body tools are flexible and capable.  You do not have to do them for very long, or very much at all for them to work.  They are powerful.  If you spent only a few minutes a day on them, they would work.  In fact, you can overdo them, because as soon as you start putting pressure on yourself to do more, better, etc., you create MORE stress rather than less.

So here’s your homework for the week: Just be with yourself, do nothing, rest, and breathe for two minutes each day.  That’s it.

Yep.  Just doing something that simple is immensely healing.

If you are doing any other mind-body tools, limit yourself to no more than forty-five minutes a day.  Spend some time playing.  Goof off.  Relax.  Laugh.  Love.

It’s about loving yourself.  Smile at that inner perfectionist and tell her thanks, but you’ve got this one on your own.

I started out looking online, stopping by various forums and researching.  I quickly discovered this was a terrifying thing to do.  I know that many forums start with the intention of supporting people in difficult situations, but it doesn’t take long for a very fearful environment to take shape.  I do recognize that there are some forums where this has not happened.  For the most part, however, online pelvic pain  support forums are riddled with fear.

I was not looking for fear.  I already had plenty of that.  I wanted hope.  I wanted someone to say to me, “Yes, you can heal from this.”  Eventually, I realized I needed to widen my search and look into alternative medicine.  Even that research, though, had its unhelpful moments.  I took piles of supplements, rubbed magical creams on sensitive tissues, and ate specific, horrendously restrictive diets.  Not much happened, other than the violent allergic reaction to said magical cream.  (That’s right – hives on the sensitive tissues for weeks.)

This is why, when I encountered the breathing teacher who told me breathing would reduce my pain, I wept with joy.  Here was a completely normal, simple thing I could do for myself, as much as I wanted, that was safe and helpful.  It was in that moment that I first felt hope.  It was my first experience of empowerment, because this was help in the form that really works.  Help that would teach me how to help myself.  To me, this is the kind of support that makes sense and is effective.

I certainly wanted support on my healing journey, but I sure as heck did not want to hear other people’s scary stories, fear thoughts, or depressing outlooks.  I wanted to hang out with a group of people who were determined to help themselves, but who just wanted a little assistance doing so.  I wanted a group of people who would remind me to believe in myself.  Who would say, “Yes, you can heal yourself, it is possible, keep at it, way to go!”

I never found my group, but I did find various people along the way who offered such positive words.  I did learn how to help myself.  I did heal.  It was possible.

Those are the messages I wanted other women to hear when I started writing this blog.  I wanted to make my dreamed-of support group a reality.  I wanted to create a place where mind-body tools were available, along with other people who were focused on them, for women who were struggling with vulvodynia, interstitial cystitis, irritable bowel syndrome, and other syndromes.  But I didn’t want to call it a vulvodynia support group or interstitial cystitis support group.  Gack.  We’re not trying to KEEP these syndromes!

So, instead, I have focused on the mind-body healing message.  A mind-body support group sounds so much better, doesn’t it?  We are supporting each other in strengthening our mind-body connections and creating health and joy.  Talk about hope!

Over the last couple of years I have worked to create different levels of support for you.  Besides the free support in the form of weekly blog posts and resources,  I have created an online support forum.  To keep it secure and make sure it’s exclusively for mind-body support, it’s only available to people who purchase the Healthy Mind Toolbox Audio Course.

And recently, I created the all-new Mind-Body Mastery Circles.  The first one kicks off next week, and is a great group of women who are about to experience the very support I dreamed of when I was struggling.  I am so excited!  I will coach and facilitate, but the real magic is going to happen because of the connection and support these women will feel from each other.  That is an incredibly powerful healing tool in it’s own right.

It feels great to see this dream realized, and to know that this is just the first of many more Mastery Circles to come.  These groups will be hope-based, and healing will take place on many different levels.   Healthy, helpful support happens here!  If this is something you’re looking for, it’s not too late to join us.  There are a couple spots left, and you can click here to get all the info and register.

A few weeks ago I found some niggling self-pressure thoughts and noticed I still had remnants of my old tendency to think I should be different than I am.  Better.  Smarter.  Know more.  Work harder.  Be more successful.  Ugh.  Just saying that makes me feel tired.  Which is why those kinds of thoughts are life-force energy thieves.  Who wants that?

If you’re going to use all your mind-body mojo to heal from vulvodynia, interstitial cystitis, irritable bowel syndrome, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, or any other similar syndrome (by that I mean involves lots of annoying physical pain and is cloaked in a shroud of mystery in the medical world), you will need today’s assignment.   Because a large chunk of the mystery around these syndromes is a deep longing from your body for you to simply love yourself as-is and stop beating yourself up, thinking you should be “better,” or fighting with yourself.

When I was looking around for vulvodynia support and help for interstitial cystitis, I looked everywhere.  Doctor’s offices, online vulvodynia support groups, books…and everywhere I seemed to run into more scary news.  I ended up getting real support from a surprising place – my own inner wisdom.  As I spent time learning to tap into it, I kept hearing the same message:  “Love yourself.”

It took me a few years to really learn how to do that.  And even now, I am still cleaning up those little corners where I’ve missed a spot.  Loving yourself is largely about what you think about yourself, what you say to yourself day in and day out, and whether or not you honor your deep longings.

So here’s the assignment:

Make a giant list of everything you even remotely like about yourself.  Include: things you do well, your unique skills and talents, your positive character traits, things you’ve done in the past, and anything at all.  Take 20-30 minutes to start this list, and then add 1-5 things to it each day.  When you get to the daily part of the assignment, use anything you value or like about yourself from that day.  I ended up purchasing an entire journal for this, and I’m having so much fun that I’m challenging myself to find 20 things each day that I like/love about me.  It’s getting easier, I’m feeling more in love with myself than ever before, and I have even more energy.  (For my friends and family, that might be a scary thought…)

Here’s an excerpt from my love list:

I am a violinist who listened to her heart’s desire, dumped the classical music field after studying it for 20 years, and now plays her own compositions and Irish fiddle.

I am a fantastic coach, who was born to do this work.

I am a writer with a strong individual voice and style.

I am a veritable idea factory.

I am a fantastic listener.

I emit a loving energy that allows people the safety and comfort in which to cry.

I read at the speed of light, digest information quickly, and then share it easily with others.

I am a supportive and loving wife.

There’s so much more, but for the sake of brevity, I’ll stop.  But wow, it feels amazing!  Give it and try (don’t just take my word for it!) and you will notice your energy lifting.  You’ll feel the healing happening in your heart and soul, which means your body is soon to follow.

The final piece of this assignment is to share something off your list with someone.  If you want, post yours in the comments space below.  It spreads the love to see each other doing this for ourselves.  In the end, you are the only one who can truly love and support yourself, so it’s time to create a strong focus on that in our Healthy Life community here.

When you love you, when you support you, everything else will fall into place.  You’ll see.  When I started doing this assignment myself, a funny thing happened.  Everywhere I turned, someone told me how amazing, valuable, or loved I am.  Not just people in my inner circle, but people I’ve never even met in person.  I’ve gotten one or more complimentary emails a day since implementing this exercise.   So really, what are you waiting for?  Make your love list today!

Here are two of my favorite self-love resources:

The Art of Self-Love by Master Law of Attraction Coach Jeannette Maw

The Best Year of Your Life Kit by Spiritual Coach Debbie Ford