A coach knows, anytime you’re avoiding something, it’s a RED FLAG.  Blech.  Time to go face the music, look inward and get honest with yourself, etc. etc. etc.  Sometimes, that just doesn’t sound fun, even if you know, from years of experience, that the benefits will be boundless.

Alas, that is the trick of the ego.  It tells you a myriad of reasons why it’s totally ok to avoid that thing, that very, very uncomfortable thing.  (A sure sign you are sitting on transformative gold!)

My ego told me:

Aw, that’s just one coaching tool of many. Who needs it?

I think I can just see what the clutter in my basement probably means and just make some moves to clean it up.

I’ll do that tool later.

Nah, that doesn’t sound like fun right now.

There’s probably something dreadful I’ll find out about myself if I face this tool, since I’m so afraid of it.

Notice the various tricky ways my ego kept me from going inward for greater self-awareness!  Fascinating!

What is the Living Space Tool?  It’s a tool that uses your home as a metaphor for your life.  You notice what you don’t like about your home and then apply that to yourself.  It’s kind of horribly accurate. I was avoiding this tool so much that I didn’t even let myself ask myself what my least favorite area of my home was.

Until, of course, Life forced my hand.  That’s the great thing about the mind-body journey of awakening to your true nature and following that truth.  Once you start, you can try to avoid something as much as you want, but if you need to transform it, Life won’t let you get away with avoidance.

I discovered having a baby is a GREAT way to face all kinds of stuff I used to avoid. The Living Space Tool was just one.  Yet, it was a pretty important one.  After Aela, my daughter, was born, I found that it is quite difficult to work in my shared home office, for a myriad of reasons.  So I had to scour the home for a quiet, out-of-the-way area with some privacy for client phone calls, recorded telecourses, etc.  My home is not that large, so it did not take much scouring to realize that the guest room was the only really useful option.  (However, I did avoid this for months by working in pretty much every other area in my home and becoming quite proficient at flipping the mute button on my phone.)

Finally, I had to face the fact that I’d need to clear out the guest room and turn it into an office.  Which made me realize that it was my least favorite room in my house.  Which made me realize that it was, indeed, time for the Living Space Tool.

To summarize, my guest room contained:

1)     Furniture that required a stressful conversation prior to selling

2)     Stuff that needed to go to the secondhand store

3)     Piles of gift wrapping supplies

4)     My husband’s old Navy uniforms

5)     A closet with no door (from the house renovation we contracted in which the contractor, unfortunately, vanished three-quarters of the way through the job)

6)     No doorknob on the door to the room

How do these things reflect my inner life? Watch this: (these correlate with the points above)

1)     Fear of facing conversations that require setting clear boundaries and honoring my needs

2)     Fear of letting go

3)     A deep love of giving to others, but a need for my own space to be alone and to receive

4)     A need for a place of my own since my husband and I now live and work in the same space 24/7

5)     A fear of setting firm boundaries with those I love

And there you have it.  Years of avoidance became, in thirty minutes, transformative gold.  I learned so much about myself from that simple exercise that I could write at least ten blog posts.

The result of doing this tool?  Forward movement in the honoring my own needs department, improvements and more awareness around setting boundaries (a pretty essential skill for effective mothering), and improved, honest conversations with my husband.  Yep.  Transformative gold.

I cleaned out the guest room.  I made changes in honoring my needs, setting boundaries, and communicating. I started working in my new office this week.  When I walk in there, even though it only contains a card table, a chair, a yoga mat, a sheet (my pretend closet door), and a pile of candles, I feel my whole being expand.  I feel my breath move easily in my body.  I have a new favorite place in my home.

Why is it my favorite place now?

There is plenty of space.  The room has lots of nothing..

How does that correlate to my inner life?

Easy.  Right now, my focus is on meditation and the development of awareness of that giant inner nothingness that we call stillness, being, presence, space…whatever word you choose.

Now, I am in sync with myself.  My inner and outer worlds both reflect that which brings me deep joy, connection to myself, and the ability to love and respect myself.  Which, of course, means it is so much easier to love and respect everyone else.

Transformative gold?  Yep.

In the end, it always pays off to look at what you’re avoiding, take a deep breath, and dive in.  Maybe even before Life forces your hand.