I have an amazing teacher in my house. She’s two years old, adorable, and notices EVERYTHING.

A couple of weeks ago, I took her to the park for a picnic. We spread out the blanket, got out the food, and settled in to enjoy an alfresco dinner. To be honest, I kind of wanted to relax. I might have even laid on the blanket with my eyes closed, for a minute. Sometimes, by which I mean all the time, having a two-year-old is exhausting.

I pulled myself up from a reclined position with these mental commands:

“Get up! You have to! You can’t sleep right now! But imagine how lovely your pillow will feel in just a few short hours! Oh God! Pillow! Pillow!”

Unloading the picnic, I handed Aela a few crackers. She chewed for several seconds while marveling about the texture of the picnic blanket on her bare feet.

“No shoes,” she said, happily. I smiled back. It felt nice to relax together, munching on our picnic fare.

Suddenly, she stood up and took off running.

With what felt like every ounce of my remaining energy, I dashed after her. Plonking her back on the picnic blanket, I reviewed the picnic guidelines.

“No running when you’re eating. We stay on the blanket to eat.”

She stood up, walked to the edge of the blanket, and with careful precision, put one big toe in the grass. She turned and looked at me, eyes full of mischief.

“Nope,” I said, shaking my head. She moved her toe back to the blanket.

“Yep,” I said. She moved her toe back off the blanket.

“Nope,” I said. She moved her toe back to the blanket.

“Yep,” I said. She sat down and ate some blueberries.

With Aela in my life, I am learning, every minute of every day, how to set clear boundaries. In the past, I have been fairly horrible at that. I have worried about others’ feelings, not wanted to disappoint people, been afraid someone might not like me, and a myriad of other things.

In my pre-toddler life, my lack of boundaries would often result in exploding doormat syndrome, difficult communication with others, and lack of self-care.

Now, however, I have a teacher. A really, really, good teacher.

Suddenly, I see that boundaries are not about people’s feelings, what others think of me, or anything like that at all. They are about well-being – both physical and emotional.

Boundaries create a safe space within which we can be ourselves, be free, and feel supported. They create physical safety, but they also create soul safety. I see it every day. When I set a clear boundary, Aela may resist it, be upset about it, and throw a fit. She gets to do that, and I listen to her protests, because I understand. But they don’t change the boundary. Once she’s expressed herself, she settles into the space I’ve created. I can see that we are creating a shared trust in each other through this process. My job is to set boundaries that keep her physically safe, so that she can roam and explore. Her job is to roam and explore and discover this world.

It’s blatantly obvious to me that setting boundaries for her is an act of kindness. The better I get at it, the happier and more content she is. And some of the boundaries I set with her are about my well-being, too. I can’t reach into the backseat and take her shoes off while driving on a busy street, even if that’s what she wants.  Sometimes my soul needs to have structure within which to roam free, too. So I set clear bedtime schedules and routines, and we honor those. My soul feels good when I take care of me. It knows it can trust me to be there for it. So some nights, when Aela is asking for the twenty-third kiss before she can fall asleep, I tell her that I’m tired, I’m heading to bed, too, and that this is the LAST kiss. And then I follow through.

I’m seeing just how vital it is to set loving, compassionate boundaries.

It’s kind to me. It’s kind to others. I don’t suddenly explode at them, because they’ve moved past a boundary I didn’t express. I don’t resent them because I said yes when I meant no. I can trust myself to create a sense of safety in my life. A safe space within which to play, work, rest, and be me. I have to listen and see if whatever has just come up feels right to me, or if it’s just one toe over the line. And even if it’s just one toe over the line, that counts. That’s crossing the boundary. I can express the boundary limit and therefore deepen the sense of trust I have with myself.

It’s one of the biggest acts of self-care I’ve ever undertaken. It’s an enormous learning curve. And I have the best teacher I could ever imagine.

P.S. Want some help learning how to create this level of self-care and boundary-setting? If you don’t have a two-year-old handy, you might want help from a horse. Did I just say horse? Why yes I did! To find out what I’m talking about, take a peek at my upcoming Listening for Truth Workshop  with Koelle Simpson and Jennifer Voss! (Only a couple spots left!)

When I started applying mind-body concepts to my life in order to relieve pain, I discovered that my body tells me, quite clearly, when to say yes and no. It tells me exactly how to decide on everything, from personal life choices to business decisions. If I don’t say no to things that aren’t right for me, my body starts saying no to me. That’s what isn’t fun or comfortable.

Ignoring my body’s opinion about my life choices landed me into whopping amounts of physical pain, emotional distress, and mental frustration. Learning to listen to my body’s opinion taught me the way out of that mess.

That’s where most of my clients are right now – starting to learn how to listen to their bodies. If you’re working on that, too, this post is for you! Your body is the conduit for soul wisdom. You take in so much more information than you really know, day in and day out, and I see your soul as a vast being giving you wise and loving directives based on all of this information. You, in your body, are just one small element of who you really are. You, as a whole, are a soul.

In Celtic spiritual traditions (which I adore, so you’ll see me write about them a lot!), the soul is seen as much bigger than the body. Yet, the body is vital in allowing you to bring your soul-self into this physical existence, giving you timeless wisdom, information about what is truly right for you, and helping you carry out your life purpose.

So, when your body says yes or no to something, it’s really telling you what your oh-so-wise soul knows. This is some seriously powerful knowledge. Follow that soul wisdom wherever you go, and you’ll be astonished at what you can accomplish, from your own health to creating a joy-filled life in general. It sounds a little crazy or over the top, maybe, but as a person who is living it, I have to tell you that it’s real.

My life is so good right now that I don’t even know how to describe it to you. I look back to where I used to be, when I wasn’t listening to my body or myself at all, and I hardly recognize that person. Who was she? She wasn’t the real me. Now, I am fully me. Sure, I have frustrations or struggles, but I stay me throughout them. I know how to wade through the muddy stuff without getting lost or losing myself. This means I return to joy, to peace, to health, to calm, to love, over and over again. This means my dreams really do come true. This means I get to do my life, my way, and feel free.

Since this boundary thing can be a little frustrating to learn sometimes, this fall I’ve teamed up with Koelle Simpson, fellow coach and master of teaching boundaries. (Technically, she claims she doesn’t teach anything, because the horses she uses throughout her workshops do all the real teaching.) Koelle and I created the Energize Your Life Workshop to help you regain energy and YOU by setting healthy boundaries. It’s been filling up fast, so we are planning another one for March. (Stay tuned for that one!) If you need to connect with your body, learn how to listen to it, and practice setting clear and healthy boundaries, then these workshops are designed just for you!

In mind-body coaching, we often work with the message behind the physical pain/symptom.  I’ve often joked that I’m somewhat stubborn, to put it gently, and my body really has to give me a good smack to help me make important changes in my life.  But, this smack takes a little decoding to understand.  To help you decode the messages in your pain, I often write about the common ones I see in my coaching practice.

An extremely common message behind physical pain has to do with setting boundaries.  Boundary-setting is something I didn’t fully understand until I went through coach training.  I knew that I often said yes when I wanted to say no, pushed myself past my own limits, and let others’ approval trump my own deep desires.  What I didn’t know was how to say no, how to put myself on my own priority list, and how to set healthy boundaries without being harsh.  It was a confusing issue.

Thankfully, my body told me I needed to set boundaries.  It let me know that I was letting unhealthy patterns exist in relationships, and it told me I was not really nurturing myself.  But it couldn’t teach me to really understand the messages it was sending me, day in and day out, that were designed to help me set healthy boundaries.

I came across the work of Koelle Simpson while in coach training.  It was one of those big aha moments that create a giant leap forward in self-understanding.  In one fell swoop, I saw how I could say no, create healthy boundaries, and still be loving, compassionate, and kind to others.  The confusing “how” was finally solved.

Koelle is an equus coach, which means that she uses horses as giant coaching tools.  Very, very giant, I might add.  This sounds perplexing until you understand the nature of horses.  Horses respond to the non-verbal communication that you give in each and every moment.  Though humans respond to non-verbal communication too (in fact, this is the primary way we relate to each other, even though we may not be aware of it), horses are unique in that they cannot understand language.  They also spend much less time around humans than domesticated animals.  The upside of this is they treat humans just like they treat other horses.

If you walk into the horse ring and say hello to a horse, it could care less.  If you tell it everything you want it to do, it will simply walk off and eat whatever is handy.  The only way to communicate with the horse is via body language and energy.  There is no fooling the horse.  If you are afraid, it knows.  If you are angry, it knows.  If you think you want to create your own space, set a boundary, and be strong, it will show you immediately whether or not you are actually doing so.  If you are not setting firm, loving boundaries, the horse will 1) invade your space 2) not respond to your actions 3) assume a leadership role.

When an animal with one hind leg that weighs as much as you assumes a leadership role, there is no cajoling, begging, or smiling that will make one bit of difference.  You have no choice but to learn how to project leadership energy, set effective boundaries, and take charge of yourself and the horse.

My experience in the horse ring was so transformational that I knew I needed to share this opportunity with you, my fellow health creators!  The difficulty has been in explaining how a horse is going to help you heal.  (I just have to indulge myself and tell you what I imagined you saying:  “How in the hell is a horse going to help me heal my hoo-ha?”)

The reality is that a horse will not only help you heal – it will help you heal the root issues behind the pain.  There is only so much ignoring your poor body can take before it says “PLEASE!  For the love of God, say no, stop living your life to please others, and LEAD YOUR LIFE!”  (I put that in all caps because it sure as hell felt like my body was yelling that at me!)

Leading my life does two things.  It makes me feel joy, and it keeps me healthy.  Then, when I lead my life and set healthy boundaries, the funniest thing happens.  Not only am I healthy and happy, but my relationships improve.  All those things I thought I had to do to please other people turned out to be getting in the way of true, honest, relationships.  Every single relationship I have is now a hundred times better than it used to be.  My body is at ease, because I am at ease as the leader of my life.

So here’s the deal: if I could design the perfect experience for you to learn everything about boundaries, listening to and honoring your body, and creating health, I would spend 3 days with you.  In those 3 days, I would hook you up with Koelle, take you through several Yo-Ching(SM) classes, and teach you mind-body tools.  I’d also plunk you down in the middle of nature, which is extraordinarily healing in itself.

Coincidentally, I have created this very thing.

All joking aside, the upcoming Turn on Your Inner GPS Workshop is this ultimate combination.  I can’t think of any better way to share everything with you to further your healing journey.  I felt the need to tell you that, because it’s important that you know!  I’ve tried to be extremely aware of the financial end of things in creating this workshop, and though it does include Koelle, myself, and Jess Ryan, (yoga teacher extraordinaire and my Yo-Ching(SM) business partner), the price is not any different than one of Koelle’s Primal Leadership Workshops.  (If you check it out, remember that all lodging and meals are included in the price.)  I really, really, want this experience to be possible and helpful for you!  (The Early Bird price is good through Friday, July 16.)

If you’d like to check out all the details, Click Here.  You can join Koelle, myself, and Jess on a free informational call about the Turn on Your Inner GPS Workshop on Thursday, July 15, at 11:30 PT/12:30 MT/1:30 CT/2:30 ET.  The call will be recorded and sent out afterward, so even if you can’t make it, you can email me any questions you’d like answered.  Here is the call-in info:

(724) 444-7444

Call ID: 85297

(Use 1# if prompted for pin)

But first, let me invite you to play with me, in person!

That’s right – there’s something REALLY FUN coming up, and I’d like to extend an invitation to you.

Next month…

Oct. 9-11, in Loveland, Colorado

I’ll be assisting fellow Master Martha Beck Coach Koelle Simpson in her Primal Leadership: Taught through the eyes of a horse workshop.  This is play, fun, learning, personal growth, and emotional healing all in one weekend!

Koelle is an experienced, dynamic coach.  During this workshop, she’ll be using the incredible power of her unique brand of coaching (never been coached by a horse?  It’s amazing!) to teach leadership and strength.

What does this have to do with mind-body healing?

A LOT.  When you’re in the ring with a horse, you quickly discover how your thinking is affecting your body.  The horse is a highly effective bio-feedback tool that shows you just what you’re doing with your own powerful energy.  Are you harnessing it effectively? ?  Are you putting pressure on yourself to do things perfectly and therefore not accessing your true strength?  Are you trying to get approval from others and in the meantime, draining your own energy?  Are you leading your own life, from your inner guidance, or are you letting external issues and people direct you?

Not aligning with your own power, your inner guidance, and your truth creates a great deal of internal stress, both emotionally and physically.  Your body lets you know via physical pain, physical tension, and emotional tension that you’re off track.

So – come learn from the best teachers available: horses.  I can’t think of a faster way to unwind unhealthy mental and emotional patterns.  I’m so excited about this opportunity for you!  It’s so important that I can’t emphasize it enough – it will truly change your life and speed up your inner work process (which, as you know, is the key to your physical health).  You’ll get some seriously amazing coaching from Koelle and her horses, and I’ll be there, too, to answer any mind-body healing questions you might have and coach here and there.

Why am I assisting Koelle? Because, having experienced the magic of her work, I am planning to host one of her workshops here in Wyoming next year.  YAY!   (I’m there to learn, too!  I’ll be gathering info on all the setup details and processes to prepare for next year.)  I’d love to meet you in person, so I hope you check out the workshop.

I’m so excited about this that I’m offering a special coaching option for workshop participants!

SPECIAL OFFER:  The first 3 people to register for the workshop after reading this post will receive a FREE post-workshop coaching session with me!

This will help you digest and process the entire experience after you’ve had time to internalize what you learned and discovered during the workshop.  Simply forward me your proof of purchase email and we’ll set up your FREE session (a $95 value)!

To learn more about the workshop and register, click HERE.

P.S.  If you’re really excited about this, register ASAP.  The workshop fills at 12 and is already filling as we speak.  Also, you’ll want to take advantage of the Early Bird special and register today for great savings.