I love Summer. I loooong for it by Spring. Right before it arrives I fantasize about it, imagining all the fun and sun I will soak in.  I imagine luxuriating in quietude and peace, natural settings and beauty. I imagine kids playing, running for the ice cream truck, rainy days and movies. In my imagination it’s perfect, sweet, nostalgic, and timeless. And yet.  While it’s happening, it’s usually not how I imagine it.  I get caught up – in the planning and prepping, the getting to and from all the activities, one after the other. When the long-awaited planned and prepped thing is finally happening I get caught up in thinking about what needs to happen next and about how and when I can take a break and recover from the thing. It all feels so planned, so jammed in and busy.

Nope, not this Summer. This Summer, I vowed to slow it all down, to slow myself down and drink in the moments. that I have longed for all year.  And I must say, it has felt DELICIOUS.

This Summer, I set an intention to notice and be with deliciousness. I began to track my Summer deliciousness. I looked for – and am continuing to look for – the experiences that brought about the yummy feeling that I longed for.  I did those delicious things, consciously. And there were so, so, so many.

• the first sighting of fireflies.
• kids selling lemonade on the corner
• sunsets and sunrises
• full moon glow
• beach days
• the cat on the back stoop
• canoeing in the cedar rivers of the Pine Barrens
• kayaking on the Ocean City bay
• boardwalk pizza
• the birdsong, first thing in the am
• the crickets
• the locusts, now in late Summer
• garden veggies ripening
• seeing a beloved friend I haven’t seen in forever and sharing our lives together
• seeing my son getting taller
• rainy days on the porch
• visiting the pig farm
• not talking to anyone for five hours
• reading a novel for the first time in years
• not scheduling, intentionally
• the camp show

I could go on and on.  And, so can deliciousness. Deliciousness doesn’t need to come to an end when Summer does. We can actually build more deliciousness into our lives. We can become aware of how we want to feel, and notice the feeling of it when it arises. We can notice what we can do in our lives right now that sparks that delicious feeling. Like a tracker in the wild, we can begin to notice exactly what conjures up the feeling that we want, and then do more of that. We can practice it. We can cultivate the skill of feeling deliciousness whenever and wherever we want to.

Deliciousness is a feeling. It’s in the body, it’s in my throat and around my heart.

It feels tender and soft, almost like an ache but in an oh so pleasant way. It radiates out, like sun rays. It’s fragile. It can be easily dampened or shut out completely if we’re not noticing.

When we notice deliciousness rising , we can simply be with it for however long it lasts. And we can enjoy it in all it’s delicious splendor.

The picture above, that’s me on the bay, in a moment of  Summer deliciousness.

What is deliciousness for you? How does it feel, what brings it about?

Share one or some of your delicious moments here.

Mara

Mara Wai, M.Ed. is a mind-body coach who supports her clients to shift their consciousness and energy for healing, growth and self-transformation. With mindfulness and a variety of mind-body awareness tools, her clients deepen awareness of inherent mind and body conditioning that exacerbates their pain, prolongs suffering or is no longer resonant with what they want out of life. With gained insight and practice, her clients create new, more desirable mind-body patterns that result in greater ease in body, clarity in mind and an inherent sense of self-trust to discern what’s best for themselves and take “just-right” actions. In addition to her work as a coach, Mara is the Associate Director of the Penn Program for Mindfulness, where she oversees administration and facilitates Mindfulness-based Stress Management programs. To learn more about Mara go to www.marawai.com.

From the very beginning, our learning and development is a dynamic process that unfolds naturally as we interact with our world. We learn from our parents or primary caregivers and from others in our environment. We learn what the norms are from what others do and don’t do.  We begin as tiny little sponges, soaking it all in, every nuance, every feeling, every thought, every experience that comes through our sensory encounters.

Our bodyminds help us to remember all the rights and wrongs, dos and don’ts, and they support us to interact and adapt in our environments as efficiently as possible. We form habits so that our doing/not-doing becomes more automatic and effortless, so that we can focus our attention and energy where it is most important. Albeit simplified, this is essentially how we come to be who we are. It is a developmental process that is borne out of our unique life situations.

When unexpected and/or intense circumstances happen in our lives that are viewed as threatening, our bodyminds support us to do whatever it takes to help us survive and adapt.

When I was a kid and my parents were in the process of a very messy divorce, my daily life as I knew it changed abruptly.  All of a sudden I was confused and felt helpless. I didn’t know how to react or respond, my parents were wrapped up in their own turmoil, my brother – like me – was lost.  My bodymind did what it thought/felt was best: I hunkered down and held it together. I clung to whatever sense of control I thought I had. I got good grades in school, I didn’t make waves. I appeared “functional” on the outside. My bodymind attempted to create a sense of normalcy for me in the midst of the chaos and unpredictability that ensued in my family.

Later in life, that earlier bodymind adaptation no longer was optimal. In fact, it was the cause of a lot of subsequent suffering. For years I held so much in. I suppressed and avoided so much of my felt experience, and it caught up with me. It came to a head for me when my brother died unexpectedly 25 years ago. Holding in anything was no longer possible. I was forced to learn another way.

Thus began my process of becoming Transparent, Authentic and Open.

Becoming Transparent, Authentic and Open – or, as Martha Beck says, “TAO” – includes a process  of learning and unlearning.

I began to unlearn the maladaptive habit patterns that helped me to survive early on, but no longer worked for me.

I became increasingly familiar with my triggers and automatic reactions.

I learned to invoke calm, through mind and body awareness and movement practices.

I worked to “de-clutter” all the stuck energy in my body.

I learned to not believe automatic, old beliefs that were keeping me stuck and triggering me to feel afraid.

My process of becoming TAO has been ongoing for 30+ years. Although I don’t know if I will ever clear all of my clutter, I’m way more aware than I was. “Clearing my clutter” (a phrase used by Penney Peirce, one of my favorite writers and teachers of intuition development) is an foremost aspiration, and I have the honor and privilege to support others to do the same.

When I am TAO, I feel open, with no barriers and no coverings. I feel expansive, free and clear.

I trust how my life is unfolding, and how I navigate through it via decisions and actions.

I feel the way I want to feel, grounded in feeling states of peace, calm, and even love.

When old beliefs and emotions rise up to the surface, when it’s possible and I see it for what it is, clutter that is clearing. More and more often it’s possible.

Even when I’m in a difficult situation with uncomfortable emotions, being TAO allows me to know the just-right next step in front of me.

How about you? How do you know when you’re TAO? What signs do you get in your mind and body? What clutter are you clearing? What is your just-right, next step? 

Clearing internal clutter and making room for what feels TAO along with you, 

Mara

Mara Wai, M.Ed. is a mind-body coach who supports her clients to shift their consciousness and energy for healing, growth and self-transformation. With mindfulness and a variety of mind-body awareness tools, her clients deepen awareness of inherent mind and body conditioning that exacerbates their pain, prolongs suffering or is no longer resonant with what they want out of life. With gained insight and practice, her clients create new, more desirable mind-body patterns that result in greater ease in body, clarity in mind and an inherent sense of self-trust to discern what’s best for themselves and take “just-right” actions. In addition to her work as a coach, Mara is the Associate Director of the Penn Program for Mindfulness, where she oversees administration and facilitates Mindfulness-based Stress Management programs. To learn more about Mara go to www.marawai.com.

by Endorsed Mind-Body Coach, Mara Wai

The picture to the left is of a memo pad that was given to me as a gift from a previous employee. She really captured the essence of me, straight down to the color of my dog Max’s leash! She even included the check list.

When she worked for me, I was deep in the throes of task-mastering.

I became a task-master slowly, gradually and unconsciously. As a little girl, I learned that certain things I did evoked overt displays of approval or affection – sometimes even rewards – from my parents, grandparents, teachers and others in authority. I began to seek the feel-good rush of approval. I got good grades in school and did things the “right” way.  I strived to be perfect.

When my parents divorced when I was 11, I convinced myself that I was perfectly ok. I was proud of how strong I was, not needing any help to deal with the outer chaos in my family life. I smiled and acted like all was peachy keen. In retrospect I can clearly see that on the inside, I was confused and I stuffed down just about all of my emotions. I was totally unaware that I had any emotions! At the time, I didn’t know any better. I soldiered on, did well at school and acted like everything was ok.

As a teenager I continued to strive to appear perfect. I thought being self-sufficient and not ever asking for help was an accomplishment.

This is how I learned to be a task-master. I learned how to do. Do. DO.

Nowadays when I see these memo pages (it’s still on my desk), it reminds me of what I’m recovering from.

• The impulse to do TOO MUCH.
• The whirlwind of stuff that manifests in my mind when I’m task-mastering, including the ruminating and replaying of past scenarios, over and over, and the ruminating and replaying of future scenarios, over and over.
• the constant feeling of worry, the anxiety, the frenzy.
• The tension that lived in my body.
• The sleepless nights.
• The slew of other symptoms that accumulated in my life.

As a task-master, my attention remained at least one step ahead of the present. When I finished a to do item and checked it off the list, there was always another to do, and another, and another. It was addictive, and it became second nature to view my entire life as one giant, never-ending list of stuff to accomplish. I was productive!

Until, I wasn’t. Task-mastering left me feeling unsatisfied and empty, like it – or I – was never good enough. So I was always striving for the next thing right around the corner, just out of reach to make me feel better…but to no end.

Eventually, I crashed. The symptoms caught up with me. And I needed to learn another way.

I began to gain awareness of my task-mastering habit. 

I learned how to cultivate mind-body awareness. By becoming aware of the sensations in my body, the habitual movement of my mind and how it impacts me in life experiences, and the feeling of emotions that I have learned early on to ignore or override, the addictive, anxiety-laden rush of task-mastering goes away, and is replaced by:

• more ease,
• greater connection to feeling, and
• a better sense of what I want.

These days, seeing the memo page above (it’s still on my desk) serves as a reminder of who I want to be, and how I want to live.

• I want to feel ease and openness in my body.
• I want to my thoughts to be clear and to translate my experiences in a way that serves me and others.
• I want to feel enthusiasm and joy in what happens in life.
• I want to feel grounded, and not get so caught up in the busyness of life.

Task-mastering has never helped me to gain any of these wishes. But cultivating mind-body awareness has and still does.

By developing a habit of noticing my mind-body experience, a doorway has opened that invites in another way of being; a way that is more spacious, at ease, and that directly connects me to truth of how I feel. This way of being is a life-changer. It provides me with the choice to take actions (or non-actions) that support what I want in life.

Gaining awareness can be simple. When you notice yourself getting caught up in your task-mastering ways, try this:

• Turn your attention to your body, notice what it feels like. Is there sensation? Where? Bring your attention to it and be curious about what you find.
• Then, turn your attention to your mind: you may notice thoughts arising, or a voice that is still caught up in the activity you were doing or the one that was next to come. Notice that chattery voice, and then bring your attention back to the body.
• When your attention is back in the body and you are regathering awareness of sensation, check to see if there’s any emotion present. What does it feel like? Is it familiar? See if you can simply notice it, without interfering with it, for as along as is possible.

That’s it! It’s that simple. You can do this in a minute, or 3 minutes, or longer. Each time you shift your attention from the DOING of task-mastering, to the noticing of your inner experience that ensues as a result, you are disrupting the habit of task-mastering.

Slowly and gradually, you will become a recovering task-master, too.

Mara Wai, M.Ed. is a body-mind coach who supports her clients to connect to their inner wisdom to cultivate clarity, discern their own path and take decisive action to improve physical health, establish emotional well-being, clarify energetic boundaries, improve relationships, and experience greater overall life satisfaction. Mara also teaches Mindfulness-based Stress Management for the Penn Program for Mindfulness. To learn more about Mara go to www.marawai.com.