My low back is killing me.

I’m walking like I need a cane – and I shouldn’t be!

I’ve applied mind-body coaching and many other modalities, but the tension is still there – I should be over this already!

Sound familiar?

After several mind-body coaching sessions, my inner wisdom guided me to be kind to myself. I followed through on it’s guidance and made the call to my massage therapist, but…

She was on vacation.

My low back often reminds me to tune-in and it started acting up again after a week’s retreat in Crestone, Colorado. The retreat’s agenda was amazing, but the tight schedule (something I’d been avoiding since I made the transition from corporate to coaching) felt a bit demanding. I found myself waking earlier than usual and with a sense of hurriedness. In addition, it took me awhile to unwind and fall asleep at the end of the day, which only made waking up more challenging.

Three days in and I had an unusual bout of constipation (Only in a Mind-body blog post is this not TMI). As someone that believes in the wisdom of the body, I sat on the pot wondering – Alright, what am I resisting? What needs to be let go of and released? (okay, maybe that is TMI).

At the time, it really didn’t sink in that my sympathetic nervous system – the one that perceives that I’m in physical danger – had been triggered (I was on vacation! How could I be stressed out?)

Furthermore, it didn’t even occur to me to say anything to the organizers who were therapists and body-workers – and who had stressed that it’s normal for our stuff to come up and to reach out if we needed them. So, why did I dismiss my physical symptoms? Why didn’t I leave more time for myself in the morning to check in and see how I was feeling – even during the morning meditation? Why didn’t I say something? Why didn’t I reach out?

One of the cool things on the agenda included a visit to the Zen Monastery. After a 45-minute meditation with the monks, the primary teacher opened a discussion with us about Buddhism. My ears perked up when he referred to their schedule as a vehicle for shifting the monks out of their preferences and old habits. For example, he might change the morning meditation to 3:30am if the 4:00am schedule became too comfortable – routine. I sensed that living there invited a continuous process of going to the edge of resistance, feeling it, and then working with the thoughts that were creating it.

I decided to raised the question of how to balance a demanding schedule (even with activities I looked forward to and didn’t want to miss out on) with the body’s natural rhythm and flow. After all, if I don’t get enough sleep, there is a real physiological response. Do I really want my hormones to go haywire? I asked the monk, “With such a rigid schedule at the monastery, how can you tell whether it’s resistance, or your body’s true need for taking care of itself? I can see the value of creating a schedule and other circumstances that prompt us out of our comfort zone. I can see how it helps to bring our areas of resistance into our awareness so you can make a conscious choice to let them go, but how can you do this and yet balance the need to take care of your body and overall well-being?”

The teacher referred to one of the other monks who’d been at the monastery for four years. He was quick to reply (with a hint of New York accent), “It ain’t easy!” He continued to say that “There are trade-offs. It’s a choice.” He chooses to live in the zen monastery community with it’s rigid schedule (my choice of word), but he’s conscious of the trade-offs and the choices he’s making.

I still couldn’t let it go (pun intended). I wanted to hear the retreat organizer’s perspective as well. I asked, “With a retreat is intentionally designed to help participants become aware of their resistance, how can you balance that with the need to respect your physical, emotional and spiritual well-being?”

She simply asked me a few questions and it got real. She pointed out that my inner child was saying, “I don’t want to be on anyone else’s schedule”, “I’ve got to be good/perfect, do what’s expected…meet someone else’s expectations, people-please…and I don’t like it and I don’t want to do that anymore” (picture inner child with hand on hip). This was the resistance that was making it difficult for me to wake up and believe that now, as an adult, that I have a choice.

The demanding schedule was really a gift – prompting me to become aware of the choices available to me so that I could indeed consciously choose.

But I didn’t. I didn’t take the time to tune into my body to ask what I really needed and wanted. Logically, I knew I didn’t want to miss out on anything and I didn’t want to create any potential conflict either (I wanted to be liked, good, etc).   In all likelihood, I may have chosen to do everything exactly the same, but I realize now, that my experience might have differed had I made a conscious choice.

So at this point, I hadn’t really experienced the tightness in my low back, but that all changed on the drive home. The sensations became even more pronounced after I was safe and sound at home – with the familiar (Isn’t it interesting that the physical symptoms appeared when I perceived that I was in a “safe” environment?)

I struggled for several days, barely able to put dishes in the dishwasher. Fortunately, I had my annual appointment with a woman who specializes in Mayan abdominal massage (nod to my inner wisdom’s initial guidance) and holistic pelvic care.   As she massaged my back, she noticed that my left hip and sacrum were out of place which was actually creating the tension I felt on the right side of my low back.

I then turned over and she said the energy in my abdomen felt sticky. I felt it too and remembered a comment another body-worker made to me upon observing my posture who suggested that there was a correlation between my back issue and my psoas muscle. Lying on the massage table, an image appeared in my mind’s eye – It was a steel rod along the right side of my psoas muscles. She continued to massage that area and asked me what it needed. Immediately, an image of a blow torch appeared, melting the steel rod and turning the steel into liquid gold.

How true. I’d learned so much through this journey, with each lesson worth it’s weight in gold.

I learned that while I was indeed back in a “safe” environment for me to process my experience and emotional energy from the trip, I’d also returned back to an old agenda of “getting down to business”; “I better get the business going, but then not too much or I won’t be able to manage my time effectively and I’ll get overwhelmed and collapse under the pressure; I won’t have choices, and even if I do, I won’t be able to say no; I won’t have time, or the presence of mind, to tune into what I need; I won’t be able to consciously choose…and I won’t like that! (Oh to be aware!)

But this time…in addition to becoming aware of my thoughts, I gave myself a moment to consciously check-in to what I needed and wanted. Here’s what I learned…

What do I need to care for myself?

I imagined biting into a luscious strawberry and felt the need to experience more pleasure and joy. Like the deep red of the strawberry, I needed to nourish myself with vibrant experiences that make me feel alive.

That means going to the edge of resistance and using it as a prompt to turn inward – To then ask what I need and want in the moment, and perhaps what would be fun too. When I look at a schedule, or another circumstance that will likely prompt my resistance, I can recognize that I need to allocate some additional time for this type of inner wisdom check-in to occur. That way, I can have the space for myself to consciously choose whether to go to the edge of my resistance (or even past it, breaking the pattern of my comfort zone and old habit), or decide that what I need is to rest, or move more slowly.

What do I want?

I imagined a solid gold bar and the desire to feel rich and abundant as well as precious, important and valued.

And so, I turned the steel rod into a new thought – I am valuable and rich. Instead of fearing that I’ll upset someone (and potentially feeling the emotional energy related to that), I can voice what I’m experiencing, what I need, and what I want because what I have to say is important.

This is the process of turning resistance into gold.

—–

Mind-Body Coach Kelly C. Mullen started Whole-Self Wisdom Coaching to help those who feel exhausted stop all the doing and start being who they really are, so they can live a life with more ease, and make an impact in the world without compromising their health and ability to engage in meaningful and supportive relationships. Whether it’s through private coaching, or facilitating workshops, she creates and holds a space for her clients to strengthen the connection to the four parts of themselves – mind, body, spirit, emotions – so they can connect to and trust that their inner wisdom will guide them into more ease, energy and engagement. You’ll find her at www.kellycmullen.com

Remembering and practicing mind-body healing basics when chronic pelvic pain or other mind-body syndrome symptoms ramp up is what will get you the quickest relief from distressing symptoms. There are so many approaches to mind-body healing but they’re all likely to include the following four steps:

1. Awareness
2. Acceptance
3. Feeling
4. Take inspired action from your true and wise self.

Awareness

The first and most crucial step in mind-body healing basics is to be aware of what and how you are experiencing life. This is how you can get familiar with your habitual patterns, some of which could be contributing to your discomfort. This includes how your mind is acting, what you’re feeling physically and emotionally and how connected you are to your true and wise self. Discomfort will often distance you from your true and wise self. The way back to that empowered perspective is the first three steps of mind-body basics, which many of us unconsciously avoid. Once you have awareness of how you are actually experiencing your life, it helps you to be less identified with that way of being, helps you to understand your own patterns, and gives you the space and opportunity to change how you show up in your life so it’s more satisfying.

Acceptance

The second step is accepting what you’re already experiencing. This helps to let go of resistance to what is already present for you. Resistance to your experience can cause added stress that tends to make discomfort feel even more uncomfortable and can feed into additional layers of anxiety and/or depression. When you can accept or allow what you are already experiencing, it allows you to receive the messages from your mind, body, emotions, and spirit rather than trying to get rid of, get away from, or kill the messengers. Yes, the messages can be so uncomfortable, but when you can practice being more present in your body in present time and learn that it’s only discomfort and you won’t die if you feel it, that you can actually find relief on the other side, your habitual responses to avoid it will begin to shift and you’ll find your way back to peace more quickly.

Feeling

The third step is to turn towards and feel what you are feeling. Acceptance starts the process. Learning to stay with, hold space for, not resist, let go of controlling, trusting the process, finding a place of “okayness” in the midst of discomfort will let you experience what’s already present for you. When you experience discomfort by resisting it or reacting to it, it can trigger you to respond from a part of you, an unconscious habit or response rather from your true and wise self. Taking the time to focus your awareness on what you’re actually feeling helps you to get the messages your being is trying to convey. When you take the time to be and feel you will more easily access and receive the messages. Then the messenger, which is contained in the discomfort, can subside, relieving stress and allowing your nervous system to come back to ease.

Take Inspired Action

The fourth step is to reconnect with your true self, your adult self, the wise and skilled person you are today and then take action from that perspective rather than from a part of your triggered self who is just reacting. When we take action from the reactive self we are disconnected from the true self (higher self, wise self, soul, spirit) and responding from reactive, protective, survival habits that were learned and programmed into the brain during difficult times of the past, especially in childhood, when we didn’t have the benefit of the wisdom that comes with life experience and a mature nervous system. Once the distress of the mind activity, physical or emotional discomfort has peaked and begun releasing and symptoms improve, it’s easier to connect with and take inspired action from your fully connected true and wise self.

Photo Credit: Stuart Miles freedigitalphotos.net

Endorsed Coach – Gail Kenny

When I found Abigail I had been struggling with chronic pelvic pain (including pain in my lower abdomen, IC symptoms, yeast infections and myofascial pain) for over 20 years. Mind-body coaching was the last thing I needed to truly get my life back. I know first-hand the challenges of healing chronic pelvic pain and I’m well prepared to help you with your healing. I’m also a certified Martha Beck life coach and trained psychic.

I work with people in physical pain who have already tried all the normal solutions. I help them heal old dysfunctional habits of thinking and feeling. I teach them to relate to their body, emotions, mind, and soul in new ways, creating relief from underlying tension, healing pain from the inside out and getting back to living the life they want. Start with your free pain relief practice here.

When I became a mom, I instantly got a pain syndrome, otherwise known as Mind Body Syndrome/TMS. These syndromes often show up when a person is experiencing a life change and not allowing her/himself to feel emotions, address the stress, and acknowledge the huge internal pressures that come with change. (Luckily, having had TMS before, I knew what was happening and could decode the messages in the pain.)

Motherhood is a pretty big change.

I sallied forth into motherhood with a host of hidden self-pressures, blithely unaware I was caught up in what I call Magazine Syndrome.

Magazine Syndrome happens when you buy into the commercial presentation of a life event instead of realizing there are two realities: The Magazine Version and What Really Happens.

The Magazine Version of motherhood is pretty awesome. Cute babies, Pinterest-perfect craft projects, home-baked organic meals, balanced activities and stimulating learning experiences, neatly organized discipline plans (3 Steps to Ending Tantrums, etc.), and sunny backyard playtime surrounded by flowers and butterflies.

We live in a culture with lots of focus on external appearance and viewable results. How do I know I’m a good mother? I can prove it with tangible evidence – how my child behaves, what amazing craft we made, and how many fabulous activities my child is mastering/experiencing right now.

The Magazine Version of motherhood collides in a spectacular explosion with What Really Happens.

The result?

Self-doubt.

I’ve come to see that nearly every motherhood stress I experience comes from nothing more than my own self-doubt. I can trace pretty much every frustration, fear, concern, and freak-out right back to self-doubt. Did I do it right? Why is this happening with my child…I must be doing something wrong! Shit, I’ve screwed up again. How can I do a better job? (Self-pressure!)

Let’s just face it. I’m not a Magazine Version mom. I am fully and completely in awe of moms who:

1. Make crafts or bake things that look beautiful or even decent.
2. Somehow have all the snacks and supplies necessary no matter where they are/what they are doing (and even have snacks/supplies for other moms who, er…forgot them).
3. Invite groups of children to their home and have fun activities at the ready.
4. Actually look at Pinterest.
5. I could go on.

I’m the mom who takes my kid to her first swimming lesson and forgets a towel. A towel! How obvious and basic is that? (Visualize small, adorable child shivering by the edge of the pool, looking up at her mother with big, tear-filled eyes while her mother frantically searches for anything available in the diaper bag. Sigh.)

So, when my neighbor (a fellow mom) mentioned that she’s afraid to tell me what’s really going on in her life because I seem to have it all figured out, I snorted with laughter. No.

For me, motherhood is challenging in numerous ways, because I’m not great at the material/external stuff. You could even say I’m fairly terrible at it. Also, I waited until I was thirty-six to have my child. After three years of motherhood, I am still grieving my old life – the independence, the freedom, and the ability to pop out my front door without thinking about anyone else, much less who needs a towel or snack.

Instead of just allowing myself to be terrible at material and practical things and process this grief, I’ve been torturing myself with self-doubt and self-criticism.

Why should I feel so sad? Other people have six children! Other moms seem completely fine with this no-freedom thing. Why can’t I make one single cute crafty thing? Why haven’t I thought up some snazzy educational activity for my child today? There are people who are starving and penniless and I’m worrying about freedom! You get the drift.

I have also felt self-doubt around pretty much every parenting decision I make as I navigate the minefield of advice, parenting books, Facebook, The Internet, and What Everyone Else Is Doing.

I imagine that other moms have their own unique struggles, concerns and self-doubts, but addressing this is not the focus of our collective motherhood experience. I don’t hear a lot of moms talking to each other about their inner landscape, and I can see why. It’s scary to admit it out loud. This is the stuff we don’t talk about – at least not much – with each other.

The Magazine Version of motherhood displays a picture-perfect example of what it looks like to be a good mom.

What Really Happens is a messy, bodily-fluid covered, un-sanitized, heart-stopping experience.

Motherhood tests every idea you’ve ever had about yourself, shows you exactly where you are still a toddler yourself, and brings you face-to-face with your rawest emotions.

Often, when I express a frustration or struggle, other people will respond with, “Yes, but just enjoy every moment because it passes so quickly.” Or, “aren’t you just grateful to have such a perfect, beautiful child?”

Do we really need to sanitize the raw emotions of motherhood so quickly? I promise, if you allow and feel the dark side of motherhood, the beauty and joy won’t go away. Nothing bad will happen. Nobody will be harmed. In fact, fewer people will be harmed, and there will be MORE joy and beauty.

I’m all about admitting the dark stuff. I learned, from the Mind Body Syndromes I’ve had, that when I pretend I’m ok or focus only on the positives, I suffer. My body breaks down. My connection to myself erodes.

When I skim over the dark side and only look at the light, I forget how to care for myself or address my deepest needs.

I’ve had to remind myself of this lately, and allow myself to grieve the old life. I’ve had to look closely at what being a good mom means, to me, in my heart.

What I’ve discovered is two-fold:

1) The only way to know if I’m “doing it right” as a mom is to stop trying to do it right. Instead, I have to parent from a tortuously honest place in my heart, and ask only one question: Am I aligned with my heart in this moment?

Sometimes – quite often – I’m not. I’m letting external focus or schedules or “should” thoughts get in my way. My sole practice has become turning back to my heart anytime I’ve left it behind, and being kind to myself every time I forget.

2) Motherhood is all about the “and.” There’s light and dark. Joy and fury. Connection and disconnection. It’s ok to allow everything to co-exist, because this is the reality. Admitting I’m furious allows me to not react/act in ways I’ll regret later.

I went on a business trip a few months ago, and it was my first time to experience a couple of days of the old freedom. I marveled at the simplicity of waking up in the morning with only myself to shower, dress, and feed. I remembered the old days. I felt the peace of being alone, and enjoyed the quiet.

AND.

I realized that the old life was like a movie shot in black-and-white. Really cool, fun, and awesome for it’s time, but if you’ve seen a movie in color, black and white seems pretty flat.

My life, now, is full of color. There’s a vibrancy – a brilliance – that I never even knew existed pre-motherhood.

This little soul who lives in my home is like the hot, core of the sun beaming everywhere into my existence. She radiates life. She explodes at life. She IS love and joy. She doesn’t hold a single thing back, not yet. I get to be with this fiery, fierce, independent, spirited, alive, light. As her parent, I just want to do my best to let her keep on shining.

When I allow myself to grieve, to honor my needs, and to be imperfect, I can find my heart’s guidance. I can be awake to the incredible discomfort and the boundless joy of motherhood, and acknowledge the mix. I can let life be about the AND instead of the OR.

I can let go of the Magazine Version and embrace What Really Happens.

What have you noticed about embracing What Really Happens in your life, be it motherhood or body-image or anything else? What are your thoughts on the stuff we don’t talk about with each other? Tell me below or on Facebook! 

Many of you are reading this blog because you have experience with chronic pain or you are fascinated with Abigail’s techniques for mind, body, emotion and soul connection, or both!  I’m in both camps.  I came to mind-body connection healing through my long journey with chronic pelvic pain.  I was sold on this work after being coached by Abigail.  I experienced pain relief from learning how to calm my mind, feel my body and emotions, and connect with my soul wisdom.  I’m now living my passion guiding other people in releasing their blockages to health and well-being.  My absolute favorite mind-body tool is the “Let Your Soul Sing – The Core Anamsong Mind-Body Practice.” 

Alchemy Happens

I liken the energy of the physical body, emotions, mind, and soul as vibrating at different frequencies.  In order to connect with these different frequencies it requires different ways of focusing.  Dysfunction in any of these four areas can affect the ability of energy to flow easily through the physical body and the underlying energy body.  It’s most effective to connect with and clear energy blockages by approaching them from the vibration they occur in.  When these blockages are met, recognized and worked with, a type of alchemy happens which can bring profound healing to all levels of your being. 

Habitual Body and Emotion Resistance

I spent many years studying with a psychic and was taught about healing on all four levels: mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual.  I did much deep mental and spiritual work through that process but because I was a habitual body and emotion resister, I didn’t know how to connect with my body and emotions on their level and vibration.  I didn’t even realize I wasn’t fully connecting with the felt sense in my body or that I didn’t know how to fully feel my emotions.  My psychic studies helped me to live in a more balanced way, but I still struggled with pelvic pain. 

Discomfort is Here to Help

In the Core Anamsong Mind-Body Process, Abigail has ingeniously created a method to work with all four of these vibrations in one process.  This process includes checking in with the mind, body and emotions, and then going deeper into body, emotion and soul wisdom.  The premise is that any type of discomfort is genuinely here to help us.  I have witnessed in myself and others the deep connection, freedom and expansion that can occur in practicing this process.

Even though I’ve had a few years of practicing feeling my emotions, I can sometimes still automatically repress or resist them.  Practicing the Core Anamsong Mind-body Process helps me to recognize and understand myself at a very deep soul level.  Here is an example of my recent experience where I received coaching from an Anamsong Mind-Body Coach. 

An Example of the Process

I’d had an emotionally challenging weekend dealing with a difficult family issue.  In my mind-body check-in my mind felt muddled and stuck.  My body sensations included   achy toe, tight IT band (outer leg between hip and knee), tight and slightly achy jaw, chest and throat tight, right butt achy.  Emotionally I felt heaviness in my throat and a weight in my chest which felt like sadness, grief, and irritation. 

Guided by my coach, I dove deeper into my mind-body connection.  I felt into the emotions that were present in my body.  I described them as feeling like rock heaviness in my throat, heart and belly.  Inside my heart was a gooey oozing.  As I noticed what I was feeling and felt deeper into it tears began to flow.  My experiences of the last few days flowed with metaphors of what I was feeling.  As I described it I got several aha’s deeply resonating with the recognition of my inner world being mirrored in my outer world.  Then my coach encouraged me to bring in self-compassion from my soul wisdom.  I felt into the unconditional love connection for myself and extended that to feeling love and connection with the members of my family and it felt supportive and validating. 

At the end of the coaching session I felt relief.  There was a sense that it would take more time for the emotions to continue to be felt and for my body to release tension.  I set the intention to just let it be present and unwind in its own timing.  This was a profound experience leaving me with deep insight into my body, emotions and soul.  By the next day the heaviness in my chest was noticeably less, my body felt lighter and I was able to focus back on my daily life.

Deep-Seated Soul Reconnection

I use parts of this process in my daily practice and I go deeper as needed.  This tool can be used for self-coaching as well as in one-on-one coaching.  It can easily morph into different forms or combine with other coaching and intuitive tools.  I’ve had sessions with clients where most of the time is spent exploring how the physical discomfort or the emotional discomfort is here to help revealing fascinating discoveries and understandings. This tool absolutely works for deep-seated soul reconnection resulting in a deeper connection with the true self, creating more ease in the body and life in general. 

Endorsed Coach – Gail Kenny
When I found Abigail I had been struggling with chronic pelvic pain (including pain in my lower abdomen, IC symptoms, yeast infections and myofascial pain) for over 20 years. Mind-body coaching was the last thing I needed to truly get my life back. I know first-hand the challenges of healing chronic pelvic pain and I’m well prepared to help you with your healing. I’m also a certified Martha Beck life coach and trained psychic.

I work with people in physical pain who have already tried all the normal solutions. I help them heal old dysfunctional habits of thinking and feeling. I teach them to relate to their body, emotions, mind, and soul in new ways, creating relief from underlying tension, healing pain from the inside out and getting back to living the life they want. Start with your free pain relief practice here.

But first, let me invite you to play with me, in person!

That’s right – there’s something REALLY FUN coming up, and I’d like to extend an invitation to you.

Next month…

Oct. 9-11, in Loveland, Colorado

I’ll be assisting fellow Master Martha Beck Coach Koelle Simpson in her Primal Leadership: Taught through the eyes of a horse workshop.  This is play, fun, learning, personal growth, and emotional healing all in one weekend!

Koelle is an experienced, dynamic coach.  During this workshop, she’ll be using the incredible power of her unique brand of coaching (never been coached by a horse?  It’s amazing!) to teach leadership and strength.

What does this have to do with mind-body healing?

A LOT.  When you’re in the ring with a horse, you quickly discover how your thinking is affecting your body.  The horse is a highly effective bio-feedback tool that shows you just what you’re doing with your own powerful energy.  Are you harnessing it effectively? ?  Are you putting pressure on yourself to do things perfectly and therefore not accessing your true strength?  Are you trying to get approval from others and in the meantime, draining your own energy?  Are you leading your own life, from your inner guidance, or are you letting external issues and people direct you?

Not aligning with your own power, your inner guidance, and your truth creates a great deal of internal stress, both emotionally and physically.  Your body lets you know via physical pain, physical tension, and emotional tension that you’re off track.

So – come learn from the best teachers available: horses.  I can’t think of a faster way to unwind unhealthy mental and emotional patterns.  I’m so excited about this opportunity for you!  It’s so important that I can’t emphasize it enough – it will truly change your life and speed up your inner work process (which, as you know, is the key to your physical health).  You’ll get some seriously amazing coaching from Koelle and her horses, and I’ll be there, too, to answer any mind-body healing questions you might have and coach here and there.

Why am I assisting Koelle? Because, having experienced the magic of her work, I am planning to host one of her workshops here in Wyoming next year.  YAY!   (I’m there to learn, too!  I’ll be gathering info on all the setup details and processes to prepare for next year.)  I’d love to meet you in person, so I hope you check out the workshop.

I’m so excited about this that I’m offering a special coaching option for workshop participants!

SPECIAL OFFER:  The first 3 people to register for the workshop after reading this post will receive a FREE post-workshop coaching session with me!

This will help you digest and process the entire experience after you’ve had time to internalize what you learned and discovered during the workshop.  Simply forward me your proof of purchase email and we’ll set up your FREE session (a $95 value)!

To learn more about the workshop and register, click HERE.

P.S.  If you’re really excited about this, register ASAP.  The workshop fills at 12 and is already filling as we speak.  Also, you’ll want to take advantage of the Early Bird special and register today for great savings.