Lessons Learned

admin — Thu, 01 May 2008 00:22:08 +0000

I’d like to let you know that I am now also writing for Dr. Echenberg’s website, Secret Suffering. I hope you enjoy the articles as well as the site, which is jam-packed with helpful information.

I often think I’ve thoroughly learned something and then life throws me a new experience that takes me deeper than ever into untapped oceans of understanding and clarity. Having used deep breathing to move through the excruciating pain of vulvodynia and a kidney stone and interstitial cystitis, I felt I had quite a handle on the whole breathing thing. I’ve been expounding upon it regularly in my posts, blissfully sharing the amazing effects of breathing. It reduces anxiety. It stops panic. It gives you the ability to reach your inner healer. It reduces pain. It needs to be a regular part of your life. Have I been doing it? No.

As a person who developed physical pain as a result of much unprocessed emotion, including anxiety and panic, I am fully aware of my tendency toward anxiety. I tend to slip into it easily, and I tend to store it in my body. While in physical pain, I learned how to relax and release this anxiety through deep breathing, which I would do for forty-five minutes at a time. I rose from these sessions invigorated, rested, and joyful. However, I often find it difficult to fit in forty-five minute sessions in my current life. So, in my typical fashion, I stopped doing the breathing work at all because I felt that I couldn’t do it “right.”

Well, thankfully, I am a life coach, so I am always available to coach myself. I called myself up and said, “Hey Coach, I’m not feeling so great this week. What should I do?” My Coach Self spoke right up, surprising Non-Coach Me with an inner wisdom I did not expect. She said, “Breathe.” Of course, she’s been reading Eckhart Tolle, so I’m pretty sure she stole that straight from him. Okay, I know she did. Tolle suggests taking three deep breaths whenever anxiety arises. I was in such an emotionally negative place that I didn’t even tell if I was feeling anxiety. I just knew I felt horrible. So, I sat down and took three deep breaths.

Voila! A revelation! I have been feeling a nearly constant level of anxiety, and I was not even aware of it. I realized most of my day is spent with some level of tension somewhere in my body, which is the hallmark of anxiety. I was astounded at the relaxation power of three deep breaths. Of course forty-five minutes will relax me, but only three breaths? Is it really even worth it? The answer is a resounding yes. Amazed, I incorporated the three breaths into my daily schedule wherever I could. It’s like taking a little vacation every hour or so. Every time I stop and breathe, I discover that I am holding a great deal of tension in my body. I breathe, release the tension, and relax. Miraculously, I feel about ten times better after only one day of practicing this technique.

By skipping my breathing exercises because I believed I wasn’t going to be able to do them “right,” I lost the powerful relaxation tool inherent in breathing. Truthfully, you don’t even have to take deep breaths. All you have to do is focus on your breath for three cycles. It’s the mere attention to your breath that holds the magic. My body feels lighter, having released anxiety regularly all day, and I feel balanced again. One minute several times a day is easy to fit in, and I am hooked. I love feeling relaxed. I love noticing my anxiety and gently exhaling it away. I feel deeply connected to my essential self and my Inner Healer. I invite you to try it. I invite you to take one-minute vacations all day long, connect with your breath, and discover your own anxiety level. Anxiety does not have to be a way of life. This is the lesson I have learned, and now re-learned, and will probably keep on learning. The simplicity of it is absolutely beautiful. I love to take the three breaths, feel the relaxation, the connection, and the resulting joy. Let’s do it together, right now. Breathe.

Being Grateful

admin — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 19:14:27 +0000

When I was in the midst of my physical pain and emotional turmoil, I saw an Oprah show where the guest was talking about feeling grateful for experiencing illness. I can’t remember now what illness this person suffered from, or what the whole show was about, but I do remember how very annoyed I was at the time. I could not understand why somebody would feel grateful for something so terrible, and I decided she must not be in a lot of physical pain. I thought my physical illness must be much worse than hers. I could not fathom feeling grateful for something so very painful and emotionally difficult.

Now, here I am, living my very fulfilling, joy-filled life, typing away, feeling…yes, grateful. I am grateful for my own illness, and no, I am not delusional, and yes, I do remember the physical pain I felt.

In her upcoming book, Steering by Starlight, Martha Beck writes about a concept she calls the Ring of Fire. This is one of the most difficult places to be and also one of the most incredible places to be – the ring of fire transforms your life. Going through the ring of fire burns up all of your beliefs about yourself, your life, who you are supposed to be, and lands you squarely in the Core of Peace. Obviously, the core of peace is peaceful and a very pleasant place to be.

Most people require a little push into the ring of fire. We don’t generally seek out such emotionally intense transformational processes on purpose, because they are difficult and not a lot of fun. They are, however, worth it. The core of peace is a place of certainty, where you know yourself quite well, are comfortable, love yourself, and feel a deep sense of purpose and well-being. It is the home of your Inner Healer.

When illness lands in your life unexpectedly, you are kicked unceremoniously into the ring of fire. Everything you thought you knew about yourself, everything that used to describe you, changes. You feel lost, at sea, alone, and confused. You no longer feel a strong sense of identity. Though this sounds awful, it is actually the perfect moment for your journey to begin. If you can accept that you are now journeying forward toward your core of peace rather than fighting with all your might to move backward to the old you, you will be rewarded with speedier travels. I don’t know about you, but anything with the word “fire” in its title is something I’d like to hurry on through.

After surviving illnesses, people often seek new careers, volunteer for causes, change relationships, or make other bold, life-changing moves. Being booted into the ring of fire accelerates the process of becoming who you are meant to be, not just in terms of careers and other labels, but in the sense of that deeper, more meaningful perception of yourself. Arriving at your core of peace is much like the sensation of coming home. You’ve just come home to yourself.

It’s such an amazing experience that I am absolutely grateful for my illness. It hurtled me into the ring of fire, a place I would not have gone willingly. Without my illness, I would not have come home to myself. And I really, really like it here.

Oprah – My Blog

Lessons Learned

Being Grateful