The path to feeling better after chronically feeling bad can be tough with many ups and downs.  In my quest to heal the chronic pelvic pain that kept me miserable for so long, I experienced periods of time, sometimes only an hour or two, where I had relief from the pain and/or was actually enjoying myself.  Then shortly thereafter, the good mood would come crashing down in one form or another, but usually involving a return of the same old physical pain.

A common result of one pain subsiding is to have another problem area creep up, such as a new pain in a different place or a lesser pain becoming more prominent.  This flip-flop also happens with mood.  I attended a wedding recently where I had a marvelous time only to have my high deflated and ending with me in tears when my husband drove off with the keys to my car and left me stranded for almost two hours.  I’ve also witnessed this in clients who experience some relief from their pain or their problem only to shortly thereafter be right back in the struggle of feeling bad again.

The Upper Limits

It turns out this is a known thing in the soul healing world called the upper limits phenomenon.  This is when our capacity to feel good is lower than what is possible.  It keeps our soul from expanding to what is possible because it’s outside our comfort zone.  It doesn’t feel normal.  We usually have a belief that limits this capacity or have been conditioned about how good we can feel.   We go into behaviors that take us down from going beyond our upper limits of feel good capacity to drag ourselves back to where it feels normal.  We aren’t used to feeling positive all the time.  It doesn’t feel right.  We only have a certain level of capacity to feel good, then it gets uncomfortable and we self-sabotage.  We can do this in terms of our physical body, in relationships, work and in many other ways.

I was Happy

In my latest experience with this I was really enjoying myself, feeling good in my body, and my pelvic area was feeling especially well.  I was happy!  I had attended a “Spirit Dance” (inspired by Gabrielle Roth’s 5 Rhythm’s dance) the day before and had lots of fun.  Still feeling good from that experience I was getting ready to attend an afternoon Conscious Loving workshop facilitated by the same teacher as the dance.  I suddenly realized time was getting short before I had to leave for the workshop and I still had some things to do.  If I hurried I still had time to walk the dog and grab a quick lunch.

The Bummer

On my walk as I went through a wooded area next to the elementary school, I was drawn to exploring the side-paths off the main trail.  I suspected homeless people had been hanging out there.  It seemed to be unoccupied and a good opportunity to explore my hunch.  I found signs of a homeless camp right next to the school fence.  As I contemplated what to do with this information I followed a different path out of the camp and down a steep hard packed slope.  Down I fell, before considering that the recent damp weather might make it slippery.  My injured knee hurt as it bent deeper than it likes and I caught my fall with my left hand.  Once I got my knee unbent I saw and felt that my left thumb nail was bent backward and torn just below the nail bed.  I flipped it back and caught my breath.  My thoughts immediately went to whether my injuries would prevent my attendance at the afternoon workshop.  They didn’t.

We Trip Ourselves Up

In the last five minutes of the Conscious Loving workshop the teacher talked about the upper limits phenomenon.  What I found so fascinating is the way the teacher explained this.  He said “we trip ourselves up” when we start feeling too good and being too happy.  Well I had literally tripped myself up before the prospect having fun at this workshop!  This caused the pain in my injured thumb to potentially shade the experience for me, to bring me down to a more normal experience, which is fun, shaded by pain, instead of feeling completely good and well.   I have definitely experienced this upper limits phenomenon many times along my pelvic pain healing path.  After much struggle, pain and trying to feel better, I would achieve that good feeling only to have it come crashing down shortly thereafter with return of symptoms, a major worry or some other bummer.  The good news for me is that the periods of feeling better, even feeling great, are lasting for longer periods of time.

The Commitment

A way to allow ourselves to reach beyond our upper limits is to commit to feeling positive energy all the time.  When you feel like you have reached your upper capacity for joy and are at the edges of your comfort zone, take a break to meditate or have some down time so that you come back to yourself to allow time to integrate the positive experiences into your body and soul.  That can eliminate the crash. It’s a visceral thing.  The more I practice feeling better, by letting go of worry, limiting thoughts, feeling the full range of emotions, letting go of resistance to the moment, releasing the story, and let myself have fun and play, the more I’m expanding my upper limits of possible good feelings and soul expansion.  The upper limits phenomenon is a normal process of soul expansion and healing.  Recognize it and keep going.  You deserve to feel good and enjoy yourself even more than you ever imagined possible.

About Gail:

Gail is an endorsed mind-body coach, certified Martha Beck life coach and trained psychic. Her path with chronic pelvic pain led Gail to mind-body healing which helped her get her life back and find her passion. Now she works with people in physical pain who have already tried all the normal solutions but are still struggling with pain. Gail helps them heal pain from the inside out and get back to living the life they want. www.gailkennylifecoach.com.

Photo credit:  Ambro www.freedigitalphotos.net

You may know that negative thinking is hard on your body and contributes to pain and illness. You may even have a doctor or other health care provider who recommends that you “reduce stress” and try to think more positively in order to heal your body.

If so, and you’ve tried to think more positively, you’re probably also aware that this is much easier said than done!

Nothing triggers stressful, negative, fearful thinking like pain and illness.

When your health is compromised and you’re experiencing pain or other symptoms that you don’t understand, that hurt a lot, that isolate you and limit your ability to do the things you want to do, and you haven’t found a doctor that can help, it can send your amygdala (or what I like to call your inner lizard) into a tail spin.

The amygdala is the oldest part of the brain, and is often referred to as the reptilian brain (hence inner lizard). It is the part of our brain that stores emotional memory and it is wired to keep us safe. The way it does this is to constantly scan the environment for potential dangers. When it finds one, it triggers the sympathetic nervous system (aka the Fight or Flight response) to prepare the body to run or fight (or freeze – like a bunny).

This system is very effective when the dangers in your environment come in the form of something you need to run from, or fight with, to stay safe – say a tiger or a bear.

When activated, the Fight or Flight response causes the release of “stress hormones” from your adrenal glands, including cortisol and epinephrine. It increases you heart rate and blood pressure, increases muscle tension, and decreases blood flow to your skin, digestive and reproductive tracts. All things that help you deal with an immediate, present, and real threat to your current safety.

The problem is that in your life now, there is most often nothing to run from or physically fight with. Most of the things that your brain is registering as dangerous are not real, present, or immediate threats to your safety. They are thoughts about what could happen or has happened, and at the moment, they exist only in your mind.

If you’re experiencing pelvic pain, chronic fatigue, or any other chronic or recurring health issue, the dangers your inner lizard is warning you about may sound something like this:

• “What if this never gets better? What if it keeps getting worse?”
• “I’m helpless. I have no power over this pain and I can’t stand it.”

• “I’m doomed.”

• “How will this affect my children, partner, family, etc.?”

• “No one will ever want to have a relationship with me.”

• “I may never be able to have sex again.”

• “I’ll never be able to have a baby.”

• “I’m damaged.”

• “No one understands. I’m alone and unloved and I always will be.”

• “What am I doing wrong? Why do I deserve 
this?”

• “What if this is the best I will ever feel?”

Because your body doesn’t know the difference between a real threat and one that your mind is creating, these thoughts lead to a continuously activated Fight or Flight response – which increases pain, anxiety and stress. This further alerts the inner lizard to danger, re-triggers the Fight or Flight response, increases pain, anxiety, and stress – and so on and so on. A vicious cycle is established.

If you’ve tried to think more positively and haven’t yet been successful, go easy on yourself. You’re stuck in a cycle that is having a physiological impact on your body that is making it difficult to change.

And rest assured, once you understand what’s happening (which you now do), and you have some effective strategies to deal with it (which I’m going to give you), you will be able to think more positively in no time.  It’s actually very doable.

Step 1 Listen – Let Your Inner Lizard Have Her Say

Whether she is complaining, worrying, catastrophizing or criticizing, let your lizard have her say.

Rather than trying to force her prematurely to quiet down, take the time to listen. Remember, her job is to alert you to potential danger and she’s going to feel uneasy until she has the opportunity to do this. Once you listen, her intensity will decrease. She’ll start to calm down, and then you’ll be in a better position to look at what she’s saying and make a conscious decision about how you want to respond.

Anytime you notice you’re thinking negatively, worrying, or just feeling uneasy, bring your conscious attention to your thoughts and let ‘em rip! Write your thoughts down. This gives you the chance to get them out of your head and onto paper where you’ll be able to look at them more objectively.

Don’t beat yourself or your inner lizard up for having these thoughts. She’s just doing her job. Your job is to listen, question, and make some decisions.

Step 2 Identify What Your Inner Lizard Is Doing

Look at the thoughts you have written down and determine the category they fall into. What exactly is your inner lizard doing? Is she worrying, catastrophizing, criticizing, or making negative predictions? Is she trying to fix something, obsessively planning, trying to be perfect, or beating you up for something that’s already happened?

Stepping into the position of questioning and identifying your thoughts engages the dorso lateral prefrontal cortex, the more evolved, conscious part of your brain. Activating this part of your brain inhibits the amygdala’s activation of the Fight or Flight response, which interrupts the vicious cycle of tension, pain, and negative thinking –and gives you space to make different decisions about how to use your mind.

Step 3 Name Her Top 10 Tunes

Martha Beck, teaches an exercise I love called “Name Your Lizards Top 10 Tunes”. This step is an adaptation of that exercise.

Once you have your lizard’s stories down on paper, look back over them and name them. Pick names that you’ll remember, possibly ones that add a little humor to the situation. You don’t have to give each thought a name, but group them into common themes and then name the theme or tune.

Here are some examples:

• The “No One Understands” tune

• The “I Can’t Do It” tune

• The “I’m Doomed to a Life of Pain and Misery” tune

Get the idea?

The reason you want to name your lizard’s tunes is because it will make it much easier to recognize how often she sings them. Once you have a name, every time you notice that tune say to yourself, “Oh, there’s the “I’m doomed to a life of pain and misery” tune again.

Trust me, after noticing that your lizard sings the same tune about 999 times a day, in all different situations, and with all different triggers, you’ll start to see the humor in the situation. And those negative thoughts will quickly lose their hold over you.

Step 4: Breathe

While activating the conscious part of your mind will decrease the Fight or Flight Response, there are very effective ways of releasing it directly from your body as well.

The simplest and most effective way to do this is to breathe into your belly.

Bring your conscious attention to your breath and place your hand over your low belly – just below your belly button. As you inhale, allow your belly to fill and expand with air. As you exhale allow your belly to fall as the air flows back out. No forcing, just intending. Sink into your body and your breath. If you inner lizard starts singing her tunes, soothe her and let her know you’ll get back to her in a few minutes but that right now you’re going to take some time to connect to your body.

If you’re inner lizard is really distracting you, try counting your breath cycles to activate your conscious mind and keep it engaged in what you’re doing.

These 4 very simple and effective tools will help you think more positively.

Practice them regularly – several times a day – and you will begin to notice a huge difference in how you respond to your negative thought patterns.

As you get into your body and bring your conscious awareness to your inner lizard’s stories and the negative thought loops in your mind you will begin to detach from them, creating the space you need to make choices about how you would actually like to use your mind.

When you create space from your negative thoughts, thinking positively becomes much more doable.  It puts you in a position to consciously choose thoughts that support your healing rather than hinder it.

Remember…Listen, Identify, Name and Breathe, and no matter how much fear or despair your symptoms are currently triggering, you’ll and be well on your way to a more relaxed, energized, pain free and positive you!

Lorraine Faehndrich is an Endorsed Mind Body Coach and Women’s Health Mentor with over 15 years experience with mind and body healing.  She specializes in helping women who are suffering with chronic and recurring vulvo-vaginal pain identify the true cause of their symptoms so that they can heal.  Lorraine helps her clients to not only transform their health and get out of pain, but also empowers them to use their pain to connect to their body, live their passion, and claim a truly magical and outrageously joyful life! 

To learn more about Lorraine or how to work with her please visit www.RadiantLifeDesign.com