In the meantime, I want you to know that I’ve set up some great support for you while I’m out on maternity leave (which, as of now, is the case). First, if you need some 1-1 coaching, you can find an Anamsong Endorsed Mind-Body Coach and get started! My coaches are fabulous and will take great care of you. They know their mind-body stuff!

Second, you can still get support from me through a variety of products now available. I’ve been churning them out just for this very purpose – so you have what you need to help you with your mind-body journey to health, weight loss, confidence, or even success as a solopreneur! Here’s the lowdown:

• Want to start with the mind-body basics? Need something bite-sized so you don’t feel overwhelmed? Grab the Hear Your Soul, Heal Yourself Ebook  and get started.    Then, you can support your basic practice with the companion audio course,  if you’d like, described here: https://abigailsteidley.com/hys-audio-course/
• Need more help  around pain relief? Grab the Mind-Body Toolbox for Pain Relief.   It’s a very thorough, in-depth look at how to use mind-body tools for pain relief.
• Feeling like you have the basics under your belt and want to take your mind-body practice to the next level? You’re going to LOVE my new Core Anamsong Mind-Body Practice, the  efficient tool I use to stay healthy, emotionally in-sync, and creative!

You’ll be enjoying lots of great guest posts from Endorsed Coaches while I’m away, so I’m delighted that you get to learn and share with them. We’ve planned lots of great stuff for you!

Meanwhile, I’ll be giving birth and learning all about being a mind-body mom! (You can probably guess what a few of my blog posts will be about upon my return!)

When I return in the fall, you can look forward to new ideas, new classes, and whatever else I’m inspired to share (I already have lots of ideas, but I have a feeling Baby Girl will inspire even more!).

Stay tuned for the birth announcement!

Actually, it’s a powerful way to move toward healing in all areas. If you want pain relief, weight loss, or stress relief, you’ll need to befriend discomfort. If you want solopreneur success, you’ll need to befriend discomfort. If you stop and think about it, anything that stretches you a bit and any dream you’re working toward involves some discomfort.

Discomfort is not a bad thing. It’s just something we tend to try to avoid. Naturally!

Yet, when we try to avoid it, discomfort becomes more uncomfortable. It grows larger. It looms large in our awareness. Whether it’s an emotion or a physical sensation, when we try to push it away, it gets bigger. Discomfort is here to tell us important things – to give us clues that guide us to what we want in our lives. So it makes sense that it would speak louder when we try to ignore it.

My mind-body clients are actually mind-body warriors. It takes strength and determination to be willing to accept and befriend discomfort, so I say we get to call ourselves warriors when we do this. We get to celebrate our bravery and give ourselves some serious credit.

Physical discomfort from pain or other symptoms needs to be acknowledged (not obsessed about – obsessing is actually another way to push it away), befriended, and then listened to. Why? Because pushing it away only creates more tension in the body, increasing pain. Surrendering and relaxing into it, allowing it to be there, and listening to its messages is what allows the body to drop into healing mode. Accepting pain does not mean you are resigning yourself to having it forever. It’s actually the first step to letting it release.

Emotional discomfort also needs to be acknowledged, felt, allowed, and listened to. Much of our daily stress comes from NOT doing this. The more we try not to feel certain emotions, the more we create tension in our bodies, stress in our lives, and a tendency to try to control people and events around us. Letting emotions happen, on the other hand, lets us soften into their wisdom and relax our bodies and minds.

I’ve been grateful for my mind-body warrior practice as I’ve encountered discomforts during pregnancy. There have been many, but I’ve allowed myself to have them. Sure, I often try to fight them at first. It’s a natural response. Then, I put on my warrior hat and surrender to the discomfort. Every time I do so, it gets easier, the discomforts ease, and I listen to my body. A 9 month pregnancy affords many opportunities to practice this art, so I’m feeling really in the zone these days.

So, I encourage you to join me in the front lines if you are having some discomfort today. My favorite mantra is: “I can do discomfort.” Then I breathe, remind myself to allow the discomfort to be here, and finally, ask it to tell me whatever I need to know. Give it a try and then share here on the blog or the facebook page!

Let me just say, though, that I’ve learned even more about rest throughout this pregnancy. Rest sounds like such a simple topic. It’s a short word. We all know what it means. It seems straightforward. 

But is it, really?

I don’t know about you, but I can ignore all kinds of important signals from my body and completely avoid resting. I’ve also had to learn how to rest. I’ve had to learn how to give myself permission to actually rest for the amount of time my body needs or my soul desires. I’ve had to learn to trust that resting enough will not take away from my creating, doing, and income-earning.

Now that I have a kid using my uterus as a gymnasium, I have a whole new perspective on resting. In the first trimester, it seems that all my body wanted to do was rest. I went to bed at eight pm. I took naps. I could barely lug my body anywhere, much less shower and put on matching clothes. It seemed, to my mind, quite extreme. My mind had many freak-outs, which went a little like this:

Oh my God! You are such a sloth!

No one else is this lethargic when pregnant – you are a pregnancy wimp!

Get it together, for crying out loud!

Aaaaaagh! There is so much to do!

My mind has always resisted rest, but I thought I was pretty good at listening to my body and letting it lead the way with regards to rest. Until it asked for more. Seriously? How much rest can a person really need?

I had a choice. Walk my talk and keep listening to my body, honor its true needs, and slow down even more, or keep up with everything and ignore my rest requirements.

So, I coached myself and settled in to the realization that I’d need to change how I was doing life, in general, to accommodate the need for more rest. I had to work with my mind to release self-judgment and imagined comments from others who might think me lazy. I had to coach myself around actual comments from people. One person (who must not realize the dangers of sharing opinions with hormonal and grumpy pregnant women) said that I was “more sensitive” than other pregnant women. Amazingly, I did not punch this person, for which I give myself much credit. Instead, I felt my emotions (um…anger!) and then coached it out.

Really, so what if I am more sensitive than someone else? What if I do need more rest than 50% of other pregnant women? The point is that this is my body, my experience, and my journey. I must honor what I actually need, and truly practice self-kindness. Taking care of me is even more important now, because in doing so, I am taking care of my daughter.

In the end, I decided to make some changes. There are some emails it has taken me a month to answer. Literally. I struck things off the to-do list that weren’t essential. I delegated more, hired more help, and asked for more help. I let walking become my main form of exercise, because my body really didn’t like anything else. I took longer to create what I wanted to create, and I created less than usual. I pushed back my website launch. I stopped coaching for a while. I didn’t hang out with friends much, even though I love them all.

Now, I’m in the final phase of the second trimester. I still need a ton of rest. I still can’t work at my usual pace. I can only prepare the baby’s nursery in tiny little steps. I forget things, make mistakes, and get behind a lot. And that’s just how it is.

I’ve learned that huge amounts of rest are worth it. My mind can judge amounts and label me and play all kinds of tricks. I just have to thank it for its opinion and then ask my body and soul what they really, truly need.

And with that, I’m off to take a nap.

Why practice at all?

Because it’s so much fun and so amazing to hear your intuitive inner wisdom. And it’s even more fun to hear it loud and clear. The more you practice (playfully!), the louder your intuitive voice speaks to you. It makes daily decisions much simpler and the path to your right life much more efficient. Whether you want to re-align with your body and feel healthy and comfortable in your own skin or you long to have a successful and fulfilling coaching practice, your intuitive voice is the ultimate guide. Your soul steers you perfectly. All you have to do is tune in!

On my birthday in December, 2010, I did a meditation and tuned in to my soul. It told me it was time to start down the path to motherhood. Prior to that, I wasn’t sure whether or not I wanted to be a mom. After that, I knew I was meant to be one. A little soul wanted to come hang out with my husband and me. Even though it sounded terrifying and exciting and life-changing and mind-blowing all at once, I knew it was the right next step.

Now I’m going to write something I had no idea I’d write today. I’m going to tell you the whole story that led up to this moment, today, where I’m having fun announcing if baby is a boy or girl. (I’ll tell you, I promise!)

When I miscarried last year, it was too early to know whether or not we were having a boy or a girl. However, from going through the experience, I felt that it was twins, and my doctor thought that was probably the case. I knew it was a boy and a girl. After the miscarriage, whenever I meditated and tuned in to my soul, I felt like I was also in touch with the little girl’s soul. She began to send me loving messages every time I connected to my own soul.

She told me that she wanted to be with me, to be my child, but that the first attempt wasn’t quite right – there were reasons we had to wait and start over again. Some were physical, some were spiritual, and some were emotional – I had things I needed to work through. She told me I would grow and learn and be ready soon. She said she and her brother were just fine, even though they didn’t finish their journey to be here in little baby bodies. I could feel the truth of this. Even as I grieved, even as I felt the loss of what was to be, I could feel that they were truly okay.

The baby girl soul told me she was coming back. She’d even already told us what her name was, but asked us to keep it to ourselves until she was born.

After this, I felt really excited to get pregnant again. Yet, my soul kept telling me to wait. I had healing to do, on every single level possible. So, though I was impatient and sometimes argumentative, I listened to that intuitive voice and waited.

I’m not really good at waiting. It was hard. Then, one night I had a dream. In the dream, I was far along in a pregnancy, and really happy. The dream was so vivid that it stuck with me for days. You see, in the past, I’d had a recurring dream that I was pregnant. In that recurring dream, I’d be very excited, but then I’d go stand in front of the mirror only to discover that I didn’t look pregnant anymore, and there was no baby. Three days before my miscarriage, I was standing in front of the mirror in my bathroom, and I noticed something looked different, as though I wasn’t pregnant anymore. It was the moment from the dream, happening in real life. (I’ve always had eerily accurate dreams like this, about myself and other people.)

To finally dream about being happily pregnant, for the first time in my life, felt like a deeply joyous message. I took it as a good sign. I thanked my soul.

Then, finally, the waiting was over. It was time to embark on the journey again. Exactly one year after my birthday meditation, I got the news – I was pregnant. It was the perfect birthday present.

Over the next two months, I had six dreams. In the first five, I was holding a little baby girl. I could see every feature of her face. In the dreams, I kissed her face and told her how adorable she was. I nursed her and snuggled with her. It was as though she was already here, in my arms. In the sixth dream, she was a little girl, laughing and playing. She seemed so absolutely real that I could hardly imagine anyone else but her inside my womb.

So I have to say, when the doctor looked at the ultrasound screen, smiled and said, “It’s a girl!” I wasn’t exactly surprised. Filled with joy? Yes. Deliriously happy? Yes. Filled with love? Yes.

I can’t wait to hold you in my arms, little baby girl!

Since letting my mind run my life ran me right off the road into a ditch full of physical pain, poor self-confidence, constant fighting with my body, and lots of stress, I’ve decided it’s not the best approach for me.

 Instead, I now ask my body to lead the way. Every day. Literally.

 I sit down and pose questions to my body like:

• What do you want to tell me today?
• What should I do next in my business?
• What items on my to-do list today are a priority?
• How are you trying to help me today?

It took some time to learn this process and to hear and trust my body’s answers. Now that it’s easy, (not because I’m talented – just because I’ve done it a lot) I can live every day this way. Of course there are still times when I forget to both ask and listen, but my body reminds me quickly to get back in the conversation.

I used to wait until my body hurt before I asked and listened. Now, I do it because it makes every day so much easier, and so much better. And yes, there are definitely times when my body says something much different from my mind, and I must make a choice – go with the “should” or the “feels right.” I’ve learned, through much experience, that the “feels right” IS right, for me.

Since becoming pregnant, my body has become even more adamant about things, and it’s quite easy to hear its requests. Recently, though, my body and I have had a small battle over “morning sickness.” (More like 24/7 sickness.) Frankly, I am really sick of being sick. I got mad at my body. I cried. I had hysterics. I begged. I mean, come on! Enough already! I’ve done everything you’ve asked of me, body! I’ve eaten large quantities of protein. I’ve rested. I’ve breathed. I’ve felt my emotions. I’ve rested more. I’ve taken walks. I’ve eaten every 2-3 hours. What more can I do????!!!!

ARGH!

Emotions spent, I laid down and stared at the ceiling. And then, I heard it – the voice of my body. Calmly, lovingly, and gently, it explained. It said, “The thing is, there’s no need for healing. This morning sickness is not illness. It’s wellness. It means everything is going really well. It’s a side-effect of this healthy pregnancy you’re having. It’s the way it works, in here, in your body, right now. So wanting it to go away or thinking it’s not good is fighting against what is right for you and your baby.”

Well. When you put it like that…

And once again, listening to my body brought a sense of sanity and even peace. I still don’t like feeling this way. I would still do a very big happy dance if the nausea lifted. And when it does, I will. But for now, this is where I am. Nothing is wrong. Everything is right. And that is something to celebrate.

The more you listen to your body, the more surprises you’ll get. The more you’ll find yourself at peace instead of at war. Why not start now? Sit down, lie down, go for a walk – whatever feels good. Then, ask the question: Body, what are you trying to tell me today?

(And then hop on over to the anamsong facebook page to share!)

Want to go even deeper and create a whole new relationship with your body? Ready to end the battle and create a friendship, instead? Join me next week for my End the Body Battle Telecourse!

Last week, I invited you along on my surrendering journey.  My question was this: what are you surrendering to right now? I’m surrendering to not knowing what will happen if I give pregnancy and motherhood another shot, post miscarriage. Which led me to ponder this familiar question: Do I really know anything?

There’s a doozy for my inner brainiac! What? Not know stuff?

She and I have had this discussion before, but she’s still a big fan of knowing stuff. Yet, truly, I cannot know what will happen in the next moment, much less the next day, week, month, or year. I can plan. I can intend. I can imagine. I can dream.

But I can’t know.

Aghhhhhhhh! (Inner brainiac screaming. Poor thing.)

I was trained in school to learn, study, analyze, and know. My intellect was honed and my intuition buried. Which is odd, because what I actually need, to navigate my life successfully, is a lot less intellect and lot more intuition. Because intuition actually does KNOW. It knows in a deeper, less verbal, more visceral, somewhat indescribable way. I need to lead my life with intuition, and apply my intellect to intuitive information.

I don’t know anything with my intellect. But I KNOW lots of things with my intuition. Listening to it is a little like walking a tightrope, but being willing to fall into the big, safe net below. I can be willing to let go of the need to know with my mind. I can walk this motherhood tightrope – heck, I might even attempt a little fancy flip or something. My intuition will guide me, and I will know what I need to know, when I need to know it.

Would you like to walk the tightrope with me? Maybe you’re already a mother, but maybe there’s something new you’d like to do – your version of the tightrope. Possibly your intellect would like to know everything and see how it all works out before you take the first/next step. I hear ya, sister! What would it be like to let go of the need to know, together? I have a feeling that some group energy around this might serve all of us who are open to not knowing and ready to trust our intuition more and more. What are you ready to not know?

In March, when I knew in my heart that I was about to miscarry, I felt angry at my intuition. Why tell me something like that in advance? I didn’t want to KNOW.

Except that I did want to know. I’ve spent years opening back up to my intuition, being willing to listen to that deeper voice within, and learning to trust it. I’ve opened that can of worms, and now I KNOW a lot more than I used to. It can be disconcerting, but at the same time, there’s a sense of preparedness that comes with intuitive knowing. It helped me to know I was miscarrying, even if I did have a little fight with it at first. It made it easier to surrender. In general, I trust myself a lot more now that I KNOW things.

I trust that whatever is happening, it is actually serving me, even if it’s painful or uncomfortable. I learned that big lesson from dealing with vulvodynia and interstitial cysititis. Even though I argued against those experiences for a while, in the end I saw why I needed to have them to become the person I truly wanted to be. After I saw that, I was able to trust that new painful experiences were not there to beat me down, but to help me return to myself in some way.

I’m pretty sure I’ll be returning to myself in some form or another for the rest of my life. The difference is, now I am willing to walk that humble path and trust the KNOWING rather than try to steer clear of pain by intellectually choosing my route. (I said willing, mind you. I didn’t say I do it all the time, or perfectly!) I’m willing to not know, and to KNOW. I’m willing to trust the sense of visceral understanding that sometimes cannot be put into words.

To embark on the pregnancy and motherhood path again, (though I don’t think I’ve actually veered off the path, come to think of it) I have to love my intellect, be kind to it, and then remind it that it just can’t know. Then I have to look into my heart, trust my inner guidance, and take the next step on the tightrope. Yes, I am afraid. I allow the fear to surface as I step into the unknown. I feel it. I get guidance from it. And I keep stepping.

I was reading fellow coach Jeannette Maw’s blog post about her belly spell this week (The belly spell really cracked me up! Soooo funny! I love Jeannette!) and it inspired this post. I have struggled for many years – my entire life, actually – with body image issues. I can remember clearly when I first started disliking my body. I was ten years old, just beginning those pre-teen, puberty-ridden years, and I saw a video of myself. I was horrified. From that day on, I fought with my body.

I do not have a traditional model body. I am not tall and thin. I am of medium height and muscular build. I tend to look fit and athletic when my body and I are getting along, but I do not weigh in at a featherweight number, ever. When I was struggling with overeating, emotional eating, and severe body dislike, my weight went up near the two-hundred pound mark.

I’ve since returned to my body’s natural weight, but even after the experience of actually being overweight, I struggled to like my body. I kept thinking it should look like the “ideal.” Yet, even when I went on strict diets, my body would drop maybe two to five pounds below my natural weight and then I would get sick. It was clearly a fight that simply didn’t need to be fought. My body is perfectly happy weighing 143 pounds. It is my mind that argues with that.

Much of my personal mind-body work has been directed at this body image issue. I longed to love my body instead of fight my body. For many years, I thought this meant I had to change my body. Then I realized I had to change my relationship with it instead. I had to connect to it, learn to live in it, learn to listen to it, learn to feel my emotions, and recognize mind-stories that weren’t serving me. (Like “I should look like a model.”)

I started to see that stressing about my weight and body was one of my biggest ways to run from my emotions and avoid facing feeling them. It was what I call a decoy – something that successfully occupies me so I simply have no attention left for my emotions. All of this self-awareness combined started to help me love my body more and more. I didn’t love it every day, but I was tipping the balance way more to the love side.

Then, something happened. In January this year, I got pregnant. I was so excited, and so very ready to embark on the motherhood journey. I was excited to experience the changes in my body and the magic of growing a baby in my belly. Like Jeannette, I’ve often wished for a flatter belly, but I was willing to let it expand to hold a new little one inside me.

It was a little disconcerting to notice my jeans fitting more snugly. At only six weeks pregnant, I started to feel somewhat puffy. Then at eight weeks, there were some clothing items that were downright stretched. At nine weeks, I was pretty sure I’d need some new clothes soon, and the waistband of my favorite jeans was uncomfortably tight.  I could feel my backside expanding, too. While I understood it was necessary, I admit to a wince or two after glancing over my shoulder into the mirror.

At nine and half weeks, I miscarried.

The shock was unbelievable. The grief was overwhelming. The physical pain was tiring. I felt empty in my belly, lost in my heart, and just…sad. I was so ready to be a mom. It felt like there was a hole in that mom-space I’d created, both internally and externally. My body was tired and aching, my mind confused, and my emotions strong.

Even as I grieved, I could see the power in my body’s wisdom. It was aware of things I couldn’t know, and it knew this pregnancy wasn’t a go, for whatever reason. I didn’t have to know the details in my mind to feel that my body knew best. I let it do what it needed – sleep, rest, and cry.

After a few weeks, I started going back to my normal routine. Letting the grief flow allowed me to start healing, allowed my body to start regaining energy, and I began to feel like I was almost alive again. I had moments of joy shine through the fog of grief.

One day, I put on my jeans to run an errand. I’d mostly been wearing yoga pants for my resting, sleeping, and grieving phase. I slipped the jeans on, threw on a shirt, and started for the door, purse in hand. Something in that movement caught my attention. My jeans weren’t tight. The waistband wasn’t cutting into my belly anymore. There was room to move in them.

I felt the loose jeans from my belly straight to my heart – a visceral, shocking, upside-down moment.

I set down my purse and cried.  I ached for that tight-jeans feeling. I wanted it back. I wanted my belly to still be expanding. I wanted my backside to be popping seams. I wanted to be shopping for maternity clothes. I didn’t want my jeans to be loose at all. Once of my lifelong desires simply vanished in that instant. I could have cared less how I looked, how thin I was or wasn’t, or what anyone in the world thought of my body. I could have cared less for fashion or the shape of my waist, or any of it. It all paled in comparison to the longing for what was lost.

I never thought I’d be sad because my jeans were loose. I never thought I’d see my body from that vantage point. But because I did, I have something powerful to hold in my mind. Because life goes on, you know. I now have the same old thoughts pop up about how I look in my pants, whether I’ve gained a pound or lost a pound, why my belly can’t just magically transform itself to something much cuter, what dreadful fashion designer cooked up the latest non-flattering style on purpose just to torture me. They come into my mind. And sometimes they bug me for a day or two.

But then I can simply remember. I can drop back into that moment when I was heartbroken that my jeans were loose. I am grateful for that moment, because it gave me a new relationship with my body. I saw what my body can do – it can grow life in it! How amazing! It can heal from loss. It can serve me, every day, even if I’m angry with it. It doesn’t have to look like any prescribed ideal to be completely, totally perfect. Yes, it changed even from a short pregnancy. Yes, I am a little older these days than in my teen years. Yes, I have a wrinkle or two.

But in the end, my body is healthy. We’ve been through chronic pain together, she and I, and now we’ve been through this, too. She’s a war-horse. She’s strong. She still takes to the jogging path and the hiking trail with energy and enjoyment, even after all she’s experienced. I’m impressed. She bounces back. She brings me daily enjoyment in so many different ways. Without her, I’d have no home for my soul. I wouldn’t have a voice, a mind, a heart. I need her. She needs me.

So we’re working together, my body and me. We’re on the same team. Even if we have the occasional disagreement, our relationship is much improved. The war is over. I love her. She’s always loved me. We’re friends.  And she hasn’t dropped a single pound or shed an ounce of fat for me to come to this place of connection, love, and peace. She carried a baby for me. She took care of me. She was there. And truly, that is all I need.