relaxation – My Blog https://abigailsteidley.com My WordPress Blog Thu, 13 Jan 2011 11:00:07 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.5.4 Stop the Hard Work https://abigailsteidley.com/stop-the-hard-work/ https://abigailsteidley.com/stop-the-hard-work/#comments Thu, 13 Jan 2011 11:00:07 +0000 http://www.abigailsteidley.com/?p=1900 Continue reading Stop the Hard Work]]> Stop the Hard WorkIt’s a new year, and many people have geared up to make life changes.  Most of these changes require some kind of effort or hard work, and there’s a focused, determined feel to these life change plans.   It’s just how we do things, for some reason.  White-knuckled willpower, elbow grease, no pain no gain.

So it makes sense that when you decide to heal yourself using mind-body tools, you apply the same approach.  I sure did.  I gave myself rules.  I created unrealistic structure.  I worked hard.

The paradox here is that working hard on mind-body tools doesn’t work. Why not?  Because mind-body tools are all about listening to your body’s wisdom, calming your nervous system, and unraveling tension in your mind and body.  Naturally, it’s difficult to do those things if you are creating more tension with a “work hard” attitude.

It’s one of the most trusted and cherished beliefs in our culture – hard work will get you where you want to go.  It’s oddly reassuring.  Which is why many people get confused or stuck in mental circles when they start working hard, efforting, and trying with mind-body healing.  It’s kind of scary to let go of that old favorite, the hard work mindset.  It means relying on something else – something that feels an awful lot like not controlling the situation.  Eeeek!

The good news is that if you can learn how to release hard work, effort, and trying with the mind-body tools, you will have learned a new skill that extrapolates into the rest of your life. You’ll discover that you can actually work easy, drop effort, and stop trying.  When you do that in other areas of your life besides just healing, you’ll hold the secret to health in your hands.  Your body will be perpetually delighted.

Are you scratching your head right now, asking yourself, “Is she saying what I think she’s saying?”  Yes!  I am saying that all the things you want, be they health, wealth, fitness, relationships, etc., will come to you more easily if you stop working hard, efforting, and trying.

Before you dismiss this crazy notion, use the old scientific process and evaluate it in your own life.  Keep a little observation journal for a month and actually track your efforting/non-efforting and the results you get.  I have a feeling you’ll be amazed.

However, shifting away from efforting can be one of the trickiest things you’ve ever done.  I’ve been learning how to stop efforting for years, and each time I get a little clearer about it, I find a new level of relaxation in my body, mind, and spirit.  And – stuff happens without me trying at all.  It’s truly amazing!  But the old habit can creep back in at a moment’s notice, so I have to be aware of my body.  It tells me immediately with tension and discomfort any time I slip into hard work, effort, or trying.

How exactly does one stop hard work or effort or trying? Well, not by trying!  (Yes, it is a mind-bender!)  Here’s the easiest method:

Abigail’s Non-Effort Recipe

Set aside ten minutes in your daily schedule.  Get in a comfortable position, with whatever setting you enjoy.  I personally love a cozy blanket, soothing music, and an eye pillow.  Sometimes I also use aromatherapy.  The point is to feel deliciously comfy and cozy.  Focus your attention on your low belly, and invite your breath to fill this area of your body.  Don’t pooch out your stomach and force the air there – just allow it to flow in and out.  If it doesn’t go into your low belly, don’t worry.  Just breathe.  You can spend the entire time paying relaxed attention to the breath, or you can also lightly scan your body and notice how it feels.  No effort.  No goal.  Nothing.  If your mind starts to head off into worry, just notice that it’s doing so.  Notice your breath and body again.  Don’t try to change anything.  Literally do nothing.

Though this is the easiest method, you may find yourself slipping a little of the old hard work, efforting, and trying into it.  Any time you notice stress around your non-efforting practice, you can be sure one of those three elements is present.  This exercise does not have to be done right, perfectly, or with any sort of elbow grease.  It’s simply about practicing non-effort.

After doing this for several days, you will begin to notice changes.  You’ll most likely notice a bit of relaxation in your body.  You’ll probably find your mind seems less worried.  You’ll notice cravings for less-than-helpful habits dissipating.

Eventually, you might want to keep a notebook handy for post-un-efforting.  Why?  Because you’ll probably discover that your mind has solved problems, created things, and otherwise effortlessly organized parts of your life that needed attention.  This is where non-efforting begins to truly show its power.

For example, I have a weekly schedule in which I write blog posts on Tuesdays and publish them on Thursdays.  If I have been non-efforting, when I sit down to write on Tuesdays, it is possibly the easiest thing I’ve ever done.  This is because the blog post has already been written during my non-efforting minutes in days prior, and I have already jotted down the outline on a post-it.  Because I have given it no effort and no thought, have not worried for one minute, and am quite sure it will be fine, when I sit down to write, everything that came to me during my non-efforting session reappears in my mind.  In about fifteen minutes, my fingers have typed the post, effortlessly.

I love this so much that I am applying it everywhere.  If I haven’t yet had a creative idea for a project through a non-efforting session, I don’t force the issue.  Instead, I do some non-efforting.  (There are definitely times where the old work hard habit sneaks in, and every time, I end up with physical tension, less satisfaction in my work, and irritability.)  I’m not trying to be perfect in my not trying, but I am enjoying applying this concept to different areas of my life.  The difference between this and the old force-it method is truly astonishing.

Whether you are wanting to heal your body through mind-body techniques, lose weight, create more ease in your work life, I’m telling you…you’ve gotta try not-trying.  Or maybe I should say, not-try not-trying.

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Lessons Learned https://abigailsteidley.com/lessons-learned/ https://abigailsteidley.com/lessons-learned/#comments Thu, 01 May 2008 00:22:08 +0000 http://vulvodyniacoach.wordpress.com/?p=47 Continue reading Lessons Learned]]> I’d like to let you know that I am now also writing for Dr. Echenberg’s website, Secret Suffering.  I hope you enjoy the articles as well as the site, which is jam-packed with helpful information.

I often think I’ve thoroughly learned something and then life throws me a new experience that takes me deeper than ever into untapped oceans of understanding and clarity.  Having used deep breathing to move through the excruciating pain of vulvodynia and a kidney stone and interstitial cystitis, I felt I had quite a handle on the whole breathing thing.  I’ve been expounding upon it regularly in my posts, blissfully sharing the amazing effects of breathing.  It reduces anxiety.  It stops panic.  It gives you the ability to reach your inner healer.  It reduces pain.  It needs to be a regular part of your life.  Have I been doing it?  No.

As a person who developed physical pain as a result of much unprocessed emotion, including anxiety and panic, I am fully aware of my tendency toward anxiety.  I tend to slip into it easily, and I tend to store it in my body.  While in physical pain, I learned how to relax and release this anxiety through deep breathing, which I would do for forty-five minutes at a time.  I rose from these sessions invigorated, rested, and joyful.  However, I often find it difficult to fit in forty-five minute sessions in my current life.  So, in my typical fashion, I stopped doing the breathing work at all because I felt that I couldn’t do it “right.” 

Well, thankfully, I am a life coach, so I am always available to coach myself.  I called myself up and said, “Hey Coach, I’m not feeling so great this week.  What should I do?”  My Coach Self spoke right up, surprising Non-Coach Me with an inner wisdom I did not expect.  She said, “Breathe.”  Of course, she’s been reading Eckhart Tolle, so I’m pretty sure she stole that straight from him.  Okay, I know she did.  Tolle suggests taking three deep breaths whenever anxiety arises.  I was in such an emotionally negative place that I didn’t even tell if I was feeling anxiety.  I just knew I felt horrible.  So, I sat down and took three deep breaths. 

Voila!  A revelation!  I have been feeling a nearly constant level of anxiety, and I was not even aware of it.  I realized most of my day is spent with some level of tension somewhere in my body, which is the hallmark of anxiety.  I was astounded at the relaxation power of three deep breaths.  Of course forty-five minutes will relax me, but only three breaths?  Is it really even worth it?  The answer is a resounding yes.  Amazed, I incorporated the three breaths into my daily schedule wherever I could.  It’s like taking a little vacation every hour or so.  Every time I stop and breathe, I discover that I am holding a great deal of tension in my body.  I breathe, release the tension, and relax.  Miraculously, I feel about ten times better after only one day of practicing this technique. 

By skipping my breathing exercises because I believed I wasn’t going to be able to do them “right,” I lost the powerful relaxation tool inherent in breathing.  Truthfully, you don’t even have to take deep breaths.  All you have to do is focus on your breath for three cycles.  It’s the mere attention to your breath that holds the magic.  My body feels lighter, having released anxiety regularly all day, and I feel balanced again.  One minute several times a day is easy to fit in, and I am hooked.  I love feeling relaxed.  I love noticing my anxiety and gently exhaling it away.  I feel deeply connected to my essential self and my Inner Healer.  I invite you to try it.  I invite you to take one-minute vacations all day long, connect with your breath, and discover your own anxiety level.  Anxiety does not have to be a way of life.  This is the lesson I have learned, and now re-learned, and will probably keep on learning.  The simplicity of it is absolutely beautiful.  I love to take the three breaths, feel the relaxation, the connection, and the resulting joy.  Let’s do it together, right now.  Breathe.    

 

 

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