I’m not kidding.  As a coach, I really get to see these women.  They very graciously allow me into their worlds, tell me their thoughts and emotions, and share who they are with me.  As a result, I am awestruck by their inner beauty.  I see how much they shine, from the inside out.  Most of the time, I only hear their voice and never meet them in person.  And yet – it is so easy to see how incredible they are.

It makes me think, week after week, about something unusual.  I start to wonder what it would be like if everyone could really see how amazing they are.  What if everyone knew, in their hearts, that they are an awesome human being, valuable, whole, and magnificent, right now?

All these women I’ve worked with believe they need to change something about themselves before they can be proud of who they are.  They think they need to lose weight, be smarter, have it together, find an amazing career, stop feeling sad, get well, be better at something, be more fit, less afraid…the list goes on and on.  These women think they need to fix something about themselves before they can feel okay about who they are.

The funny thing is, the more they try to fix themselves, the less they share their unique selves with the world.  They hide the very best parts of themselves and try to be something that’s just a pale imitation of the real deal.  I get it, because I’ve certainly done it, too.  Which is why I know it doesn’t lead to valuing one’s self.

I believe that everything about these women is awesome.  All of their emotions, moods, thoughts, achievements, non-achievements, mistakes, successes, hairstyles, body sizes, etc.  Every little thing that makes up who they are in this moment is what makes them so unique, so amazing, and so – them.  Yet, here they are, trying so hard to fix themselves up.   Here they are, not looking at their very own awesomeness.  All they can see is where they need improvement.

Coaching isn’t about fixing yourself.  It’s about seeing yourself.  It’s about letting go of all that pressure to be different than who you really are, right now.  It’s about relaxing and saying, “I’m mad/sad/afraid/happy right now.”  It’s about delving into the mystery of who you are, discovering more fascinating nuggets each day.

So what I’d really like to know is this:  What do you see, about yourself, that you can celebrate today? It doesn’t have to be anything fancy.  I’m celebrating that I can admit to myself just how terrified I am of the mouse in my kitchen.  Instead of thinking I should be braver, I am allowing myself to be who I am right now – woman who is afraid of tiny little mouse.  I’m celebrating that I rarely try to do anything perfectly anymore, and as a result, I have more fun and success than ever before.  I’m celebrating that I am getting more and more real with myself about my own emotions, and I’m making delightful discoveries about myself as a result.

How are you awesome? I really want to know your answer.  I see it in you – in the emails you write to me, the coaching sessions you have with me – but do you?  It’s time to decide that you can see your own awesomeness.  It’s not egotistical or wrong or bad.  In fact, it’s the number one most healing thing you can do, hands down, for your mind, body, and spirit.  Your spirit already knows how awesome you are.  So when you start to see it, too, watch out.  You will be unstoppable.  You will be you.  You will be so much more than this “fixed up” version of yourself you’re trying to be.

I can’t wait!

I’ve seen it time and time again with clients.  After a while, we don’t even talk about physical symptoms during sessions.  We’re too busy with the self-discovery process.  It takes us to new, healthier, happier places.  The more we learn about ourselves, the more we discover how beautiful, complex, and fascinating we are.

Of course, I may be biased, since I love self-discovery (both in my own life and clients’ lives).  I love it so much that I’ve made a career of it.  Yet, we’re all a bit afraid of it.  We don’t always want to know what we’re really thinking or feeling.  We don’t always want the unvarnished truth.  I certainly didn’t, at first.  My self-discovery process was expedited by vulvar and vaginal pain, maddening interstitial cystitis symptoms, and other physical pain.  In other words, I was drug relentlessly forward into self-discovery, kicking and screaming all the way.

But now – oh, how I love it!  Not only because it keeps me pain-free, but because it’s powerful.  Yeah, slightly scary sometimes.  But oh, so worth it.

Just a few weeks ago, I was at the Yoga Journal Conference with my business partner, yoga teacher Jess Ryan.  We were there to learn, but also to experience more self-discovery.  I took a class about head, neck, and shoulder alignment, which sounds quite banal.  I had no idea it would be the catalyst for this year’s biggest self-discovery moment yet.

After just a few short minutes of this class, I discovered that I habitually hunch my shoulders, curl them inward, and let my head droop a little.  I was flabbergasted to see that my upper body still reflects old thought patterns of insecurity and fear.  Being a mind-body coach, I knew that my mind and body were out of sync, and that I wouldn’t truly walk in my own power and strength until both mind and body were on the same page.  I also knew that there must still be lingering thoughts about myself shaping how I hold my body.  So off I went, down the road of self-discovery.

As the class continued, we learned how to position the hyoid (a small bone in the throat) right above the shoulders.  We learned how to lead with our hearts, literally, by raising the front of the chest cavity and sliding the shoulder blades flat against our backs.  It didn’t feel military at all – in fact, it was surprisingly comfortable.

As I played with this new body position, moving through yoga poses, walking, and sitting, a revelation hit me.  I have spent a lifetime hunching to try to hide my broad shoulders and seem smaller.  So much of my life has been spent trying to be smaller in so many ways.  My body has heard this message so much that it has literally changed its shape.

In that moment, I decided I am done trying to be smaller.  I am ready to embrace my strong, broad, shoulders.  I am ready to be me, exactly as I am.  I am ready to take up space in the world, to speak my truth, and be powerful.  I am ready to be a leader.  So, I stood up, hyoid back and heart up.  I turned to Jess and asked her what she thought.  She smiled.  “You look confident,” she said.  I felt confident.  I felt my body reflecting my self-love.

Why do we hide ourselves?  Why do we try to be smaller?  Usually, because we’re afraid of what others will think.  We crave love and approval from others, and so we change our shapes in an effort to be what we think others want.  I say, no more of this!  Let’s take this self-discovery journey and open back up, petal by petal, into the bright, beautiful flowers we already were, at birth.

When we try to hide ourselves, it affects our bodies.  Eventually, they protest.  Thank goodness!  I invite you, today, to come with me in this journey and to be a little more of who you really are, each day.  Show the world one more piece of you.  I’ll start by sharing another piece of me, with you.  (It requires a short story.)

Shortly before the yoga conference, I told Jess something I hadn’t really told anyone yet.  I told her I was writing a novel, and that I’ve always felt there’s a novel inside me.  As I gave her a quick synopsis of the plot, I hunched over and mumbled, “and, there’s a magic violin in my novel.”  She immediately scolded me and pointed out my reluctance to share that tidbit.  “OWN the magic violin,” she said.  So I said it again, loudly, right outside on a public sidewalk.  It felt great.

The point of all this is that you’re probably doing the same thing.  You’re probably hiding bits and pieces of yourself, here and there.  Your body is reminding you to bring them into the light, where they belong, other people’s opinions be damned!  (Though I think you’ll be surprised at the support you get when you allow yourself to be you.   Our minds usually fabricate what other people will think, when in fact they often love us more, in the end, when we are ourselves.)

This week, your homework is to find one little thing about yourself you can celebrate and share with the world.  You might have a little fun and create a mantra for yourself to repeat whenever you want to step confidently into your power.  Mine is: Hyoid back, Heart up, Magic Violin.  I say at least once a day, and then I head out into the world, fully myself.  Feeling even more whole than ever, thanks to this never-ending journey of self-discovery.