by Endorsed Mind-Body Coach, Mara Wai

The picture to the left is of a memo pad that was given to me as a gift from a previous employee. She really captured the essence of me, straight down to the color of my dog Max’s leash! She even included the check list.

When she worked for me, I was deep in the throes of task-mastering.

I became a task-master slowly, gradually and unconsciously. As a little girl, I learned that certain things I did evoked overt displays of approval or affection – sometimes even rewards – from my parents, grandparents, teachers and others in authority. I began to seek the feel-good rush of approval. I got good grades in school and did things the “right” way.  I strived to be perfect.

When my parents divorced when I was 11, I convinced myself that I was perfectly ok. I was proud of how strong I was, not needing any help to deal with the outer chaos in my family life. I smiled and acted like all was peachy keen. In retrospect I can clearly see that on the inside, I was confused and I stuffed down just about all of my emotions. I was totally unaware that I had any emotions! At the time, I didn’t know any better. I soldiered on, did well at school and acted like everything was ok.

As a teenager I continued to strive to appear perfect. I thought being self-sufficient and not ever asking for help was an accomplishment.

This is how I learned to be a task-master. I learned how to do. Do. DO.

Nowadays when I see these memo pages (it’s still on my desk), it reminds me of what I’m recovering from.

• The impulse to do TOO MUCH.
• The whirlwind of stuff that manifests in my mind when I’m task-mastering, including the ruminating and replaying of past scenarios, over and over, and the ruminating and replaying of future scenarios, over and over.
• the constant feeling of worry, the anxiety, the frenzy.
• The tension that lived in my body.
• The sleepless nights.
• The slew of other symptoms that accumulated in my life.

As a task-master, my attention remained at least one step ahead of the present. When I finished a to do item and checked it off the list, there was always another to do, and another, and another. It was addictive, and it became second nature to view my entire life as one giant, never-ending list of stuff to accomplish. I was productive!

Until, I wasn’t. Task-mastering left me feeling unsatisfied and empty, like it – or I – was never good enough. So I was always striving for the next thing right around the corner, just out of reach to make me feel better…but to no end.

Eventually, I crashed. The symptoms caught up with me. And I needed to learn another way.

I began to gain awareness of my task-mastering habit. 

I learned how to cultivate mind-body awareness. By becoming aware of the sensations in my body, the habitual movement of my mind and how it impacts me in life experiences, and the feeling of emotions that I have learned early on to ignore or override, the addictive, anxiety-laden rush of task-mastering goes away, and is replaced by:

• more ease,
• greater connection to feeling, and
• a better sense of what I want.

These days, seeing the memo page above (it’s still on my desk) serves as a reminder of who I want to be, and how I want to live.

• I want to feel ease and openness in my body.
• I want to my thoughts to be clear and to translate my experiences in a way that serves me and others.
• I want to feel enthusiasm and joy in what happens in life.
• I want to feel grounded, and not get so caught up in the busyness of life.

Task-mastering has never helped me to gain any of these wishes. But cultivating mind-body awareness has and still does.

By developing a habit of noticing my mind-body experience, a doorway has opened that invites in another way of being; a way that is more spacious, at ease, and that directly connects me to truth of how I feel. This way of being is a life-changer. It provides me with the choice to take actions (or non-actions) that support what I want in life.

Gaining awareness can be simple. When you notice yourself getting caught up in your task-mastering ways, try this:

• Turn your attention to your body, notice what it feels like. Is there sensation? Where? Bring your attention to it and be curious about what you find.
• Then, turn your attention to your mind: you may notice thoughts arising, or a voice that is still caught up in the activity you were doing or the one that was next to come. Notice that chattery voice, and then bring your attention back to the body.
• When your attention is back in the body and you are regathering awareness of sensation, check to see if there’s any emotion present. What does it feel like? Is it familiar? See if you can simply notice it, without interfering with it, for as along as is possible.

That’s it! It’s that simple. You can do this in a minute, or 3 minutes, or longer. Each time you shift your attention from the DOING of task-mastering, to the noticing of your inner experience that ensues as a result, you are disrupting the habit of task-mastering.

Slowly and gradually, you will become a recovering task-master, too.

Mara Wai, M.Ed. is a body-mind coach who supports her clients to connect to their inner wisdom to cultivate clarity, discern their own path and take decisive action to improve physical health, establish emotional well-being, clarify energetic boundaries, improve relationships, and experience greater overall life satisfaction. Mara also teaches Mindfulness-based Stress Management for the Penn Program for Mindfulness. To learn more about Mara go to www.marawai.com.