Everything ached.

My head, my neck, my shoulders, my back. They all ached.

I sat a bit longer on my bed that morning.

I wanted to check in with my body, ask it directly what the heck was going on. Was it trying to tell me something? I didn’t want to automatically take an Advil(R) or distract myself with social media or food. I knew those wouldn’t help long term.

As I quieted my mind and focused my attention on the pain in my body, the first thing that showed up was a typical sarcastic response –

Hey, you forgot your heart, your heart hurts most.

You’re right, Bod, my heart hurts, let’s go there first. Tell me. I’m here and I’m listening.

You’re not going to get up and look at your list of 89 items to do today?

Touché.

Hush… listen.

The pain looked like a grey cloud covering different areas in my body. It moved around and changed shape but wouldn’t let go and lift.

After greeting it and making sure it felt welcome, I asked if it had a message for me. Then I listened silently.

“It’s too much.”

“What’s too much?”

“All of it. It’s too much.”

Such a simple answer yet so true.

There was so much happening around the world, specially right here at home. Frightening decisions and actions, divisiveness among the leaders and the people. It was a time for resistance, insistence on our values, and thoughtful action. I had to be aware and vigilant. I had to make a difference.

Something in me loosened up and the tears came freely.

Yes, it’s too much for me. It’s too much for any one person.

I’d been carrying it all on my broad shoulders.

The state of the world.

The state of all people.

The state of minorities.

The state of women.

Add to that the state of my business, my relationships, my plans, my health.

And the state of my cluttered office, the broken door handles, the semi move to NYC, the furniture, tonight’s dinner…

Too much.

Thank you, dear body for getting my attention, although we need to talk about less painful communication skills …

The pain subsided.

I finally got out of bed with two big messages:

1. You don’t have to carry the world on your shoulders.

This is a group project. A world project.

Do what little you can do in your corner of the woods.

Just be the way you wish to be in life – kind, loving, giving, yet fierce, determined, steadfast at the same time.

Add your energy to the newly vitalized force of evolution you see around you.

There’s a lot to do, but you’re not alone in this.

Let’s build community. Let’s stand together. Let’s use our light and creativity together to bring about change.

2. You don’t have to do it all in one day.

Choose.

Choose your top priorities.

Heck, choose just one thing in any given day!

Leave time to rest and play. More gets done with rest and play.

The world is not going to fall apart. Not with so many of us rising to hold it together.

Slow down. You’ll accomplish more in the long run this way.

How about you? Have you been carrying a heavy load too?

What messages have you gotten from your body lately?

Please share below.

One might think Abigail’s Mind-Body Coach Training is incredibly helpful in understanding chronic pain and learning different tools to help deal with it for ourselves and our clients. This is absolutely true but it’s much more than that. I took this training and became an endorsed coach a few years ago, and what I got out of it is a deep knowledge, intimacy and friendship with myself! Understanding our bodies, minds, emotions and getting to know our wise Selves are priceless in navigating life more peacefully and joyfully. This training was one of the first stepping stones in my spiritual journey to live an authentic, coherent life with integrity and compassion. I highly recommend it.

Leda Asmar is an endorsed Mind Body coach and a Certified Martha Beck coach. She helps people though transitions in life. She specializes in helping hardworking midlife women get unstuck, make authentic choices, and take charge of their lives by tuning into their inner voice and reconnecting with their true Selves.

website: www.ledaasmar.com

email: leda@ledaasmar.com

I used to spend much of my time worrying about the future and mulling over things that happened in the past.  Mind-body syndrome symptoms such as chronic pelvic pain, interstitial cystitis and vulvodynia are often the result of the body being in the fight, flight or freeze response most of the time.  Worrying, self-criticism, and focusing on what was wrong or what could be better contributed to the stress in my body and only made my pain worse.

The Resting Mind’s Default State is Active

Turns out, neuroscientists now know that at rest, when we’re not focused on a specific activity, our minds automatically go into an active default mode.   It mulls over what’s wrong and what could be better.  Often, this gets us in the mind loop of the “worst case scenario.”  Sometimes this default mode is helpful, but most of the time it just creates more suffering.  When the mind is busy thinking and the body is at rest, the body still responds with subtle muscle activity, making for a less than restorative experience overall.

Health Psychologist Kelly McGonigal, in “The Neuroscience of Change” Sounds True audio course, discusses this default mindset activity.  When the brain is at “rest” and not engaged in specific tasks, its default state actually becomes much more active with inner chatter and distractions.

The default state automatically goes to these four main mental activities:

1. Inner commentary – creating an opinion on the present moment and looking for      what is wrong and what can be improved in a type of alternate reality.
2. Time  traveling – thinking about the past or the future, imagined scenarios, inner fantasy.
3. Self-referential processing – Creating a sense of self – who you are, “I am the person who ____, I like this and I don’t like that, other people should treat me a certain way because of who I am.”  It defines your identity or ego.  This solid rigid sense of self distances you from others and the present moment.
4. Social cognition – Thinking about others, what they think about you, what you  think about them, looking at yourself in relationship to others, comparing yourself to others.

Your Mind Automatically Goes to its Most Popular Critical Stories.

This default state of the mind is not helpful most of the time and just causes more suffering.  If you observe yourself for a while, you’ll notice your mind’s most popular critical stories.  One of mine began in childhood.  When family members weren’t home when I expected them I would go to the “killed in a car accident” story.  More recently, since my husband is a sport fisherman and often goes out on the ocean in his small boat, my mind goes to the “drowned in a boat accident” story when he is later than I expect.  I start planning how I’m going to spend the life insurance money and how I’m going to survive without him.

The “killed in an accident” story has driven me almost crazy over the years and if I let it get the better of me, it makes for an unpleasant experience of muscle tension in my body, anxiety, restlessness, and trouble focusing.  I can’t relax and enjoy myself in the moment until the person arrives or I hear from them.  It feeds right into habitual muscle tension in my body and flares up my pain.

“Keep in mind that the tendency to be judgmental — toward yourself or another person — is a good barometer of how anxious or stressed out you are. Judging others is simply the flip side of judging yourself.”

~Harriet Lerner, The Dance of Fear: Rising Above Anxiety, Fear, and Shame to Be Your Best and Bravest Self                        

Deliberately Think About The Best Case Scenario Instead.

Now, when I catch myself in this story, I either tell my mind to stop or I imagine the “Best Case Scenario.”  I imagine that my husband is having a great time.  He just forgot to call me, his cell phone is off, he had a change of plans, or he’s talking to somebody and will be home safely soon.  I also let go of what time I think he should be home by and give him way more time to get home before I freak out.  And I’ve never had to freak out.  I have learned to take charge of my mind.  It doesn’t get to misbehave any more.

Trusting My Future Self

About Gail:

Gail is an endorsed mind-body coach, certified Martha Beck life coach and trained psychic.  Her path with chronic pelvic pain led Gail to mind-body healing which helped her get her life back and find her passion.  Now she works with people in physical pain who have already tried all the normal solutions but are still struggling with pain. Gail helps them heal pain from the inside out and get back to living the life they want. www.gailkennylifecoach.com.

Photo credit:  Gail Kenny, Copyright 2012