In response to that message, most clients say things like:

But I don’t have time!

I’m already resting.

That can’t possibly be what I need.

But what if all I do is lie around like a sloth? How will I get things done?

I can’t listen to that message because I have so much to do.

I get it, because my body asks for more rest than seems appropriate to my mind. However, throughout this last year, I have learned a ton about resting, as well as my body and its messages. As a result, I’ve discovered three important things about resting that pretty much revolutionized how I rest. And you’ll notice that I’m a new mom, and here I am talking about rest. Yes! I’ve been forced to honor my true rest needs this year, so I am actually well-rested. I’ve discovered that taking care of my rest needs is pretty much where it’s at. It’s the most important thing I can do for myself.

Rest Insight #1: Rest Binges

Here’s what I’ve discovered: when my body is screaming for rest, it means I’ve waited too long to rest. I missed the subtler clues that were much less uncomfortable. The remedy for this is to binge on rest. By this I mean use any and all time I can to rest – while my kiddo is napping, going to bed early, and anytime I can find a sitter for an extra hour or two.

This might seem scary at first. The mind says – OH NO! I’ll never get anything done!

However, this is not true. The binge catches me up and then I am actually energized and able to get anything done more quickly and easily than before and it’s MUCH better than if I tried to slog through it, exhausted. Once the binge is over (it just sort of ends), I feel much better and am able to pay attention again to the subtler rest cues my body sends. (And honor them!)

Rest Insight #2: Pre-Resting

This is something I do to ward off exhaustion, keep my newfound and hard-won health, and stay centered in my body awareness. I take 10-15 minutes in the morning, at lunch, and after dinner to lie down, breathe, and check in with my body. Even if I’m not tired in the least, I do this resting. I use my mind-body tools.  I feel my nervous system relax into rest and digest. I get tingly all over, like I’m getting a massage or just took a dose of morphine. I let myself yawn, stretch, and breathe.

I also take a minute to see if I’m addressing all my needs. Am I thirsty? Hungry? Do I need to feel an emotion? Is there something my intuition is trying to tell me?

Rest Insight #3: Active Resting

This resting means taking the rest and digest feeling with me when I get up from the bed. I do little check-ins during the day as I’m doing activities. Whether I’m cooking, playing with my kiddo, walking, doing yoga, or working, I can pay attention to my body and my internal sense of awareness. I can notice my feet touching the floor. I can feel my energy drop down into my body if it starts floating up into my head in the form of worries, stress, or rumination. I can watch my breath for a moment.

The mind likes to judge rest as slothful or lazy. It likes to tell us to push onward and ignore the body’s rest signals. However, this is all just mind-noise. Rest, and being rested while going about the day, is an incredibly important piece of health, well-being, and inner peace. A fully synced-up mind and body allow rest to take place and feel good as a result. Rest is a mix of naps, sleep, and letting the nervous system drop out of fight or flight. I don’t count watching TV or reading as resting, because I’m not as deeply relaxed when I’m doing those activities. I count those as fun entertainment, so when it’s time for a rest binge, I don’t do them until I feel energized again. I’ve found they can actually prevent me from getting rest (especially if they are particularly engaging).

There is much talk about mindfulness these days, but not as much about restfulness. The secret is that mindfulness is restfulness. I prefer to think of it as restfulness, actually. When I rest into this moment, I am present. I am resting here. I’m not trying to get there, or there, or there. I’m just resting here. Now.

Have you ever taken yourself on a Mind-Body Date?

 No?

Oh my gosh – now is the time! A mind-body date is an hour, a day, a weekend, or more scheduled just for you to enjoy, play with, and enhance your mind-body connection.

Here’s how it works.

1)     Pick a date.

2)     Pick a location. (Can be your own home!)

3)     Gather up your favorite mind-body tools and resources, as well as things you’ve been wanting to investigate more deeply.

4)     Optional: Schedule a mind-body treat like a massage, yoga session, walk in nature, etc.

5)     Start. This means you wake up, ask your body and soul what feels fun, fabulous, and delicious, and start with that. Stop when it’s no longer fun. Ask the same question. Do whatever feels fun, fabulous, and delicious now. Stop when it’s no longer fun. Rinse and repeat. For an hour, a day, a weekend, or more!

Sometimes, on my mind-body dates, I spend hours immersed in mind-body resources. Sometimes, I journal. Sometimes, I nap. Or cook a new meal. Or daydream. Or create something.

There are no rules.

Because your body leads the way.

There are no shoulds, no right/wrongs, no mistakes. I’ve had mind-body dates that ended up being hours curled up with a fiction book or totally immersed in a movie. I’ve had mind-body dates where I cried and moped around for a day. I’ve had mind-body dates where I enjoyed the presence of my dog.

The main goal of a mind-body date is to set aside time to listen to what your body and soul really want, and then follow through.

The more you have dates, the more you start adopting this as a way of life. But, the dates still help you reconnect anytime you get busy, stressed, or notice your mind taking over more than you’d like.

I’m going on a mind-body date this week. I’d love to hear about yours!

I suggested she ask, “How can I have fun?” and “What feels great?” anytime she was planning her day. Immediately she saw that walking her dog could be a totally different experience. She could jog if she wanted to. She could go to a different location. She was completely in charge of making that task enjoyable for herself – except, she hadn’t been making it enjoyable. She’d been making it boring and un-fun.

It sounds so simple, doesn’t it? Yet, taking charge of your day, your week, your life and being proactive about making it the way you want – REALLY the way you want – sometimes falls through the cracks. It’s easy to fall into the “have to’s” and the “shoulds” and the “get it done” mode. Believe me, I can certainly go there.

However, I think my body has given me special training in creating a life that feels fun and enjoyable. Going through the chronic pain experience really opened my eyes and forced me to start listening to my body. Instead of constantly letting my mind rule my days, I had to start following my body’s needs. Those ranged from types and amounts of rest to types and amounts of foods to types and amounts of physical movement.

I learned that my body knew exactly what it wanted, and if I listened, I had a lot more fun. Everything went more smoothly in my life. My body had opinions on everything. All I had to do was tune in and listen.

Now, many years later, I let my body inform me on a daily basis. I let my body tell me what feels great. It’s not always what my logical mind would have guessed, which is what makes it interesting. I let my mind and body work as a team. Once my mind has heard what my body has to say, I then proactively and deliberately choose and plan to make my day, my week, my month as good as possible. I find as much fun, enjoyment, and contentment as possible. I tailor my life to what truly feels good to me, my body, and my soul.

The funny thing is, this is actually pretty simple. I find that what feels great is often just a simple tweak to how I’m already doing things. Sometimes it means adding in a bigger change, but for the most part, I find contentment and peace right here, in this moment, sipping cold water with lemon in it. No lemon? Not as much fun. Not quite right. When I take the time to listen to the small needs, the little things, the details of what makes my life just right, I feel great.

Why not give it a try?

What do you need today?

What feels fun?

What feels great?

What does your body want to do, eat, drink?

Don’t let a single moment pass without upgrading it to exactly what you want. Seriously. It’s a wild idea, but I think you’ll see how much fun your life can be as a result.

Let me just say, though, that I’ve learned even more about rest throughout this pregnancy. Rest sounds like such a simple topic. It’s a short word. We all know what it means. It seems straightforward. 

But is it, really?

I don’t know about you, but I can ignore all kinds of important signals from my body and completely avoid resting. I’ve also had to learn how to rest. I’ve had to learn how to give myself permission to actually rest for the amount of time my body needs or my soul desires. I’ve had to learn to trust that resting enough will not take away from my creating, doing, and income-earning.

Now that I have a kid using my uterus as a gymnasium, I have a whole new perspective on resting. In the first trimester, it seems that all my body wanted to do was rest. I went to bed at eight pm. I took naps. I could barely lug my body anywhere, much less shower and put on matching clothes. It seemed, to my mind, quite extreme. My mind had many freak-outs, which went a little like this:

Oh my God! You are such a sloth!

No one else is this lethargic when pregnant – you are a pregnancy wimp!

Get it together, for crying out loud!

Aaaaaagh! There is so much to do!

My mind has always resisted rest, but I thought I was pretty good at listening to my body and letting it lead the way with regards to rest. Until it asked for more. Seriously? How much rest can a person really need?

I had a choice. Walk my talk and keep listening to my body, honor its true needs, and slow down even more, or keep up with everything and ignore my rest requirements.

So, I coached myself and settled in to the realization that I’d need to change how I was doing life, in general, to accommodate the need for more rest. I had to work with my mind to release self-judgment and imagined comments from others who might think me lazy. I had to coach myself around actual comments from people. One person (who must not realize the dangers of sharing opinions with hormonal and grumpy pregnant women) said that I was “more sensitive” than other pregnant women. Amazingly, I did not punch this person, for which I give myself much credit. Instead, I felt my emotions (um…anger!) and then coached it out.

Really, so what if I am more sensitive than someone else? What if I do need more rest than 50% of other pregnant women? The point is that this is my body, my experience, and my journey. I must honor what I actually need, and truly practice self-kindness. Taking care of me is even more important now, because in doing so, I am taking care of my daughter.

In the end, I decided to make some changes. There are some emails it has taken me a month to answer. Literally. I struck things off the to-do list that weren’t essential. I delegated more, hired more help, and asked for more help. I let walking become my main form of exercise, because my body really didn’t like anything else. I took longer to create what I wanted to create, and I created less than usual. I pushed back my website launch. I stopped coaching for a while. I didn’t hang out with friends much, even though I love them all.

Now, I’m in the final phase of the second trimester. I still need a ton of rest. I still can’t work at my usual pace. I can only prepare the baby’s nursery in tiny little steps. I forget things, make mistakes, and get behind a lot. And that’s just how it is.

I’ve learned that huge amounts of rest are worth it. My mind can judge amounts and label me and play all kinds of tricks. I just have to thank it for its opinion and then ask my body and soul what they really, truly need.

And with that, I’m off to take a nap.

Since letting my mind run my life ran me right off the road into a ditch full of physical pain, poor self-confidence, constant fighting with my body, and lots of stress, I’ve decided it’s not the best approach for me.

 Instead, I now ask my body to lead the way. Every day. Literally.

 I sit down and pose questions to my body like:

• What do you want to tell me today?
• What should I do next in my business?
• What items on my to-do list today are a priority?
• How are you trying to help me today?

It took some time to learn this process and to hear and trust my body’s answers. Now that it’s easy, (not because I’m talented – just because I’ve done it a lot) I can live every day this way. Of course there are still times when I forget to both ask and listen, but my body reminds me quickly to get back in the conversation.

I used to wait until my body hurt before I asked and listened. Now, I do it because it makes every day so much easier, and so much better. And yes, there are definitely times when my body says something much different from my mind, and I must make a choice – go with the “should” or the “feels right.” I’ve learned, through much experience, that the “feels right” IS right, for me.

Since becoming pregnant, my body has become even more adamant about things, and it’s quite easy to hear its requests. Recently, though, my body and I have had a small battle over “morning sickness.” (More like 24/7 sickness.) Frankly, I am really sick of being sick. I got mad at my body. I cried. I had hysterics. I begged. I mean, come on! Enough already! I’ve done everything you’ve asked of me, body! I’ve eaten large quantities of protein. I’ve rested. I’ve breathed. I’ve felt my emotions. I’ve rested more. I’ve taken walks. I’ve eaten every 2-3 hours. What more can I do????!!!!

ARGH!

Emotions spent, I laid down and stared at the ceiling. And then, I heard it – the voice of my body. Calmly, lovingly, and gently, it explained. It said, “The thing is, there’s no need for healing. This morning sickness is not illness. It’s wellness. It means everything is going really well. It’s a side-effect of this healthy pregnancy you’re having. It’s the way it works, in here, in your body, right now. So wanting it to go away or thinking it’s not good is fighting against what is right for you and your baby.”

Well. When you put it like that…

And once again, listening to my body brought a sense of sanity and even peace. I still don’t like feeling this way. I would still do a very big happy dance if the nausea lifted. And when it does, I will. But for now, this is where I am. Nothing is wrong. Everything is right. And that is something to celebrate.

The more you listen to your body, the more surprises you’ll get. The more you’ll find yourself at peace instead of at war. Why not start now? Sit down, lie down, go for a walk – whatever feels good. Then, ask the question: Body, what are you trying to tell me today?

(And then hop on over to the anamsong facebook page to share!)

Want to go even deeper and create a whole new relationship with your body? Ready to end the battle and create a friendship, instead? Join me next week for my End the Body Battle Telecourse!