The mind-body community is growing leaps and bounds as more and more people are being drawn to this work to heal themselves and to heal others. I, like many other people, was called to this little sliver of the healing world because my body said “No More!!” I had my breakdown and for years it seemed like the only thing I knew was pain, and I swam through rough, rocky waters to find what my own healing has looked like. I’m sure everybody that’s reading this has had to travel through his or her own rocky waters in their own journey. I want to write a little bit about my own healing journey in a way that may not have been given much attention in previous newsletters or blogs on this site. It’s a different perspective that I bet a certain portion of the readers can relate to, but may be very quiet about.

My journey post-breakdown started just like many others with me bouncing around from doctor to doctor looking for answers. There had to be something wrong with me, and there had to be an easy magic pill to take my pain away, right? I had test after uncomfortable test done with nothing ever really coming back to help ease my search for hope. I heard the fibro work spoken to me from uncompassionate doctors over and over again, and was told by many that there wasn’t much that I was going to be able to do to ever heal. I started to research the diagnosis, and immediately saw that it is typically a diagnosis and a condition that afflicts women. You may wondering at this point how this post is offering a different perspective. What if I told you that I’m a man?

Apparently there was no rule that prevented the Universe from bestowing these lovely symptoms upon me because I wasn’t born with XX chromosomes like the “normal” sufferer. The funny thing is that I’m no stranger to dealing with things that have a female stereotype attached to them. I actually had a very long battle with an eating disorder in my late teens and early tomid-twenties that nearly took my life. I was diagnosed with a “girl’s disease” and it crushed me. I tried to do research and find resources to help me, and it was all tailored to women. Heck, even one of the diagnostic criteria for that illness was that I had to miss my period for 3-4 months. Hmm, well I’ve actually never had my period. It was a very lonely period of time for me where I kept my illness a secret from almost everybody. It had a shameful connotation to it, and I didn’t want to feel judged or laughed at for having such an illness. Fast forward a few years and I walked out of a 4 month hospitalization with a determination to heal myself, and to also do it while showing the world that men can and do suffer with illnesses that are typically seen as “girl’s things.”

I did a lot of work in the mental health world, became an international speaker, an author, and did a whole bunch of other fun stuff to help people learn through my story, and to show everybody, both men and women, that you’re never alone in your struggles and that you can heal. I tried to shatter the stereotype and break the mold, and I know I was able to do great things as seemingly the lone voice for many that felt voiceless. So, now we come to 2013 and I’m given the fibromyalgia diagnosis, and I immediately laugh to myself and say, “Great, another girl’s disease.” I thought it was another sick joke that was being played on me. Little did I know that my healing journey since that day would take me through a gender induced sense of isolation and challenge me in ways that I didn’t think were possible.

I noticed pretty early on that many of the resources I found were geared towards women. The old frustrations arose. I was only able to find one other man along that way that knew and understood what I was going through. Fortunately for me, he ended up planting a seed of hope deep within my soul that I never let go off regardless of how dark some of the days would become. I noticed from the get-go that being in crippling pain challenged the ideal image of manhood that had been pounded into me for over 30 years. We are supposed to be strong, to plow and fight through, and to not be weak or show weakness. We are supposed to get up, go to work, and provide for our families regardless of what’s going on in our lives. That’s what a “man” would do. Well, I tried to do that for a while, but I was dying inside because my body was telling me to STOP! I ended up crumbling and feeling defeated. I didn’t receive the support or help that I needed by family members. I’ve learned that pain is a very interesting thing because people don’t understand it because they cannot see it, and those around me couldn’t grasp what it was like because they had never experienced anything like it before. They thought I was being dramatic and really over the top about everything. How could anybody be in such pain when there isn’t anything wrong with them? How could somebody be bedridden without clear proof showing the reason for their pain? I could tell that they just wanted me to “man up.” That was going to be quite difficult because I literally couldn’t sit up, stand up, put my legs up, pick the groceries up, eat my eggs up, or anything with the word “up” in it, let alone “man up.”

I was determined to beat yet another diagnosis, and bounced around trying different therapies and holistic work. I did myofascial release, and worked with somatic educators. I took classes, and learned how to give and receive reiki. I tried A LOT of different things, most of which were very painful, and I noticed that I was usually the lone guy in a group of women. This wasn’t the easiest thing for me, but if I hadn’t done so much in the eating disorder world years prior, I know this would have really frustrated me, and I may even have given up. It was tough. It was tough to admit that I couldn’t function like a “normal” human being to a female therapy provider or a class of women. It goes against everything we males are taught through socialization. There are things that men do and there are things that men are not supposed to do, and admitting weakness and fragility is typically a societal no-no for us.

Then I find my way to one Abigail Steidley. My journey to Abigail was like 6 degrees of separation from that one male who planted that seed of hope in my soul. He sent me to a myofascial release therapist, that gave me the number of her life coach friend, who talked to me about one of her friends that did this thing called mind-body coaching, and after visiting her website I saw she trained under this Abigail lady. It wasn’t a clear path, but it was a path that I somehow made a weird sense to me. It’s been a path that has been anything but linear. So I ended up on the doorstep of this mind-body world. Ok, great, this should be easy now, right? All I have to do is follow the directions and all will be solved, right? I arrived to Abigail’s work and noticed there was a lot about pelvic and vaginal pain, which had thinking “of course” at first, but I was drawn to look deeper. I dove into the work and really started learning about the concepts of TMS, the fight or flight response, the nervous systems, and all of this stuff that finally gave me legitimate reasons for what I was going through.

I took the leap and entered into the mind-body coach training. The training class was 90% female, so the trend continued. We ended up in the world of emotions as part of our training. Wait, what are emotions? You mean you want me to feel? You mean to tell me that in order to heal I actually have to feel? Hey, “Feel to Heal” could be my new catch phrase or marketing scheme. Crap, I haven’t felt for 20 plus years, and you want me to start now? Jumping back to things that are taboo for men to do would show us that emotions are pretty high on the list. I know feeling emotions is taboo for most people, but many men are told throughout their lives that “being a man” often means not being emotional and that emotions make you weak. We are socialized to believe that emotions are for girls. Being emotional is often synonymous with being feminine. Emotions have a female stigma behind them, and men are often barraged with insults such as “What are you, a girl?” “Stop being so sensitive!” “Stop crying and man up!” and “Do you need to change your tampon?” when they show signs of emotional weakness throughout their lives. It’s often “bad” for a male to do anything that is considered womanly. The amazing thing about pain is that it will make you do some crazy things just to get out of it, and if I had to “Feel to Heal” then you can bet I was going to try this feeling thing out.

Fortunately for me, I was asked to start opening up to feel emotions in a very safe, protective environment with my fellow classmates. It was tough, but most importantly I was at a point where I was ready for it. It challenged everything about me. It asked that I become more vulnerable than I ever have before, and do so in a way that is often seen as detrimental to a person of my sex. Vulnerability wasn’t one of my strong suits as I was a master at walling things up behind a very tough exterior. Now, before I write any more I want to clarify that this work isn’t easy for anybody to do at all, and that these pain syndromes and health issues are equally as challenging and crippling for both men and women. I have a special appreciation for what you are all going through, and I send a big virtual high-five or hug to all of you.

It became clear to me that I had to really let go of trying to control my own healing in order to heal. That is completely counter to how I’ve approached every single challenge in my life. I had to let go of the reigns, and just allow the magic to happen as I did the work. This wasn’t physical therapy, and there was no magical prescribed plan that would fix me in 3 weeks. Manning up wasn’t going to solve anything. That goal driven, perfectionist mindset of mine wasn’t going to work. It was going to require the exact opposite. This was an unraveling, an allowing, and an accepting. An accepting? Yes, an accepting of where I was physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually at any given time. An acceptance and an allowing that symptoms were present. An acceptance and an allowing that my situation wasn’t as manly as it was “supposed” to be. An acceptance and an allowing that I was experiencing everything that I was going through. An acceptance and an allowing that I felt like the lone guy in a room full of women. An acceptance and an allowing that other people might not understand or support what I’m going through or the work that I’m doing. The more I accepted and allowed things, rather than fighting them, hiding them, or being ashamed from them, I realized that I was deeply shifting and healing. The more I allowed, the more I was able to let go of the bag of rocks that my symptoms bestowed on me. The more I let go of those rocks, the more I was able to let go of the other rocks I was carrying, many of which were gender norm related. The more I allowed and accepted, the more I started actually supporting myself and gaining my own peace.

I learned that I didn’t have to carry the weight of the giant bag of rocks I’d been carrying for 20+ years anymore. I didn’t have to carry the shame of being a guy with a “girl’s illness” anymore. I didn’t have to carry the pressures anymore. I learned that I didn’t have to live based on a certain set of standards or norms because of my gender or my life. That’s the big thing I want to get across from all of these words. I learned that I can allow myself to feel for the first time in my life, and I realized that emotions aren’t female things, but rather human things. You were born to feel, and it’s never too late to start. I would like any and all males (and all of the females as well) that may be reading this to know that you aren’t cursed with whatever symptoms you are having. Your pain is real and your symptoms matter. You don’t have to remain hidden about it. You don’t have to be ashamed by it. There may be a very big female presence in the healing community, but that doesn’t mean you are broken, defective, weak, or alone in any way. Yes, this is going to challenge you in ways that are going to be very uncomfortable for you, but I can say that you’ll heal if you have hope and trust your own healing journey. Your journey may not be the same as mine, but I can at least be one voice that will tell you that you can do this. It’s tough, it’s icky, and sometimes it’s painful, but you got this. Plant that seed and let it grow.

——

Vic Avon

Specializes in:

Bag of Rocks Syndrome, Letting Go, Stress and Self-Pressure Relief, and Stepping Out of the Mold So You Can Find and Embrace Your Individual Awesomeness.

email: VicAvonCoaching@gmail.com

Years ago I received this excellent advice from one of the wisest and most practical people I know. At the time I was attempting some version of trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, relying on my mechanical style statement of jamming the stubborn item (drawer, door, key, trunk lid, you name it) into its “proper” place.

His advice, that the most important information was 1)not that it didn’t fit, but 2)why and how it didn’t, and 3) how to make it work with ease, it was a lightbulb moment for me. It led to noticing what what was stuck – and to non-violent household solutions.

For awhile “Don’t Force It” was my DIY mantra. Eventually I realized its truth as a more global philosophy. Force leads to struggle, which leads to a fight/flight/flee stress response, which leads to a host of mind/body pain, from IC, back pain, and fibromyalgia, to weight gain, anxiety and beyond. When I started listening to my body, it all fell into place.“Don’t Force It” replaced my previous all-purpose motto, the old Nike slogan, “Just Do It.”

One of my “do’s” had been to drag myself to the running trail whether it sounded like fun or flogging. I eventually started to notice that when my body’s need was to heal, my muscles and joints weren’t happy, the endorphins didn’t kick in, and the experience was more ordeal than exercise. Coincidentally (or not), I started reading about the concept of over-training, which provided scientific evidence for what I was experiencing. The gods of “should,” OCD, and habit didn’t strike me down for taking a day or week off. My physical being thanked me with energy and lifted spirits. I began to focus on my body’s messages and expanded my awareness to other areas of my life.

Additionally, as I played with listening to my body, I realized that at times she wanted something (physical activity, completion of a task, protein) and had difficulty being heard because of whiny thoughts: “It’s too much work, I don’t feel like it, I deserve six cookies.” That’s when my logic mind and my meta-consciousness (Compassionate Witness, Wise Guide) entered my awareness as helpful detective and observer. They have also become guides to what my being really desires: whether it’s doing, not doing, doing something else, or choosing to do/not do it this time, or file the info for the future.

My To-Do or Not To-Do Steps:

1) Notice the physical sensations and emotions from a situation/decision, especially heavy or light

2) Notice thoughts attached to emotions/sensations, if thoughts arise

3) Ask yourself what message is being sent

4) Act accordingly

5) When values, uncertain boundaries, or practicalities lead to actions that don’t feel body-centered (i.e. attend the meeting, change the litter box, pay the bills) give self a hug for awareness and file as “good to know for the future/what did I learn from this?”

The Quick Version:

I encourage you to experiment with ways of hearing what your body is telling you. I’m still learning and I would love to hear your own listening techniques. There are multiple benefits and no down side to getting your body’s opinion – and letting go of unaware force.

May the Ease be with you!

Ann

Generally, what happens is we focus on the result of this process.  We study our illnesses, whether they are frequent colds and flus, infections, vulvodynia, interstitial cystitis, pelvic floor dysfunction, irritable bowel syndrome, fibromyalgia, back pain, or something else.  We pay lots of attention to the result when we need to be looking at the process itself.  We need to be asking questions like, “Why am I living in a constant state of stress and fight or flight?” and “How can I stop this pattern?”

Nobody sets out to live their life with stress and constant fight or flight.  You’re probably not waking up every morning, choosing to suppress emotions, think panic thoughts, and generally stress yourself out.  All of that happens when you don’t understand how the mind and body work together, and how much power you have to create the lasting health you want.

I understand that if you’re feeling symptoms or pain, you’d like them to ease off.  Yet, it’s a catch-22.  In order for the symptoms to ease off, you’ll need to relax out of fight or flight and change the habits that are creating this reaction in your body.  Which, of course, takes time.  So, today I’m giving you a short, fast combination of tools that can take the pain down several notches very quickly while you’re working on the long-term changes.

It’s the combination of tools here that is effective, so do put them together.  None of them take more than a couple minutes, and can be easily added to your daily life.

1)   Pay attention to the muscles in the area where you have symptoms.  For pelvic syndromes, this will be the pelvic floor muscles.  Notice how these muscles feel.  Are they tight?  Do they feel like they are lifting something and are contracted upward, into your body?  If you’re focusing on another area, see if you can find the specific muscle contraction.  Breathe into this area of muscle tension, and mentally direct the muscles to relax.  For the pelvic floor muscles, focus on dropping them downward, as though you were preparing to urinate, or like the relaxed end of a kegel exercise.  Imagine your backside softening and relaxing, like jello, or butter – as though it could spread outward and melt into the chair.  Imagine your hips widening and relaxing.  (I realize nobody wants their backside to look like jello or butter – we’re talking about a FEELING here.)  Once you’ve relaxed the primary area of tension, see if any secondary areas need to relax.  Often, you’ll find tension in more than just the area where you feel symptoms.  Repeat this awareness and conscious relaxation every 30 minutes throughout the day.  Keep it up and you’ll begin to notice a huge difference.  By consciously relaxing your muscles, you are telling your body there’s no need for fight or flight.   It will learn to relax consistently, allowing healing in the areas where tension prevailed.

2)   Ask yourself what you are feeling, emotionally, after you’ve relaxed the muscles.  The primary reason we tighten and clench muscles is to hold emotional awareness at a distance.  Emotional energy flows through our bodies constantly.  To stop this, you only have one option: clench a muscle.  By becoming aware of what you are feeling, you release the need to hold tension, tell your body that fight or flight is not necessary, and allow healing to happen.  Sure, you will now feel the discomfort of your emotions.  However, you will quickly feel a lot less physical pain.  And, emotions do not last forever.  They come and go.  Once you can learn to flow with them and just let them be there, they will leave of their own accord.

3)   Breathe.  Nothing fancy here.  Just notice your breathing.  See what it feels like to breathe in and out.  Don’t try to breathe “right” or “better.”  Just be aware of this natural, tension-releasing process.  Enjoy it.  Let your body breathe exactly as it wants to.

That’s it!  Yes, it’s that simple, and yes, it works.  Repeat these three steps every 30 minutes, daily, for a week, and you’ll see results fast.  You’ll feel more relaxed, because you are helping your body release the fight or flight response from all angles.  You’ll begin reprogramming yourself and dropping old habits.  You’ll feel that healing is possible and happening.  You’ll notice breaks in the symptom intensity, or moments of no symptoms whatsoever.  As usual, the only side effect is more relaxation, the possibility of happiness, and relief – both physically and emotionally.

I’m about to propose a unique theory for which I have done absolutely no scientific research.  There’s your disclaimer.  I do think I’m onto something interesting, though.

At yesterday’s eye appointment, my eye doctor said, “Well, it looks like you’ve talked yourself right out of glasses.”  We had a very fascinating discussion about the muscles around the eyeball, and he explained that certain muscles tense and contract under stress and eventually create nearsightedness.  This made sense to me, as I had read a couple books about various techniques for improving vision using muscle-relaxing techniques.  I’ve made a sort of casual practice of these techniques over the years.  Even with little effort, it appears they work!  I’m down to just a small prescription for night driving.

I went home and pulled the book off my shelf that I bought years ago, entitled Take Off Your Glasses and See: A Mind/Body Approach to Expanding Your Eyesight and Insight by Jacob Liberman, O.D., Ph.D.  As I skimmed through it, I had the revelation I’ll share with you all: I ended up with normal eyesight as a result of using mind-body tools to heal my pelvic pain.  You might be able to employ these vision improvement techniques purposefully to help heal your pelvic pain (and end up with normal eyesight as a result).

Here’s why: The vision improvement techniques I used are all about opening your visual focus, allowing yourself to process emotions, and releasing muscle contraction/tension.  It turns out that when we suppress or avoid emotions, our eye muscles suffer.  When we want to close out self-awareness, we narrow our visual focus.  In essence, our eyes are responding to our inner world, all the time.

Even if you have normal vision, you might benefit from a perusal through this book.  I’m interested, though, to see how many of us have both pelvic issues and nearsightedness.  It only makes sense they would go hand in hand.

Though it’s just a hypothesis, I’m suggesting that there could be a connection between eyesight and vulvodynia, interstitial cystitis, back pain, and fibromyalgia.  How we use our eyes is an unconscious reflection of how we react to stress within ourselves, how we deal with emotions, and how we see ourselves and our world.  If this resonates with you, take a look at Take off Your Glasses and See.  Of the different vision books I’ve read, this one does the best job of connecting all the mind-body tools we already know to new ones that benefit the whole body and eyesight.  Play with it and see what happens!  The worst side effect would be better vision AND pain relief!

Today’s client interview really takes you along on this fascinating and wonderful healing journey, so I’m thankful this client was willing to tell her story.  I hope you enjoy it!  For more on the archetypes she discusses during the interview, click here: http://www.myss.com/library/contracts/three_archs.asp.

To download the interview, CLICK HERE.

And then, it happens.  3 days of pain!  A backlash!  Suddenly you feel terrible again!  You are freaking out!

Stop.

Take a deep breath.

Another one.

And another one.

This is normal.

The mind-body healing process is not linear.  You will have periods of time when you feel really well, and periods of time when you don’t.  THIS DOES NOT MEAN ANYTHING BAD.  In fact, it just means that it’s working.  The body and mind need time to process emotional and physical healing on different levels.  Eventually, you will experience very few periods of pain and predominantly live with pain-free health.  Then, those few periods of pain will disappear.  However, if one pops up every now and then, it’s not cause for panic.

Here’s why:

You must remember that the pain itself is simply a messenger.  This is why I like to throw away the words vulvodynia, interstitial cystitis, irritable bowel syndrome, fibromyalgia…they don’t really mean anything, anyway.  They are just fancy names for pain.  If you are experiencing pain/symptoms, even after long periods of wellness, it does not mean that you have failed, the mind-body tools aren’t working, or any other such dire thoughts.  Those are just THOUGHTS.  What it means is you have missed a cue from your body somewhere.  You stuffed some emotions, you aren’t listening to something important inside you, have been putting pressure on yourself/saying negative things to yourself, or you have been ignoring your own needs/wants in some fashion.

So try this:

Thank your pain.

Really!

Because it’s here to remind you of something important, something you kind of knew but glossed over.  It’s keeping you on the self-love straight-and-narrow.  It will not let you get too far out of alignment with your true self.  You have a magic body that keeps you honest and refuses to let you be hard on yourself.

How do I know?

I have one too, thank goodness.  Without it, I would never have learned that loving myself is the most important thing, my number one job in this human body.  I don’t always love myself perfectly, but I do focus on it every single day.

Don’t believe the wild, scary thoughts your mind is spewing about the pain.  Simply thank the pain, and then start looking.  Where do you need to remove self pressure?  Were do you need to feel an emotion?  Where do you need to get really honest with yourself?  Were do you need a big old dose of self love?

Thank you, pain, oh wise teacher.

A few weeks ago I found some niggling self-pressure thoughts and noticed I still had remnants of my old tendency to think I should be different than I am.  Better.  Smarter.  Know more.  Work harder.  Be more successful.  Ugh.  Just saying that makes me feel tired.  Which is why those kinds of thoughts are life-force energy thieves.  Who wants that?

If you’re going to use all your mind-body mojo to heal from vulvodynia, interstitial cystitis, irritable bowel syndrome, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, or any other similar syndrome (by that I mean involves lots of annoying physical pain and is cloaked in a shroud of mystery in the medical world), you will need today’s assignment.   Because a large chunk of the mystery around these syndromes is a deep longing from your body for you to simply love yourself as-is and stop beating yourself up, thinking you should be “better,” or fighting with yourself.

When I was looking around for vulvodynia support and help for interstitial cystitis, I looked everywhere.  Doctor’s offices, online vulvodynia support groups, books…and everywhere I seemed to run into more scary news.  I ended up getting real support from a surprising place – my own inner wisdom.  As I spent time learning to tap into it, I kept hearing the same message:  “Love yourself.”

It took me a few years to really learn how to do that.  And even now, I am still cleaning up those little corners where I’ve missed a spot.  Loving yourself is largely about what you think about yourself, what you say to yourself day in and day out, and whether or not you honor your deep longings.

So here’s the assignment:

Make a giant list of everything you even remotely like about yourself.  Include: things you do well, your unique skills and talents, your positive character traits, things you’ve done in the past, and anything at all.  Take 20-30 minutes to start this list, and then add 1-5 things to it each day.  When you get to the daily part of the assignment, use anything you value or like about yourself from that day.  I ended up purchasing an entire journal for this, and I’m having so much fun that I’m challenging myself to find 20 things each day that I like/love about me.  It’s getting easier, I’m feeling more in love with myself than ever before, and I have even more energy.  (For my friends and family, that might be a scary thought…)

Here’s an excerpt from my love list:

I am a violinist who listened to her heart’s desire, dumped the classical music field after studying it for 20 years, and now plays her own compositions and Irish fiddle.

I am a fantastic coach, who was born to do this work.

I am a writer with a strong individual voice and style.

I am a veritable idea factory.

I am a fantastic listener.

I emit a loving energy that allows people the safety and comfort in which to cry.

I read at the speed of light, digest information quickly, and then share it easily with others.

I am a supportive and loving wife.

There’s so much more, but for the sake of brevity, I’ll stop.  But wow, it feels amazing!  Give it and try (don’t just take my word for it!) and you will notice your energy lifting.  You’ll feel the healing happening in your heart and soul, which means your body is soon to follow.

The final piece of this assignment is to share something off your list with someone.  If you want, post yours in the comments space below.  It spreads the love to see each other doing this for ourselves.  In the end, you are the only one who can truly love and support yourself, so it’s time to create a strong focus on that in our Healthy Life community here.

When you love you, when you support you, everything else will fall into place.  You’ll see.  When I started doing this assignment myself, a funny thing happened.  Everywhere I turned, someone told me how amazing, valuable, or loved I am.  Not just people in my inner circle, but people I’ve never even met in person.  I’ve gotten one or more complimentary emails a day since implementing this exercise.   So really, what are you waiting for?  Make your love list today!

Here are two of my favorite self-love resources:

The Art of Self-Love by Master Law of Attraction Coach Jeannette Maw

The Best Year of Your Life Kit by Spiritual Coach Debbie Ford

Mulling over that period in my life, I easily arrive at gratitude.   I am filled with gratitude for the moment I discovered mind-body healing.  It was like being set free.  I was set free from my own internal habits and patterns, from my own emotional avoidance, and from the never-ending string of doctor’s visits.

I spent some years feeling very angry at doctors.  I spent time being mad at the whole Western medicine model.  So the mind-body tools even freed me from my own anger, and from feeling powerless.

Once I understood my own mind-body-spirit connection, I saw that the doctors were running a race they absolutely could not win.  Having talked with many doctors since becoming a mind-body coach, I can even speak to what they’ve told me.  Many of them spent years scratching their heads and being frustrated that they could not solve these pain issues for people.  Of course they couldn’t – because they couldn’t jump inside someone else’s body or mind and see what thoughts or emotions were causing physiological responses.

I once went to a urologist (one of many, of course) who ran out of the little tiny napkins they give women to cover the southern regions.  I entered the exam room and the nurse handed me the male version – an equally small napkin, much like the female one, with one exception: the giant hole in the middle.  I kid you not.  Apparently it’s for examining the male southern regions?  I really can’t be sure.  Why do you need a hole?  Couldn’t one just lift up the napkin?  Does the little napkin even cover anything, anyway?  Sorry, I digress.

As I sat on the table, trying to cover myself with a tiny napkin with a giant hole in the middle, I felt a slew of emotions.  Astonishment.  Disbelief.  Possibly even a hint of denial.  And then, I started laughing.  It was really just too ridiculous for words.  It was such a clear sign, there might as well have been a giant poster on the wall reading: This is not the right path for you.

So when I think about the man-napkin moment, I smile.  I feel deep appreciation for the mind-body tools that brought me pain relief in my own comfy living room.  I feel happy that this whole method exists, and that I now get to share it with other women.  I feel a kinship with women who are sitting naked in exam rooms thinking, “There simply has to be another way.”

Even though not everyone wants to go the mind-body route, and I know that each person is on their own individual path, I want to take a moment to celebrate with those of you who are equally grateful to have found mind-body healing.

Isn’t it great? Isn’t it amazing?  Isn’t it empowering to know that you never have to wear a man-napkin in an exam room again?  (Maybe that’s just me.)  Even if you’re new to the whole thing, isn’t it fantastic to feel hope?  To have a sense that you’re onto something good?

I don’t know what got into me today, but I just felt like celebrating this wonderful thing that changed my life.  It felt like the day to proclaim joy and appreciation right out loud.  To say, “I love you, mind-body healing!”  The best thing about mind-body tools is they keep on giving, even after the pain or symptoms are gone.  So, to all of you who are journeying in these mind-body realms with me, know that it just keeps getting better and better.  That’s something to celebrate!

Are you new to the blog?  Wondering where you can find these apparently amazing tools?  They are all crammed into my audio course, The Healthy Mind Toolbox, available HERE.

Being disconnected simply means your mental awareness is elsewhere.  You’re thinking about your to-do list, the fight you had with your spouse last night, the upcoming in-law visit, the summer camp schedule for your kids…and on and on.

It was a novel idea to me, when I first encountered it, that I could do activities and be aware of my body at the same time.  It was also transformational.

So, that’s your homework assignment for this week.  Instead of telling you all about it, I’m inviting you to try it.

Here’s how you do it:

Start by noticing the sensations in your hands and feet at this moment.  Notice the feeling of air on your skin, the feeling of your feet touching the floor or your shoes, or any other sensations.  You might feel a little tingling or warmth.  Mentally note what it feels like to be so vividly aware of your hands and feet.   This is the feeling of the energy within your body, so connect to it as deeply as possible.

Throughout the week, come back to this feeling in your hands and feet as often as you can.  (Don’t make this into a pressure thing – just do it anywhere from once a day to every hour.  Do what feels right and possible for you right now.)  Then, challenge yourself to feel this feeling in your hands and feet while you are reading a book, watching TV, washing dishes, or doing any task.  Think of this as a fun game, not a pressured task you must do perfectly.  Just play with it.  Be gently inspired to expand your awareness.  Have fun.  See what happens!

In mind-body coaching, we often work with the message behind the physical pain/symptom.  I’ve often joked that I’m somewhat stubborn, to put it gently, and my body really has to give me a good smack to help me make important changes in my life.  But, this smack takes a little decoding to understand.  To help you decode the messages in your pain, I often write about the common ones I see in my coaching practice.

An extremely common message behind physical pain has to do with setting boundaries.  Boundary-setting is something I didn’t fully understand until I went through coach training.  I knew that I often said yes when I wanted to say no, pushed myself past my own limits, and let others’ approval trump my own deep desires.  What I didn’t know was how to say no, how to put myself on my own priority list, and how to set healthy boundaries without being harsh.  It was a confusing issue.

Thankfully, my body told me I needed to set boundaries.  It let me know that I was letting unhealthy patterns exist in relationships, and it told me I was not really nurturing myself.  But it couldn’t teach me to really understand the messages it was sending me, day in and day out, that were designed to help me set healthy boundaries.

I came across the work of Koelle Simpson while in coach training.  It was one of those big aha moments that create a giant leap forward in self-understanding.  In one fell swoop, I saw how I could say no, create healthy boundaries, and still be loving, compassionate, and kind to others.  The confusing “how” was finally solved.

Koelle is an equus coach, which means that she uses horses as giant coaching tools.  Very, very giant, I might add.  This sounds perplexing until you understand the nature of horses.  Horses respond to the non-verbal communication that you give in each and every moment.  Though humans respond to non-verbal communication too (in fact, this is the primary way we relate to each other, even though we may not be aware of it), horses are unique in that they cannot understand language.  They also spend much less time around humans than domesticated animals.  The upside of this is they treat humans just like they treat other horses.

If you walk into the horse ring and say hello to a horse, it could care less.  If you tell it everything you want it to do, it will simply walk off and eat whatever is handy.  The only way to communicate with the horse is via body language and energy.  There is no fooling the horse.  If you are afraid, it knows.  If you are angry, it knows.  If you think you want to create your own space, set a boundary, and be strong, it will show you immediately whether or not you are actually doing so.  If you are not setting firm, loving boundaries, the horse will 1) invade your space 2) not respond to your actions 3) assume a leadership role.

When an animal with one hind leg that weighs as much as you assumes a leadership role, there is no cajoling, begging, or smiling that will make one bit of difference.  You have no choice but to learn how to project leadership energy, set effective boundaries, and take charge of yourself and the horse.

My experience in the horse ring was so transformational that I knew I needed to share this opportunity with you, my fellow health creators!  The difficulty has been in explaining how a horse is going to help you heal.  (I just have to indulge myself and tell you what I imagined you saying:  “How in the hell is a horse going to help me heal my hoo-ha?”)

The reality is that a horse will not only help you heal – it will help you heal the root issues behind the pain.  There is only so much ignoring your poor body can take before it says “PLEASE!  For the love of God, say no, stop living your life to please others, and LEAD YOUR LIFE!”  (I put that in all caps because it sure as hell felt like my body was yelling that at me!)

Leading my life does two things.  It makes me feel joy, and it keeps me healthy.  Then, when I lead my life and set healthy boundaries, the funniest thing happens.  Not only am I healthy and happy, but my relationships improve.  All those things I thought I had to do to please other people turned out to be getting in the way of true, honest, relationships.  Every single relationship I have is now a hundred times better than it used to be.  My body is at ease, because I am at ease as the leader of my life.

So here’s the deal: if I could design the perfect experience for you to learn everything about boundaries, listening to and honoring your body, and creating health, I would spend 3 days with you.  In those 3 days, I would hook you up with Koelle, take you through several Yo-Ching(SM) classes, and teach you mind-body tools.  I’d also plunk you down in the middle of nature, which is extraordinarily healing in itself.

Coincidentally, I have created this very thing.

All joking aside, the upcoming Turn on Your Inner GPS Workshop is this ultimate combination.  I can’t think of any better way to share everything with you to further your healing journey.  I felt the need to tell you that, because it’s important that you know!  I’ve tried to be extremely aware of the financial end of things in creating this workshop, and though it does include Koelle, myself, and Jess Ryan, (yoga teacher extraordinaire and my Yo-Ching(SM) business partner), the price is not any different than one of Koelle’s Primal Leadership Workshops.  (If you check it out, remember that all lodging and meals are included in the price.)  I really, really, want this experience to be possible and helpful for you!  (The Early Bird price is good through Friday, July 16.)

If you’d like to check out all the details, Click Here.  You can join Koelle, myself, and Jess on a free informational call about the Turn on Your Inner GPS Workshop on Thursday, July 15, at 11:30 PT/12:30 MT/1:30 CT/2:30 ET.  The call will be recorded and sent out afterward, so even if you can’t make it, you can email me any questions you’d like answered.  Here is the call-in info:

(724) 444-7444

Call ID: 85297

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