Now, as an adult, I’d have to narrow down my top two career choices to life coach and spy. I realize that being a spy might be a tad unrealistic. First, I’d have to be able to shoot a gun with accurate aim, something that is not in my skill-set. (Instead, I’d likely harm myself and innocent bystanders.) I’d probably be more like Jonny English than Sydney Bristow  if I was a spy. Second – well, there are numerous reasons the spy lifestyle just isn’t for me.

Recently, I was pondering this seemingly dichotomous pair of interests. I wondered why I have always been so passionate about spying, when it was never something I’d really do. The FBI would probably cringe at the very thought of recruiting me. Then I realized that the essence of what I love about spying is the very essence of coaching. It’s observing other people, noticing, and cataloging information without making judgments.

Even more than that, it’s the very core of what I’ve learned about creating peace in my own life. If I can observe myself, take notes, and study myself without judgment, I can learn about myself. I can take the pressure off and stop constantly trying to change myself. Instead, I can get to know myself.

A good spy has to stay detached as she observes and gathers information. She can’t be emotionally involved with the subjects in her mission, because then she can’t view them objectively.

Being a good spy in your own life requires the same skill. It requires stepping back and observing yourself as though you were watching a complete stranger. All those ideas about how you think you should be, who you think you are, ideas you’ve accumulated about yourself, judgments you’ve long held – they all have to go out the window.

To accomplish this, I pretend I’m a spy looking in on my own life. If you don’t have a passion for spying, you might pretend you are a scientist observing an experiment. That requires the same detachment and non-judgmental observation skills. Whether you’re a spy or a scientist, you’ll be doing the same thing: observing and noting things about yourself, then drawing conclusions, and finally, taking action.

Often, when something isn’t working in our lives, the temptation is to jump straight into action or fix mode. Solve the problem! Do something!

This is skipping an important and essential step: observation and discovery. If you really do look before you leap, you’ll find that you are much more efficient and effective with the action steps you take to improve your life.

For example, let’s say I want to lose weight. The action mode might take me into dieting and starting a new exercise plan. But how do I know if those are really effective for me? How do I know that’s what I actually need? The truth is, I don’t.

First, I need to take some time to observe myself. I need to ask questions like, what is my relationship with food? Do I eat when I’m not hungry? Do I use food to avoid emotions? If so, how? What are the most common triggers for me? Why do I use food to avoid emotions? What am I thinking about when I overeat? Am I overeating for other reasons, like a desire to feel more connected to my body? Am I overeating a food group because I’m not getting enough of another? Am I actually not eating enough during parts of the day? Do I know how to feel emotions? What is driving my dislike for my body? Where am I putting pressure on myself and creating a catch-22, because it makes me overeat? Am I already exercising, but not in the way my body wants?

I could go on and on. There are so many unanswered questions, because I haven’t taken the time to observe, notice, and learn. Instead, I’m making a judgment – I’m overweight. Therefore, I must lose weight. Bam – action. The action may not even remotely fit the need.

Like Harriet the Spy, I still carry around a notebook. I call it my self-observation journal. (I haven’t thought of anything catchier.) In it, I notice things about myself. I keep it simple, and just try to notice emotions, thoughts, body sensations, and needs or desires. I also write down conclusions or things I’ve learned about myself from my observations.

You, too, can keep a notebook, if you want. I find that writing helps me with my observation skills. After doing this for a few years now, I notice that my first step, when I notice a problem, is now to step back and observe, with or without my journal. I’ve created a new habit. I’ve become a better spy in my own life. Which, since the FBI hasn’t called yet, is probably the closest I’ll come to being a kick-ass spy. I’ll take it.

 I’m guessing it’s a lifelong project to live, express, and encompass your soul song to its fullest. There’s a process of gathering up new realizations and insights that show you more about your soul. There’s a process of letting go of old beliefs and perceptions that keep you from realizing various parts of your soul song. It’s a bit like a continuous mystery – you get to discover more about you, every day.

Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’ve collected enough elements of myself to sing my soul song on a whole new level. If I was standing on a stage, singing a melody before, now I am belting it out with new energy, more color, strobe lights, more notes, more volume…just more! It feels so good that I want to help you belt yours out, too.

To find out what belongs in your soul song, you can look back to childhood. I believe that kids sing a fairly pure soul song tune, at least at first. Growing into adolescence and adulthood might teach us to hide or hold back, but when we’re first born, I think we’re singing loud and clear.

As a kid, I loved many things. Creating stuff. Imagining. Putting on productions and generally leading creative projects. Playing music. Writing music. Reading books about magic. Reading books like Harriet the Spy – mysteries and spy stories. Learning instruments. Singing.

I remember spending long afternoons playing “Ode to Joy” on the piano ad naseum. I couldn’t get enough of the sound of melody and how much I loved making it happen.

I got lost at night in books that took me to magical places or taught me how to spy. I often practiced my spying on family members, who learned to look for me around corners and behind furniture.

I fell head over heels in love with American Girl Dolls. Their stories were so fascinating! All that history. I’d always found Barbie to be an utter snoozefest, but American Girl Dolls were – real.

I constantly pinned pillowcases to my head and pretended I had long, flowing, curly hair. When I was ten, I got my first perm and felt like a million bucks. That started a lifelong search for the perfect curl and wave for my naturally straight hair.

I spent weeks every Christmas writing and rehearsing elaborate productions in which I also performed, prodding my brother to practice his part and prepare for the big final performance.

All of these things are clues to how I can fully sing my soul song as an adult. Harriet the Spy taught me how to observe – both myself and others – without judgment and with curiosity. This is the foundation of my coaching, now. My love for American Girl Dolls shows up now as a love for play, a connection to my inner child, and a love for people’s stories. I am endlessly fascinated by people.

All the magic I learned as a kid makes me able to tap into magic as an adult, in a real and practical way. I can let energy create for me, instead of over-efforting and over-working. My musical self still writes music and uses music to connect to my inner wisdom, soul, and inner peace. And I’m most definitely still creating productions, which is my definition of being an entrepreneur.

Eventually, I finally found the perfect hairstyle and curling tool – the deep wave hairwaver (you can read more about this on the About page). My hair is an expression of me, and feels comfortable and fun. The funny thing is, ever since I started using the waver, women stop me wherever I go and ask how I curl my hair. I think this has less to do with my actual hair (though the waves are truly magnificent, if you’re a curl addict like me) and more about the way I feel with my hair waved. I feel so – me. It might seem trivial, but it’s actually not. Anything about you that expresses your soul song, be it a color you wear, a favorite shoe, or a deep internal sense of purpose and clarity, is worth celebrating and embracing.

In the end, being fully you and letting all these parts of your soul come together is what makes you magnetic. This is why letting yourself express your soul song is how you master the law of attraction. You shine bright, you pull what you love toward you, and you radiate a light that connects you to others.

Plus, it’s a whole lot of fun.

Ready to start consciously expressing your soul song? You can start today. Go back in time and think of one thing you absolutely loved as a kid. Then figure out how you can incorporate more of it, the essence of it, or some form of it in your life now. Get ready to feel like you’ve pulled in a piece (or pieces) of yourself that was asking to be included all along.

Start making a list. It’s a never-ending list that you get to keep adding to for the rest of your life. What makes you feel utterly you? What feels like an expression of your soul? What makes you tick? What do you love? Even better, what do you love about you?

I can’t wait to hear about your soul song! I’d love it if you’d visit the anamsong Facebook page and share one-three of your list items!