Ever wake up with a ‘sudden’ bout of back pain?  Or even neck, foot or anywhere pain? You went to bed, feeling just fine, no injuries that you can think of, but the next morning, it hurts to move?

I had this happen recently. I went to sleep feeling fine and the next morning, my shoulder blade felt like a stick was lodged in it. Very uncomfortable to say the least.

When this used to happen, I would completely panic. How would I get my kids off to school? How would I get my to-do list even partly started? What doctor, pill or healer could I run to to get relief?

But guess what? This time, I became the healer that I ‘ran’ to and gave myself the relief I needed.

With this shoulder blade pain, I did panic for a moment, but then I quickly readjusted and directed my mind to healing.

‘My mind to healing’, you may ask? What has body pain got anything to do with the mind? Isn’t it a body thing?

Yes and no.

Dr. John Sarno, a well known back physician and author of ‘The Mind -Body Prescription’, has claimed for years that many body pains are caused by the brain, not the body. Yes, there is real pain and it hurts – but it’s a trick that your brain is playing on you and it is within YOUR POWER to get relief.

His theory is that the brain is afraid to deal with emotions. In an effort to suppress them, it cuts off oxygen to certain body parts which results in pain and distracts you from dealing with your feelings. Instead, the pain is so uncomfortable that all your energy gets focused on getting rid of it and that gets you running to doctors, chiropractors, massage therapists for relief.

Please don’t get me wrong. All these healers are wonderful and they may help you get temporary relief for a day or two, maybe a month or two even.

But this pain will most likely return – maybe not in the same form, but it will return if the true source of the pain isn’t recognized. One month it may be your lower back, the next month your upper back. Or plantar fascitis. Or headaches. The pain will jump around and not in a logical order.

So what is the true source of the pain?

It’s the suppression of your emotional world.

Emotions are ‘energy in motion’ in your body and they are trying to communicate messages to you.  Dr. Sarno’s theory is that our mind is too afraid (subconsciously, of course) to look at these messages.

Why is the mind so afraid of us looking at our emotions?

Because our emotions communicate to us how we’re feeling – whether we are sad, angry, embarrassed, scared and even happy.

And when you pay attention to these feelings,  you may come to the conclusion that changes have to be made.  A relationship may have to be scrutinized, a thought or behavior pattern of yours may need to be shifted or a situation, like a job, may have to be let go.

The primitive part of the brain is just too scared of change. It reacts with panic – “oh, no, not change!”

So what can be done? Who wants to continue to live with pain?

I don’t that’s for sure. When I finally decided to entertain that Dr. Sarno’s theory could even possibly be true, I had to get real brave and look at my emotional world.

And guess what? It wasn’t as scary as I thought. Yes, sometimes it did require changes, but those changes were good for me and I’m much happier for them. Operating in the world from a place of ‘fear of change’  just didn’t serve my health nor my highest good.

Over time and practice, I have, thank G-d, accessed more and more of the healer within me.

Do I still go to doctors, physical therapists, get massages? For sure. But certainly not as much as I used to and not for the same reasons as before.

If I do go to these specialists, it’s more to get check ups or to get a greater understanding of some part of my body. If I go to a chiropractor or massage therapist it’s because it feels good for my body to get the treatment.  I also use discernment to establish if something is serious and needs medical attention or the assistance of a specialist.

On a daily basis, I try to keep in mind that whatever is presenting itself physically to me may be the result of an emotion needing to be processed, an unhelpful subconscious thought needing to be heard or a behavior pattern, relationship or situation needing to be adjusted.

So, how did I access the healer in me when my shoulder was in pain?

I first panicked. Just for a moment. Yes, there was pain and my first reaction to pain is alarm.  I allowed that moment and also searched my memory for an injury. The pain was manageable, but if it had really hurt, I would have taken an ibuprofin because I dislike being uncomfortable. This shoulder pain felt manageable.

Then I took a few moments to check in with my body and emotional world. I closed my eyes, and noticed what other physical sensations I had in my body BESIDES the shoulder pain. I also searched my mind for an uncomfortable situation that may have taken place the day before that I had ignored. By taking a little time to go within, I recognized the situation and noticed that my chest was tight and my jaw clenched.

I placed my attention on those sensations for less than a minute. Some thoughts came to mind around a circumstance that I had not dealt with. I like to journal so I wrote down a few things and took recognition of some very unhelpful thoughts around the circumstance. In this case there wasn’t any action that I needed to take, just a noticing of a particular incident that had brought up some fearful thoughts. And then I took a few deep breaths.

Voila! My brain got the message that I was willing to look at my emotions. No need to cut off oxygen to my shoulder and cause pain and distraction. No need for that tension to be in my body.

Did the shoulder blade pain go away?

Not right away, but it did lessen.  And I had faith that it would disappear because I’ve done this before. I even went to exercise class because I knew that the true source of the pain was coming from my brain and not coming from an injury or physical disability.

I had accessed the healer in me.

Want to try?

You don’t have to wait till you’re in pain.

Doing these steps a few times a day can help you access the healer within:

1. Communicate to your brain: Let your brain know that it no longer has permission to cut off oxygen anywhere in your body and cause you distracting pain. I do this by telling my brain ‘I’m willing to feel all my emotions.’
2. Notice physical sensations: Check in a few times a day to notice the physical sensations in your body. At first you may want to close your eyes to concentrate.

What do you notice? Is your jaw clenched, shoulder’s hunched, mind buzzed, breath held, stomach knotted? All these are physical sensations are expressing an emotional energy in your body. You may even hear a word come into your mind -’angry,’ ‘sad’, ‘disappointed.’ But the word isn’t as important as putting your attention on the sensation itself. When you notice the sensation, just stay with your mind on it for a few seconds. Allowance and acceptance are key.

3. Breath: After noticing, allowing and accepting the stomach ache, the tight shoulders, the clenched jaw, take a deep breath and release. Perhaps journal what thoughts you’re noticing or if a recognition came to mind regarding the circumstances surrounding the physical sensation.

Even if it’s a lightness in your being – that could be joy, and recognize what circumstance is bringing you joy.

Some other resources that are terrific in becoming acquainted with these ideas are:

Dr. Sarno’s DVD “Healing Back Pain, The Mindbody Prescription”

Dr. Schubiner “Unlearn Your Pain”

Dr. Peter Levine “Trauma Proofing Your Kids” ; “The Unspoken Voice”

You have a healer in you.

Meryl Feldman is an Intuitive Wisdom coach who guides women in aligning with their soul self, empowering them to make clear, confident decisions in their life. For more info, visit her site MiriamRacquel.com.

Many years ago (just how many is Top Secret), I was in my early twenties, struggling with a syndrome called Interstitial Cystitis. (Ok, fine. It was fifteen years ago. Gasp!) I had just been diagnosed, which involved undergoing a procedure that I still can’t even talk about without fainting from horror. I was basically in a total panic, all the time, because there seemed to be little hope for healing from IC, as it’s called.

After much medical system hoopla, I finally found a local urologist who treated IC. I arrived at his office, desperation and a few remaining threads of hope in my heart. The nurse ushered me into the exam room, handed me the paper cover-up, and left. I stripped down, sat on the exam table, and unfolded the paper cover-up. I stared at it. First, it was the size of a napkin, and second, it had a hole in the middle (presumably for man-parts).

I did, indeed, spend that entire appointment talking to a male physician while covering myself up with a napkin that had a very, very strategic hole in it. Awkward hardly covers it. Heh. (Sadly, this was only one of my many, many Mortifying Medical Moments.)

That urologist wasn’t able to cure my IC, and it would be two years later before I actually returned to health. In fact, IC was just the beginning of my healing journey. Shortly after that embarrassing appointment, I developed vulvodynia, vulvar vestibulitis, and pelvic floor dysfunction. All of these syndromes are considered chronic.

I had no idea, at the time, that my life’s work was calling. I just thought I was doomed to suffer horribly embarrassing medical issues until I literally died of mortification, or possibly sheer panic. I went from living a normal life to being unable to wear underwear, walk, ride a bike, wear jeans, or sit without pain.

After much struggle, I finally discovered mind-body healing. I dove into every mind-body resource I could find, certain I’d found the key to my well-being. The healthier I got, and the more I returned to normal life, the more excited I felt. This mind-body stuff was cool! I wasn’t doomed to live with these incurable illnesses. I was a music teacher by day, but I made self-discovery, the mind-body tools, and taking care of me my real job.

It took me a few years to realize I was meant to be a life coach. It took me even longer to realize my life’s purpose was to help others apply mind-body healing in their lives. And took even longer to realize I was meant to train coaches myself in how to use mind-body tools with their clients. And then, I realized what I’m about to share with you.

In my healing journey, I began awakening to who I am – a spirit, a soul, a consciousness that’s much more than I knew before. I saw that pain made me wake up to new understandings about myself. Yet, even with that new awareness, I was so very hard on myself. It was a pattern so ingrained that I didn’t know what to do about it. I would drop into periods of extreme self-doubt and unkindness toward myself.

Despite having studied mind-body healing in depth and being pain-free a large part of the time, I periodically experienced more rounds of pain syndrome struggles. Every time I hit a health roadblock, I took a hard look at where I’d recently been walking, found I’d detoured off my path, and had to take steps to return to it.

Every time, I realized I’d not been taking care of me, applying the mind-body tools to me, or being kind to myself. Every time, I learned hard lessons.

But – why? Why did I veer off the path of kindness toward myself? Why did I forget to use the mind-body tools, which I know are so important, on myself?

A few weeks ago, I went to a bicycle shop and test-rode a new bike. I hopped on it and rode around the local college campus, taking in the smell of the trees, the fresh air on my skin, and the deliciousness of the bike carrying me swiftly down the road. I realized that it’s been fifteen years since that horrible urology appointment. I felt gratitude for the well-being I have right now. The ability to ride a bike. The comfort in my body. The joy of being alive and much more awake to who I really am. I reveled in my recent self-kindness practices and how good they’ve made me feel.

Suddenly, it hit me. I realized that when I first discovered mind-body healing, during those first two years of fabulous health, I didn’t serve others as my main focus. I served me. And that’s the key.

I suddenly saw that kindness to me, using the mind-body tools on me, awakening to deeper understanding of myself, and taking care of me is my life’s purpose. It’s not sharing mind-body healing with others. I had it totally backwards.

In my coaching practice, I help healers. Pretty much everyone I work with IS a healer, even if they haven’t come to that awareness yet or discovered how they are meant to serve others, exactly. I help them find the missing link; the reason they are not yet feeling well-being in mind, body, and spirit. I teach healers how to be kind to themselves so that they can actively serve others without regular physical illness or burnout.

They come to me, and they ask the questions: Why am I not healthy? Why am I stressed? How do I do this mind-body connection thing? I’m trying so hard! Am I missing something? They ask the same questions I’ve sometimes asked myself.

They know they’re almost on the path. They’re so close. But these people aren’t experiencing complete well-being. They’re stressed. They’re tired. They’re beating themselves up. They feel like they’re giving so much. They feel guilty or judge themselves around rest and hesitate to rest as much as they seem to need. They think they should be producing all the time, getting things done, and yet sometimes they just…aren’t. They don’t always feel the energy and passion carrying them effortlessly along their path to serving others.

Why not?

Because the calling, the passion, the healing work, and the serving or taking care of others is just the footnote. It’s not the real story.

The real story is YOU.

You’re meant to serve you. That’s your job.

It’s the compassionate person’s and healer’s Achilles’ Heel; giving to others and serving them without giving to ourselves and serving ourselves. And, as you might suspect, I’m focusing on this in my own life, every day. It’s my Achilles’ Heel, too, as a healer, a mother, a wife, and friend. Every time I experience physical issues, it’s because I’m engaged in this pattern of lack of self-kindness and self-care, and much external focus toward others.

It’s our JOB, as healers and generally loving beings, to focus on deep kindness toward ourselves. We’re meant to give ourselves everything we give to others…and more. The healing work we do with others is meant to be completely secondary to the healing work we do with ourselves.

In fact, unless we’re actively kind to ourselves – which looks like allowing our emotions to flow, noticing our mind stories, and listening to our body’s wisdom – we’re not a clear channel when we work with others in a healing capacity. We can’t be effective healers when we’re not practicing self-care.

Maybe I’m preaching to the choir. Or, maybe you’re thinking, “Ok, that’s great, but HOW do I do this self-care and kindness job?” Maybe you’re wondering what the point of coaching or healing others is, if it’s not our job? If it isn’t our job, why is it so fun? Maybe you’re wondering how we can take care of ourselves and still also serve others, bring in income, and not be “selfish?” I want to hear the questions this brings to your mind. This conversation is just beginning, and I look forward to continuing it with you. Comment here on the blog, or email me at abigail@abigailsteidley.com.

Want support in doing this self-kindness job? You might be interested in the Kindness Community!