by Endorsed Coach, Meryl Feldman

Dr. John Sarno revolutionized the medical field with his radical approaches to healing back pain and other physical ailments.  He coined the term TMS, tension myostitis syndrome, to describe a circulatory constriction in blood vessels that results in pain in the body.  This is also know as Mind-body syndrome. To sum up what Dr. Sarno wrote (“The Mindbody Prescription”) and taught for over 30+ years is that the brain will cut off blood/oxygen flow to different parts of the body in order to distract the individual from recognizing and feeling emotions that they are trying to avoid.

This lack of blood/oxygen flow is the direct cause of pain. In order to get relief from the pain, a person will go running around to different doctors and googling the internet to get answers and diagnosis for help with pain relief, when the healing is within their reach and within their own body.

They just need to feel to heal.

This is not to say AT ALL that the pain is only in the mind.  The pain is real and the symptoms are real. But the healing comes from turning inward, getting honest about one’s emotions – especially anger, fear and sadness and allowing for emotional energy flow.  Sounds good, right?

But how to do this is the question especially when so many of us have the habit of ignoring these emotions or getting stuck in them.

It’s quite simple actually, yet needs to be exercised to get the brain to cease it’s tricky behavior.

Emotions are energy in motion. They show up as physical sensations in the body, starting out very quiet and subtle, almost vibrational. When ignored, they get louder and louder until screaming as a migraine, backache or some other pain or weakness in the body.

The key here is to notice as soon as possible and as often as possible what we are feeling, and this means being honest with ourselves.  This is where the healing begins.

Here’s an example: A friend shows up late again for a lunch date?  Do you ignore that slight irritation you feel in your body and just smile when she/he shows up? Or do you blast them with your anger and risk the friendship?

Neither of these options may be the best choice for your body’s health and for your relationship.

A Mind-body (Somatic) healing approach to the situation is the following: Your friend is late.  Put your attention inward. Wiggle your toes, take a deep breath in and out and NOTICE what physical sensation is happening in your body.

Does your stomach hurt? Is there a lump in your throat, a surge of heat welling up in your chest? Is your breathing shallower? Jaw clenched?

Whatever the physical sensation is, just be aware of it and allow it for ½ a minute or longer. You can even put your hand on that part of your body to keep your focus on it.

Breathe and know that you are safe in being in your body and feeling that emotion.  Keep breathing consciously, allowing that physical sensation to be the center of your attention. An emotion word may also come up for you – anger (irritation, annoyance, rage) or sadness (disappointment, hurt).

That is called letting emotional energy flow. You may notice that the sensation changes and morphs into another physical sensation in another part of your body. You also may want some privacy in doing this.

Great! Even better! Go into a bathroom stall.  Shake your fists around if you’re feeling anger.  Do a silent scream -opening your mouth real loud with no sound coming out (Barbara Sher writes about this). Bow your head, allow tears as well if they want to flow.

No one can see you.

The best part is that you body’s emotional message to you is being heard. The recognized energy flows so it doesn’t get stuck as a neck ache later on.

This is how you are taking care of your health!

And after this very physical allowing of emotional energy, your intuition opens up so that you can choose from a place of higher wisdom the action you want to take with this friend. Perhaps you will decide to say something, but it will most likely be with clarity and consciousness.

Perhaps you’ll just accept that this is your friend and you’ll make adjustments – no more lunch dates or you’ll bring a book, having a clear recognition that this is your friend’s personality and it’s not changing.  Or you’ll say something and end the relationship.

There are so many choices, but most times, because we are afraid of change, we ignore and suppress the emotional message our body is trying to communicate to us. When we choose to  feel, we allow healing.

According to Dr. Sarno, when we give the message to our brain that we are not afraid of our emotions, it won’t try to distract us by constricting blood/oxygen flow and causing pain.  We are freeing ourselves from the suppression – pain cycle and living a more vibrant, healthy life.

Miriam Racquel (Meryl) Feldman is a Somatic Healer and Certified Mind-body and Martha Beck Coach. She is a published writer and speaker based in Chicago. Integrating her knowledge of Kabbalistic Judaism, Somatic Healing, and Coaching, Miriam Racquel empowers women with clarity and peace-of-mind in their relationships, career and health.For more information, visit MiriamRacquel.com or email her at miriam@miriamracquel.com.

by Endorsed Mind-Body Coach, Mara Wai

I recently took a few days off from work. Despite having an ever-present list of to-dos, I decided to ignore many of them. Instead, I

• took a long, slow walk along the river with one of my oldest, dearest friends who recently returned from overseas. We had a wonderful time, slowly strolling and catching up on each others’ lives.  It felt like medicine.

On one of the mornings off, after I dropped my son off at his camp, I

• drove to a nearby nature reserve. I meandered the trails, breathed fresh air, bathed in warm breezes and basked in growing and wild things. This, too, felt like medicine.  

On the day leading up to an annual, traditional camping trip with friends and each of our families, I

• spent much of the day prepping food, sorting supplies and anticipating nights by the fire roasting marshmallows and enjoying the moments. Although the camping trip hadn’t happened yet, it ALREADY felt like medicine.

Maybe it was the triple dose of these medicinals – all in a row – that caused me to feel their healing effects so profoundly. Maybe I just needed it bad. Whatever the case, I couldn’t help but notice that each of these experiences made me feel a little healed.

Tiny doses of medicine are cumulative.
Regular doses provide a steady, healing impact.

What feels like medicine to you?

For some it’s

• reading
• writing
• being in nature
• connection with friends or family
• exercise
• deep breathing
• stand-up comedy
• cooking
• dancing
• gardening
• and on and on.

Your medicine is awaiting you.

What tiny dose of medicine awaits you today?

with healing, medicinal wishes,
Mara

Mara Wai, M.Ed. is a body-mind coach who supports her clients to connect to their inner wisdom to cultivate clarity, discern their own path and take decisive action to improve physical health, establish emotional well-being, clarify energetic boundaries, improve relationships, and experience greater overall life satisfaction. Mara also teaches Mindfulness-based Stress Management for the Penn Program for Mindfulness. To learn more about Mara go to www.marawai.com.

One of the most powerful keys to healing from chronic pain, anxiety, or loss is allowing, honoring and accepting our full range of emotions.  We live in a society that relies on intellect at the expense of feelings.

The dark or commonly called “negative” emotions of sadness, fear, grief, and despair are not honored or viewed as socially acceptable; and yet these essential and powerful emotions carry compelling energies that lead to deep healing and transformation.

Emotions are energy – they are NOT positive or negative.  It is our thoughts and attitudes about emotions that cause us to label them as good or bad.  Free flowing emotions are like the weather – they come and go.

When we hide or banish these uncomfortable painful feelings from our conscious awareness, they remain stored within us and often manifest as chronic physical pain, anxiety and/or depression.

“The dark emotions are attention-grabbers, goading us into awareness. They’re like young children: If you attend to them they reward you. If you don’t, prepare for trouble. They have their ways of letting you know they need your attention.”  Healing Through the Dark Emotions, by Miriam Greenspan

My body tried to get my attention for decades. I suffered from a multitude of chronic painful conditions – severe spinal stenosis, scoliosis, sciatica, bulging and degenerated discs, degenerative knee issues, psoriatic arthritis, severe osteoarthritis, generalized anxiety disorder, foot pain, acid reflux, carpal tunnel syndrome, trigger finger and thumb, repetitive strain/stress injury, thoracic outlet syndrome, piriformis syndrome, tendonitis, etc.

My life was totally out of balance. I said yes when I meant no. I continuously suppressed my emotions. I had totally unrealistic expectations for myself and others while ignoring myself and my own needs. I was a slave to self-pressure – constantly pushing myself to do more, be more, work more, try harder. The way I was living my life led to severe unconscious muscle tension producing intense emotional and physical pain.

After exhausting traditional and alternative treatments without relief, I underwent back surgery. One year after surgery my symptoms were worse than ever.

I finally learned that, for me, healing is an inside job. I opened my mind and my heart as I examined my life and claimed my healing power – a power that is available to each of us.

When I learned to honor and allow emotional energy to exist in my body, I was free to heal.

“We begin to see the dark emotions as messengers, information-bearers and teachers, rather than “negative” energies we must subdue, tame or deny. We tend to think of our “negative” emotions as signs that there’s something wrong with us. But the deepest significance of the feelings is simply our shared human vulnerability. When we know this deeply, we begin to heal in a way that connects rather than separates us from the world.” Miriam Greenspan

So how do we honor and experience the emotions that our culture has taught us to ignore?  The very thought of allowing these painful feelings often evokes great fear within us. 

Here are some action steps to facilitate emotional awareness:

• Bring your awareness to your body and your physical sensations. What do you notice in your throat, chest, abdomen, etc? Notice sensations of hot, cold, heavy, light, etc. and allow your breath to support you as you allow all sensations.
• Simply turn your attention toward any emotional sensations you are experiencing right now. Just focus on the experience of the emotion itself allowing the physical sensations to be present without trying to figure them out or change them.
• Remain with this emotional energy until it begins to shift or until you choose to stop. As little as a minute or two is fine. Uncomfortable feelings of worry, fear, sadness, and anger will not harm us and will pass.
• Offer comfort and care to yourself with a compassionate message: Place your hand on your heart and say “It’s okay right now, I am safe,” or other words of kindness.

These simple practices facilitate healing. They reduce tension and resistance while boosting relaxation and activating our body’s natural self-repair mechanisms. They also help to keep us grounded in the present moment.

I encourage you to acknowledge, allow and accept these sacred feelings which will enable them to flow and transform – after all –

“There is nothing so whole as a broken heart.”

                             Rabbi Menachem Mendel

Elaine Jeffy

I was trapped in a life of chronic pain and anxiety until I learned that I was not a victim – I was just disconnected from myself and my innate power to heal.

After decades of failed treatments and finally surgery, I discovered the mind-body approach to healing, and it transformed every area of my life!   I was led to become a coach as I yearned to help others unlock their truth and claim their own healing power.  I am a certified Martha Beck Life Coach, Anamsong Endorsed Mind-Body Coach and certified by the Whole Health Medicine Institute in California.

Now I am privileged to help others harness their body’s natural ability to renew, restore and repair itself as they find relief from chronic pain, gain more satisfaction in personal/work/family relationships, and make meaningful changes in their lives!

Website:  www.yourkeytohealing.com

Email:  Elaine@yourkeytohealing.com

“Argh!!!  My back is so stiff! I can hardly get out of bed. I hate this! Why can’t I get rid of this back pain?!”  This is how most mornings started for me for years.

“I feel like my body is my enemy!”

“Why do I have spent thousands of dollars and hours doing everything recommended: physical therapy, acupuncture, massage, visualizing, taking medication, staying away from certain foods – all in hopes that something is going to fix my back, but nothing works! It’s not fair. What is wrong with me!?”

I know it’s not pelvic pain – that has not been my pain – maybe you have migraines, chronic allergies, or another chronic condition. I am guessing your chronic syndrome might be a bit like my back.

My relationship to my back has been contentious and difficult.

Interestingly enough it wasn’t until I finally decided that this back pain wasn’t going away ever and made the radical decision to go into relationship counseling with my back that things finally began to shift.

Yes – you heard me – relationship counseling – with my back!

My back and I have been doing this relationship work now for a few years.  Our relationship is actually gotten much better!

Truth is I have discovered that my relationship with my back pain is often mirrored out in my world in my other relationships. When I start dealing more effectively and honestly in those relationships both at home and at work – my back and I get along much better!

Frankly, it was easier to get mad at my back pain than express my anger and fear to my partner, colleague, sister, mom, or dad. Well, okay, put any name and there, and it’s been true!

I have spent much of my life feeling like the world was not safe. As a result, I got really good at scanning and watching what those people around me wanted. I changed my behavior to match what I thought made them happy.

My super power became meeting other people’s expectations without even really noticing I was forgetting me.

When it came to my most important relationships at home and at work, I would:

• try really hard to be who I thought they wanted me to be.
• avoid difficult topics.
• say yes when I wanted to say no.

Much of what I was doing was trying to get away from the scary world around me.

I didn’t feel capable of speaking up and saying what was true for me because I was afraid of the other person’s reaction. Will they:

• Get mad at me?
• Leave or abandon me?
• Criticize or punish me?

What I did not understand was that how I was managing the world around me, was also how I was managing the world inside me. I was trying to push away the physical symptoms just like I was trying to avoid the potential disapproval from those around me.

My inner world of physical symptoms kept getting louder, and I just kept trying to fix them the same way I was trying fix my people relationships.

Clearly that was not working. With some inner relationship work, meaning turning towards my symptoms and listening and welcoming the information, I realized just how exhausted my insides were from me managing my outside world!

What I didn’t realize is my back was yelling at me because my body wanted me to learn to speak up and be more honest!

Oh – how I have learned!

Recently, I was visiting my mom, sister, and niece in Portland. My mom was talking about a woman who she thought wore a dress that was too short, revealing her ugly knees.

It didn’t feel right to me. So I spoke up and said, “Maybe that woman really loves how she feels when she wears her dress.”

Mom retorted, “Well she…(fill in the blank with critical, critical, critical comment.)

Instead of staying silent I spoke up again!

“I don’t like talking about someone so negatively. I get that you don’t like ugly knees. You are entitled to your opinion, but I’m not going to sit around and criticize someone else’s knees.”

Mom looked a bit put out, but I felt solid. I spoke up. I said my piece without taking away her opinion.

Previously, I would have laughed it off, gone along, and joined in at the expense of my own knees by throwing my “ugly knees” under the bus.

I didn’t this time.

Guess what?

I slept well and did not wake up with a stiff back!

Now, it is not always that straight forward, but I have found when I am honest, real and take a risk to show and speak up, my body and symptoms like it!

How much are you tolerating?

What is it costing you in terms of satisfaction?

Do you realize the impact to your energy?

How might your pain be related to what you are not saying?

Today, I speak up in all sorts of situations.

The key has been to turn towards those parts of me that have been banished underground and make them matter. Turn towards and be with them – they know what they want me to say!

You can try to get all the love you want from the outside. Honey, you won’t feel it or let it in unless you turn and love yourself.

When I make more of what I am feeling on the inside, I develop a much healthy relationship with my body!

The next time your head pounds, your back aches, your stomach twists in knots, or your pelvic floor is on fire. Turn towards it and say yes, welcome.

Want to learn more about how you can transform your relationships, both inside and outside?

Sign up for Susan Clarke’s and my 6-week transformational program, BE BRAVE – Transform Your Relationships To Reclaim Your Energy, Inspiration and Sense of Freedom.

Want to meet us? Join us for our FREE Webinar: 3 Mistakes Smart Women Make that Leave You Feeling Frustrated, Resentful, and Doing Too Much! Next

Wednesday, June 29 at 1PM MT, or

Thursday, June 30 at 10AM MT.

CrisMarie Campbell is an Endorsed Mind Body Coach, Master Certified Life Coach, Business Consultant and Speaker

Maybe you’ve read Dr. John Sarno’s theories about TMS, or Tension Myositis Syndrome (also called Mind Body Syndrome by some people), and you really want to implement them into your healing process. This is a great idea, because many mindfulness and meditation-based mind-body healing methods, while extremely helpful, can’t quite take you to the finish line. I’ve found, for myself and for my clients, that Dr. Sarno’s work bridges an important gap between spiritual/holistic healing and Western medicine. It helps the mind understand how the mind itself can create and perpetuate physical pain (not consciously, of course!) and gives logical reasons and practical steps for people who are trying to embrace mind-body/spiritual healing but feel a little stuck.

The great news is, to implement the core and essential methods in Dr. Sarno’s approach, you only really need two things.

Your Mind-Body Shopping List

1. A pen
2. A notebook

That’s right – one trip to the dollar store and you are all set! Everything you really need is already inside of you, and mind-body healing is actually very simple. It can feel challenging, just because you are learning something new. And, you’re learning something that goes against much of what you’ve learned throughout your life about how the mind and body work together. (This was actually my favorite thing about Dr. Sarno’s work – it was so different and so striking that it felt freeing, and it gave me hope that I could truly heal.)

Once you’ve completed your shopping trip, here’s what you’ll want to do with your supplies.

Two to three times a day, stop what you are doing and ask yourself this question: What am I feeling emotionally right now?

Take a moment to check in with yourself, and be curious about what is going on in your emotional world. If you don’t feel anything right now, think back to the last hour or so, or last few hours. See what you may have been feeling recently, but weren’t aware of while you were busy with daily life.

Let yourself feel the emotion for a few minutes, without doing anything other than just noticing what it feels like to have that emotion right now.

At the end of the day, take ten minutes to write anything you noticed as a result of doing this exercise, as well as anything you feel you need to express.

This simple exercise is the root of all the mind-body tools, and is powerful enough to create pain relief all on its own. Really!

The mind often wants to complicate mind-body healing, but it always comes back to one thing: feeling emotions.

Dr. Sarno’s work is so groundbreaking because it describes the connection between pain in the body and suppressed emotion. In short, he explains that the unconscious mind tries to protect us from strong emotions that are a result of life pressures. It protects us from being vulnerable by keeping us unaware of the inner workings of the unconscious mind and our deepest emotions, conscious or unconscious. The mind has the ability to create a pain syndrome that, in essence, both distracts us from our inner emotional world and alerts us to an imbalance within the psyche – a call to connect inward, in a sense.

This one concept is the most important key to remember as you embark on your mind-body healing journey. It’s easy to forget, so you’ll want to come back and review it over and over again, on a daily basis, to help you stay on track.

When I decided to coach and help others with the application of mind-body healing techniques, I wanted to create enough resources to support people in all different situations. If you don’t feel like you have extra money right now, I want you to know that you can read my blog, (there are tons of past posts that will help you out!), use this simple tool from today, and get well. I’ve heard from many people who have done just that, without ever even signing up for coaching or programs (which can certainly be helpful, but there’s no need to feel stress if that’s not a possibility for you right now).

Most of all, I want you to feel encouraged and supported, however we cross paths. I’ve been in your shoes, and I know the challenges you have and are facing, and I also know that you can absolutely get well.

Every year, the Mind-Body Coaches in my Mind-Body Coach Training offer free coaching in order to gain experience. This is a great opportunity for you to get coached around everything I’ve described above! See the details below if you’re interested.

Abigail

Would you like free mind-body coaching? If you’re struggling with a pain syndrome, health, stress, or you’d just like to apply the mind-body tools to your life, now is your chance! The 2015 Mind-Body Coaches -in-Training are practicing their coaching skills, and we are offering YOU free coaching! If you would like to be added to our list of available clients for the coaches-in-training please fill out this form. (Opportunity ends 9/5/15.)

I’m afraid that this approach won’t work for me, and I’ll be the only one, ever, who fails at this.

I can’t find my emotions – I feel blank.

I’m afraid to feel my emotions, but I know I need to/have to in order to heal.

I’m researching all the TMS/Mind Body Syndrome/Sarno resources and now I don’t know what to do.

I feel like a big mess.

I can’t figure out what to do next on this healing path, and I feel like I’m not healing at all.

I have to do all these things in order to heal, but it’s completely overwhelming!

Ever had any of these thoughts? Today? Five minutes ago?

Let’s just start with this: These are all completely normal thoughts that come up for most of us who embark on a healing journey using the Mind Body Syndrome (TMS) approach.

The mind has a tendency to try to figure things out, get it right, and achieve a goal. In this case, that looks like trying to achieve pain-relief by getting the mind-body tools “right.”

Unfortunately, as noble as this goal is, it actually causes you much suffering and stress (and makes it harder to find relief). Trying to do things right is actually part of the self-pressure habit that creates stress on your system and results in pain.

Yeah, I know! Catch-22!

So, what the heck can you do about this?

Start by using this tool from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy:

Whenever you notice yourself caught up in thoughts like the ones above, say to yourself:

 “I notice I’m thinking….[fill in the thought here].”

This seems very simple and banal. It’s actually one of the most powerful things you can do.

By repeatedly noticing your thinking instead of actually getting tripped up by your thinking, you slowly create the ability to see past the scary thoughts.

Your inner wisdom starts to sneak in and help you discover what feels right for you in any given moment.

I don’t see any of the mind-body tools and approaches as “have-to’s” at all. When I’m working with my clients, I know that there’s at least a hundred ways to play this game, and what I’m looking for is what resonates the most with the individual client. We are all unique. We all learn differently. I see the tools (mine and others’) as a giant a-la-carte menu. Pick one item off the menu and eat it every day for a week. See how that tastes. Eventually, you’ll start to know which tools are your faves and which are most helpful for you.

One tool, used for a short amount of time each day and practiced regularly for a few weeks, will have a huge impact. It’s much more effective to do that than to try to do a whole bunch of things, overwhelm yourself, and feel stress.

Learning to feel emotions for the first time, learning to stay aware of the body, and listening to inner wisdom can all take some time. Those are really the basic components you need in order to heal, and there are lots of ways to approach those components.

The best approach for healing TMS is to keep it simple.

The thing is, a goal-oriented approach full of self-pressure and trying to do it right doesn’t work in this situation. It’s what we’ve learned to do, and how we usually achieve what we want. This is a time when you’ll start to learn a totally different way to arrive at something you desire. It’s more like sidling up sideways to what you want and accidentally falling into its lap. You can’t chase it, hunt it, or go after it. Instead, you really do need to relax into it and let it simply happen.

I know – that’s much easier said than done! The key is to get interested in what’s going on in your emotional world, your psyche, and your inner life – with gentleness and curiosity. Notice the different ways your mind pressures you each day, using the tool above. Just notice. That’s all! The more you notice, the easier it becomes to shift into new ways of treating yourself that don’t involve self-flagellation.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, afraid, and worried, start with the tool above. You might also take one minute a day to notice your feet. Pay attention to the fact that you have feet (or hands, if your feet are in pain). This is a simple mindfulness practice that helps you begin to befriend your body again. You’re not “trying to do anything” with your feet – you’re just being aware that you have them.

You might have noticed that the trick to all this seems to be noticing! You’d be right.

Noticing is the antithesis of pressuring.

The more you just notice, without doing anything else, the more you can sidle up to pain-relief and fall into its lap.

This mind-body healing journey is not about doing more, doing it right, or succeeding. It’s about discovery and embracing gentleness toward yourself. Whatever you’re doing right now, even if it IS beating yourself up, simply notice and be gentle with yourself. Allow it all to be exactly as it is in this moment.

You can do this.

Abigail

P.S. Want help dealing with the overwhelm? Join the Kindness Community today and get ongoing support around using mind-body healing tools and taking the pressure OFF of yourself!

And, if you want to learn more about breathing (one of my fave basic tools!) for health and stress-relief, you may want to check out the info below. I studied basic breathwork with Kathleen and found it immensely helpful in dialing down pain. This is her first online training, which means you can take it from anywhere! I’m participating, as I want to go deeper into how to breathe to relieve stress and allow emotions to flow.

————————————-

Barratt Breathwork® Facilitator
Online Training

Expand your potential for personal and professional development. Whether you want to develop an in-depth personal breath practice, or train professionally, this 200-Hour Facilitator Training is designed for you.

Join Kathleen Barratt, founder of Barratt Breath Institute, and discover how to incorporate Barratt Breathwork into your professional practice. This foundational program complements and integrates with a wide variety of contemplative mind/body systems and is appropriate for both laypeople and professionals in various healing and self-development fields.

Online training tools, hands-on practicum, and live, online teaching sessions provide the theoretical and experiential framework for learning how to formulate and guide a progressive sequence of contemplative breath practices.

Having some exposure to breathwork, whether you have studied it or received breathwork sessions from a breathwork facilitator, is a prerequisite for this program.Upon successful completion, students will receive a Barratt Breathwork® Facilitator certificate.

This training is offered as a stand-alone program, as well as being a prerequisite for the Barratt Breathwork® Facilitator Graduate Program.

Self-kindness is the biggest healing factor in pain-relief, stress-relief, and connection to one’s soul and inner wisdom. It’s been my biggest struggle.

In my twenties, I went on diets constantly, I pushed myself to do more, more, more, was incredibly hard on myself, and I ignored anything my body had to tell me. In fact, I had no idea my body was even speaking to me.

I was depressed, in pain all the time, exhausted, and unhappy.

I remember once visiting an orthopedic surgeon for a consult about intense knee pain. At the time, I was on a strict diet, dealing with major stress in my life, over-exercising, pushing myself to succeed in my career, judging myself constantly about my abilities, and generally angry with myself. Gosh, it was such a mystery, that knee pain. I spent a lot of time going to doctors in those days. (Although, in that case, the knee doc looked just like George Clooney, so it wasn’t much of a hardship.)

Now, many years later and several thousand lessons later, I still often struggle with self-kindness.

Sometimes, I really suck at it. (Oh wait – that’s not exactly the kindest way to put that…)

My first go-to is often the same ol’ self-judgment, self-pressure, and ignoring-my-inner-wisdom habit.

Luckily for me, I teach self-kindness every day, all day. This forces me to be honest with myself about where I really am in the self-kindness spectrum. Every client I work with, every class I teach, and everything I write is pretty much Big Wisdom coming through for myself, not just for others. I never feel like I’m the one teaching or coaching. I feel like the translator just sharing wisdom, and I’m clear that my job is to listen and follow through on what I’ve learned each day.

This is actually pretty cool. The cure for pain syndromes, stress, and mind-body-soul disconnect is self-kindness. I get to experience that cure every day, even when I forget.

It’s pretty easy to forget to practice self-kindness. Self-kindness isn’t usually our first go-to when life happens. And, if your life is like mine, life happens every day. There are mistakes, lessons, discomforts, struggles, surprises, and more at any given moment. Self-pressure can sneak in like nobody’s business. Suddenly, you realize you’re being hard on yourself!

Here’s today’s homework: What can you do to remember to practice self-kindness? What would help you focus on this each and every day?

For me, the work I do is an automatic reminder. I also have a schedule that includes five minutes each day of the self-kindness practice I teach in the Kindness Community.  I also have friends who are willing to remind me to be kind to myself.

What would work for you? What are your ideas? Share below or on Facebook!

This is the ESSENTIAL focus you need each day if you want pain relief, stress relief, and a strong connection to your inner wisdom. As a bonus, you’ll also find yourself awakening more and more to your true nature and spiritual connection.

If you want reminders and support, how-to’s, and help around this self-kindness idea, hop on over to join the Kindness Community!

Abigail

P.S.  Having spent the last two weeks grieving the loss of my faithful furry friend and companion, Jackson, I wanted to share this fabulous resource with you, below, around grief and healing!

GRIEF & CREATIVITY SUMMER PLAYSHOPS!

The Creative Grief Studio are hosting an array of wonderful grief and creativity “playshops” this Summer, exploring different creative ways to express and transform grief through dream work, clay work, photography, journaling, collage, book-making, creative writing, guided visualisations, intuitive painting, mandalas, and more.

Great for a bit of introspection and creative exploration of your own grief from losses of any kind, or for coaches wanting to learn more creative tools for supporting grieving clients. Have a look and see what looks yummy to you, for a bit of play, creativity, and reflection this Summer…

How do you believe in yourself when you’re feeling a lot of doubt and fear? In this video, I share my top two tools for outsmarting doubt and fear around any issue. There’s also an easy summary below to help you remember the key points. And, just for fun, you’ll hear a little traditional Irish fiddle if you watch to the end! Enjoy!

The Two Tools for Outsmarting Doubt and Fear:

1. Practice believing in yourself

Just like anything else, believing in yourself takes practice. Really! The brain has a built-in negativity bias (read about that here)  and it takes practice and awareness to steer clear of the inner critic and learn to see yourself with kindness.

Take the time to notice and observe yourself, and each day, recognize one thing about you that shows you can believe in yourself. If you’re in pain and are doubting you can heal, think of a time that you did heal, even if it seems insignificant.

Working on creating something in your life that you’re not sure you can create? Think of a time when you did create something that worked, no matter how small.

Do this simple practice daily and you will build your self-belief muscle and kick doubt and fear to the curb.

2. Learn to trust a bigger wisdom than yourself

When fear and doubt show up, you know your mind has disconnected from your inner wisdom. The key then, is to reconnect. This is a personal process – use whatever helps you connect. Nature. Music. Friendship. Yoga. Meditation.

What do I do to connect? I use all of the above, and I have a process I’ve created that helps me tune in to my body, emotions, and inner wisdom so that I stay pain-free, healthy, and connected to my truth. I call it the KIND Process. If you want to learn more, hop on over to the Kindness Community, where you can learn the KIND Process and get regular support in applying it to your own life.

When you trust a bigger wisdom than your own mind, you realize that you can relax, let go of control, and trust that you’re loved, cared for, and connected to a wisdom that guides you every step of the way. This helps relieve fear and allows you to relax.

Want to learn more ways to outsmart doubt and fear and learn to truly believe in yourself? Join the Kindness Community today and join the classes and discussions this month to get in-depth tools and support! You’ll learn my secret trick for leveraging law of attraction to create health (or other things you desire) by really tweaking this believing in yourself practice.

Here’s what a current member has to say:

“I’m enjoying the Kindness Community on so many levels.  The biggest draw for me was the opportunity to have a place to connect with like-minded individuals trying to navigate mind-body physical and emotional challenges.  I have not been disappointed – the calls, coaching, peer-support, resources and encouragement are exactly what my soul was craving.  AHHHHH.” – Rebecca

Abigail

I have an amazing teacher in my house. She’s two years old, adorable, and notices EVERYTHING.

A couple of weeks ago, I took her to the park for a picnic. We spread out the blanket, got out the food, and settled in to enjoy an alfresco dinner. To be honest, I kind of wanted to relax. I might have even laid on the blanket with my eyes closed, for a minute. Sometimes, by which I mean all the time, having a two-year-old is exhausting.

I pulled myself up from a reclined position with these mental commands:

“Get up! You have to! You can’t sleep right now! But imagine how lovely your pillow will feel in just a few short hours! Oh God! Pillow! Pillow!”

Unloading the picnic, I handed Aela a few crackers. She chewed for several seconds while marveling about the texture of the picnic blanket on her bare feet.

“No shoes,” she said, happily. I smiled back. It felt nice to relax together, munching on our picnic fare.

Suddenly, she stood up and took off running.

With what felt like every ounce of my remaining energy, I dashed after her. Plonking her back on the picnic blanket, I reviewed the picnic guidelines.

“No running when you’re eating. We stay on the blanket to eat.”

She stood up, walked to the edge of the blanket, and with careful precision, put one big toe in the grass. She turned and looked at me, eyes full of mischief.

“Nope,” I said, shaking my head. She moved her toe back to the blanket.

“Yep,” I said. She moved her toe back off the blanket.

“Nope,” I said. She moved her toe back to the blanket.

“Yep,” I said. She sat down and ate some blueberries.

With Aela in my life, I am learning, every minute of every day, how to set clear boundaries. In the past, I have been fairly horrible at that. I have worried about others’ feelings, not wanted to disappoint people, been afraid someone might not like me, and a myriad of other things.

In my pre-toddler life, my lack of boundaries would often result in exploding doormat syndrome, difficult communication with others, and lack of self-care.

Now, however, I have a teacher. A really, really, good teacher.

Suddenly, I see that boundaries are not about people’s feelings, what others think of me, or anything like that at all. They are about well-being – both physical and emotional.

Boundaries create a safe space within which we can be ourselves, be free, and feel supported. They create physical safety, but they also create soul safety. I see it every day. When I set a clear boundary, Aela may resist it, be upset about it, and throw a fit. She gets to do that, and I listen to her protests, because I understand. But they don’t change the boundary. Once she’s expressed herself, she settles into the space I’ve created. I can see that we are creating a shared trust in each other through this process. My job is to set boundaries that keep her physically safe, so that she can roam and explore. Her job is to roam and explore and discover this world.

It’s blatantly obvious to me that setting boundaries for her is an act of kindness. The better I get at it, the happier and more content she is. And some of the boundaries I set with her are about my well-being, too. I can’t reach into the backseat and take her shoes off while driving on a busy street, even if that’s what she wants.  Sometimes my soul needs to have structure within which to roam free, too. So I set clear bedtime schedules and routines, and we honor those. My soul feels good when I take care of me. It knows it can trust me to be there for it. So some nights, when Aela is asking for the twenty-third kiss before she can fall asleep, I tell her that I’m tired, I’m heading to bed, too, and that this is the LAST kiss. And then I follow through.

I’m seeing just how vital it is to set loving, compassionate boundaries.

It’s kind to me. It’s kind to others. I don’t suddenly explode at them, because they’ve moved past a boundary I didn’t express. I don’t resent them because I said yes when I meant no. I can trust myself to create a sense of safety in my life. A safe space within which to play, work, rest, and be me. I have to listen and see if whatever has just come up feels right to me, or if it’s just one toe over the line. And even if it’s just one toe over the line, that counts. That’s crossing the boundary. I can express the boundary limit and therefore deepen the sense of trust I have with myself.

It’s one of the biggest acts of self-care I’ve ever undertaken. It’s an enormous learning curve. And I have the best teacher I could ever imagine.

P.S. Want some help learning how to create this level of self-care and boundary-setting? If you don’t have a two-year-old handy, you might want help from a horse. Did I just say horse? Why yes I did! To find out what I’m talking about, take a peek at my upcoming Listening for Truth Workshop  with Koelle Simpson and Jennifer Voss! (Only a couple spots left!)

In the last post, I wrote about getting mind and body in sync, and why that feels/heals so good. This week, let’s talk about how!

How do you get the mind and body on the same page? Here are four easy steps to use, right now.

1) Return to the body.

To do this, bring your awareness into your feet. Wiggle your toes. Feel your feet. You can also notice your hands, too. Spend a few moments noticing sensation in your feet or hands. What do you notice? Hot, cold, tingly, sweaty, heavy, light…any sensory words that help you notice are perfect.

2) Listen to the body.

The body is trying to tell us, day in and day out, how to care for it. Spend a moment asking it what it wants right now, and then wait. Listen. What do you hear? Is it asking for water? Food? Rest? Movement? What do you feel? Tension? Relaxation? Creativity? What is the energy it wants to explore right now? Play? Meditation? Doing?

3) Acknowledge the mind.

Listen to what your mind is saying. Is it giving you a zillion reasons why you can’t do what the body wants? Does it have its own agenda for right now? Notice it all. Write it down if you want.

4) Let it all co-exist.

Let yourself know that you need whatever your body wants, and you are aware of what your mind wants. Say this: my body needs ___________ AND my mind says ____________. Don’t fight either side of the issue. Just be in the middle – the observer. Notice that both are equally valid. Neither needs to be discounted or judged. Breathe. From this place of being with the body and the mind, a creative solution to what seem to be opposing needs will arise.

Wait. Be. Notice.

Notice. Wait. Be.

Allowing everything to be heard and in your awareness at the same time ends the war. The an-swer may be a compromise. It may be a wiser solution than you could have imagined. It may be a total surprise. Whatever it is, it comes from a place of wholeness, and you will feel that click of alignment. It feels…good.