I used to think that I had to work really hard to get things done, but when I became a coach and healer many years ago, I learned and practiced that the art of getting things done in this world is by entering a flow of creativity. It’s not about pushing, but about being pulled and listening for that gentle pulling forward.

The other morning, I was writing my memoir outside because the weather was so beautiful. I only work on this project in the early morning before carpool. During the day, I’m involved in other projects and life with family, coaching and continued learning causes me to be masterful with prioritizing my time.

Anyway, that morning, I felt the desire to move inside to continue writing. My desk overlooks my garden, my bird feeders and the one tree that graces our Chicago backyard. I was blessed to see such colorful birds including two that I’ve never seen before—two Rose-Breasted Grosbeaks. Such beautiful birds with black, white, and red markings! I didn’t continue working on the memoir, but delighted in the scene out my window and rolled with the flow to other parts of my life.

I’ve been working on the memoir for about two years now. It’s a huge project with a very steep learning curve. I used to think that I would just work on it a few full days a week and get it done. But I couldn’t. Not because life happened, but because flow didn’t happen.

I believe that all our work, parenting, health, whatever we are involved in, is about creativity.

All parts of our lives are creative happenings, and therefore it’s necessary to tap into the flow of our creative selves, to be in tune with higher intuition, and take action from that higher energetic vibration.

For me, the creative energy flow that I need to write the memoir happens in early morning, before the distractions and involvement of other areas of my life begin to take place. And no matter how involved I get in the flow of the memoir writing, I need to contain it when the clock strikes 8 am and getting my child ready for carpool needs to happen. And then I flow into that part of my life.

The same goes throughout the day; each activity and space of time requires a different kind of flow of creativity. I have a lot to do on my to-do list and because of my introvertedness, I’m careful to flow with my reserved energy. The ebb and flow of activity and downtime, talking and silence, is all taken into consideration as my energy flows through the day.

I also monitor closely if there are activities that drain my energy or give me a physical symptom like a headache. If either of those result, I take it to heart what my body is telling me and then dive in for some somatic information as to what’s going on. Did I push myself a little too long with a project or was the inner critic dragging on me when I was taking some action forward? Did I talk a little too long with someone or did I share too much of myself and energy in an interaction? I have to flow into healing mode to discern what’s going on and then make little shifts accordingly.

And how about you? Are you pushing yourself forward blindly or can you bring awareness to your flow and what wants to happen? Are you careful with your energy? If you’re an extrovert, do you surround yourself with people who you can express to? Do you work in an environment that nurtures your outgoing nature?

Or, if you’re an introvert like me, are you careful with that ebb and flow I spoke of? Are you aware and honoring of your need for quiet time in between ‘outward’ energy time?

And what projects light you up and excite you and which ones drag you way down? Sometimes it’s the activity itself that feels bad, but sometimes it’s the thoughts or the way that you’re approaching the activity that feels bad. Before you dump the activity or project, it’s important to discern what’s happening ‘behind the scenes’ in your mind, emotions and soul.

Maybe sometimes you are like me when nothing is flowing well because a strong emotion like anger, fear, or sadness comes up. When this happens, I know I need to take the time to address those before I can step into a flow of creativity. Being present and allowing those emotional energies is one way to get unblocked so that forward movement can resume in relationships, work, projects, and joy activities.

What helps you move forward?

Is it a gratitude list, a 10 minute meditation, or just some deep, conscious inhale and exhale breaths?

Trust is an important concept to bring into our awareness of flow. Like going back to the memoir writing which I had put aside and bird watched instead. When I didn’t return to that activity that morning, I trusted that if it was meant to be, I’d be up early the next day, involved in continuing the momentum of the writing as I’d been doing for the past two years. Some things are slow and steady and some things move a bit faster, but either way, let yourself listen and be pulled gently into the Flow

Miriam Racquel (Meryl) Feldman is a Somatic Healer and Certified Mind-body and Martha Beck Coach. She is a published writer and speaker based in Chicago. Integrating her knowledge of Kabbalistic Judaism, Somatic Healing, and Coaching, Miriam Racquel empowers women with clarity and peace-of-mind in their relationships, career and health.For more information, visit MiriamRacquel.com or email her at miriam@miriamracquel.com.

This winter has been a tough one for me – two bouts with the flu. Not just one, but two. And both were miserable.

When the first hit, I thought my head would come off and that the pain would never end. The right side of my head was pounding. I took two Ibuprofins to relieve some of the pain and because I know that there’s often an emotional component to symptoms, I checked myself for that.  My kids had sailed through their cold with flying colors, while mine dragged on with lots of pain. Why had it hit me so hard?

I came to an ‘Aha!’ We had gotten an X-box in December and my boys loved playing on it. And when they did, a few of them yelled really loudly in excitement and competition. For a few days in a row, I would be sitting on the couch in the living room, with my right side facing the doorway to that very loud room. Their screams hurt my ears. I had even put my hand on my right ear, trying to block the noise. I even asked them to lower their shouting. And they did for a bit. But then not long after, their excitement would kick in, and their voices would raise.

I could have gone into another room, but I stayed on that couch in that room, because I wanted to be there. I had wished for a door to block their loud shouts. And I had wished that they would shut up even as I took pleasure in the fact that they were having so much fun.

And guess what? When I got infected with that flu virus, the severeness and the pain in my body was on the right side of my head, jaw, neck and shoulders. It was the side of my body that faced that open doorway to the screams and shouts – happy ones for them, annoying ones for me. When I took the time to process the emotional piece of my ailment and symptoms, I realized that I had been angry. Angry about the noise, angry that they didn’t calm down when I asked them to, frustrated (also anger) that I couldn’t sit on the couch in peace, and frustrated that the noise bothered me so much when it hadn’t bothered my mother who was visiting at the time. “What was wrong with me?” was one of the thoughts that I had as I sat on that couch.

So, while I was sick and suffering, but in a little less pain because of those two little Ibuprofins, I processed the emotional component of my ailment. I learned what my anger was telling me and learned an incredible lesson in self-care and self kindness.  I also rested and took immune strengthening supportive herbs.

And I healed in time to go on vacation. Whew!

Could I have gone to the doctor and gotten some kind of prescription? You bet! And if the pain and discomfort had continued past three days, I would have. But instead I tried a different prescription. One based on the knowledge that I’ve accumulated over the past few years as a Somatic Healer, Mind-body coach, intuitive, self- help junkie and even as a mom. I used the resources and tools that I’ve come to love.

So what is it when you experience a pain in your body, a nasty sinus cold, an eczema on your skin? What is that sciatica that popped up or that bladder urgency or that migraine, foot pain, weird skin rash that appeared ‘suddenly,’ out of no-where?

Well, in truth, it is not from ‘no-where.’ Our bodies are sensitive monitors – they are attuned to our physical, emotional and even spiritual well-being. And they will let us know when something from one of those areas is off-kilter and needs attending to.

Dr. John Sarno, the famous back doctor and author of ‘Healing Back Pain’, claimed that most back and neck pain comes from suppressing our emotions and even went as far as claiming that a lot of the autoimmune ailments of today come from this as well.

But it can be confusing.

When I had back pain years ago, I got MRIs and they saw on the screen, my herniated disc. When I went for physical therapy for my pelvic pain, the exercises did seem to help strengthen my muscles. And I do feel better and more energized when I stay away from wheat, gluten and a lot of sugar. And I’ve been taking synthroid for 20+ years for the Hashimoto’s thyroid disease that developed after the birth of my first child.

So, what is the true source of these ailments and pain?

Is it the herniation? Is it the weak muscles? Is it the thyroid that decided to go haywire?

From what I discovered from my training and the years of work I’ve done with my clients, myself and my family, one must take an integrated approach to healing. There are always the medicines, prescriptions, blood tests and MRIs. They exist for a reason and a good one at that. But there is no question in my mind that there are also emotional components to ailments, dis-eases, and pain symptoms. The body wants to be heard, not just fixed.

The way the mind-body system works is that that physical pain or ailment is not the fire to be put out, but is the alarm that is calling you to wake up! Wake up and look within – what is going on in your world that isn’t working? In what way are you not paying attention to a relationship that is draining you, a work dynamic that feels funky, a family member that is hurtful?

In what way are you not strengthening your body, or are you grabbing for bad habits because you’re trying to distract yourself from a life you’re in dis-ease with?

And what can you do about all this?

You can slowly and kindly unravel these questions for yourself. You can slowly and kindly look within with compassion and generosity to the struggles you’re having and take simple steps to start shifting that rudder, start shifting the direction that you’ve been steering your ship. Is it easy? No. There could be some emotional pain involved in this process of unraveling. You will probably feel uncomfortable emotions of sadness, grief, anger, shame. But guess what? You have the emotional pain already and you are feeling those uncomfortable emotions – you’ve just been trying your best to rationalize them away, ignore them, suppress them or distract yourself from them.

When I look back in time, I can see that I wasn’t expressing myself, I wasn’t in tune with my inner emotional world at all. And then I developed thyroid dis-ease.

When I had all that back pain/body pain? I wasn’t in touch with how overworked and overwhelmed I was in my life. I had no self-care routine – I didn’t even know what self-care was.  I was also feeling hurt and judged in some very important relationships in my life. The world did not feel like a safe place for me.

Your body, your emotions and yes, your soul, have great wisdom to share. And changes need to be made. And all that suppression or distraction that seem easier to do than to make changes is not easier. Because your symptoms tell you so. Those symptoms are the alarm, not the fire. And as Mind-body expert Abigail Steidley says ‘Don’t just douse the alarm, douse the fire’.

So to answer the question – “Ahh – Pain! Is it the flu, my diet, the herniated disc, my thyroid, or my emotions?” Your mind-body system is all integrated and in order to have wellness, your emotions, mind, body and soul have to be heard. The first step is to listen within and be honest with yourself. What patterns in your life are not working? Are you angry, hurt, confused, sad? Do you feel stuck? Are you not expressing yourself in ways that are healing? Are you stifling your creativity? Are you judging yourself for being wrong for feeling what you feel?

What’s amazing about this kind of integrated approach is that once you look within and shift, everything around you shifts. You don’t need those lessons anymore. G-d, Source, the universe, or whatever term you use may bring you other situations for different lessons, but your moving up in a spiral motion and your energetic vibration is higher, more refined from each integration, each lesson learned.

My kids don’t shout anymore when they play X-box. That whole dynamic shifted. They play with excitement and joy, but not the loud screams. And if they were to behave that way again, I’ve been majorly forewarned as to the consequences I could suffer if I don’t do something different. Because of the integrative approach I took with the flu bout, I have an idea as to what I would do. But for now I can sit in the living room on that couch in peace and pleasure.

As for my second bout with the flu? I’ll share those lessons in another newsletter. Now it’s time for a rest.

Miriam Racquel (Meryl) Feldman is a Somatic Healer and Clarity Coach. She helps empower women with clarity and vitality in their relationships, career and health. Miriam also helps women heal from trauma, mind-body pain and anxiety. For more information, visit MiriamRacquel.com or email her at miriam@miriamracquel.com.

by Endorsed Coach, Meryl Feldman

Dr. John Sarno revolutionized the medical field with his radical approaches to healing back pain and other physical ailments.  He coined the term TMS, tension myostitis syndrome, to describe a circulatory constriction in blood vessels that results in pain in the body.  This is also know as Mind-body syndrome. To sum up what Dr. Sarno wrote (“The Mindbody Prescription”) and taught for over 30+ years is that the brain will cut off blood/oxygen flow to different parts of the body in order to distract the individual from recognizing and feeling emotions that they are trying to avoid.

This lack of blood/oxygen flow is the direct cause of pain. In order to get relief from the pain, a person will go running around to different doctors and googling the internet to get answers and diagnosis for help with pain relief, when the healing is within their reach and within their own body.

They just need to feel to heal.

This is not to say AT ALL that the pain is only in the mind.  The pain is real and the symptoms are real. But the healing comes from turning inward, getting honest about one’s emotions – especially anger, fear and sadness and allowing for emotional energy flow.  Sounds good, right?

But how to do this is the question especially when so many of us have the habit of ignoring these emotions or getting stuck in them.

It’s quite simple actually, yet needs to be exercised to get the brain to cease it’s tricky behavior.

Emotions are energy in motion. They show up as physical sensations in the body, starting out very quiet and subtle, almost vibrational. When ignored, they get louder and louder until screaming as a migraine, backache or some other pain or weakness in the body.

The key here is to notice as soon as possible and as often as possible what we are feeling, and this means being honest with ourselves.  This is where the healing begins.

Here’s an example: A friend shows up late again for a lunch date?  Do you ignore that slight irritation you feel in your body and just smile when she/he shows up? Or do you blast them with your anger and risk the friendship?

Neither of these options may be the best choice for your body’s health and for your relationship.

A Mind-body (Somatic) healing approach to the situation is the following: Your friend is late.  Put your attention inward. Wiggle your toes, take a deep breath in and out and NOTICE what physical sensation is happening in your body.

Does your stomach hurt? Is there a lump in your throat, a surge of heat welling up in your chest? Is your breathing shallower? Jaw clenched?

Whatever the physical sensation is, just be aware of it and allow it for ½ a minute or longer. You can even put your hand on that part of your body to keep your focus on it.

Breathe and know that you are safe in being in your body and feeling that emotion.  Keep breathing consciously, allowing that physical sensation to be the center of your attention. An emotion word may also come up for you – anger (irritation, annoyance, rage) or sadness (disappointment, hurt).

That is called letting emotional energy flow. You may notice that the sensation changes and morphs into another physical sensation in another part of your body. You also may want some privacy in doing this.

Great! Even better! Go into a bathroom stall.  Shake your fists around if you’re feeling anger.  Do a silent scream -opening your mouth real loud with no sound coming out (Barbara Sher writes about this). Bow your head, allow tears as well if they want to flow.

No one can see you.

The best part is that you body’s emotional message to you is being heard. The recognized energy flows so it doesn’t get stuck as a neck ache later on.

This is how you are taking care of your health!

And after this very physical allowing of emotional energy, your intuition opens up so that you can choose from a place of higher wisdom the action you want to take with this friend. Perhaps you will decide to say something, but it will most likely be with clarity and consciousness.

Perhaps you’ll just accept that this is your friend and you’ll make adjustments – no more lunch dates or you’ll bring a book, having a clear recognition that this is your friend’s personality and it’s not changing.  Or you’ll say something and end the relationship.

There are so many choices, but most times, because we are afraid of change, we ignore and suppress the emotional message our body is trying to communicate to us. When we choose to  feel, we allow healing.

According to Dr. Sarno, when we give the message to our brain that we are not afraid of our emotions, it won’t try to distract us by constricting blood/oxygen flow and causing pain.  We are freeing ourselves from the suppression – pain cycle and living a more vibrant, healthy life.

Miriam Racquel (Meryl) Feldman is a Somatic Healer and Certified Mind-body and Martha Beck Coach. She is a published writer and speaker based in Chicago. Integrating her knowledge of Kabbalistic Judaism, Somatic Healing, and Coaching, Miriam Racquel empowers women with clarity and peace-of-mind in their relationships, career and health.For more information, visit MiriamRacquel.com or email her at miriam@miriamracquel.com.

How do you empower yourself? How do you empower children? How can we feel safe in such an ever- changing and sometimes crazy world?

Just recently I had the chance to delve into this topic with my children. We were in a taxi on the way to the airport and just by virtue of being ‘trapped’ in the car with me, I held them spellbound as my audience.

Since Mind-body awareness is a topic I hold dear to my heart, I took the opportunity to read a poem about the topic of ‘flight’ from a book called “Trauma Proofing Your Kids” by Peter Levine and Maggie Kline. The poem is called ‘How Fast Can You Run?’ and it’s meant to empower children by helping them tap into their bodily resources of escape and safety.

After I read the poem, my children and I had a wonderful dialogue about how strong their bodies are and the times that they’ve used this strength to leave situations that have felt scary to them.

The poem, in spinning a tale about ‘Rapid the Rabbit’ running so fast away from ‘Coyote’, sets up a framework for discussing what situations a child has felt like running and how powerful they have felt in doing so.

My children shared a few stories of ‘taking flight’ by running from a scare – for one child, it was a bee who had scared them and for another it was an alarm that sounded off in a building; another one was frightened by firecrackers. We talked about how their body felt –  how their heart beat so fast, how their breath came so quickly and how fast their legs carried them.

In all these cases, the children had been able to run. I could hear the confidence in their voices and the relief in their ability to escape. As the authors state, “When kids associate movement with strength and the power to avoid threat, they develop self-esteem that comes from their core. This builds the kind of confidence that remains even when children are under stress because it has become an ‘automatic ‘motor memory.’ (p.71).

My children were lucky in these situations because they had the ability to run.

There are situations, however, in which a child is frightened and not able to run. It could be that at the time of the event – whether it was getting chastised by a parent/teacher or being bullied by a ‘friend’-  they were unable to leave the situation and felt ‘frozen’ in place.  When a child has experienced this, it’s important to help them access their sense of power and their ability to keep themselves safe.

Levine and Kline’s book has poems for dialoguing this ‘frozen’ state because these experiences can become fixated in a child’s cells and show up as anxiety later on.  By conversing with a child and bringing awareness to their bodies, we help empower them to ‘unfreeze’ from the event.

The child most likely felt small, overwhelmed and powerless and though the event has passed, there is a trauma – like condition in their cells. Encouraging the child to be aware of their body and to act out their ability to get away by taking ‘flight’ helps them release the stress of having been frozen in place during the frightening event. Levine and Kline suggest having the child actually run around or even run in place by pumping their legs.  If one is unable to get the child to act out running, even imagining running is helpful.

This mind-body activity with the child helps them to access their ‘flight’ muscles and bodily strength and results in them feeling confident in their own ability to take care of themselves.

As adults too, we may have experienced events in which we felt we ‘couldn’t’ leave a situation that felt overwhelming to us – perhaps being chastised by a boss, or experiencing the anger of an acquaintance. We ‘froze’ in place.

Many of us have an overpowering social sense of ‘trying to do the right thing’ that keeps us frozen in place. We believe that ‘it wouldn’t be nice’ to walk away.

Or we have the very normal fear of losing a job or a friendship. Whatever the reasons are, we often choose to stay in the presence of someone who treats us in a way that feels lousy, overwhelming and fearful. We sit and ‘handle it.’

It’s important to become aware that in all of these situations, your body has a reaction – your heart beats fast or you may feel numb. You may be overwhelmed by the mix of fear, humiliation, anger etc. and dissociate – leave the awareness of the body.  After the situation, you may walk away from the encounter, ruminating and replaying the scene again and again in your mind.

These are trauma responses and it is very important to take an opportunity to drop into your body to ‘take flight.’ This means that instead of just replaying the scene in your mind, you notice what is coming up in your body.

Do you feel heat? That may be anger. Be present with this heat by keeping your attention on the physical sensation, no matter how uncomfortable it feels.

Do you feel fear and imagine running? Then ‘run’ your legs.

We are not children, yet our responses are similar and the trauma can leave the cells when we run in place with our legs pumping. Even pretending to do so in our imagination is beneficial. Peter Levine walks his readers thru an exercise like this in his book/ CD called ‘Healing Trauma.’

It’s also important that as adults we give ourselves permission to actually ‘take flight’ in situations.

We don’t have to stay in place when we are being treated unkindly, even by a boss. We can excuse ourselves and go to a restroom to give ourselves space to feel our heart beating, our limbs tingling, our stomach dropping.

You may feel discomfort to leave a situation and you may feel even more discomfort to feel these physical sensations in your body, but know that this action of taking care of yourself is extremely empowering and healthy. You will also experience a  surge of self-confidence as you access your inner resourcefulness in keeping yourself safe.

Another benefit of dropping into your body and noticing the physical sensations of ‘taking flight’ is that you’ll receive inner wisdom.

You’ll have access to your intuition that will guide you in response to the intimidating situation. You will ‘hear’ what words to communicate to your boss or friend regarding their behavior and how it makes you feel. Or you may ‘see’ that this job or relationship is hurting you more than you’re willing to tolerate and you’ll make changes to actually ‘take flight’ by leaving the situation permanently.

Keeping ourselves safe and helping children to do the same is a programmed resource in our bodies. It’s about time that we all accessed that power.

Miriam Racquel (Meryl) Feldman is a Mind-body and Intuitive Wisdom Coach who empowers women who want to find clarity around decisions of career, relationships, family and health. For more information, visit MiriamRacquel.com or email her at miriam@miriamracquel.com.

How often do you stay in your head, ruminating, looking for an answer to a problem or even just overthinking a situation?

I did this quite often – staying up in my head which wasn’t giving me the healing or information that I needed. As a Mind-body coach, I knew that I needed to drop into my body and allow for emotional energy flow. I knew that I needed to put my attention on the physical sensations in my body – that clenched jaw, that funny feeling in my tummy, that tightness in my chest. My body is where my emotions were housed, but I couldn’t necessarily remember to drop into my body – it wasn’t my habit.

Until I got an intuitive phrase that now reminds me to leave my head and focus on my body’s physical feeling of my emotions.

I call it  “let it flow, Babe!”

A great example of this is my Rat story.   Ugh, blech – even the mere mention of that creature makes me cringe.  And what an amazing lesson was brought to me through this little animal.

I was walking home one night and I heard a squeak and rustle in the bushes next to me.  I turned my head and lo and behold it was a rat.  I squealed, jumped and hurried away.

My mind was racing with the image of the rat and I couldn’t stop cringing and thinking “ooh, ugh, ooh, ugh, how gross.

And then I heard the words “let it flow, Babe!”

Oh, yeah – my body – I’ve got to get in my body.

So, as I continued to walk, I put my awareness on my body – on the physical sensations that were going on in there.

I noticed all kinds of swirling in my chest and abdomen, a felt sense of alarm.  I  continued to walk and keep my attention on this.

“Wow,” I thought to myself, “such an intense commotion happening in my body.” I reminded myself that I was safe in feeling this intensity.

And that was it.

By the time I got to my house, a few minutes later, my mind was on other things.  I totally had forgotten about the rat.

Wow – what a lesson that was for me and I hope for you as well.  I used my mind, not as a tool to figure out what I was feeling when I saw the rat – disgust, heebie- jeebies etc. , but as an instrument to turn inwards and notice the physical sensations that were coming up for me.

With the attention on those, the emotional energy dissipated and so did the sense of alarm.  The energy didn’t get stuck in my body.  By the time I stepped into my house, my body felt calm and my mind ready to engage in interacting with my family.

I’ll end here with some words of gratitude to the rat – thank you for presenting me with the opportunity to “let it flow!”

Meryl Feldman is an endorsed Mind-body coach, as well as certified Martha Beck coach, who specializes in personal coaching for women seeking greater health and joy in their ever-changing lives. She helps her clients tap into their own abundant source of healing capabilities and intuitive wisdom to create a life filled with clarity and vitality. She offers unique programs for relationship issues, back pain relief and freeing women of chronic health issues (including UTIs). For more info, visit her site MiriamRacquel.com. She offers a free 20-minute consultation and welcomes all inquiries.

On Monday, the first day of my 13 year old son’s vacation, he woke up in terrible pain from a stiff neck. He couldn’t get up or move his head in any direction. As a sensitive child, he cried long and loudly from the pain and the frustration of being stuck in this very awkward position.

As a mom, my first reaction was complete internal panic as I tried calmly (outwardly) to access the situation in order to make sure we didn’t have an emergency on our hands. No fever and no injury quickly indicated to me that it was ‘just a stiff neck.’ Painful, awkward, but did not necessitate a rush to the doctor.

“Now what?” I asked myself. “How do I help get my son pain relief and get him up and running as quickly as possible so that he can enjoy his vacation?”

He goes to an out­ of­ town school (common practice in my Jewish Chassidic community) and this time at home is very precious to him because he loves to spend time with local friends and his very active siblings.

After having him take some deep belly breaths, getting him some ibuprofin and letting him cry it out for a bit, I asked him if anything was bothering him recently. Through his sniffling, he asked me what I meant.

“Well, did anything happen recently with your friends that made you angry or sad?” I asked. “Mom, this is about my neck, not my feelings.” he responded with exasperation.

“Often times our bodies will be giving us a message when there is pain. There are some emotions that need to be addressed. Perhaps something is bothering you in one of your relationships or maybe you’re worried about something?” I said.

And with that opening, he proceeded to share that two days before, his friends had been jumping on our trampoline and though he kept telling them to calm down, they ignored him. In fact one of them put a hole in the new net. He was worried that when his father would see it that he would be angry.

He also wanted some alone time to play with his brothers, but his friends always just walked into the house and pushed past him at the door even when he said that he didn’t want to play. He complained that they don’t listen to him. He also rationalized to me that it wouldn’t be nice of him to ask them to leave.

Bingo!

Anger, sadness, frustration over being ignored, powerlessness, guilt ­ a whole host of emotions were swirling in his body wanting to be heard.

As a Mind-­Body coach, trained oh­ so ­well by Abigail, including Dr.Sarno’s philosophy of suppressed emotions lead to pain, I knew that tapping into this spring of emotions was exactly what would get my son relief and on his feet again.

I started by having him breathe deeply into his abdomen, pretending that he was filling up a helium balloon in his tummy and then releasing the air out on the exhale. This helped him to relax his body a bit.

Then I had him notice what physical sensation he noticed when he thought back to the scene of his friends ignoring him. With some gentle prompting, we labelled it anger, frustration and powerlessness.

It was difficult for him to understand what ‘koo­koo ‘ mom was talking about, but he played along. He noticed ‘something’ in his belly. I had him keep his attention on his stomach for a ½ a minute. Then I asked him to ‘become’ his stomach and to give me three adjectives to describe himself as his stomach. This is a metaphor/imagination tool, and though he balked, he played along.

After giving me three adjectives, I had him take another deep breath and asked him to ask himself if there is anything that he “needs to know?” He shared with me what came up for him. I told him that this was a message that his body and emotions were sharing with him and that we could be confident that as we kept listening to what they wanted to tell him, that his neck would get better, perhaps not that day, but certainly within a day or two. This was comforting to him because he knew of friends who had had stiff necks and it had taken them a full week to feel better. He wanted to be goofing around on the trampoline and flying his drone with his brothers and he didn’t want to be out of the action for that long.

We continued on to notice other physical sensations and play the metaphor/imagination game. We ‘spoke’ to his neck and stomach, we listened to his anger, his sadness and his fear. This was a process we did throughout the day as he rested, cried, took ibuprofen and put a heating pad on his neck.

Though we addressed the pain and the physicality of the stiff neck, I made sure to emphasize to him that we were allowing for all his emotions and hearing whatever messages that they wanted to share with us. I spoke about how important it is to honor our feelings and to set boundaries with people. I also said that it’s not healthy to tell ourselves that ‘it’s not nice to …..” Being kind to others is important, but if someone ignores what you are asking them to do or not do, then we need to be assertive and let our needs be known. I shared that even if that feels uncomfortable to him, that we will work on that together.  I told him that I will help him be assertive and speak to his friends and that the most important thing for him is to notice and be honest with himself when he is feeling angry, including when he feels that towards me.

He slept great that night with much more flexibility in his neck. The next day, he felt better, though still in pain and we continued the emotional processing and physical care. By day three, the stiff neck was completely gone and he was his happy, rambunctious teenage self, able to goof around with his siblings.

Whoo ­ hoo!

With his friends, we added on some rules and addressed with them the things that had been bothering my son.

So many lessons were learnt from this, for my son and for me as well. I really saw the power of recognizing Mind Body syndrome for what it is and we both recognized how crucial it is to address our emotional inner world.

A few days later, when my son had an unpleasant interaction with his friend, he shared with me immediately what happened and we took the time to address his feelings and body sensations. He said to me “Mom, I don’t want to get another stiff neck. “

As I comforted him, we dove into his body, like Ms. Frizzle’s Magic School Bus, and addressed the REAL source of his pain.

Meryl Feldman is an endorsed Mind-body coach, as well as certified Martha Beck coach, who specializes in personal coaching for women seeking greater health and joy in their ever-changing lives. She helps her clients tap into their own abundant source of healing capabilities and intuitive wisdom to create a life filled with clarity and vitality. She offers unique programs for relationship issues, back pain relief and freeing women of chronic health issues (including UTIs). For more info, visit her site MiriamRacquel.com. She offers a free 20-minute consultation and welcomes all inquiries.