I stepped into the isolation booth, violin in hand. I tried to act very calm, but my heart was pounding. I was about to record a violin part, and it was my first time in a professional recording studio. I tried some deep breathing. Gack. Why in the world did I agree to do this?

I may have a problem. A good friend of mine calls it the Cookie Jar Syndrome – I like to eat all the cookies in the jar. I’ll admit I like to say yes to life experiences whenever they sound fun, exciting, challenging, or generally good for my personal growth. I find it hard to turn down an invitation to such experiences, which means that my plate is often very full.

Recently, I’ve been beating myself up about this issue, because my schedule is cram-packed right now. Every work hour is already scheduled through the end of the year, and my personal time is also mostly booked. For some reason, all of the awesome experiences I’ve said yes to this year are happening right now. Including recording a violin track for a professional recording.

Oops.

I’ve been telling myself I’m an idiot, saying I have poor boundaries, and really hitting myself over the head with “I should be doing things differently than I am.” Ouch. This kind of self-flagellation goes exactly nowhere.

So, I remembered that I like to practice and teach this thing called self-kindness. In fact, I have even started an entire Kindness Community. Oh, right! That! Self-kindness! It’s only the most important tool in my toolbox for well-being. And here I am, completely forgetting about it.

Putting my own tools to the test, I tuned in to myself and listened to my inner wisdom.

(The tools I use for this are available in the Kindness Community, by the way!)

My inner wisdom was pretty easy to hear. First of all, there was the delighted humming of joy in my chest, which I’d been feeling ever since I left the recording studio, successful violin track completed. Then there was the delighted little voice in my heart, telling me ideas for an upcoming telecourse I’m giving. My inner wisdom was pretty clear. It said:

You are absolutely on the right track.

This is how you like to live.

This is you, listening to the joy and following it.

Come to think of it, right now I am very, very happy. Sure, my calendar is crammed. Yes, I am doing a lot of things. But I’m not saying yes to everything. I do listen to my inner wisdom, and I only do what feels right. I take quiet time and have found ways to increase the balance between doing and being. The only problem in this situation was the critical voice in my head, telling me I should be doing it differently right now. Funnily enough, the only thing that needed doing differently was that voice itself.

The thing I know about myself is this: I like to stretch and challenge myself. What’s a good week (or day, actually!) without something a little scary in it? Facing challenges is a part of building confidence and helps me grow. It helps me learn about myself. It helps me trust myself. It’s one of my biggest keys to business success, wellness, and life enjoyment.

Case in hand; the recording studio. When I found that, despite not playing violin professionally for many years, I still had the chops to go create a decent recording, I felt amazing. I could have said no to that opportunity. I could have missed out on the fun practice time with my violin, which added huge value to my life this month. I could have missed out on seeing an old friend and reconnecting around music. I could have missed out on nurturing my inner musician. I could have missed out on remembering a part of who I am. And I could have missed out on facing yet another scary experience and finding I can totally do it.

Building confidence and self-trust is about walking into the scary stuff, falling down, trying again, learning, and eventually succeeding.

I’ve crashed and burned on the violin hundreds of times. And even this time, I didn’t record the part perfectly by any means. We patched two different takes together for the final product. It simply doesn’t matter. It’s not about perfection. It’s about doing. I’ve failed enough with the violin to enjoy success. I’ve scared myself silly so many times that now I can feel an iron core of strength inside me when I see a microphone and music stand. It’s a juicy challenge.

I’ve been doing some research for a telecourse I’m giving this week, and I’ve been re-reading the book Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Csikszentmihalyi teaches us that optimal experience, or flow, is achieved by a perfect blend of passion and challenge. Easy stuff doesn’t make us happy. During flow, Csikszentmihalyi explains, people experience deep enjoyment, creativity, and a total involvement with life.

When I’m in flow, scaring myself with challenges that I adore, I experience a happiness that runs deep. Synchronicities happen. Connection deepens. I know myself more and more. I flourish. I feel healthy.

I don’t actually have Cookie Jar Syndrome. I’ve definitely experienced that before, but it’s not a chronic condition. I’m flowing with the adventure of life right now, and my plate is piled just high enough. Not too much. Not too little. Lots of deliciousness and plenty of fun. Because what is fun, in the end? Not easy stuff. That’s boring! Fun is flow.