Ladies. We need to talk. 

To be proficient at Slacker Magic, you’ll need to shift your focus from other people to your own rest. Which means you’ll need to turn your attention to your own body, the sensory signals it’s sending, and the messages it’s subtly (or not so subtly) sharing. 

Which also means you’ll need to allow yourself to shift your attention to YOU. 

If this feels hard, it’s totally understandable. Culture trains us to focus on others and to pay less attention to our voices and needs. You might feel like a jerk at first for allowing yourself to listen to your internal signals and take action around them. 

The payoff, though, is huge. As soon as you start resting more after too much depletion, you’ll turn into a happier, healthier, more connected individual. You’ll find that you’re far more productive when you’re actually tuning in to your body’s needs. 

And, just to turn that argument all the way on its head, isn’t it fairer to those around you when you can show up at your best instead of half-dead and drooling? 

Here’s the assignment I’m giving you in case you need it:

1. From now on, assume that you need way more rest than you think you do. Take it.
2. Treat yourself like you have a bug and need rest at least once a month. (Seriously.) 
3. Throw away the yardstick that you’re using to measure when/if you should rest or play. 
4. Listen to your body’s requests and act on them as much as possible. (This goes for both rest and play!)
5. Re-read this blog post anytime you think you don’t deserve rest. (You’ve been brainwashed! We’re undoing that.)

Need support around this? Come hang out in the Mind-Body Magic Facebook Group where we regularly celebrate resting and honoring your needs.

Have you ever felt that you need permission to do something you want or need to do?

I’m not talking about general polite permissions or legal permits, like “May I have this dance, please; may I borrow your lawnmower? May I give your child a lollipop?”

I’m talking about permission to be yourself, to care for yourself, to want something, to dream of possibilities for yourself.

I’m actually talking about permission for one of the most basic needs in life. Permission to rest!

There was a time in my life that I must have believed that I had no rights or needs, because it was my job to take care of everyone else. I think I might have thought I’m a robot, or Wonder Woman or perhaps Mary Poppins.  I don’t know how I got to that place, but it was so bad that I actually needed permission to rest, from whoever was around, even if that was a child. Really. “I’m exhausted, may I rest?” So lame!

My son, who was 10 at that time, remembers an incident when he tried to straighten me out.

It was 4:30 pm and I had just come home with my sons from their piano lessons. I knew I had to start on dinner preparations but I couldn’t keep my eyes open, my body ached and I needed a nap, a rest. So this is what I said to my son:

Michael, I’m so tired. I think I might lie down here on the sofa a bit. Maybe I shouldn’t. Don’t let me fall asleep and not get up in time to make dinner before dad gets home. I’m so tired. I had to get up early to do the grocery shopping, then you know I was at your school making books in the publishing center all afternoon, then we had to go to piano, I didn’t sleep much last night either… I’m so tired.  I should really start cooking but maybe just half an hour? Please come wake me up if I fall asleep, OK? Or maybe it’s better if I don’t…

Michael clearly irritated by my ramblings: Mom! You don’t owe me or anyone else an explanation why you need to rest! You can rest. You don’t need permission to rest. If you don’t make dinner, we’ll order pizza! Who cares about dinner!  Just rest.

So Michael gave me permission to rest that day, and I did. Just for that day.

Some years later, I read an article in O magazine by one of my mentors, Dr. Martha Beck. I don’t remember details but basically she was giving me permission to go hide in the cornfields and rest. So I took a nap and dreamed of cornfields that day.

But it was a long time before I gave myself permission not to ever need permission to rest. I rest all the time now and I enjoy it very much.

How about you?

• Your primary responsibility is to yourself. Did you know that?

• You don’t have to please anyone else.

• You don’t need permission from anyone!

• If you don’t care for yourself, love and respect your needs, you won’t be able to do your best for the others you love in your life.

• Not sure whether to rest or not? Just ask your body. Your mind will try to give all the reasons you should not, but trust your body.

• But if you feel you absolutely need it, I GIVE YOU PERMISSION to rest whenever you’re tired or even whenever you simply want to. And that includes you too, Michael!

Leda Asmar is an endorsed Mind Body coach and a Certified Martha Beck coach. She helps people though transitions in life. She specializes in helping hardworking midlife women get unstuck, make authentic choices, and take charge of their lives by tuning into their inner voice and reconnecting with their true Selves.

website: www.ledaasmar.com

email: leda@ledaasmar.com

In response to that message, most clients say things like:

But I don’t have time!

I’m already resting.

That can’t possibly be what I need.

But what if all I do is lie around like a sloth? How will I get things done?

I can’t listen to that message because I have so much to do.

I get it, because my body asks for more rest than seems appropriate to my mind. However, throughout this last year, I have learned a ton about resting, as well as my body and its messages. As a result, I’ve discovered three important things about resting that pretty much revolutionized how I rest. And you’ll notice that I’m a new mom, and here I am talking about rest. Yes! I’ve been forced to honor my true rest needs this year, so I am actually well-rested. I’ve discovered that taking care of my rest needs is pretty much where it’s at. It’s the most important thing I can do for myself.

Rest Insight #1: Rest Binges

Here’s what I’ve discovered: when my body is screaming for rest, it means I’ve waited too long to rest. I missed the subtler clues that were much less uncomfortable. The remedy for this is to binge on rest. By this I mean use any and all time I can to rest – while my kiddo is napping, going to bed early, and anytime I can find a sitter for an extra hour or two.

This might seem scary at first. The mind says – OH NO! I’ll never get anything done!

However, this is not true. The binge catches me up and then I am actually energized and able to get anything done more quickly and easily than before and it’s MUCH better than if I tried to slog through it, exhausted. Once the binge is over (it just sort of ends), I feel much better and am able to pay attention again to the subtler rest cues my body sends. (And honor them!)

Rest Insight #2: Pre-Resting

This is something I do to ward off exhaustion, keep my newfound and hard-won health, and stay centered in my body awareness. I take 10-15 minutes in the morning, at lunch, and after dinner to lie down, breathe, and check in with my body. Even if I’m not tired in the least, I do this resting. I use my mind-body tools.  I feel my nervous system relax into rest and digest. I get tingly all over, like I’m getting a massage or just took a dose of morphine. I let myself yawn, stretch, and breathe.

I also take a minute to see if I’m addressing all my needs. Am I thirsty? Hungry? Do I need to feel an emotion? Is there something my intuition is trying to tell me?

Rest Insight #3: Active Resting

This resting means taking the rest and digest feeling with me when I get up from the bed. I do little check-ins during the day as I’m doing activities. Whether I’m cooking, playing with my kiddo, walking, doing yoga, or working, I can pay attention to my body and my internal sense of awareness. I can notice my feet touching the floor. I can feel my energy drop down into my body if it starts floating up into my head in the form of worries, stress, or rumination. I can watch my breath for a moment.

The mind likes to judge rest as slothful or lazy. It likes to tell us to push onward and ignore the body’s rest signals. However, this is all just mind-noise. Rest, and being rested while going about the day, is an incredibly important piece of health, well-being, and inner peace. A fully synced-up mind and body allow rest to take place and feel good as a result. Rest is a mix of naps, sleep, and letting the nervous system drop out of fight or flight. I don’t count watching TV or reading as resting, because I’m not as deeply relaxed when I’m doing those activities. I count those as fun entertainment, so when it’s time for a rest binge, I don’t do them until I feel energized again. I’ve found they can actually prevent me from getting rest (especially if they are particularly engaging).

There is much talk about mindfulness these days, but not as much about restfulness. The secret is that mindfulness is restfulness. I prefer to think of it as restfulness, actually. When I rest into this moment, I am present. I am resting here. I’m not trying to get there, or there, or there. I’m just resting here. Now.

While I rest, Anamsong will also rest. So, there will be a few weeks without blog posts. As I write this, I notice the resonance of the word “rest.” Doesn’t it just feel good to say it? It sends a peaceful current through my body when I let it float around in my mind. Rest is healing. Rest is healthy. Rest is loving.

After the Healing Circle Call , my biggest takeaway was a feeling of love. When everyone reached out with love, I felt an inner knowing that I must access my most powerful feeling of love and treat myself to a whopping dose. Right now, that means rest, snuggle with my sweet baby girl, and laugh as much as possible.

Thank you all SO much for your participation in the Healing Circle Call and for all the amazingly kind comments, emails, and messages you’ve sent. I love the magic of connection through sharing, giving, loving, and receiving. I am blessed to be connected with all of you through our shared interest in the mind-body-soul relationship. I wish you a restful, joyful few weeks as well and look forward to writing again, post-rest.

Hanging out on the couch and doing nothing is generally frowned upon in our culture. On the whole, we tend to value working hard and getting things done. 

As a result, one area where it is easy to get tripped up on the mind body journey is when it comes to listening to your body’s signals to stop and do nothing.

Your body can say, “stop” with anything from tension, physical pain, chronic fatigue, and exhaustion to a lack of energy, spark, or enthusiasm. 

There are so many reasons why your body may need to stop and do nothing!  Some of the most important ones are:

• You are physically depleted and your body needs rest in order to heal and rejuvenate.
• Your emotions (current or old) need space to flow.  This is often the case with formerly repressed emotions.  When you start using mind body tools, there will come a point where your body is ready to start releasing old repressed emotion, and it will need downtime to do it. 
• Your soul has a message for you.  It could be anything from a needed change in direction to an inspiring idea.

If you don’t give yourself the time to stop and do nothing, none of this will ever have the space to happen and you’re likely to end up tired, sick, overwhelmed, or in pain.

Last week I was in a funk.  I was having trouble focusing.  I wasn’t getting anything done and my mind was stuck in self-criticism and negative future predictions.

When I stopped pushing myself and checked in with my body, I noticed that my heart was aching and felt heavy.  I was physically exhausted and there wasn’t one thing I could think of doing that sounded remotely appealing except sleep. 

I asked my soul for guidance and it was crystal clear…. 

“You need to stop and feel.”

I had been pushing myself for few weeks.  Ignoring the heaviness in my heart, wondering what happened to my spark, energy and enthusiasm.  I was starting to think old thoughts like, “What’s wrong with me?” and “I can’t do this.”  

There were old emotions surfacing that needed space to flow. 

And, even with years and years of practice listening to and following my body’s wisdom, and a deep knowing that my emotions are guidance from my soul, it was really really hard to give myself the space to stop and do that.

Thoughts like “There’s too much to do to take a break” and “I’m being a terrible mother” were pushing me to embrace my old habits and send my emotions right back down where they came from.

Except I was too aware of what my soul wanted and what the consequences of pushing through would be.  So, I lay down on the couch and did nothing for almost 2 full days. 

My mind was not at all happy with this course of events, and persisted in coming up with reasons that I should do something…..

“You’re just being lazy.  You’re doing this wrong.  You don’t have to feel sad.  This is a waste of time.  How are you going to maintain a business if you lie around feeling sad?  Find a better feeling thought.  Focus on what you want.  Look at it in a new way.  For goodness sakes, and you call yourself a coach!”

I soothed my mind as best I could and persisted in following my souls guidance, and on the third day tears started to flow. 

For a couple more days that’s what I did, cry and rest, still on the couch.  Only now instead of sleeping and watching tv, I had the energy to read, listen to music, and write in my journal. 

By day 5 I was up and hiking in my favorite gorge, full of joy, inspiration and appreciation for my life again.  Re-connected to myself.

Trusting yourself and allowing your emotions won’t always look like your mind thinks it should.  

It won’t always fit into a convenient schedule or include writing, yoga, and meditation.  Sometimes it will just be doing nothing. But nothing is important work and a necessary part of healing your body, and living a soul based, jump out of bed in the morning, arms wide open, twirling in the sun, outrageously joyful LIFE!

If you’re struggling right now to keep up, if you’re in pain, or you feel like you are pushing 1000 lbs uphill against the wind and all you really want to do is stop and lie down…..

It’s time to listen.  The fact is, you’re not going to get anywhere you truly want to go until you do. 

Here are some tips to get you started…..

1.  Make the decision to trust 

Trust yourself.  Trust the information you get from your body, soul, and emotions, over anything your mind or anyone else is telling you.

2.  Have a journal handy 

You’ll need it to write down the stories that your mind is spinning so you can identify and name them.  You do not want to let those thoughts float around unchecked in your mind.  Beating yourself up with your own thoughts will stop your true emotions from flowing and keep you stuck.   Of course, you can also use your journal to free write and communicate with your soul!

3. Decide to love and nurture rather than doubt and worry.

If you have a history of depression or disconnecting by zoning out, the idea of doing nothing may bring up fearful thoughts that you are going down a familiar and painful road.  Take the time to consciously connect and be intentional about your downtime.  You are not hiding.  You are making an important decision to take the time and space you need to listen deeply to your own soul.

Imagine a bubble of light and love around you.  Allow it to fill you up and protect you.  Appreciate yourself.  Wrap yourself in a soft blanket.  Create a nurturing sacred space, physically and energetically, so that you feel safe and loved in your cocoon.   Remind yourself that you are connecting – not disconnecting. 

4. Enjoy yourself

You are allowed to revel in your doing nothingness.  In fact my hunch is that it’s much more effective when you do!  If sadness or anger needs to come they will.  You don’t have to make anything happen.  Just do whatever it is that feels good to you.

Your body and soul will always communicate exactly what you need.  The key is taking the leap to listen and follow through. It may not look like you think it should, and it won’t always be lying on the couch.  But whatever your body is telling you, I highly encourage and fully support you to listen. 

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Lorraine Faehndrich is an Endorsed Mind Body Coach and a Certified Martha Beck Coach with over 15 years experience with mind and body healing.  She specializes in helping women, who are suffering with chronic pain and recurring health issues, relieve their pain, increase their energy, and experience radiant health and outrageous joy in their body and in their life.  Lorraine offers private coaching and mentoring to clients all over the world.  To learn more about her or how to work with her please visit www.RadiantLifeDesign.com

Let me just say, though, that I’ve learned even more about rest throughout this pregnancy. Rest sounds like such a simple topic. It’s a short word. We all know what it means. It seems straightforward. 

But is it, really?

I don’t know about you, but I can ignore all kinds of important signals from my body and completely avoid resting. I’ve also had to learn how to rest. I’ve had to learn how to give myself permission to actually rest for the amount of time my body needs or my soul desires. I’ve had to learn to trust that resting enough will not take away from my creating, doing, and income-earning.

Now that I have a kid using my uterus as a gymnasium, I have a whole new perspective on resting. In the first trimester, it seems that all my body wanted to do was rest. I went to bed at eight pm. I took naps. I could barely lug my body anywhere, much less shower and put on matching clothes. It seemed, to my mind, quite extreme. My mind had many freak-outs, which went a little like this:

Oh my God! You are such a sloth!

No one else is this lethargic when pregnant – you are a pregnancy wimp!

Get it together, for crying out loud!

Aaaaaagh! There is so much to do!

My mind has always resisted rest, but I thought I was pretty good at listening to my body and letting it lead the way with regards to rest. Until it asked for more. Seriously? How much rest can a person really need?

I had a choice. Walk my talk and keep listening to my body, honor its true needs, and slow down even more, or keep up with everything and ignore my rest requirements.

So, I coached myself and settled in to the realization that I’d need to change how I was doing life, in general, to accommodate the need for more rest. I had to work with my mind to release self-judgment and imagined comments from others who might think me lazy. I had to coach myself around actual comments from people. One person (who must not realize the dangers of sharing opinions with hormonal and grumpy pregnant women) said that I was “more sensitive” than other pregnant women. Amazingly, I did not punch this person, for which I give myself much credit. Instead, I felt my emotions (um…anger!) and then coached it out.

Really, so what if I am more sensitive than someone else? What if I do need more rest than 50% of other pregnant women? The point is that this is my body, my experience, and my journey. I must honor what I actually need, and truly practice self-kindness. Taking care of me is even more important now, because in doing so, I am taking care of my daughter.

In the end, I decided to make some changes. There are some emails it has taken me a month to answer. Literally. I struck things off the to-do list that weren’t essential. I delegated more, hired more help, and asked for more help. I let walking become my main form of exercise, because my body really didn’t like anything else. I took longer to create what I wanted to create, and I created less than usual. I pushed back my website launch. I stopped coaching for a while. I didn’t hang out with friends much, even though I love them all.

Now, I’m in the final phase of the second trimester. I still need a ton of rest. I still can’t work at my usual pace. I can only prepare the baby’s nursery in tiny little steps. I forget things, make mistakes, and get behind a lot. And that’s just how it is.

I’ve learned that huge amounts of rest are worth it. My mind can judge amounts and label me and play all kinds of tricks. I just have to thank it for its opinion and then ask my body and soul what they really, truly need.

And with that, I’m off to take a nap.

Rest doesn’t usually get the credit it deserves. With our focus on achieving our goals, moving ever forward, and even exercising more/harder, it’s easy to overlook the power of rest. It’s easy to see how action takes us where we want to go. It’s hard to believe that rest can be just as powerful.

The body doesn’t do its healing in action mode. It requires rest to drop into healing. It’s logical to assume that a body in chronic pain probably needs more rest than it’s getting.  By this I mean real rest, where the nervous system releases the fight or flight response and “rest and digest” kicks in.

So why do we resist this rest? Why do we keep on pushing ourselves and ignoring this need?

I believe there are two main reasons.

First, resting the body requires us to connect with it more deeply than we do during an active, goal-oriented day. This means anything uncomfortable that is stored in there will most likely surface. By this I mean emotions we’ve been stuffing down, worries we’ve been trying to ignore, or intuitive hits we’ve been brushing aside. All the things, in other words, that might rock the boat.

Second, we think resting more means we’ll get less done, achieve less, or somehow fall behind in the race of life. We worry that we’ll be seen as lazy or less successful if we’re resting more. We have the misconception that action is where all the forward progress happens.

I’ve certainly resisted my share of resting, and still do. But now that I’m aware my first tendency is often to resist taking rest time, it’s easier to notice myself resisting and then gently ease into a little rest. When I find myself resisting rest, I ask myself if I could rest for a short amount of time, like thirty seconds. I make it so easy that there’s really nothing left to resist. Then I keep my promise to myself and don’t try to add on another thirty seconds, unless it feels absolutely easy and enjoyable.

I also keep a list of ways I enjoy resting with different levels of restful experiences. Some involve deep rest and the “rest and digest” response, while others are slightly more active. This means I can choose what type of rest feels do-able or right in that moment. My list includes everything from napping to listening to music or guided imagery to reading a book. (Want to check out one of my favorite deep rest techniques? Try Intentional Resting.

If I notice uncomfortable emotions rising into my awareness while I rest, I turn to my favorite mind-body tool: Basic Emotion Awareness . This allows me to feel what I need to feel instead of continuing to store it in my body.

Another thing I’ve done to help myself see the value of rest is listing the positive results I get from resting. (This doesn’t have to be fancy, but if you’re a journal addict like me, here’s an opportunity to buy a new one to add to your collection.) It’s as simple as writing down anything positive you notice from your resting sessions. For example, maybe you notice you feel more energized. Maybe you find it easier to think and focus, so you find yourself getting more done, more efficiently. Or maybe, like me, you find that rest takes on a magical quality and issues you thought would take much effort seem to solve themselves while you rest. After a few weeks of gathering evidence and writing it down, you’ll probably start to trust that rest truly is just as valuable as action.

Rest and action go in cycles. There’s a natural ebb and flow. Without rest, action is less potent. Without action, rest is less potent. We need both, equally. You’ll notice this natural cycle within each day and also in the bigger picture. You might need more rest for a month or two, then find yourself taking more action for a month or two. Let your body tell you what it needs, and develop your own awareness of your personal rest processes. I’d love to hear about your resting, so please share in the comments area below!

Need help resting? Get a dog. Watch how he does it.