The idea of a new last name came to me when the divorce mediator asked if I would be returning to my maiden name. I’d been working through the divorce process for several months, which entailed feeling lots of emotions, facing fears, and starting my new life after twenty years of marriage. 

Suddenly I knew that I wouldn’t be returning to my maiden name. I could feel something bubbling up inside; it felt strangely like joy, which I hadn’t felt in a while. 

I would find a new last name, and it would represent my alignment with my spirit. It would be the name I bestowed upon myself after years and years of curiously discovering who I am. It would be a reclamation of myself. A way to use my voice and be true to myself. 

Since I’m always coaching and teaching others how to use mind-body-spirit tools that allow inner wisdom to guide the way, it would be pretty ridiculous to not listen to inner wisdom for this giant transition. 

Inner wisdom told me to wait. (Like it often does!)

I waited. 

I waited some more. 

Every time I tried to look at new last names, it felt forced. I had to stop. The name would find me.

Then, one day, I was walking by my bookshelf and felt a strong urge to stop. A book was calling to me; a spiritual text about the Isle of Avalon. I grabbed the book, sat on the floor, and opened it.

Immediately, a paragraph down the page pulled my attention. It was about a priestess; a guardian of the mysteries of Avalon and associated with the Great Mother spirit. She was a Great Queen in Irish mythology and one of the fairy folk. In Welsch, her name means “mother.”

Morgan. 

There it was. My new last name. 

I know I’ve hit an inner wisdom certainty when I feel deep resonance in my body. That name resonated from my head to my toes and made my heart sing. I’m an Irish Seer, and I use my Irish Seer skills as a coach and energy healer with my students and clients. This name represents me, my work, and who I am to the core. 

So, I’m excited to announce this name change!

From now on, I am officially named Abigail Susan Morgan.

There is so much going on in our world lately. When it comes to racism, I know I still have a ton to learn. My focus for the last few years has been to figure out what I can do in myself, my community, my work, and my family to, albeit very imperfectly, advocate for and listen to those without white privilege.

The work is slow-going sometimes and real, deep, progress takes time. I’ve made mistakes and I know I’ll continue to mess up every step of the way. True change is very messy.

I notice that my mind has a lot of stories about how I should be doing more, faster, better at this work. I hate when personal crises slow me down.

And, sure, that’s always true. There’s always more to do. More to learn. More to face and become aware of.

And, I also know that anything I do that involves discomfort or fear requires lots of self-compassion. Self-compassion makes me show up and do better. Self-criticism keeps me frozen in inaction.

The best thing about self-compassion is that when we use it, we can face discomfort and places where we need to do better without collapsing into shame. Shame can prevent us from really listening to others, seeing where we need to change, and doing the work of learning how to listen without defensiveness.

I know I need to make changes and do a better job when it comes to anti-racist work in myself and my business. If I can compassionately take myself to task, then I can make progress in this work. I can befriend the discomfort.

If you happen to be criticizing yourself today (whatever the topic), I gently encourage you to stop for a moment and remind yourself that it’s ok to be compassionate with yourself. Compassion will help you move forward; being hard on yourself often prevents forward movement.

Not sure how to shift that self-critic voice to something kinder? I get it. Sometimes it’s really hard.

Together, we can make it easier to stop being super hard on ourselves. It’s a team effort! Together, we can do the work it takes to create real and lasting change.

]]> https://abigailsteidley.com/change-and-well-being/ https://abigailsteidley.com/change-and-well-being/#comments Tue, 31 Mar 2020 15:15:31 +0000 https://abigailsteidley.com/?p=15176 Continue reading How to handle hard life changes and maintain well-being]]> We are experiencing so much sudden change in our lives right now, and that can be really startling for the nervous system. I have certainly felt my fight/flight/freeze response kick in repeatedly pretty much every day in the last few weeks.

This is the body’s natural, normal response to change, chaos, overwhelm, and uncertainty. Its job is to keep an eye out for danger and let us know what’s potentially dangerous. This helps us to act and react accordingly.

The only problem is this: When your nervous system is constantly on alert, it takes a big toll on your stress levels, your energy, your well-being, and your mental state. 

It’s very hard to think creatively when your nervous system is activated. Instead, you might find yourself feeling like things are urgent, hard to accomplish, and extremely stressful. Any problem or obstacle feels huge and impossible.

Of course, right now, many of us ARE facing really large and horribly difficult changes, obstacles, and problems. The reality is that our nervous systems might be correct at certain times throughout the day when we are feeling fight/flight/freeze engage in our bodies.

So, what to do? 

The good news is, the mind and body can work together. Listening to the nervous system, acknowledging its response, and feeling the emotions present will often help your body relax a bit and drop out of fight/flight/freeze.

If you can flow in and out of that fight/flight/freeze response, you will not store stress and tension in the body. You’ll also be able to think creatively and problem-solve through the toughest of situations. When times are hard, creative thinking is your best solution. And, it’s normal to flow in and out of different nervous system states. The goal is to not stay stuck in the fight/flight/freeze response.

Here’s a pro mind-body tip:

If you feel completely overwhelmed, terrified, panicked, and unable to see past a large obstacle or problem, it means your nervous system is activated.

This is NOT the time to problem-solve. 

First, take care of your mind-body system. Feel the emotions. Allow the panic to exist for 5-10 minutes. (The time limit is important here.) Journal or express to a friend. Let yourself acknowledge all the fears.

When your 5-10 minutes are up, do a little something to help your nervous system release the fight/flight/freeze. This can be simple; think of something really comforting (or even do something comforting, like curl up with a blanket around you for a few minutes). Or, you can do this breathing exercise.

Wait to start in on problem-solving until you feel more open and relaxed in your body. Then, the ideas will be able to flow. You’ll be more agile and flexible. You’ll start to see past the extreme difficulty and into potential solutions or ideas.

Just remember: When life seems impossible, it’s just your nervous system on high alert. It’s correct; action is not possible right this minute. You’ve just gotten bad news or are facing something incredibly intense. It just isn’t the time for action. Process the emotions first, let your system move through the shock, and then you’ll start to see new ideas appear.

During times like these, you will need creativity to see new ideas, because new ideas are vital when doors appear to be closing and change is happening so rapidly. Your best trick for navigating times like these is to flow in and out of creativity so that you can shift into flexible action steps that move you forward in the face of sudden change and obstacles.

Also, if you need help right now with processing emotions and settling your nervous system, you are welcome to join one of my upcoming free virtual Sacred Spirit Circles. Join in if you need mind-body coaching, a place to feel emotions with kind, safe, support, and a sense of community during this chaotic time.

Here is the schedule and conference dial-in information! 

My being and my business are feeling the call to serve at this time.

The mind-body tools I use with my clients are made for crises, and I am here to help you wade through the emotions, the fears, and the stress so that you can find bits of respite in the chaos.

Join me on Friday, March 20 for a free online videoconference event I’m calling The Sacred Spirit Circle.

During The Sacred Spirit Circle event, I’ll share mind-body tools for tough times, take you into a healing and relaxing guided meditation, and also coach and support as many people as possible.

This is a safe, sacred space to feel emotions, be heard, allow things to flow, and connect with others in a kind, warm atmosphere. 

Bring your fears, stresses, and concerns and we’ll tackle them with the big guns; mind-body tools that really help your body release tension and energy healing tools that completely shift your state of being and help release fear.

I know it can all feel big, overwhelming, and scary right now. Everyone has their own unique situations to deal with and at the same time, we are all sharing this experience, too.

If we can come together in a sacred space to create a shift from stress to kindness (for ourselves and others) we will generate a powerful, connected, community of support for each other.

I coach clients who are struggling with all sorts of things, through the worst of times. This is exactly what my work is for and I support others daily through tough situations. Now, I’m offering this to you and your friends to be of service in the best way that I can as we all face the changes happening that are out of our control. 

Invite your friends, come join me, and experience calm, healing energy as I coach, guide you through a meditation, and share throughout the call. Your body and your being will have the opportunity to rest into peace while we’re gathered together. 

Watch for the continued upcoming Sacred Spirit Circle schedule and get your event join-in details here. 

No registration is necessary! Join in and invite your friends to do so as well!

Get the event details here. 

What is Smithsonian Syndrome? 

It’s a common form of self-pressure that takes hold and attacks the sufferer’s mind and body swiftly and suddenly. 

When it strikes, the sufferer is under the impression they must create a finished product worthy of the Smithsonian.

Symptoms include:

Physical tension

Anger towards one’s self

Stress

Thoughts about how an end product isn’t good enough

The pressure to make something par excellence

Lack of enjoyment

If you find yourself experiencing Smithsonian Syndrome frequently, there’s really only one effective treatment: Slacker Magic. 

You’ll need to learn how to take the pressure off yourself, stat. 

Luckily, I can teach you how to do that. 

Join me for the Slacker Magic Course to relieve those symptoms swiftly and get you back to creating and enjoying the magical flow. Learn more and register here!

I’ve had a few (as in a LOT) of those in my life. That’s exactly why I created Slacker Magic. 

When shit hits the fan, Slacker Magic will carry you forward. It will be the ground under your feet in groundless times. It will help you navigate both the best and the worst of times. 

Recently, an acquaintance was asking me what I do. I told him about Slacker Magic. 

He said, “Oh yes! I’ve had to learn how to live like that because of serious illness.” Yep.

When hard times hit, you can’t afford to add self-pressure, pushing, and over-efforting into the mix. Everything that adds extra stress has to be stripped away so that you can survive. 

You need your inner wisdom guidance there, waiting, ready to show you the next step forward. And the next. And the next. 

During major upheavals, there’s no map. There’s no clarity. It’s a lonely, confusing swirl of who-knows. That’s when our minds start to go into over-drive; trying, pushing, efforting, and pressuring. We judge ourselves. We blame ourselves. 

Slacker Magic takes all that away and shows you how to rest into the flow. It helps you find bits of peace in the messiest of times. 

The phrase Slacker Magic can sound light and playful, but it is rooted in and was born from the hardest moments of my life. It’s magical and practical. It’s light and it’s solid. It’s there for you when you need a way forward. 

Want to learn how to use Slacker Magic to create practical and magical flow in your life? Come join me in the Slacker Magic Course! Learn more and register here.

I was in a high-stress situation, in a private room with a person who was there to listen, and it was a perfectly acceptable moment to have a feeling, culturally speaking.

Tears were welling up in my eyes and my body refused to keep them inside. It was as necessary to feel those feelings as it was to breathe.

And yet, there I was, apologizing for crying.

Even after years of coaching others to help them allow their emotions to exist.

Then, this morning, I read an article about a holocaust survivor who, while giving a talk about the holocaust and her experience, became emotional. In her talk, she, too, apologized for “being emotional.”

Here’s the thing, folks. Of all the humans who should be allowed to cry, wail, scream, yell, or do whatever they need at any moment, a holocaust survivor would be first on the list.

Seriously. After surviving the unimaginable, unspeakable horrors of a concentration camp, one should be given a free pass to express emotions and be held by humanity with acceptance and understanding.

This apology we give for sharing emotions often feels necessary. It protects us from a terribly vulnerable experience; feeling an emotion in an empathy vacuum. It makes us feel safer, because we don’t know if the other person will be uncomfortable, will not know what to do or say, or won’t hear us.

This is the culture we live in, and I sometimes find it untenable. Why should we have to pretend we’re fine when we’re not fine? Why is it seen as weak to have emotions and strong to “suck it up” and appear fine?

In reality, it’s exactly the opposite. It takes strength to face and feel discomfort. It takes strength to be open. It takes strength to trust your body’s process and let the tears flow.

Emotions are beautiful, powerful energies that flow naturally within us. Empathy is the safe container that holds the space for those energies to exist.

If we let ourselves feel what we feel and are able to be present with others when they feel, too, an amazing connection is born. It’s a connection to spirit, to our bodies, to each other, and to the wisdom that emotions bring with them.

Today, I hope you can feel whatever you need to feel, and that you can give yourself the empathy you require in the moment, even if no one around you is doing so. Sometimes, that’s the best we can do.

Yesterday, the person I was with validated my tears and said kind, understanding words. For that, I am grateful, because it’s not always the case. And from now on, I’m not going to apologize for tears, even if the old habit tries to sneak its way back in. Want to join me?

How do you slack when you’re building your business and not making any money? I’m so stressed but stuck in inaction and know I’m not trusting the process. 

Great question!

Let’s quickly cut to the root of the issue: Fear. 

It’s normal to feel fear when you’re an entrepreneur and working to make ends meet. Especially when you’re just starting out. 

The only problem is that fear often tells the nervous system to freeze, just like you would if a bear had you in its jaws. At that moment, your safest strategy is to play dead, and your body knows it. 

Unfortunately, playing dead in your business is NOT a good strategy. Often I see new entrepreneurs either immobilized by fear or scurrying around without taking time to rest and restore. Sometimes it can be a mix of those two strategies because the nervous system is sending signals to flee or freeze then rinse and repeat.

In order to use Slacker Magic for building a business (tuning into inner wisdom, taking time to slack so ideas can flow in, and following inner wisdom’s guidance for your action steps), you’ll need to help your nervous system release the fight/flight/freeze cycle. 

Telling your body not to play dead isn’t possible with words. You’ll have to speak the language your body understands: sensation. 

Here’s what you do:

1. Take a few minutes to run in place, go for a walk, or move in some way to help your body release some of the adrenaline. (Even if you’re in a freeze state, this is a good idea. It helps you find your sense of aliveness again.) 
2. Find an animal, thing, place, or memory that is reliably comforting. (It can be as simple as a time you snuggled on a couch with a cup of tea.) 
3. Get yourself into a comfy position in a place that does feel safe. (Don’t do this exercise in your car or out and about.) 
4. Think about your animal, thing, place, or memory until you feel the sensation in your body that matches it. (You might notice yourself breathing easier, sighing, yawning, feeling more comfortable, or feeling a sense of the weight of your body as it rests on your chair/bed.) 
5. Hang out with that memory for a while. Revel in it. 
6. Do this process regularly throughout the week. 

After a few days, you’ll notice your body starting to be less freaked out and more open to you slacking, playing, and resting. You won’t feel so immobilized or stuck. 

If you need an extra boost, add this breathing exercise once or twice a day.

Pretty soon, your nervous system will stop thinking you’re in the bear’s mouth and will let you have a lot more fun building your business. 

Need more Slacker Magic tips? Join the Mind-Body Magic Facebook Group!

Ladies. We need to talk. 

To be proficient at Slacker Magic, you’ll need to shift your focus from other people to your own rest. Which means you’ll need to turn your attention to your own body, the sensory signals it’s sending, and the messages it’s subtly (or not so subtly) sharing. 

Which also means you’ll need to allow yourself to shift your attention to YOU. 

If this feels hard, it’s totally understandable. Culture trains us to focus on others and to pay less attention to our voices and needs. You might feel like a jerk at first for allowing yourself to listen to your internal signals and take action around them. 

The payoff, though, is huge. As soon as you start resting more after too much depletion, you’ll turn into a happier, healthier, more connected individual. You’ll find that you’re far more productive when you’re actually tuning in to your body’s needs. 

And, just to turn that argument all the way on its head, isn’t it fairer to those around you when you can show up at your best instead of half-dead and drooling? 

Here’s the assignment I’m giving you in case you need it:

1. From now on, assume that you need way more rest than you think you do. Take it.
2. Treat yourself like you have a bug and need rest at least once a month. (Seriously.) 
3. Throw away the yardstick that you’re using to measure when/if you should rest or play. 
4. Listen to your body’s requests and act on them as much as possible. (This goes for both rest and play!)
5. Re-read this blog post anytime you think you don’t deserve rest. (You’ve been brainwashed! We’re undoing that.)

Need support around this? Come hang out in the Mind-Body Magic Facebook Group where we regularly celebrate resting and honoring your needs.