The disturbing events of the last year have created a wave of gripping visual images that float in and out of my conscious awareness:

Me, at the age of 11, marching for civil rights and singing “We Shall Overcome.”  Me, as a college student, when the slogan “Make Love Not War” saturated our student culture.

My great-grandmother embracing her son, my grandfather, for the last time as she helped him escape the pogroms in his native Poland.  He was hidden in a laundry cart so he could go unnoticed on his way to board a ship to America, the land of the free.  (Pogroms: a series of organized massacres targeting Jewish communities)

My children’s paternal great-grandparents who perished in concentration camps.

And finally….. the image of a grotesque, gaping wound flooded my awareness – the wound of racism, bigotry, violence and hatred that I struggled to hide for much of my adult life – the heartbreak which was just too much to bear.  

This led to the realization that I MUST see, hear and feel this wound.

My recovery from chronic emotional and physical pain occurred when I moved toward my discomfort and allowed it.

I now know that the only way to transform pain is to allow it, hear it, and honor its message.

Our society trains us to bypass emotional pain and to apply the “band-aide method” to much of our lives.  How often are we encouraged to “just get over it,” or “smile when our hearts are breaking”?

I learned early on, as many women do, that smiling was an effective tool to protect me from social disapproval and to diffuse potentially uncomfortable confrontations with friends and family members.  My smile became a mask and a habit that served to totally disconnect me from myself and from others.

I am grateful to my body for finally “speaking up” with an abundance of painful symptoms resulting in diagnoses ranging from psoriatic arthritis and trigger finger to spinal stenosis, piriformis syndrome and sciatica.

My screaming body certainly got my attention, but it took decades for me to truly acknowledge the fire that was burning within. I spent years simply trying to turn off the fire alarm with medication and treatments that did not help me.

My deep dive into the flames paved the road to healing.

Right now, our country is hurting. We may be experiencing confusion with surges of emotional energy we have never learned to navigate. Whether we want to lash out or hide, we owe it to ourselves to practice self-kindness and compassionate self-reflection throughout this voyage.

It is challenging to honor the anguish we feel in response to despicable and disturbing events, but our pain will eventually guide us to the actions that will lead to healing.

Again and again, in spite of my natural desire to avoid and ignore discomfort; I find myself plunging back into its depths.  Only then can the healing begin.

When we expose the throbbing heart of this wound, our truth will rise up to guide us.

It is time for all of us to break out of our comfort zones.  Let’s face the truth together and compassionately Let It Hurt.

Elaine Jeffy

I was trapped in a life of chronic pain and anxiety until I learned that I was not a victim – I was just disconnected from myself and my innate power to heal.

After decades of failed treatments and finally surgery, I discovered the mind-body approach to healing, and it transformed every area of my life!   I was led to become a coach as I yearned to help others unlock their truth and claim their own healing power.  I am a certified Martha Beck Life Coach, Anamsong Endorsed Mind-Body Coach and certified by the Whole Health Medicine Institute in California.

Now I am privileged to help others harness their body’s natural ability to renew, restore and repair itself as they find relief from chronic pain, gain more satisfaction in personal/work/family relationships, and make meaningful changes in their lives!

Website:  www.yourkeytohealing.com

Email:  Elaine@yourkeytohealing.com

This winter has been a tough one for me – two bouts with the flu. Not just one, but two. And both were miserable.

When the first hit, I thought my head would come off and that the pain would never end. The right side of my head was pounding. I took two Ibuprofins to relieve some of the pain and because I know that there’s often an emotional component to symptoms, I checked myself for that.  My kids had sailed through their cold with flying colors, while mine dragged on with lots of pain. Why had it hit me so hard?

I came to an ‘Aha!’ We had gotten an X-box in December and my boys loved playing on it. And when they did, a few of them yelled really loudly in excitement and competition. For a few days in a row, I would be sitting on the couch in the living room, with my right side facing the doorway to that very loud room. Their screams hurt my ears. I had even put my hand on my right ear, trying to block the noise. I even asked them to lower their shouting. And they did for a bit. But then not long after, their excitement would kick in, and their voices would raise.

I could have gone into another room, but I stayed on that couch in that room, because I wanted to be there. I had wished for a door to block their loud shouts. And I had wished that they would shut up even as I took pleasure in the fact that they were having so much fun.

And guess what? When I got infected with that flu virus, the severeness and the pain in my body was on the right side of my head, jaw, neck and shoulders. It was the side of my body that faced that open doorway to the screams and shouts – happy ones for them, annoying ones for me. When I took the time to process the emotional piece of my ailment and symptoms, I realized that I had been angry. Angry about the noise, angry that they didn’t calm down when I asked them to, frustrated (also anger) that I couldn’t sit on the couch in peace, and frustrated that the noise bothered me so much when it hadn’t bothered my mother who was visiting at the time. “What was wrong with me?” was one of the thoughts that I had as I sat on that couch.

So, while I was sick and suffering, but in a little less pain because of those two little Ibuprofins, I processed the emotional component of my ailment. I learned what my anger was telling me and learned an incredible lesson in self-care and self kindness.  I also rested and took immune strengthening supportive herbs.

And I healed in time to go on vacation. Whew!

Could I have gone to the doctor and gotten some kind of prescription? You bet! And if the pain and discomfort had continued past three days, I would have. But instead I tried a different prescription. One based on the knowledge that I’ve accumulated over the past few years as a Somatic Healer, Mind-body coach, intuitive, self- help junkie and even as a mom. I used the resources and tools that I’ve come to love.

So what is it when you experience a pain in your body, a nasty sinus cold, an eczema on your skin? What is that sciatica that popped up or that bladder urgency or that migraine, foot pain, weird skin rash that appeared ‘suddenly,’ out of no-where?

Well, in truth, it is not from ‘no-where.’ Our bodies are sensitive monitors – they are attuned to our physical, emotional and even spiritual well-being. And they will let us know when something from one of those areas is off-kilter and needs attending to.

Dr. John Sarno, the famous back doctor and author of ‘Healing Back Pain’, claimed that most back and neck pain comes from suppressing our emotions and even went as far as claiming that a lot of the autoimmune ailments of today come from this as well.

But it can be confusing.

When I had back pain years ago, I got MRIs and they saw on the screen, my herniated disc. When I went for physical therapy for my pelvic pain, the exercises did seem to help strengthen my muscles. And I do feel better and more energized when I stay away from wheat, gluten and a lot of sugar. And I’ve been taking synthroid for 20+ years for the Hashimoto’s thyroid disease that developed after the birth of my first child.

So, what is the true source of these ailments and pain?

Is it the herniation? Is it the weak muscles? Is it the thyroid that decided to go haywire?

From what I discovered from my training and the years of work I’ve done with my clients, myself and my family, one must take an integrated approach to healing. There are always the medicines, prescriptions, blood tests and MRIs. They exist for a reason and a good one at that. But there is no question in my mind that there are also emotional components to ailments, dis-eases, and pain symptoms. The body wants to be heard, not just fixed.

The way the mind-body system works is that that physical pain or ailment is not the fire to be put out, but is the alarm that is calling you to wake up! Wake up and look within – what is going on in your world that isn’t working? In what way are you not paying attention to a relationship that is draining you, a work dynamic that feels funky, a family member that is hurtful?

In what way are you not strengthening your body, or are you grabbing for bad habits because you’re trying to distract yourself from a life you’re in dis-ease with?

And what can you do about all this?

You can slowly and kindly unravel these questions for yourself. You can slowly and kindly look within with compassion and generosity to the struggles you’re having and take simple steps to start shifting that rudder, start shifting the direction that you’ve been steering your ship. Is it easy? No. There could be some emotional pain involved in this process of unraveling. You will probably feel uncomfortable emotions of sadness, grief, anger, shame. But guess what? You have the emotional pain already and you are feeling those uncomfortable emotions – you’ve just been trying your best to rationalize them away, ignore them, suppress them or distract yourself from them.

When I look back in time, I can see that I wasn’t expressing myself, I wasn’t in tune with my inner emotional world at all. And then I developed thyroid dis-ease.

When I had all that back pain/body pain? I wasn’t in touch with how overworked and overwhelmed I was in my life. I had no self-care routine – I didn’t even know what self-care was.  I was also feeling hurt and judged in some very important relationships in my life. The world did not feel like a safe place for me.

Your body, your emotions and yes, your soul, have great wisdom to share. And changes need to be made. And all that suppression or distraction that seem easier to do than to make changes is not easier. Because your symptoms tell you so. Those symptoms are the alarm, not the fire. And as Mind-body expert Abigail Steidley says ‘Don’t just douse the alarm, douse the fire’.

So to answer the question – “Ahh – Pain! Is it the flu, my diet, the herniated disc, my thyroid, or my emotions?” Your mind-body system is all integrated and in order to have wellness, your emotions, mind, body and soul have to be heard. The first step is to listen within and be honest with yourself. What patterns in your life are not working? Are you angry, hurt, confused, sad? Do you feel stuck? Are you not expressing yourself in ways that are healing? Are you stifling your creativity? Are you judging yourself for being wrong for feeling what you feel?

What’s amazing about this kind of integrated approach is that once you look within and shift, everything around you shifts. You don’t need those lessons anymore. G-d, Source, the universe, or whatever term you use may bring you other situations for different lessons, but your moving up in a spiral motion and your energetic vibration is higher, more refined from each integration, each lesson learned.

My kids don’t shout anymore when they play X-box. That whole dynamic shifted. They play with excitement and joy, but not the loud screams. And if they were to behave that way again, I’ve been majorly forewarned as to the consequences I could suffer if I don’t do something different. Because of the integrative approach I took with the flu bout, I have an idea as to what I would do. But for now I can sit in the living room on that couch in peace and pleasure.

As for my second bout with the flu? I’ll share those lessons in another newsletter. Now it’s time for a rest.

Miriam Racquel (Meryl) Feldman is a Somatic Healer and Clarity Coach. She helps empower women with clarity and vitality in their relationships, career and health. Miriam also helps women heal from trauma, mind-body pain and anxiety. For more information, visit MiriamRacquel.com or email her at miriam@miriamracquel.com.

One of the most powerful keys to healing from chronic pain, anxiety, or loss is allowing, honoring and accepting our full range of emotions.  We live in a society that relies on intellect at the expense of feelings.

The dark or commonly called “negative” emotions of sadness, fear, grief, and despair are not honored or viewed as socially acceptable; and yet these essential and powerful emotions carry compelling energies that lead to deep healing and transformation.

Emotions are energy – they are NOT positive or negative.  It is our thoughts and attitudes about emotions that cause us to label them as good or bad.  Free flowing emotions are like the weather – they come and go.

When we hide or banish these uncomfortable painful feelings from our conscious awareness, they remain stored within us and often manifest as chronic physical pain, anxiety and/or depression.

“The dark emotions are attention-grabbers, goading us into awareness. They’re like young children: If you attend to them they reward you. If you don’t, prepare for trouble. They have their ways of letting you know they need your attention.”  Healing Through the Dark Emotions, by Miriam Greenspan

My body tried to get my attention for decades. I suffered from a multitude of chronic painful conditions – severe spinal stenosis, scoliosis, sciatica, bulging and degenerated discs, degenerative knee issues, psoriatic arthritis, severe osteoarthritis, generalized anxiety disorder, foot pain, acid reflux, carpal tunnel syndrome, trigger finger and thumb, repetitive strain/stress injury, thoracic outlet syndrome, piriformis syndrome, tendonitis, etc.

My life was totally out of balance. I said yes when I meant no. I continuously suppressed my emotions. I had totally unrealistic expectations for myself and others while ignoring myself and my own needs. I was a slave to self-pressure – constantly pushing myself to do more, be more, work more, try harder. The way I was living my life led to severe unconscious muscle tension producing intense emotional and physical pain.

After exhausting traditional and alternative treatments without relief, I underwent back surgery. One year after surgery my symptoms were worse than ever.

I finally learned that, for me, healing is an inside job. I opened my mind and my heart as I examined my life and claimed my healing power – a power that is available to each of us.

When I learned to honor and allow emotional energy to exist in my body, I was free to heal.

“We begin to see the dark emotions as messengers, information-bearers and teachers, rather than “negative” energies we must subdue, tame or deny. We tend to think of our “negative” emotions as signs that there’s something wrong with us. But the deepest significance of the feelings is simply our shared human vulnerability. When we know this deeply, we begin to heal in a way that connects rather than separates us from the world.” Miriam Greenspan

So how do we honor and experience the emotions that our culture has taught us to ignore?  The very thought of allowing these painful feelings often evokes great fear within us. 

Here are some action steps to facilitate emotional awareness:

• Bring your awareness to your body and your physical sensations. What do you notice in your throat, chest, abdomen, etc? Notice sensations of hot, cold, heavy, light, etc. and allow your breath to support you as you allow all sensations.
• Simply turn your attention toward any emotional sensations you are experiencing right now. Just focus on the experience of the emotion itself allowing the physical sensations to be present without trying to figure them out or change them.
• Remain with this emotional energy until it begins to shift or until you choose to stop. As little as a minute or two is fine. Uncomfortable feelings of worry, fear, sadness, and anger will not harm us and will pass.
• Offer comfort and care to yourself with a compassionate message: Place your hand on your heart and say “It’s okay right now, I am safe,” or other words of kindness.

These simple practices facilitate healing. They reduce tension and resistance while boosting relaxation and activating our body’s natural self-repair mechanisms. They also help to keep us grounded in the present moment.

I encourage you to acknowledge, allow and accept these sacred feelings which will enable them to flow and transform – after all –

“There is nothing so whole as a broken heart.”

                             Rabbi Menachem Mendel

Elaine Jeffy

I was trapped in a life of chronic pain and anxiety until I learned that I was not a victim – I was just disconnected from myself and my innate power to heal.

After decades of failed treatments and finally surgery, I discovered the mind-body approach to healing, and it transformed every area of my life!   I was led to become a coach as I yearned to help others unlock their truth and claim their own healing power.  I am a certified Martha Beck Life Coach, Anamsong Endorsed Mind-Body Coach and certified by the Whole Health Medicine Institute in California.

Now I am privileged to help others harness their body’s natural ability to renew, restore and repair itself as they find relief from chronic pain, gain more satisfaction in personal/work/family relationships, and make meaningful changes in their lives!

Website:  www.yourkeytohealing.com

Email:  Elaine@yourkeytohealing.com

Happily, Debby created all of this and more during the Mind-Body Coach Training! In the video below, she shares her healing success story, along with tips on how to create your healing success plan.

P.S. You can still grab a FREE 1-1 coaching session with one of my top Endorsed Mind-Body Coaches if you apply for the 2017 Mind-Body Coach Training by April 6, 2017! Maybe this is your year to get all the mind-body tools or even become a mind-body coach!

You most likely know that the mind-body tools I teach can completely relieve pain and dissipate stress – hence their value!

Sometimes, though life throws extra-hard stuff our way. For me, that happened in 2012, when I gave birth to my daughter. The birth itself was beautiful, but immediately afterward, I hemorrhaged. The road to recovery postpartum was littered with challenges.

I suffered an extreme anal fissure and hemorrhoid and ended up needing surgery.

Now, let me just say (and many people will confirm this should you choose to google it), butt surgery is THE MOST PAINFUL THING EVER. I kid you not. I’ve given birth with no painkillers AND had kidney stones. So I know of what I speak.

So, there I was, a nursing mom with a four-month old baby, faced with a decision.

Should I take the narcotic painkillers that would make life bearable?

Should I give up breastfeeding to survive the healing process?

In doing so, I’d be giving up one of my dreams; nursing my child for at least a year.

What did I do?

I pulled out my mind-body tool bag and I used the hell out of those tools. I left the narcotics in the cupboard, kept on nursing, and made it through the worst eight weeks of my life.

I healed AND nursed, all thanks to the mind-body tools.

These tools don’t just heal TMS/Mind-Body Syndrome. (Aka, pain and tension caused by stress.) These tools help dial down ANY kind of pain – even the worst pain ever, ever, ever. (Butt surgery, I’m telling you!)

When I returned to the doc for my post-op checkup, he was flabbergasted. He said he’d never had a patient not use the painkillers after that operation.

Was I a little proud of myself? Hell yes!

Not only did I heal and take good care of myself, but I got to nurse my baby all the way until she was two. I got to create the dream I’d had for starting her little life the way I wanted to start it.

This is why I teach these tools every year in the Mind-Body Coach Training. They are the most invaluable part of my life, and I use them all the time to help me navigate life’s hardest moments.

So, though I deeply pray that you will never have to have butt surgery, I’m glad you’re here on the blog, learning and applying what I share.

And if you want to have all the tools for your toughest moments, too, you can take the Mind-Body Coach Training anytime! (Right now, registration for the 2017 training is open, in case you’re ready to go for it! Take it just for you, or take it to learn for yourself and to coach others. It’s totally up to you!)

***
Photo by Mothering Touch

Ever wake up with a ‘sudden’ bout of back pain?  Or even neck, foot or anywhere pain? You went to bed, feeling just fine, no injuries that you can think of, but the next morning, it hurts to move?

I had this happen recently. I went to sleep feeling fine and the next morning, my shoulder blade felt like a stick was lodged in it. Very uncomfortable to say the least.

When this used to happen, I would completely panic. How would I get my kids off to school? How would I get my to-do list even partly started? What doctor, pill or healer could I run to to get relief?

But guess what? This time, I became the healer that I ‘ran’ to and gave myself the relief I needed.

With this shoulder blade pain, I did panic for a moment, but then I quickly readjusted and directed my mind to healing.

‘My mind to healing’, you may ask? What has body pain got anything to do with the mind? Isn’t it a body thing?

Yes and no.

Dr. John Sarno, a well known back physician and author of ‘The Mind -Body Prescription’, has claimed for years that many body pains are caused by the brain, not the body. Yes, there is real pain and it hurts – but it’s a trick that your brain is playing on you and it is within YOUR POWER to get relief.

His theory is that the brain is afraid to deal with emotions. In an effort to suppress them, it cuts off oxygen to certain body parts which results in pain and distracts you from dealing with your feelings. Instead, the pain is so uncomfortable that all your energy gets focused on getting rid of it and that gets you running to doctors, chiropractors, massage therapists for relief.

Please don’t get me wrong. All these healers are wonderful and they may help you get temporary relief for a day or two, maybe a month or two even.

But this pain will most likely return – maybe not in the same form, but it will return if the true source of the pain isn’t recognized. One month it may be your lower back, the next month your upper back. Or plantar fascitis. Or headaches. The pain will jump around and not in a logical order.

So what is the true source of the pain?

It’s the suppression of your emotional world.

Emotions are ‘energy in motion’ in your body and they are trying to communicate messages to you.  Dr. Sarno’s theory is that our mind is too afraid (subconsciously, of course) to look at these messages.

Why is the mind so afraid of us looking at our emotions?

Because our emotions communicate to us how we’re feeling – whether we are sad, angry, embarrassed, scared and even happy.

And when you pay attention to these feelings,  you may come to the conclusion that changes have to be made.  A relationship may have to be scrutinized, a thought or behavior pattern of yours may need to be shifted or a situation, like a job, may have to be let go.

The primitive part of the brain is just too scared of change. It reacts with panic – “oh, no, not change!”

So what can be done? Who wants to continue to live with pain?

I don’t that’s for sure. When I finally decided to entertain that Dr. Sarno’s theory could even possibly be true, I had to get real brave and look at my emotional world.

And guess what? It wasn’t as scary as I thought. Yes, sometimes it did require changes, but those changes were good for me and I’m much happier for them. Operating in the world from a place of ‘fear of change’  just didn’t serve my health nor my highest good.

Over time and practice, I have, thank G-d, accessed more and more of the healer within me.

Do I still go to doctors, physical therapists, get massages? For sure. But certainly not as much as I used to and not for the same reasons as before.

If I do go to these specialists, it’s more to get check ups or to get a greater understanding of some part of my body. If I go to a chiropractor or massage therapist it’s because it feels good for my body to get the treatment.  I also use discernment to establish if something is serious and needs medical attention or the assistance of a specialist.

On a daily basis, I try to keep in mind that whatever is presenting itself physically to me may be the result of an emotion needing to be processed, an unhelpful subconscious thought needing to be heard or a behavior pattern, relationship or situation needing to be adjusted.

So, how did I access the healer in me when my shoulder was in pain?

I first panicked. Just for a moment. Yes, there was pain and my first reaction to pain is alarm.  I allowed that moment and also searched my memory for an injury. The pain was manageable, but if it had really hurt, I would have taken an ibuprofin because I dislike being uncomfortable. This shoulder pain felt manageable.

Then I took a few moments to check in with my body and emotional world. I closed my eyes, and noticed what other physical sensations I had in my body BESIDES the shoulder pain. I also searched my mind for an uncomfortable situation that may have taken place the day before that I had ignored. By taking a little time to go within, I recognized the situation and noticed that my chest was tight and my jaw clenched.

I placed my attention on those sensations for less than a minute. Some thoughts came to mind around a circumstance that I had not dealt with. I like to journal so I wrote down a few things and took recognition of some very unhelpful thoughts around the circumstance. In this case there wasn’t any action that I needed to take, just a noticing of a particular incident that had brought up some fearful thoughts. And then I took a few deep breaths.

Voila! My brain got the message that I was willing to look at my emotions. No need to cut off oxygen to my shoulder and cause pain and distraction. No need for that tension to be in my body.

Did the shoulder blade pain go away?

Not right away, but it did lessen.  And I had faith that it would disappear because I’ve done this before. I even went to exercise class because I knew that the true source of the pain was coming from my brain and not coming from an injury or physical disability.

I had accessed the healer in me.

Want to try?

You don’t have to wait till you’re in pain.

Doing these steps a few times a day can help you access the healer within:

1. Communicate to your brain: Let your brain know that it no longer has permission to cut off oxygen anywhere in your body and cause you distracting pain. I do this by telling my brain ‘I’m willing to feel all my emotions.’
2. Notice physical sensations: Check in a few times a day to notice the physical sensations in your body. At first you may want to close your eyes to concentrate.

What do you notice? Is your jaw clenched, shoulder’s hunched, mind buzzed, breath held, stomach knotted? All these are physical sensations are expressing an emotional energy in your body. You may even hear a word come into your mind -’angry,’ ‘sad’, ‘disappointed.’ But the word isn’t as important as putting your attention on the sensation itself. When you notice the sensation, just stay with your mind on it for a few seconds. Allowance and acceptance are key.

3. Breath: After noticing, allowing and accepting the stomach ache, the tight shoulders, the clenched jaw, take a deep breath and release. Perhaps journal what thoughts you’re noticing or if a recognition came to mind regarding the circumstances surrounding the physical sensation.

Even if it’s a lightness in your being – that could be joy, and recognize what circumstance is bringing you joy.

Some other resources that are terrific in becoming acquainted with these ideas are:

Dr. Sarno’s DVD “Healing Back Pain, The Mindbody Prescription”

Dr. Schubiner “Unlearn Your Pain”

Dr. Peter Levine “Trauma Proofing Your Kids” ; “The Unspoken Voice”

You have a healer in you.

Meryl Feldman is an Intuitive Wisdom coach who guides women in aligning with their soul self, empowering them to make clear, confident decisions in their life. For more info, visit her site MiriamRacquel.com.

“Argh!!!  My back is so stiff! I can hardly get out of bed. I hate this! Why can’t I get rid of this back pain?!”  This is how most mornings started for me for years.

“I feel like my body is my enemy!”

“Why do I have spent thousands of dollars and hours doing everything recommended: physical therapy, acupuncture, massage, visualizing, taking medication, staying away from certain foods – all in hopes that something is going to fix my back, but nothing works! It’s not fair. What is wrong with me!?”

I know it’s not pelvic pain – that has not been my pain – maybe you have migraines, chronic allergies, or another chronic condition. I am guessing your chronic syndrome might be a bit like my back.

My relationship to my back has been contentious and difficult.

Interestingly enough it wasn’t until I finally decided that this back pain wasn’t going away ever and made the radical decision to go into relationship counseling with my back that things finally began to shift.

Yes – you heard me – relationship counseling – with my back!

My back and I have been doing this relationship work now for a few years.  Our relationship is actually gotten much better!

Truth is I have discovered that my relationship with my back pain is often mirrored out in my world in my other relationships. When I start dealing more effectively and honestly in those relationships both at home and at work – my back and I get along much better!

Frankly, it was easier to get mad at my back pain than express my anger and fear to my partner, colleague, sister, mom, or dad. Well, okay, put any name and there, and it’s been true!

I have spent much of my life feeling like the world was not safe. As a result, I got really good at scanning and watching what those people around me wanted. I changed my behavior to match what I thought made them happy.

My super power became meeting other people’s expectations without even really noticing I was forgetting me.

When it came to my most important relationships at home and at work, I would:

• try really hard to be who I thought they wanted me to be.
• avoid difficult topics.
• say yes when I wanted to say no.

Much of what I was doing was trying to get away from the scary world around me.

I didn’t feel capable of speaking up and saying what was true for me because I was afraid of the other person’s reaction. Will they:

• Get mad at me?
• Leave or abandon me?
• Criticize or punish me?

What I did not understand was that how I was managing the world around me, was also how I was managing the world inside me. I was trying to push away the physical symptoms just like I was trying to avoid the potential disapproval from those around me.

My inner world of physical symptoms kept getting louder, and I just kept trying to fix them the same way I was trying fix my people relationships.

Clearly that was not working. With some inner relationship work, meaning turning towards my symptoms and listening and welcoming the information, I realized just how exhausted my insides were from me managing my outside world!

What I didn’t realize is my back was yelling at me because my body wanted me to learn to speak up and be more honest!

Oh – how I have learned!

Recently, I was visiting my mom, sister, and niece in Portland. My mom was talking about a woman who she thought wore a dress that was too short, revealing her ugly knees.

It didn’t feel right to me. So I spoke up and said, “Maybe that woman really loves how she feels when she wears her dress.”

Mom retorted, “Well she…(fill in the blank with critical, critical, critical comment.)

Instead of staying silent I spoke up again!

“I don’t like talking about someone so negatively. I get that you don’t like ugly knees. You are entitled to your opinion, but I’m not going to sit around and criticize someone else’s knees.”

Mom looked a bit put out, but I felt solid. I spoke up. I said my piece without taking away her opinion.

Previously, I would have laughed it off, gone along, and joined in at the expense of my own knees by throwing my “ugly knees” under the bus.

I didn’t this time.

Guess what?

I slept well and did not wake up with a stiff back!

Now, it is not always that straight forward, but I have found when I am honest, real and take a risk to show and speak up, my body and symptoms like it!

How much are you tolerating?

What is it costing you in terms of satisfaction?

Do you realize the impact to your energy?

How might your pain be related to what you are not saying?

Today, I speak up in all sorts of situations.

The key has been to turn towards those parts of me that have been banished underground and make them matter. Turn towards and be with them – they know what they want me to say!

You can try to get all the love you want from the outside. Honey, you won’t feel it or let it in unless you turn and love yourself.

When I make more of what I am feeling on the inside, I develop a much healthy relationship with my body!

The next time your head pounds, your back aches, your stomach twists in knots, or your pelvic floor is on fire. Turn towards it and say yes, welcome.

Want to learn more about how you can transform your relationships, both inside and outside?

Sign up for Susan Clarke’s and my 6-week transformational program, BE BRAVE – Transform Your Relationships To Reclaim Your Energy, Inspiration and Sense of Freedom.

Want to meet us? Join us for our FREE Webinar: 3 Mistakes Smart Women Make that Leave You Feeling Frustrated, Resentful, and Doing Too Much! Next

Wednesday, June 29 at 1PM MT, or

Thursday, June 30 at 10AM MT.

CrisMarie Campbell is an Endorsed Mind Body Coach, Master Certified Life Coach, Business Consultant and Speaker

You’re a wimp, because you are not doing all the “normal” things.

You’re a burden to everyone around you, because you’re in pain/unwell/depressed.

You’re messing up things for your whole family.

You’re not trying hard enough.

You should be better by now.

You’re too sensitive.

No one will love you or want to be with you if you’re in pain/weak.

I’ve heard that voice in my head, too, and let me tell you, it’s not helping anything. If you think you’re going to beat yourself into health, well, think again.

Literally, think again. It’s time to see the truth, because those statements above? Those are lies.

Here is the truth, which I share from my vantage point of having been in severe pain, having had severe depression, and knowing exactly what it’s like to walk the challenging path of illness.

You are a warrior.

I mean that in every positive way possible.

You live with excruciating pain, whether it’s physical or emotional. You do it. Even if you’re furious about it, even if you complain about it, even if you hate it, you still do it. There may be times when you’re able to be graceful about it. There may be times when you are a hot mess about it. Either way, you do it. You get up every day, and you do life.

You don’t get to have the “yeah, but,” here. (Yeah but, I don’t do life the way other people do life. I’m not running marathons, winning awards, or blah blah blah.)

Nope, you don’t get to say that.

You are facing enormous discomfort every day, and you are, if you’re here reading this blog, willing to deeply connect with yourself and look at your inner world with courage and conviction. (Some days it feels hard, and you take a break. But you’re still doing it!) You’re willing to create change within yourself. You’re willing to see what it is inside your own head that’s holding you back.

Those thoughts up there? They’re holding you back. You are enormously strong, because it takes everything you have just to do each day. Yet, you still do it. You’re still here, doing exactly what you can in this moment to be here.

You get to be angry that you’re in pain. You get to be a hot mess sometimes. You get to be exactly as you are. You get to know that this sucks a lot right now, and it’s ok to say that.

Then, give yourself enormous credit. Start saying things like this to yourself:

I am incredibly strong.

I feel so much, and I can handle it.

I have a well of compassion in me as a result of this experience.

I am humble because of this experience.

I am brought to my knees, where I can access my own heart instead of race through life.

I am practicing the art of self-love.

I take amazing care of myself, because I matter deeply.

I am kind to my body, wherever it is on the journey, because health is not a status symbol.

Health is not a measure of my worth.

I am deserving of every good thing in the world, just like everyone else.

I am a warrior.

Don’t beat yourself into more pain.

Love yourself into true wellness.

True wellness starts within, deep within your heart. True wellness spreads from that center out into your psyche, your body, and your life.

Achievements, what you do, what you get done, how much you travel, and all the other success signifiers are false markers on the path to wellness. Warriors do the work that no one sees. Warriors go inside and feel the discomfort, and sometimes fall apart. Warriors create a safe space for themselves to be vulnerable, real, and open. Warriors care deeply about those they love, and they include themselves in that group. Warriors know that St. Francis de Sales was right when he said, “Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength.”

Be gentle with yourself, warrior. You can’t achieve health. You have to gently, kindly, rest into your soul and let go of the one thing that chains you to the prison wall: Thinking that achievement, health, and doing are markers of goodness.

Goodness and worth reside within you, always. No matter what. This is the powerful lesson you have no choice but to face when you pain yanks you out of normal life.

Through mind-body healing, you will get your life back. It will be a whole new life, in which you know yourself to be a warrior. You will be whole, no matter what your body can or cannot do. And that is actually pretty damn cool.

Are you using a mind-body healing approach to create pain-relief and health? Then you might want to make sure you’re not making the three most common mistakes I see in my mind-body coaching practice. If you’ve read up on TMS or Mind-Body Syndrome , studied various mind-body healing resources, and still find yourself not quite experiencing the health and pain-relief you want, then this is the blog post for you!

1. Searching instead of implementing.

This one is SO easy to do. The mind likes to focus on solutions and problem-solving, and it’s not always into being patient, or settling in for the inner work that mind-body healing requires. The mind prefers to DO STUFF. Many people read, study, and analyze the mind-body healing processes and tools, but don’t set aside real time to implement them. Implementation is necessary for healing and pain-relief to happen. Don’t confuse reading about mind-body healing and doing the actual practices.

Even more interesting, if you ARE implementing the tools but still out searching for more/different solutions, you might be sabotaging your pain-relief efforts. Searching for more tells your mind you don’t fully trust what you know already. It seeds the doubt that can creep in and tell you that this isn’t enough. You need this or that other thing in order to have pain-relief, because this might not work. (Aha! See how sneaky doubt is?)

Turn off the computer.

Hide your phone.

Close your door.

Take ten minutes to turn inward and connect to yourself. Breathe. Feel emotions. (Grab my complimentary ebook, The Key to Your Healing Journey for help for that!) Journal, if that feels helpful, by writing down anything you’re stressed about in your life.

Journal Prompts: (Answer all three! Do not stop at the first one!)

I’m feeling _________ about my health right now, and I’m allowing myself to say:

Besides my health, I’m really stressed about:

I feel ____________ about that, and now I’m going to write all about that emotion/s and what it’s like to experience it/them:

2. Ignoring the pain or symptom instead of paying attention.

This is kind of the wishful-thinking style of mind-body healing. “If I ignore this, it’ll go away. Eventually.” This might actually happen, but then the pain will show up as a different symptom in another part of the body. Or, it may simply get stronger.

Pain is trying to get your attention. It’s asking you to look at your whole life to see where something needs your attention. It’s asking you to feel your emotions rather than suppress them. It’s asking you to show up for yourself in your life and be a good listener. It’s asking you to create some space for you, in which you can stop the activities of daily life and turn inward.

Acute pain is usually much easier to understand. Set your hand on a hot stove? OUCH! The message is clear. Pay attention to where your hand is, and move it, pronto!

Chronic pain, tension, or discomfort in any form is less clear, but the mechanism is the same. Pay attention to where your life is, and make some kind of adjustment.

Are you not allowing yourself to follow your inner wisdom?

Are you not hearing your inner wisdom?

Are you disconnected from yourself?

Are you not allowing yourself to feel emotions, which give you important guidance?

Are you pushing yourself in ways that don’t serve you?

Those are the places where your attention needs to go, and then you’ll see your body respond with health, pain-relief, and energy. (Want ongoing help with that? It’s what we help you with in The Kindness Community!)

3. Obsessing about pain, symptoms, or health.

Laser-focusing on a symptom and sending it death-rays simply doesn’t work. Obsessing madly about how you can get rid of this symptom, or how your health might not be ok in some way, is a trap. It’s the mind’s way of getting you to ignore your inner world of emotions, truth, and wisdom.

Why does the mind do that? Seriously! It’s so annoying!

It makes sense, though, in a funny way. The mind thinks that it’s helping us out by preventing us from scary, vulnerable things within ourselves and inner truths that might create action in our lives that could rock the social boat. Acceptance often feels like the equivalent of safety, and our unconscious mind holds many programs, beliefs, and concepts of what safety is or how it’s acquired. It thinks that if we are accepted by others, then we might be safe. So, we often suppress our true desires and dreams rather than bring them into the light to be examined, explored, and implemented. Often, there are plenty of ways to stay safe, be loved, AND implement actions that align us with our inner truths. It’s not as scary as the mind believes.

Don’t let yourself stay in the obsession trap. If you notice you’re in it, take time to turn inward (see #1) and care for your dreams.

When they are well, so are you.

I spent a lot of time in the last few years wishing my life could go back to normal. Some days I longed for normal so badly that it made me cry. It wasn’t that I was just in pain from being injured in an accident; it was the frustration that I could no longer do some of the things that were normal to me.

In my career as a mind-body coach I watch people long for normal all the time. Many of my current clients suffer from IBS, digestive disorders, and chronic pain. They talk often about wanting a normal life. They want to enjoy themselves and go out socially and not worry about what could happen in an hour from now.

In my own journey with pain I saw the same thing. You feel that some external thing has taken away your freedom. You want to do all the things you used to do; you want to function in the world like a normal person. For me it got to a point that watching other people do common everyday tasks such as working on an iPad or riding a bike made me jealous and even angry. I wanted to do things the way a normal person would.

I’ve made great progress since a year and half ago when I was at that rock-bottom point in which normal seemed so far away.

What I learned in the process is living life with those thoughts is complete torture because you’re spending all of your time resisting your reality. All of this resisting leads to pent-up tension in your body, which does nothing good to help you heal.

If you are a person with IBS or in chronic pain, then you know that there are days when you feel that you are back to normal, and you start trying to do things you enjoy again and sometimes wake up the next day and find the pain is back. Then the cycle of fear, panic and self blame starts. Then you have to do the hardest thing: just sit with it and allow it to be there. If you’re someone who’s used to being active, the most difficult thing to do is surrender to the present moment when you hate everything about it.

But when you do learn to surrender to it and just be where you are, your body begins to react in a similar way. It calms back down and gets back to the process of healing. Calm is the normal function of your body, your nervous system, and everything about you. You just don’t know that because that’s where our mind gets confused and maybe a little bit lost.

So you need to take your scared, panicked self by the hand and bring her back to calm.

While being coached on this very subject many months ago, I could feel my body going back to calm. Then suddenly my mind immediately went back to my story “I want to be normal, I don’t even want to spend this time being here, or having to do this”. Then my coaching buddy said in the most loving voice, your normal wasn’t working for you because if it was you wouldn’t be where you’re at right now. Though my pain came from an injury, my “normal way” of handling it, wasn’t working.

Then I realized I had convinced myself that I had to get back to being busy, productive, and doing all my tasks exactly the same way in order to be normal. But when I did this I wound up feeling like absolute crap. So I’ve gotten used to the “new normal”, which is slower, measured, and full of modifications that I wish I didn’t need. What I have learned is that the new normal actually feels really good. I can see my progress day by day. I can take breaks whenever necessary, and I’ve slowed down enough to really appreciate what I do have going for me in my life.

I also stopped giving a crap about every little thing. And that felt really good!

There is always a lesson in pain and it can profoundly change your perspective, but you have to be willing to not be normal anymore. That shift comes with a great release and you become more powerful than you ever imagined. Letting go of “normal” allows you to be brave and create new directions in your life.

Being both a Certified Martha Beck coach and an Endorsed Mind – Body coach,  I have learned a lot about how we can stand in our own way when it comes to improving our lives and our health. As a recovering perfectionist who suffered from IBS and injury induced chronic pain, I now use the mind-body approach in my everyday life and am amazed at the change it has created for me. I also love seeing how it transforms the lives of my clients! A lover of new places, at the moment I live in southern Florida with my husband and super cute dog Aspen. When I’m not coaching you will find me walking on the beaches of southern Florida and doing whatever else feels good in the moment.  if you’d like to learn more about coaching together, please send me an email or check out my website www.ibslifestyle.com