What is Smithsonian Syndrome? 

It’s a common form of self-pressure that takes hold and attacks the sufferer’s mind and body swiftly and suddenly. 

When it strikes, the sufferer is under the impression they must create a finished product worthy of the Smithsonian.

Symptoms include:

Physical tension

Anger towards one’s self

Stress

Thoughts about how an end product isn’t good enough

The pressure to make something par excellence

Lack of enjoyment

If you find yourself experiencing Smithsonian Syndrome frequently, there’s really only one effective treatment: Slacker Magic. 

You’ll need to learn how to take the pressure off yourself, stat. 

Luckily, I can teach you how to do that. 

Join me for the Slacker Magic Course to relieve those symptoms swiftly and get you back to creating and enjoying the magical flow. Learn more and register here!

Of course, I never do that, ever.

Well, ok, maybe a couple of times.

I’ve been studying the art of failing or making mistakes for a long time, because perfectionism was killing me. (Somewhat literally, since it was the root of my pelvic pain syndromes; vulvodynia, interstitial cystitis, and pelvic floor dysfunction.) Trying to be perfect, make no wrong moves, and generally be loved or liked by everyone resulted in enormous amounts of stress in my life.

Perfectionism is pretty frustrating, since there is no perfect.

It’s like chasing your own tail all the time; exhausting, futile, and kind of silly.

Recently, I made a new and exciting discovery on the perfectionism front. I realized that the only reason I try to be perfect or avoid mistakes is this: I’m afraid of feeling that terrible sinking feeling I feel when I screw up.

Imagine for a moment that you’re heading to an important meeting, and you’re a big executive. You have prepared the perfect presentation. You’re set. You’re going to impress your boss. You walk into the meeting, sit down, and open your folder. The boss calls your name, and it’s your turn to present. You reach for the papers that your boss has requested you show him, and they’re not there. Oh, no. They were all set, and now they’re simply not there. You’ve FAILED.

Can you feel it? (Of course, you might need to imagine a different failure scenario, and that’s perfectly fine! Use whatever works.)

Your heart is racing; you feel dread, a sinking feeling, waves of sickly shame, and horror. There is a sensation of “not ok” within you. You’re wrong. You’ve messed up. Your core stability is shaken; you lose yourself into this pit of failure. You’re bad.

So that explains why most of us don’t really revel in failure and generally try to avoid it at all costs. There’s a lot of yucky sensation that comes with it.

The amazing thing, though, is that the sensation of failure, while uncomfortable, is quite survivable.

Your only task is to be with it and allow it to happen in your body. Let it all wash through, like the ocean waves at the beach. Feel the emotions as physical sensations, and let them happen.

Like waves, the emotions die down. They pass through. You discover that you are still intact. You are still ok. You are not wrong or bad; you’re just a person. Then, from that place, wisdom can emerge. You might discover or learn from your failure. You might take a new path as a result. You might be kinder to yourself, because you’re not stuck in self-recrimination. With that self-kindness, you might have new ideas flow in or open up to new solutions.

When you talk to the people around you, you’ll be less defended and more open. You’ll have new conversations.

When you can be with the sensation of failure and just let it be that – a sensation – you discover freedom. You discover a new strength within you, because now you don’t have to avoid mistakes or failure. You’re less likely to be vulnerable to others’ judgments, because you know the secret; you can survive that sensation. You’re always ok. You can mess up and feel shame and learn from it all, because that’s how it’s supposed to work.

That is how perfectionism loses its grip and you gain a whole new freedom to be yourself. With that freedom comes less stress, and, of course, less physical pain or other symptoms.

Ah perfection.

I’ve spent most of my life, consciously or unconsciously trying to be perfect – in almost every area of my life – and at the same time feeling like I was failing miserably at it.

Ahem.  No kidding!

If you’re reading this, I’m going to take a wild guess that you can relate.

After all, attempting to do things perfectly (or close to perfectly) is a common personality trait shared by women and men who suffer with chronic pain and other mind body syndromes.

Perfectionism is actually a strategy adopted by your brain to keep you safe.

It usually develops when we’re young, and for good reasons – so that we can gain approval, and avoid potentially dangerous disapproval from our parents and other authority figures.

Obsessing about doing things right (or perfectly) is also a way the mind keeps our awareness out of our body, which makes it an effective method for avoiding uncomfortable emotions.

Perfectionism may have served you well when you were a child, especially if you were in situations where your emotions were not welcome or you had no support to feel them.

But, if you’re in pain – or suffering with any other Mind Body Syndrome – it is not serving you well now.

In addition to causing pain, perfectionism is likely sucking the love and joy out of most everything you do. 

How?

The ways you think and push yourself when you’re trying to be perfect zap you right out of your body and put you straight into your mind, completely disconnecting you from your emotions, your heart and your soul – and everyone else.

They also leave you in a chronic and unconscious state of fight or flight…. tensing your muscles, holding your breath, and continually releasing stress hormones that further increase muscle tension, decrease blood flow, and in general, break your body down.

Not only that, when you’re trying to be perfect is when you are most likely to….

•      Yell at your kids, partner, friends, or boss.
•      Criticize the heck out of yourself.
•      Hide.
•      Rush around like a maniac.
•      Push yourself to do more – and more – and more – and…well, you get the idea.
•      Ignore your body.
•      Feel like giving up.
•      Procrastinate.
•      Ignore your emotions and intuition.  Intuition, what’s that?
•      Feel like you’re not good enough.
•      Get sick.
•      Push away your friends – and most other support.
•      Stop taking chances.
•      Stop having fun.

In other words, be very IM-perfect.

As you can see, like most strategies unconsciously created by your mind, perfectionism is not at all effective!

It’s no longer keeping you safe.

It’s causing physical and emotional pain.

If you want to relieve pain you’re going to have to outsmart this perfectionism thing.

So how can you do that?

By striving for connection instead.

Connection (not Perfection) is your new best friend if you want to relieve pain.

     Connect to your thoughts.

     Connect to your body.

     Connect to your emotions.

     Connect to your soul.

     Connect to love.

     Connect to someone else.

Connection sounds hard but it’s so easy!

All you have to do is notice.

Whatever is there, even if it is nothing – with acceptance, curiosity, and compassion.

Just notice.

So, when you notice that you are stressing out trying to do something perfectly (or really well, which is perfectly under cover)…..

….like say, oh……complete a project (or 10) on time, plan the most perfect experience for yourself or your family or friends; eat optimally healthy food; exercise every day without fail; be an amazing mother/wife/girlfriend/friend (hello Super Woman); think the exact right, best feeling thoughts all the time; say the exact right thing; do 1 – or possibly 8 – hours of mind body practice every day (in exactly the right way of course); make the “right” plans, or the “best” decision, or be precisely on time, or cure cancer, or save the planet…..

Just notice that you are aiming for perfection, breathe, and turn your focus to connection instead.  Say to yourself,

“Connection Not Perfection.”

“How would I be doing this or what would I be doing if my goal were connection rather than perfection?”

Maybe you would be connecting to your body by breathing and noticing the sensations there.

Maybe you would drop the effort, and decide to approach whatever you’re doing with a sense of joy and play.

Maybe you would give yourself permission to make mistakes – lots and lots and lots of mistakes – and just be pleased with yourself for doing whatever it is you’re doing.

Maybe you would visualize filling yourself up with love and light, or send some to someone else.

Maybe you would give your child a great big hug or take a minute to smell a flower, put on some music, or pet your cat.

Maybe you would smile – to yourself or someone else.

There are so many ways to connect.  See what you can come up with.

And remember, perfectionism sucks the love and joy out of just about everything.

The truth is that what actually keeps us safe and loved is not getting anything done, or doing it right, or being the best, or having others approve, or making more money….

It’s connecting to who we are.

Which, by the way, IS LOVE.

Being perfect won’t ever get you where you want to go (especially if you want to relieve pain).

Connecting will.

Take the pressure off.

Allow more play.

Allow more YOU.

The love you want is right there – ALWAYS.

All you have to do is connect.

Lorraine Faehndrich is an Endorsed Mind Body Coach and Women’s Health Mentor specializing in the relief of Female Pelvic and Sexual Pain – including Vulvodynia and Vulvar Vestibulitis.  In addition to helping women find relief for their pain, Lorraine helps her clients break through to a whole new understanding of their health and their body, reconnect with their truth and go on to live outrageously joyful and radiantly healthy lives!

To learn more about how to work with her or to receive a Free Mind Body Alchemy Starter Kit please visit www.RadiantLifeDesign.com

 These are the questions my clients often asked, so over the years, I sought to make the mind-body connection practice as easy as possible. I sought to make my explanations of how mind-body practices work as simple and easy to understand as possible. When you’re in pain, suffering, hating yourself, fighting against your body (how it looks, how much weight you’re carrying), feeling insecure, and completely stressed out, you don’t need something complicated to add to your life.

In fact, this is often the major problem for my clients. By nature, they are over-achievers. They put immense pressure on themselves to do things well, perfectly, or beyond all expectations. They want to excel, be responsible, be in control. When they do something, they do it all out. They think they need to do everything. They have trouble cutting themselves any slack. They judge themselves harshly. They use fear and to motivate themselves to keep going, going, going, beyond their limits.

I know, because this is how I treated myself, too. The result? Chronic tension and pain, a feeling of never doing or being enough, a sense that I was broken/there was something wrong with me, extra weight on my body, and the feeling that my own mind would drive me crazy with criticism.

For someone like me, with those tendencies, learning how to heal via the mind-body connection can become just another thing to do perfectly. I put pressure on myself to spend hours working on myself . Then, if I didn’t follow my strict plan, I’d berate myself. Of course, this didn’t exactly expedite my healing process or improve my mind-body connection. It simply created more stress and a nasty catch-22.

Finally, I caught on. I needed to actually listen to my body and do only as much “mind-body work” as felt right to me. 2 minutes of breathing could be incredibly useful. If I took the pressure off myself to do some elaborate plan and just followed what felt right and helpful, I was actually able to heal more quickly.

When I coach clients, they come in with all kinds of ideas about what they should be doing. In our first session, we usually find a way to take pretty much everything off their plates. We find the simplest, easiest, most enjoyable mind-body practice possible.

When I wrote my ebook, Hear Your Soul, Heal Yourself, I tried to convey this idea. By keeping it simple with four basic mind-body skills and a very easy way to use them in your life, I hoped to make it a relaxing experience to improve your mind-body-soul connection.

However, truth be told, I’m itching to see how it’s going for you. I know there are likely places where you might be struggling a bit, putting pressure on yourself, feeling confused, or just not quite sure how to put it all together. I want to talk to all of you. Of course, it’s a bit difficult to talk to every single person reading the book. That is why I decided to create a telecourse based on the ebook. That way, you can join me in a community discussion about the mind-body skills in the book. You can tell me where you’re struggling (which is likely where others are, too), and we can troubleshoot.

Writing is fun, but I LOVE talking. I love interacting with you and knowing what’s working and what isn’t. I love the constant conversation about mind-body healing with clients, class attendees, and Facebook. I love finessing the application of the mind-body skills to your particular issue. Nothing could be more fun! So, I’m inviting everyone who grabbed a copy of the ebook to join me in the upcoming Hear Your Soul, Heal Yourself Telecourse. If it sounds like something you’d enjoy or find useful, please do join in!

With my limited 1-1 coaching hours (though I’d love to coach everyone who wants coaching, I’d most definitely have to clone myself!), this gives you a highly affordable way to get the help and support you need in applying the ebook concepts to your healing, weight loss, confidence-improving, stress-relieving, or business-building journey. Whichever journey you’re on, we’ll have a blast tweaking and improving your mind-body process so that it really works for you. I can’t wait to answer your questions, coach you, and have a fabulously fun conversation with all of you about everything mind, body, and soul!

Find out all the details here!  

To understand this blog post, you have to know that I have a thing for natural bodies of water. Whenever we were traveling during my childhood, I would veer off into rivers, lakes, ponds, or the ocean whenever possible. I love being in water, love feeling the river current, the ocean waves, the rocks and sand beneath my feet. I love the sound of water flowing, falling, and crashing.

Water helps me connect to myself. It helps me manage my creative flow (which is sometimes strong and overwhelming). It helps me allow my emotions to flow. To me, it represents everything joyful in life.

So, whenever I plan a vacation, it involves a natural body of water, or several. Last week, my husband and I celebrated our twelfth anniversary with a vacation in Estes Park, Colorado. I booked a perfect little condo overlooking a stream. I scouted hiking routes that involved rivers and lakes. Our room even had a giant Jacuzzi tub.

On the first day of our trip, my husband and I set off to hike around several lakes. We spent the whole day meandering by a stream, dipping toes into lake-water, and enjoying the majestic mountain scenery. It was relaxing and fun, but a little more populated than we desired. So, on the second day of our trip, we set off on a longer, more remote trail.

Let me just pause to say that for some reason, we were woefully unprepared. Normally two overly responsible citizens with perfectionist streaks, we somehow managed to completely blow it when we packed for the trip. My husband, the gadget man, forgot his GPS. We both forgot our rain gear. I forgot my hiking boots. (Yes, I realize that I was going on a hiking trip. Believe me.)

We couldn’t stand the thought of missing out on a beautiful hike, so we went ahead despite our lack of gear. (Very bad idea.) Wearing my old running shoes and praying for a sunny day, I took the lead as we started up the mountain. It was the perfect trail. Not only did it follow a crashing waterfall for miles, but it promised a gorgeous mountain lake at the top. It was hiking nirvana. I was so excited to see the mountaintop lake I could hardly stand it.

My husband was enjoying the photography opportunities, so we moved at a quick pace interspersed with long pauses for photos. I savored the little streams crossing our path, as well as the waterfall off to the left. The sound was magnificent – a melody like none other.

We hiked on, up the mountain. Up, and up, and up. And up. The incline was steady and intense. Sweat poured off of me. My muscles ached. My hamstrings shouted. Several times, we paused to assess. Should we turn around? Each time, I shook my head, determined to get to the lake. At mile three-ish (no GPS, remember) I felt sure we could make it. Around four, I thought we could probably do it. Around mile five, we stopped and watched the ominous thunderclouds gathering above us. We looked at the steep incline in front of us. “I really, really, want to see that lake,” I said. We forged onward.

Somewhere between mile five and six, I stopped. I sat down on a rock. I checked in with my body. I remembered that I’m a mind-body coach, and part of that means walking my talk. It means not just helping other people, but helping myself. It means listening to what my body has to say, even when it doesn’t match my goal in mind.

Yes, I really wanted to make it to the lake, which was at 6.3 miles. We were so close.

My muscles reminded me that we had to survive the hike down. My feet, somewhat disgruntled from the beating they were taking in those silly running shoes, had a definite opinion. My heart looked at the thunderclouds above and knew it was time to turn around. I wanted to enjoy my hike, not end up in agony or danger just because I had a goal in mind.

Let’s get real here. I adore lakes, it’s true. But around mile 4.5-ish, seeing the lake turned into a goal. It became about the end, not the journey. It became another way to feel good about myself through accomplishment instead of just because I exist. It wasn’t about listening to my body, honoring my truth in that moment, or anything else so noble. It wasn’t serving me to keep the lake goal anymore, and yet I was pushing to achieve it.

I’ve done that a few times before in my life. Just a couple, I’m sure. It’s not like it’s a giant pattern or anything. Or something I’ve worked on for years to find a balance in my life instead of constantly pushing myself. Or the very reason I ended up ignoring myself for years and suffering from chronic pain as a result.

Hey, the good news is that I realized, in that moment on the mountain-almost-top, that I was falling back into that pattern. In a flash, I saw the choice, right there. Forge ahead and ignore every signal from within, or turn around and be well in mind, body, and spirit.

It was a moment of truth. It was a mountain of truth.

We turned around. We didn’t see the lake. We didn’t get stuck in the thunderstorm. We did enjoy the waterfall, the trees, the smell of the forest, the birds, the chipmunks, and the cool air. We did enjoy being with each other, on the journey. We did enjoy moving our bodies for the nearly twelve miles of hiking. We did feel relieved to be only a couple miles from the car when the thunder started. We did have a fantastic day.

If we’d have had our rain gear, if I’d had my hiking boots, and if we’d left an hour earlier, I imagine my body would have been gung ho for the lake. However, in that moment, in those circumstances, it told me what was best for me. It was right. My feet were battered and aching by the time we arrived at the car, and I could not have gone another mile without suffering intense foot pain. As it was, I just took off my shoes and stuck my feet in the river. Swelling gone. I was immensely happy to be alive and well rather than in a summer rainstorm with no gear.

Because I’ve gotten used to life serving up interesting lessons, I thought a lot about the lake on my way down the mountain. I realized that I’ve been getting a little goal oriented lately in my creative processes. I’ve been pushing instead of listening. Not a lot, but just enough to mess up the equilibrium. Mother Nature, ever the wisest mind-body coach, reminded me that the goal is not what it’s all about. It’s not about the lake. It’s about the hike. It’s about the company. It’s about the pinecones and the forest smell and the animals.

It’s always, always about the journey.

I tell you this story today in case you have a wee bit of a tendency to push, ignore, and pressure yourself toward goals. In case you, too, forget that you’re already perfect, you’re already worthwhile, whether you make it to the top of the mountain or not. In case you are being hard on yourself instead of just hiking along, turning around when it’s right for you, and letting some goals drop away. In case you sometimes forget that quitting can be just as brave as finishing.

Your mind might have goals. Your mind might attach importance to them. It might attach a lot of things to them – a feeling of self-worth, a measure of success, etc. Your body will tell you what’s actually right for you, in each moment, on each hike. It will lead you to something beyond survival. It will lead you to well-being, joy, love, contentment, and relaxation.

Ironically, water is possibly the best example of how to live creatively and enjoy life. It’s ever flowing, ever changing. It doesn’t stop at the lake at say, “Ah, there, I am now done. I have achieved this lake and I have now arrived.” No, it continually moves forward, in trickles, in raindrops, in surges, in waves. It’s always in motion, fluid, creating something new the moment it has finished creating what came before. That’s how I want to be, as I write, teach, and grow. I want to enjoy the process as much as I enjoy the arrivals. I want to be fluid, moving, and ready to change my route and let go when that’s what needs to happen.

To you, I say this: Today, enjoy the hike.

When the time comes for my specified workout, if my body isn’t up for it, I immediately feel guilt, frustration, and stress. My mind goes into a little battle with itself:

Me: “Well, you said you’d work out x number of times. You’ll HAVE to do this tomorrow, now, and on the weekend.”

Other Me: “But I feel sick to my stomach. I really don’t think I can do this workout today.”

Me: “You should really be working out right now. That’s the plan. You are not sticking to it.”

Other Me: “But I really don’t feel well. I think I need to lie down.”

Me: “Failure is not an option! Oh no! This is terrible! You should be working out today!”

Other Me: “Blehhhhckkkk.” (Actually vomiting.)

Etc. That’s just one example. The conversation can be different each time, but the essence is the same – me getting frustrated with the me that is taking my body and soul’s needs into account, creating a sense of pressure.

Oddly, this is actually an improvement over the past, when I used to simply override and ignore my body and soul’s needs entirely. Yet, it’s not quite the sweet spot, where I actually listen to my body and soul needs each day and make my mental decisions based on those instead of the arbitrary mental expectations.

This sweet spot is a relaxed, health-enhancing zone. It’s where you listen to what your body and soul actually need in this moment and take action from that knowledge. I spend a lot of time in the sweet spot, but I’m certainly not perfect at it. So, I recently came up with a new concept to help myself remember how to get back to it.

Here’s how you enter the sweet spot:

1)     Notice when you are feeling stress. Easy enough, right?

2)     Look for any ways you are employing self-pressure. Remember, it can be subtle. Anytime your mind has made a decision based on arbitrary expectations, this self-pressure can arise. (For example, I noticed it last week, while writing a blog post. My mind had decided I must write blog posts on Mondays. My soul felt differently – it prefers Thursdays. The dissonance created self-pressure. I felt stress.)

3)     Let yourself off the hook. This is a blissful moment where you recognize that your mind has made a decision based on arbitrary expectations and then release those expectations. Just because the magazines say it’s a good idea, the book you read last week recommends doing it this particular way, or mom told you to do it this way when you were ten does not mean it’s right for you, in this moment. But your mind may be hanging on to old information, random information, or simply deciding stuff on its own. Make this moment conscious by asking the question: “Where can I let myself off the hook?” What can you change/not do/do differently? Where can you let go of the expectation that is causing the stress? (For example, I quit writing the blog posts on Mondays, started writing them on Thursdays, and felt much freer.)

4)     Enjoy. There is nothing quite like the feeling of relief when you actually see the silliness of these subtle and pervasive expectations. You might find yourself dancing with abandon, skipping joyfully, spontaneously smiling, or experiencing other such signs of soul-relief. Letting yourself off the hook gives you the chance to listen to what your body and soul really, truly need in this moment. Maybe it’s not a 45 minute weight-lifting workout. Maybe it’s a walk. Maybe it’s ten minutes of stretching. Maybe it’s a job. Maybe it’s a swim. Whatever it is, it is exactly right for you. This is you honoring yourself.

To enjoy this experience, you’ll need to tap into what I call your Inner Nurturer. This is the mothering, nurturing voice within you that is often drowned out by the Inner Critic or the Arbitrary Decision Maker. Call up your Inner Nurturer and ask her to help you find ways you can let yourself off the hook. She’ll have ideas. She’ll speak softly, lovingly, and gently to you. She’ll be curious about your body’s needs, and she’ll want to know what your soul is saying right now. She’ll be open to new ideas and ways to honor yourself.

Don’t worry if your Inner Nurturer is a little shy. She might not have had a lot of room to speak in, say, the last thirty years or so. Maybe she’s been shoved aside by the Inner Critic and needs a little encouragement to speak up. You can conjure her by imagining how you would treat your own child in this moment, or your pet, niece, or student. Anything that brings out your mothering instincts will help you tap into this Inner Nurturer’s wisdom. Then, turn that feeling-state inward, toward yourself.

You might discover that your life changes in surprising and fabulous ways the more you let yourself off the hook. I once spent a few weeks letting myself off the hook around eating vegetables. I counted pickles as veggies and called it good. Talk about freeing! Then, when veggies stopped feeling like self-pressure, I found myself inspired to make new kinds of salads. I was able to enjoy them again. I’ve let myself off the hook in hundreds of little ways in the last several months. Now it’s your turn. I’d love to hear the fun, funny, and surprising ways you’ve decided to let yourself off the hook, today!

Just about once or twice a day, my tendency toward perfectionism rears its head. It’s a trait I’ve had from birth, according to my mother. I’ve become well-acquainted both with its usefulness and how it often gets in my way.

When I first read Dr. John Sarno’s book, The Mindbody Prescription, I recognized myself in his personality traits list – the list that describes those of us who have a tendency toward mind-body pain syndromes (or what he calls TMS). It immediately made sense to me that perfectionism only increases my internal stress. With all that self-pressure, it’s not a big leap to make from loads of stress to physical tension to pain.

Since that moment, I have been exploring perfectionism, both to release self-pressure and to help my clients with the same issue. I knew it would benefit me to learn how to slack off, but I couldn’t quite release my perfectionism. It’s very well ingrained in myself and my clients. What can we do about this? How can we deal with this trait without perfectionism itself popping in and saying we need to handle perfectionism perfectly? See the challenge here?

The good news is, I’ve learned a lot about perfectionism. I’ve come up with a few tactics to deal with it so that we can enjoy freedom from pain, less stress, and more creative flow. I’ll explain one tactic today, and then I’d love to hear your feedback on how it works for you.

First, it’s important to recognize that perfectionism helps just as much as it hinders. Like everything, it’s all about balance. Too much perfectionism, or using it on everything in your life, creates blocked creativity, inability to move forward, and piles of stress. No perfectionism, however, creates slipshod work, missed details, and frustration.

Of course, it is important to remember that things actually can’t be done perfectly. It’s just the innate human experience – there will be little flaws. Your version of perfect is someone else’s version of flawed, and vice-versa. It’s a very subjective thing, perfection.

The Three Steps to Calm Your Inner Perfectionist

1) Recognize and Observe…

your mind’s desire to make something perfect. This takes a bit of practice.

Notice when you feel stressed throughout the day. Each time to notice stress show up or increase, ask yourself the question: Am I trying to do something perfectly? Really look closely. Peek into the corners of your mind. Your mind might say, “Oh, no, I’m not trying to do it perfectly. I just want to get it right.” Er… That’s just a sneaky version of perfectionism. I often notice I like to increase my stress by trying to do things both perfectly and in a rush. Gack!

The more you simply observe yourself, the more you will learn. You’ll begin to see patterns – areas in your life where you do put a lot of pressure on yourself to do it perfectly, or specific repeated perfection patterns. Don’t underestimate the power of simple observation. It’s not necessary to observe perfectly, of course. Simply do it as much or as little as you want. You can write your observations down in a notebook, if that helps.

2) Prioritize your Perfectionism

Once you’re aware of perfectionism in this moment, you can employ step two. Since real perfection does not exist, you get to decide how perfectly you actually want to do whatever you’re doing right now. First, remind yourself that real perfection is impossible. (Even if your mind disagrees with this, it helps to say it to yourself.) Second, decide if this is a moment where you’d really like to give it your all, or if this is a moment where you could get by with anywhere between 40-60% effort. (Or less!) It is important to prioritize your perfectionism. Not everything really needs every ounce of your effort and your very best skills. Save the big guns for when you really need them, or when you’ll enjoy tweaking and playing with something until it’s perfect – in your opinion, of course. Saving your energy for when it’s really needed allows you to be far more productive.

3) Break it Down

You only need step three if you’ve decided to go ahead and give it your all. This is a really useful way to relax your perfectionism, which will actually allow you to do your best work without getting stymied by the desire to do it perfectly.

Break your project into two parts. For the first part, decide that you are going to use 80% of your skills/talents/effort. The first part may be broken down into smaller parts, too, such as drafts or separate pieces of your project. However you do it, only use 80% of your abilities, and shoot for 80% perfection.

For the second part of your project, you can allow yourself to go back and tweak, if you think it’s necessary. This is where you can employ the beneficial side of your perfectionism skills. For this last part of your project, you get to look through it and decide if you’d like to shoot for 95% anywhere. Look to see if you want to add to it, edit it, change it, or improve it. However, before you actually make these changes, really do the assessment piece. Can you get by with your 80% work? Does it get the job done? Are you spending more time on this project than you’d like, which means maybe 80% is going to have to do? Get external feedback, if you want. Do others think it’s great, and can’t see why you’d change it? This will help you find that sweet spot between not enough and over the top as far as effort and time spent goes.

By allowing yourself that final piece of perfectionism, you can relax while you’re doing your 80% work. This is an important element, because shooting for 150% is practically guaranteed to create stress, stop your creative flow, and stop you in your tracks. 80%, on the other hand, gets it done. However, I’ve worked with enough clients to know that sometimes it’s terrifying to shoot for 80% after a lifetime of trying to nail 150%. This is why you can give yourself the leeway of the two-step plan.

So, to recap, it’s 1) Observe 2) Decide whether or not you need your perfectionism skills in this moment 3) Break your project down into two parts – 80% and then the final check.

This plan will help you to create balance. You’re not trying to eradicate your perfectionism. Instead, you are trying to allow it to help you when it can and calm it down when it can’t. In the end, you’ll find much stress relief as you prioritize your perfectionism instead of working really hard and using tons of mental energy on every single thing you do.

Which is great news, actually.  Your body is such a perfect reflection of what is happening within you that it gives you constant, helpful feedback.  When you see it this way, you can easily understand why chronic pain syndromes are most effectively remedied with a mind-body approach.  It makes so much sense to recognize the inherent message in all physical discomfort:  you are thinking, feeling, or doing something that is not serving you.

It can be a little confusing to think like this at first.  We are so used to arguing with our bodies, asking them to heal without changing anything we’re doing, and wanting them to behave/look/be different than they are that we don’t develop the habit of recognizing the root cause of this discomfort feedback.  Today, I’m giving you three ways to begin quickly shifting your relationship with your body.

1. Change your language

Your body hears what you think and say, day in and day out.  It responds physiologically to every thought.  Certain thoughts create a fight or fight response in your body, while others create relaxation and healing.  You can test this yourself quite easily.  Take a moment to think about something very upsetting.  Check in with your body and notice what you feel.  Tension? Muscle contraction?  Shallow breathing?  Maybe even a racing heart?

Now, think about something you love.  Wallow in it and soak it up.  Check in with your body again.  This time, you’re probably noticing relaxation, openness, lightness, and freedom, whatever that feels like to you.  The simplest way to begin helping your body heal is to purposefully look for what you like in your life.  Even if it’s small, or seemingly silly, if you like it, pay attention to it.  Every time you feel the slightest bit better physically, notice it, revel in it, and talk about it to yourself.  Notice when the urge to complain arises, and deliberately shift your language.   It’s a powerful way to begin creating instantaneous relaxation in this moment, right now.

2. Honor what you really want

How many times a day do you ignore what you really want?  You feel like a catnap, but you push through to the end of a project anyway.  You want to take off your shoes and walk barefoot in the grass, but you stay on task and on the sidewalk.  You…fill in the blank with something you ignored today.  It’s really not virtuous and right to ignore our deepest wants and longings.  Instead, see them as incredibly helpful signposts on the way to health, happiness, and more.  Every time you ignore a true want, your body responds with tension.  True wants are the things that make your soul sing when you think of them.  They are the inspirations that pop out of nowhere.  They are the things that make you smile, laugh, and feel sudden joy.

I can hear you thinking, “But there are so many things I have to do…”  I know.  We are all busy.  So it becomes a matter of trusting that those wants really are helping you and finding a way to slip one in, each day, even if only for five minutes.  Try it, and I think you’ll reap so many rewards that you’ll start making room for more.

3. Love your mistakes

Possibly one of the most tension-creating things you can do is beat yourself up for making a mistake.  I would know, because I have been an expert at this for most of my life.  It’s still my first default, but my body responds with so much contraction and tension whenever I do it that I’m learning rapidly to change this habit.  Mistakes are beautiful things.  They show us something valuable, helpful, and important.  If we didn’t make them, how would we know what we really want?  If I didn’t totally overcook the burgers, how would I know that I prefer them otherwise?  How would I know how to grill them differently?

I actually think perfection is really boring.  If we hit the mark every single time, there would be no tournaments.  There would be no sports to watch on TV, and no movies.  How much fun is it to read a novel about a character who never makes a mistake?  Our mistakes create the variety, the spice, and the meaning of our lives – they are so integral, and yet we fight them.  This week, try loving them.  Say “oops” with glee.  Notice how you teach yourself something new with every mistake.  Your body will respond with much less tension and a lot more health.

TWO NEW TELECOURSES! These are highly pertinent to your mind-body healing process.  When I was invited by Martha Beck Master Coach Brooke Castillo to give this month’s Self Coaching 101 Call, I wanted to create a call that would apply to you, my fellow mind-body family.  So, I decided to create a class all about….drumroll…PERFECTIONISM!

Not that any of you need help with that, right?  

Next, I’m unveiling the final secret to success with a mind-body approach in the Success Secrets – Part Two telecourse.  You won’t want to miss this one! However, you can get a great deal by purchasing both telecourses.  It’s buy one, get the other half-off! Purchase the Perfectionism telecourse (link below in the info) and get the Success Secrets telecourse for half price.  It’s a steal!

Here’s all the info about both telecourses:

The Success Secrets – Part Two

Make your mind-body healing process work for you!

Learn the second success secret to utilizing a mind-body approach.

Don’t miss this one!

$25.00 – OR, $12.50 with the purchase of the Perfectionism telecourse.

Tuesday, June 30
4 PT/5 MT/6 CT/7 ET
60 Minutes

Register Now for the Success Secrets Part 2 (only)

Want in on the great deal?  Forward me your electronic receipt/proof of purchase for the Perfectionism course and I will send you a link to the half-price Success Secrets Registration Page!

Self Coaching 101 Coaching Call – Perfectionism

Tuesday, June 16

4 PT/5 MT/6 CT/7 ET

Offered through Martha Beck Master Coach Brooke Castillo’s Self Coaching 101 Coaching Call Program

$45.00 – Register Now and get half off the Success Secrets Part Two Telecourse!

Perfectionism: Are You an Imperfect Perfectionist?

If you’re like many of my clients, you’re pretty sure you’re not a perfectionist.  If you were a perfectionist, you figure, your life would look more…well, perfect!  Your house would be cleaner.   You’d look more put together.  You’d have it all together!  You wouldn’t have the chaos, the stress, and the frustration of things not going the way they should.

What if I told you those very thoughts are actually perfection-thinking?  What if I mentioned that they are actually causing the chaos, the frustration, and the stress?

Perfectionism has nothing to do with your external life and everything to do with your internal life.  Notice yourself being self-critical?  Have trouble forgiving yourself for your “flaws?”  Never feel quite satisfied with yourself?  Manage to turn play into work and then worry about whether you’re doing it right?

You guessed it!  You’re falling for your own imperfect perfectionist thoughts!  Join me for ninety minutes of Self Coaching 101 and apply the model to your perfection thinking.  Imperfectly.  (Do you cringe when you read the word imperfect?  Then this class is for you!)