When I became a mom, I instantly got a pain syndrome, otherwise known as Mind Body Syndrome/TMS. These syndromes often show up when a person is experiencing a life change and not allowing her/himself to feel emotions, address the stress, and acknowledge the huge internal pressures that come with change. (Luckily, having had TMS before, I knew what was happening and could decode the messages in the pain.)

Motherhood is a pretty big change.

I sallied forth into motherhood with a host of hidden self-pressures, blithely unaware I was caught up in what I call Magazine Syndrome.

Magazine Syndrome happens when you buy into the commercial presentation of a life event instead of realizing there are two realities: The Magazine Version and What Really Happens.

The Magazine Version of motherhood is pretty awesome. Cute babies, Pinterest-perfect craft projects, home-baked organic meals, balanced activities and stimulating learning experiences, neatly organized discipline plans (3 Steps to Ending Tantrums, etc.), and sunny backyard playtime surrounded by flowers and butterflies.

We live in a culture with lots of focus on external appearance and viewable results. How do I know I’m a good mother? I can prove it with tangible evidence – how my child behaves, what amazing craft we made, and how many fabulous activities my child is mastering/experiencing right now.

The Magazine Version of motherhood collides in a spectacular explosion with What Really Happens.

The result?

Self-doubt.

I’ve come to see that nearly every motherhood stress I experience comes from nothing more than my own self-doubt. I can trace pretty much every frustration, fear, concern, and freak-out right back to self-doubt. Did I do it right? Why is this happening with my child…I must be doing something wrong! Shit, I’ve screwed up again. How can I do a better job? (Self-pressure!)

Let’s just face it. I’m not a Magazine Version mom. I am fully and completely in awe of moms who:

1. Make crafts or bake things that look beautiful or even decent.
2. Somehow have all the snacks and supplies necessary no matter where they are/what they are doing (and even have snacks/supplies for other moms who, er…forgot them).
3. Invite groups of children to their home and have fun activities at the ready.
4. Actually look at Pinterest.
5. I could go on.

I’m the mom who takes my kid to her first swimming lesson and forgets a towel. A towel! How obvious and basic is that? (Visualize small, adorable child shivering by the edge of the pool, looking up at her mother with big, tear-filled eyes while her mother frantically searches for anything available in the diaper bag. Sigh.)

So, when my neighbor (a fellow mom) mentioned that she’s afraid to tell me what’s really going on in her life because I seem to have it all figured out, I snorted with laughter. No.

For me, motherhood is challenging in numerous ways, because I’m not great at the material/external stuff. You could even say I’m fairly terrible at it. Also, I waited until I was thirty-six to have my child. After three years of motherhood, I am still grieving my old life – the independence, the freedom, and the ability to pop out my front door without thinking about anyone else, much less who needs a towel or snack.

Instead of just allowing myself to be terrible at material and practical things and process this grief, I’ve been torturing myself with self-doubt and self-criticism.

Why should I feel so sad? Other people have six children! Other moms seem completely fine with this no-freedom thing. Why can’t I make one single cute crafty thing? Why haven’t I thought up some snazzy educational activity for my child today? There are people who are starving and penniless and I’m worrying about freedom! You get the drift.

I have also felt self-doubt around pretty much every parenting decision I make as I navigate the minefield of advice, parenting books, Facebook, The Internet, and What Everyone Else Is Doing.

I imagine that other moms have their own unique struggles, concerns and self-doubts, but addressing this is not the focus of our collective motherhood experience. I don’t hear a lot of moms talking to each other about their inner landscape, and I can see why. It’s scary to admit it out loud. This is the stuff we don’t talk about – at least not much – with each other.

The Magazine Version of motherhood displays a picture-perfect example of what it looks like to be a good mom.

What Really Happens is a messy, bodily-fluid covered, un-sanitized, heart-stopping experience.

Motherhood tests every idea you’ve ever had about yourself, shows you exactly where you are still a toddler yourself, and brings you face-to-face with your rawest emotions.

Often, when I express a frustration or struggle, other people will respond with, “Yes, but just enjoy every moment because it passes so quickly.” Or, “aren’t you just grateful to have such a perfect, beautiful child?”

Do we really need to sanitize the raw emotions of motherhood so quickly? I promise, if you allow and feel the dark side of motherhood, the beauty and joy won’t go away. Nothing bad will happen. Nobody will be harmed. In fact, fewer people will be harmed, and there will be MORE joy and beauty.

I’m all about admitting the dark stuff. I learned, from the Mind Body Syndromes I’ve had, that when I pretend I’m ok or focus only on the positives, I suffer. My body breaks down. My connection to myself erodes.

When I skim over the dark side and only look at the light, I forget how to care for myself or address my deepest needs.

I’ve had to remind myself of this lately, and allow myself to grieve the old life. I’ve had to look closely at what being a good mom means, to me, in my heart.

What I’ve discovered is two-fold:

1) The only way to know if I’m “doing it right” as a mom is to stop trying to do it right. Instead, I have to parent from a tortuously honest place in my heart, and ask only one question: Am I aligned with my heart in this moment?

Sometimes – quite often – I’m not. I’m letting external focus or schedules or “should” thoughts get in my way. My sole practice has become turning back to my heart anytime I’ve left it behind, and being kind to myself every time I forget.

2) Motherhood is all about the “and.” There’s light and dark. Joy and fury. Connection and disconnection. It’s ok to allow everything to co-exist, because this is the reality. Admitting I’m furious allows me to not react/act in ways I’ll regret later.

I went on a business trip a few months ago, and it was my first time to experience a couple of days of the old freedom. I marveled at the simplicity of waking up in the morning with only myself to shower, dress, and feed. I remembered the old days. I felt the peace of being alone, and enjoyed the quiet.

AND.

I realized that the old life was like a movie shot in black-and-white. Really cool, fun, and awesome for it’s time, but if you’ve seen a movie in color, black and white seems pretty flat.

My life, now, is full of color. There’s a vibrancy – a brilliance – that I never even knew existed pre-motherhood.

This little soul who lives in my home is like the hot, core of the sun beaming everywhere into my existence. She radiates life. She explodes at life. She IS love and joy. She doesn’t hold a single thing back, not yet. I get to be with this fiery, fierce, independent, spirited, alive, light. As her parent, I just want to do my best to let her keep on shining.

When I allow myself to grieve, to honor my needs, and to be imperfect, I can find my heart’s guidance. I can be awake to the incredible discomfort and the boundless joy of motherhood, and acknowledge the mix. I can let life be about the AND instead of the OR.

I can let go of the Magazine Version and embrace What Really Happens.

What have you noticed about embracing What Really Happens in your life, be it motherhood or body-image or anything else? What are your thoughts on the stuff we don’t talk about with each other? Tell me below or on Facebook! 

I’ve often been accused of “having it all together.”
Ha ha!

That is called emotional suppression, people.

I learned at a young age – like many, many other women – how to hold myself together while under duress or stress. Hold it in, keep it together, suck it up, don’t be a drama queen, etc. etc. I can fake poise like nobody’s business.

Eventually, though, I learned that has consequences. (Like Mind Body Syndrome/TMS, other health issues, and spontaneously combusting after holding things in for too long.)

What we actually need is to allow ourselves to have the messiness – to kindly, gently, let that part of ourselves exist.

It’s not fair to think we should have it all together, all the time. We may think, erroneously, that other people do. They don’t.

That is why I’ve decided to address the mess. I don’t have it all together. What I have is a messy, human experience that I am imperfectly embracing.

There’s a primal beauty in the messiness of being a woman – and of being a human. When we embrace that, we embrace life in a new, open, and inspiring way.

We don’t have to be outwardly dramatic to embrace the mess. In fact, that can be a big hindrance. What we have to do – the most challenging job of all – is be present with ourselves in, during, around, and after the mess. We have to be with ourselves like a mother with a crying baby, holding ourselves and simply being.

A lot of what we do is done to avoid the mess.

Eating. Shopping. Obsessing about health or pain syndromes. Obsessing about our bodies. Escaping into entertainment. Even chasing spiritual experiences.

I know all about this, because I’m a master avoider. I can run away from myself with the best of them.

With that in mind, I’ve decided to write a series on living with the mess; the primal, beautiful, raw, challenging mess that is being human.

Being awake in our own lives is not about the sunny days.

It’s not about the joy that slips in easily in mess-free moments. It’s about holding the messiness in one hand and the easy joy in the other hand, simultaneously.

I went for a spring walk yesterday, not to enjoy the bliss of nature, but to walk with a messiness – a discomfort – that had arisen inside me. I wanted to be present with myself, and I needed nature to help me. As I walked, the sun shone, but thunder warned of a coming storm.

The rain began to sprinkle the sidewalk, falling as though directly from the sunlight itself. It seemed like a clear message from the greater wisdom.

Rain and sun. Light and dark. Storm and calm. It’s only when I try to make those good or bad, wanted or not wanted, that I suffer.

Having it all together is not the goal.

The goal is this: Having all of it, together.

Abigail

P.S. Want help embracing the mess? Want to relax in a welcoming, be-human-here environment? Join the Kindness Community!

I stepped into the isolation booth, violin in hand. I tried to act very calm, but my heart was pounding. I was about to record a violin part, and it was my first time in a professional recording studio. I tried some deep breathing. Gack. Why in the world did I agree to do this?

I may have a problem. A good friend of mine calls it the Cookie Jar Syndrome – I like to eat all the cookies in the jar. I’ll admit I like to say yes to life experiences whenever they sound fun, exciting, challenging, or generally good for my personal growth. I find it hard to turn down an invitation to such experiences, which means that my plate is often very full.

Recently, I’ve been beating myself up about this issue, because my schedule is cram-packed right now. Every work hour is already scheduled through the end of the year, and my personal time is also mostly booked. For some reason, all of the awesome experiences I’ve said yes to this year are happening right now. Including recording a violin track for a professional recording.

Oops.

I’ve been telling myself I’m an idiot, saying I have poor boundaries, and really hitting myself over the head with “I should be doing things differently than I am.” Ouch. This kind of self-flagellation goes exactly nowhere.

So, I remembered that I like to practice and teach this thing called self-kindness. In fact, I have even started an entire Kindness Community. Oh, right! That! Self-kindness! It’s only the most important tool in my toolbox for well-being. And here I am, completely forgetting about it.

Putting my own tools to the test, I tuned in to myself and listened to my inner wisdom.

(The tools I use for this are available in the Kindness Community, by the way!)

My inner wisdom was pretty easy to hear. First of all, there was the delighted humming of joy in my chest, which I’d been feeling ever since I left the recording studio, successful violin track completed. Then there was the delighted little voice in my heart, telling me ideas for an upcoming telecourse I’m giving. My inner wisdom was pretty clear. It said:

You are absolutely on the right track.

This is how you like to live.

This is you, listening to the joy and following it.

Come to think of it, right now I am very, very happy. Sure, my calendar is crammed. Yes, I am doing a lot of things. But I’m not saying yes to everything. I do listen to my inner wisdom, and I only do what feels right. I take quiet time and have found ways to increase the balance between doing and being. The only problem in this situation was the critical voice in my head, telling me I should be doing it differently right now. Funnily enough, the only thing that needed doing differently was that voice itself.

The thing I know about myself is this: I like to stretch and challenge myself. What’s a good week (or day, actually!) without something a little scary in it? Facing challenges is a part of building confidence and helps me grow. It helps me learn about myself. It helps me trust myself. It’s one of my biggest keys to business success, wellness, and life enjoyment.

Case in hand; the recording studio. When I found that, despite not playing violin professionally for many years, I still had the chops to go create a decent recording, I felt amazing. I could have said no to that opportunity. I could have missed out on the fun practice time with my violin, which added huge value to my life this month. I could have missed out on seeing an old friend and reconnecting around music. I could have missed out on nurturing my inner musician. I could have missed out on remembering a part of who I am. And I could have missed out on facing yet another scary experience and finding I can totally do it.

Building confidence and self-trust is about walking into the scary stuff, falling down, trying again, learning, and eventually succeeding.

I’ve crashed and burned on the violin hundreds of times. And even this time, I didn’t record the part perfectly by any means. We patched two different takes together for the final product. It simply doesn’t matter. It’s not about perfection. It’s about doing. I’ve failed enough with the violin to enjoy success. I’ve scared myself silly so many times that now I can feel an iron core of strength inside me when I see a microphone and music stand. It’s a juicy challenge.

I’ve been doing some research for a telecourse I’m giving this week, and I’ve been re-reading the book Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Csikszentmihalyi teaches us that optimal experience, or flow, is achieved by a perfect blend of passion and challenge. Easy stuff doesn’t make us happy. During flow, Csikszentmihalyi explains, people experience deep enjoyment, creativity, and a total involvement with life.

When I’m in flow, scaring myself with challenges that I adore, I experience a happiness that runs deep. Synchronicities happen. Connection deepens. I know myself more and more. I flourish. I feel healthy.

I don’t actually have Cookie Jar Syndrome. I’ve definitely experienced that before, but it’s not a chronic condition. I’m flowing with the adventure of life right now, and my plate is piled just high enough. Not too much. Not too little. Lots of deliciousness and plenty of fun. Because what is fun, in the end? Not easy stuff. That’s boring! Fun is flow.

I can handle this.

I can figure this out.

I shouldn’t ask for help, because…(list a zillion reasons).

I’m struggling, but I should be able to sort this out myself.

I’ll just be a burden if I ask for help.

If I admit how I’m really feeling, people will…(fill in the blank with thousands of scary options).

Ever think any of the thoughts on that list? I may have had a few of them, myself. In fact, these are some of the core beliefs I uncovered during the Ass Year.

What is the Ass Year? The year after I gave birth, in which I experienced rectal surgery (yes, it’s as fun as it sounds) and TMS (or Mind-Body Syndrome) around my tailbone, making sitting down extremely painful. (The Ass Year was augmented by postpartum thyroiditis, postpartum depression, and probably other things I’ve completely blocked from memory. It was an enormously challenging year.)

During the Ass Year, I really hated the Ass Year. Now that it is over, I can see, in retrospect, many of the important things it taught me that I really, really needed to learn. Still, it’s pretty annoying that it took an Ass Year for me to learn them. I’m edging my way toward grumpy appreciation of the whole experience. I may or may not make it.

Probably the biggest lessons from that experience were:

1) Learning to ask for help, support, and kindness from others.

2) Learning to treat myself with kindness – which is a deep and complicated process, not a quick hop into a bubble bath with a glass of wine.

During the Ass Year, I learned that taking responsibility for myself and asking for support are not mutually exclusive. I know. Mind-blower! For me, that changed everything. I have a highly active responsibility-for-everything gene, and I discovered that gets in the way of…well, everything. Support. Health. Love. Connection. Peace.

The best part of the Ass Year was the support that I did receive, and the amazing connection, love, and growth that resulted. I was forced to rely completely on family for the most basic things, since I was so unwell and at the same time, a new mom. This brought me face-to-face with many elements of my ego and crumbled many patterns and long-held beliefs. I started the year hiding in my home, not reaching out to others. I finished the year actively blogging about the Ass Year and publicly asking for support. Only then did things really begin to improve.

As I emerged from the Ass Year, I began to notice that my clients also struggled with similar issues around asking for help and treating themselves with kindness. These are two of the biggest reasons that TMS or Mind-Body Syndrome develops, because not asking for support and not being kind to one’s self causes immense pressure. In other words, it makes life a lot, lot harder. Just one tiny example of that: my best friend was actually angry with me during the Ass Year, because I didn’t ask her for help.

Learning to be kind to myself was such an incredibly powerful undertaking that it inspired me to create the Kindness Community, a resource for people who are struggling with TMS/Mind-Body Syndrome, other mind-body issues like body image and confidence, and trusting their own inner wisdom. It’s also a place where we explore spiritual awakening and the role of self-kindness as the heart of that process.

The Kindness Community idea sprang from my desire for connection and the work I did to move from going it alone to going it with support. Sometimes, going it alone simply isn’t possible. We are all connected. We are all part of the whole. It’s only ego that thinks going it alone is a good idea. When you learn, like I did, that it’s not even really possible, then walls crumble and love flows into your heart. It’s a veritable lake of love from all the sources and places you couldn’t see, feel, or hear until the walls disappeared.

My heart is that lake, now, filled and overflowing. I have received the love sent my way from so many people, over so many years, because I was finally willing to allow it. I was finally willing to be completely vulnerable, to show my soft underbelly, to ask for help, to ask for support, to, at long last, truly care for myself. It’s the beginning of an awakening.

I guess I kind of do appreciate the Ass Year, after all.

Do you ever have days when your inner critic just won’t stop? When you beat yourself up for pretty much everything, from your hair to your clothes to that thing you said that was really, really ridiculous (Oh God, you’re still cringing), to your parenting to your work performance…and on and on and on?

I never have those. (Said with much sarcasm.)

Recently I found myself criticizing myself over my lack of organization in my fridge, accidentally plopping my toddler into a cold bath, and forgetting I was texting in the middle of a texting conversation. Inner critic emergency!  I decided it was time to use a mind-body tool to quiet the ol’ critic.

By Anamsong Endorsed Mind-Body Coach, Jessica Steward

As a solopreneur, it can feel very strange and lonely working for oneself day-in and day-out. We no longer have a source of endless annoyance or inspiration in the form of other people. No one with whom we can brainstorm our brainiest thoughts or off of whom we can bounce our bounciest ideas. No one to wish away so we could just get some friggin’ work done already. Sometimes we lose perspective. Things can start to feel crappy. We realize we have been wearing the same sweatshirt for a month and a glob of yellow mustard from earlier in the week. Stuff like that.

One of my favorite tools to combat this state of extreme loneliness is to ask myself,  “What would feel better/great right now?” 

Borrowed from genius Law of Attraction (LOA) expert Jeannette Maw and brilliant Master Mind-Body Coach and Mentor Abigail Steidley’s premise that “Everything that I do with mind-body healing is in perfect alignment with LOA concepts,” this simple phrase is a great way of staying in the flow of positive and productive energy even when you would rather assume a fetal position with your childhood blankie somewhere underneath the dining room table. I may or may not be speaking from experience right now.

So ask yourself: What would feel better right now?

When I ask myself this, my response is usually “A shower”, which, unfortunately, speaks volumes as to the overall state of my personal hygiene. Your answer could also be “to shower”, or it may be a variety of other activities – to cry, to go for a walk, to tidy up the kitchen because it vaguely resembles a crack den, to take a nap, to call a friend. The key is that you want it to propel yourself from the current state of “funk” to a more elevated state of – at the very least – “meh”. If it takes you all the way to “huh” or even “not too shabby”, then that is marvelous!

However, what if the answer to the question, “What would feel better right now?” is “A milkshake.”

This is where it gets tricky.

Let’s break it down into three possible scenarios:

Scenario 1:

• Your mental state right now: “Blah” to “Wah”.
• Your mental state immediately after drinking a milkshake: ”HOLY CRAP, THAT WAS DELICIOUS! I THINK I’LL ORDER ANOTHER ONE! THIS TIME WITH MALT!”
• Your mental state 5-20 minutes after drinking a milkshake: ”Oh my God! What have I done! I have no will power! I am weak! I am terrible! Please God, smite me for my frothy transgressions!”
• Verdict: Don’t drink the milkshake.

 Scenario 2: 

• Your mental state right now: “Blah” to “Wah”.
• Your mental state immediately after drinking a milkshake: ”Oh crap. I’m lactose intolerant!”
• Your mental state 5-20 minutes after drinking a milkshake: ”Oh. Crap.”
• Verdict: Don’t drink the milkshake.

Scenario 3:

• Your mental state right now: “Blah” to “Wah”.
• Your mental state immediately after drinking a milkshake: “My, my. What a delicious treat. It’s a shame I couldn’t finish it, but my tiny inverted belly was full. I dare say I feel a modicum of delight creeping back into my viscera once again.”
• Your mental state 15 minutes after drinking a milkshake: “Mmmm. I think I’ll have a quinoa salad with radicchio and soya beans for dinner tonight. But now, off to pilates.”
• Verdict: Drink the milkshake. And I hate you.

The truth is that sometimes when we are feeling crappy, we will revert to decoy behavior – the mental or physical activities we’ve used in the past to avoid feeling our feelings – in order to help us cope. So sometimes the milkshake is just us reverting to old habits or behaviors in order to avoid feeling crappy – scared, angry, afraid, frustrated, homicidal – and sometimes it is a joyful treat that helps catapult us into that better-feeling state. Remember, you do not need to feel amaaaaaazing after your better-feeling activity; the key is that it moves you in the direction of something that feels not-too-shabby versus something that helps to make you feel even worse. Usually feeling our feelings – rather than avoiding them – is exactly what the life coach ordered!

So when you find yourself sitting in your own filth or your eyelids drooping out of overwhelming boredom as you force yourself to answer one more email or write one more blog post, ask yourself this very simple phrase, “What would feel better right now?” And be sure to listen for the reply.

Now pardon me, I hear a cupcake calling. (Milkshakes aren’t really my thing.)

 
 
Master Mind-Body Coach Jessica Steward helps healing & creative entrepreneurs get their work out into the world. She lives outside of Boston with her husband, dog, two cats, and two ukuleles. The cats can’t play the ukuleles. Yet.

Read more about Mind-Body tools and LOA!’
“One of my favorite ways to attract what I want is to make an evidence list.” ~Abigail Steidley

For example – motherhood.

I recently chose, knowing fully what I was in for, to step into Square One. I’ve been through many a Square One since becoming a coach, and I’m getting more comfortable with it. Square One, Martha explains, is like being a caterpillar in a cocoon, preparing to become a butterfly. It’s not the pretty part of the process. Apparently, caterpillars dissolve into a goopy-type substance in the cocoon before they morph into a butterfly and fly away.

A goopy-type substance is a good description for what I have felt like most of my pregnancy. I’m not saying it’s not a magical experience, because it is. However, it’s also a giant dissolving of who I was and the beginning of the new me – the mom me.

Being goopy is not always a pretty sight. It involves hormonal swings, sudden weeping, mother-instinct anger/protectiveness that is truly shocking (I suppose that part is just preparing me for what I’ll feel when she’s on the outside!), ridiculous amounts of nesting, and sudden, decisive decisions about my life. It’s a bit, say, up and down.

 It also involves looking in the mirror and saying, “Who am I?” Physically I’m completely different. But I also feel completely different on the inside. My identity is shifting and changing to incorporate this new, giant part of who I am – a mother.

Square One is about dissolving your identity and becoming a new version of yourself. We all go through square one over and over again, because we are always evolving. However, it’s not exactly a comfy experience. It often feels like, as Martha says, you’re in “no man’s land.” The key to surviving is to just surrender and let it happen.

I am in the midst of morphing into motherhood, and I surrender. It’s a beautiful thing, and it’s a messy thing. They key is to be okay with the messiness. Everything is changing, and I must let go of the old to open up to the new. Is that comfy? No. Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes.

So, if you, too are in your own Square One, let us raise a toast to feeling like a goopy substance, not knowing who we are right now, and to transformation. We are becoming butterflies, fellow Square One travelers. We are preparing to fly.

However, in the meantime, here’s a peek into my daily life and how I’m using this concept for myself.

A year ago, I hired a contractor to do some renovations on my house. They weren’t huge changes like major additions, but there was a significant amount of work. Our house needed a laundry room, much updating, and lots of little fixes. We bought a fixer-upper before we knew we really hate fixing-up. So, I was delighted to have someone with expertise make our house a home.

I will admit, I was a newbie to the contractor experience. I did not realize that contractors live in a completely different time zone, independent of all officially recognized time zones. We’ll call it Contractor Time. Contractor Time is based on two-week cycles. This means that they tell you everything will be done in two weeks, every time you ask. They also disappear for two weeks at a time on a regular basis.

So here we are, a year later, and the project is not yet done. A few weeks ago, I found myself getting hysterical about this fact, and experiencing a great deal of anger and copious amounts of weeping. (I’m sure NONE of this is related to being pregnant.)

I really, really, really want this done before the baby arrives. I never in a million years thought we’d still be in construction mode at this point.

So, I sat down and connected with my emotions. I knew there had to be a message in there, and I was really hoping my soul wisdom would have something helpful to say. I had reached a limit. My life has been completely turned upside down between not knowing when the contractor will be in my house (every day it’s a gamble – in fact, my husband and I have started betting) and having constant disruption while trying to live here, run a business, and be pregnant.

I’ve kind of gotten used to the constant chaos. My life looks a little something like this: I’ve given the contractor instructions/input in between first-trimester vomiting events. I’ve dashed down the hall dressed only in a towel when he showed up unexpectedly. I’ve tripped over piles of equipment, moved in and out of rooms repeatedly, and coached from every corner of the house. Today, I ran into the bathroom to pee, forgot to shut the door, and realized he was right around the corner in the kitchen. To be honest, I didn’t even care. He’s like a permanent member of our household.

When I sat down to check in with my emotions and my soul wisdom, a message came through loud and clear. Here’s what my emotions and my soul said:

Sadness: It’s time to let go of your current way of working and living as you step into your new life as a mother. I’m here to help you let go.

Anger: I’m here to help you communicate clearly and stand up for what you believe in, which you’ll need to do as a mother. I give you strength.

Soul: This is all happening to give you practice ground for the new life you’ll be living as a mother. You’ll have constant interruptions. You’ll need to work and live differently. You’ll need to find ways to stay connected to yourself, to find peace, to make life the way you want it, with a lot of randomness and surprise curveballs. This is a great chance to practice so that you can move toward this new way of living.

Immediately, I felt my body relax. This all rang so true that I could see exactly why it all needed to happen this way. I’m not saying I became perfectly peaceful and haven’t had a moment of anger since. No, I’ve still had my freak-outs about this house project. However, I can return and return to this inner wisdom, reminding myself to use this chaos to practice what I know. And that is working.

Without my emotions and my soul wisdom, I would be in a constant state of stress and panic around this issue. I’m grateful to be able to let go of stress, let go of tension, and stay connected and healthy in the face of whatever is happening. That’s the power of the mind-body-soul connection, and the power of letting my emotions be a guide in my life rather than something I avoid or suppress.

Here is the story:

Once upon a time, there was a woman. She was in her late teens when she started struggling with chronic pain syndromes. She fought with interstitial cystitis for many years, then ended up with vulvodynia. These two pelvic pain syndromes nearly drove her mad. She was desperate, lost, and terrified.

Then, through a synchronous, magical moment, she was introduced to mind-body healing. She knew it was the right healing path for her, even though she had a lot to learn. It felt right, it felt empowering, and it felt important. She trusted this, dove in, and learned as much as she could. In the end, she learned how to help her body heal itself.

Meanwhile, magical healing seemed to happen in every area of her life. She gained confidence, learned to love her body, lost weight, and took steps to finally follow her passion. She started life coach training, a long-time dream of hers.

As a coach, she felt compelled to work with others who were struggling with physical pain issues. She hung out her shingle as a mind-body coach specializing in interstitial cystitis and vulvodynia. She fell in love with working with women dealing with these syndromes. They, too, felt that mind-body healing was the right path for them. All they needed was the “how to,” and the woman had spent years figuring that out. It was perfect. Client after client, she taught them how to use their mind-body connection to help their bodies heal themselves.

She ended up compiling all of her how-to knowledge into an audio course. It’s called the Healthy Mind Toolbox Audio Course, but it’s getting a new name and lovely new cover-art. Soon it will be The Mind-Body Toolbox for Pain Relief. It was so much fun to write and teach about mind-body healing that the woman kept teaching new classes, working with new clients, and writing new materials.

Soon, coaches started asking her to help them use mind-body tools with clients. Out of this, the first Mind-Body Coach Training was born. Then, other clients started showing up, asking to learn the mind-body tools for purposes besides physical healing. They wanted to improve their businesses, gain confidence, reduce stress, lose weight, and learn to love their bodies, too.

Pretty soon, the little website that had started it all was no longer speaking to just pain relief. It was piled with offerings, resources, and a hodge-podge of different things for different people struggling with different issues. Everyone who came to the site had one thing in common, though. They all wanted to use mind-body healing. They just had different types of healing they wanted to achieve.

The poor little website could no longer serve the different people arriving at its doorstep. And so, the idea to build a new one was born. But what to call it? So many people wanted to do so much with the mind-body tools. So many people already had, in fact, created success, health, weight loss, and confidence. And they’d all done it by tuning in to their bodies, their emotions, and their souls. They knew how to listen to their soul, trust it, and enjoy the healing that resulted from doing so.

And so, the woman, both a musician and a coach, realized the core of mind-body healing is really about letting your soul sing. It’s about finding your individual soul song. It’s about trusting that inner wisdom from your soul and letting it come through, full volume, in its unique way. It’s about letting yourself really be who you are meant to be, because trying to be anyone else creates pain, stress, weight gain, and low-confidence. The key to everything is trusting in your unique soul and everything it has to offer the world.

The woman, who also loves Celtic spirituality, hopped in the shower one day and got out with a whole new name. It was the name that perfectly described what she wanted to teach – this whole let your soul sing thing. It was the word “anam” (Irish for “soul”) combined with the word “song.”

anamsong

/ah-num·sông/ origin – Irish + Greek (n): 1. soul song, inner wisdom 2. The expression of your unique purpose, truth, or voice As in: What’s your anamsong: what song does your soul sing?

And just like that, the new name, the new website, and a whole slew of new mind-body materials was born. Just for you. For those of you who want to heal your bodies. For those of you who want to heal your self-confidence. For those of you who want to heal your coaching business. For anyone who wants to hear their inner wisdom, trust it, and let their soul sing. For anyone who wants to feel free, feel inspired, enjoy abundance, love, health, and joy. Really.

anamsong

Coming soon.

I woke up on New Year’s day and immediately thought, “This is the year of big dreams.” The thought came out of the blue and had a soul feel to it. I can feel the truth and energy behind it – BIG dreams.

I count myself lucky to be in the business of helping people make their dreams come true, and I think this year is going to be the most rewarding yet. I have a feeling that lots and lots of people are going to see their dreams come true. Clients, students, colleagues, family members – it’s going to be big! I’m telling you!

So, why not get started today?

First, what ARE your big dreams?

Can you list them immediately? Do they roll right off your tongue? If not, it’s time to get cracking on your list. The first step in making big dreams come true is knowing what your dreams are. Then we can move on to making them reality.

Take a moment here to write down three big dreams. Big is a relative term, so don’t judge yourself. Whatever feels big to you is perfect. (Share them in the comments section below!)

Take a look at your list. Could you get more specific? Bigger? Let your imagination go WILD in this moment. No pressure – you don’t have to write the novel right this minute, train for your triathlon today, or build your coaching practice overnight. Right now, you’re just imagining what could be. Then, turn it up a notch. Don’t settle.

I help a lot of people with their body dreams. Many people want health, weight loss, more energy, or better sleep. Whenever we coach together around their body dreams, clients always discover more, bigger, better dreams lurking in the corners, hiding behind desires for physical well-being. Of course it’s fabulous to dream of great health. Then, go bigger. What else? Don’t just settle for good. Go for great.

I used to dream of health. But lurking behind my dream was a much bigger one. I wanted to be a life coach. I’d read Martha Beck’s books for years. I loved what she did. I wanted to do the same. Every now and then, I’d let that dream peek its nose out before hurriedly hiding it away. It seemed preposterous.

I believe that part of the health struggle many of us face is inextricably linked to big dreams. Smooshing them down just doesn’t work. Our bodies sag and drag as a result, longing to be let loose to live the lives we’re meant to live

When I got my dream of health, I found I couldn’t sweep anything under the rug and still stay healthy. I had to open that closet where I’d stored my life coaching dream. I had to pull it out, look at it, and try it on for size. Then, I had to make it happen.

I’ve gotten used to living this way. For me, every year is about making big dreams happen. I know that I can’t settle. I have to stand on my tiptoes and reach up, as high as I can, for that really cool dream on the top shelf. The best dreams seem too high, just out of reach, and a little precarious. If that’s how you feel when you think of you’re dream – you’re onto it!

Stretch yourself. Reach a little higher. Have fun! That’s what big dreams and life are all about. A lot of my big dreams came true last year, so I’m stepping it up this year. Higher. Bigger. Better. It’s about expanding to new realms, exploring the places your soul wants to go. Because that’s who’s leading this dream team – your soul. Trust it. Dare to take the steps, little or big, that it’s telling you to take. There’s no reason to wait. This is the year.