After I discovered mind-body healing, I was finally able to live without these syndromes. (Happy dance!)

Mind-body-spirit tools gave me my life back last year, too. 

Even though I was facing a huge and difficult health crisis (as described in this blog post here), I consider myself lucky.

I had years of using my own mind-body-spirit tools under my belt, so I was able to face big decisions with clarity.

Why?

Because I had access to my inner wisdom, which meant I knew how to feel my emotions and stay connected to myself rather than suppress and disconnect. Inner wisdom told me when I needed to find new doctors and seek different help.

I knew how to navigate and advocate. I could trust my own wisdom.

Dealing with a really rough case of pelvic organ prolapse was hard and scary. However, precisely because I have my mind-body-spirit tools, I was able to take amazing care of myself.

I found the right doctor. I found the right surgery. I found the right physical therapy.

Inner wisdom was the reason I was able to recover, and still continue to recover. (Seriously. Without it, I would have chosen the wrong doctor and had the wrong surgery. My original doctor was planning it all out!)

I was able to trust my inner wisdom when it guided me to create new visions for my business and reconnect with doing what I loved.

And, guess what? Take note, sufferers of pelvic pain! I flew through major pelvic surgery without a recurrence of interstitial cystitis or vulvodynia. SAY WHAT? Yep! That’s the power of long-term use of mind-body-spirit tools.

One common misconception I’ve seen in mind-body healing is the notion that mind-body-spirit tools are all you need to stay healthy forever. Watch out for that mindset!

We are humans, living a human experience.

The minute you put pressure on yourself to get healthy and stay healthy forever, you’ve added both stress and an impossible goal to your plate.

Healing mind-body syndromes like interstitial cystitis and vulvodynia did not prevent me from experiencing pelvic organ prolapse – an entirely separate issue – which is the result of internal ligament tears and breaks. (Which are caused by multiple factors: genetics, childbirth, trauma, posture habits, incorrect pelvic care during hard workouts (over time), and unhelpful breathing habits.)

I took really good care of my pelvis from age 25 on, using a combo of mind-body-spirit tools and pelvic physical therapy. However, there was still a lot I didn’t know. I still exercised in ways that did pelvic damage. I still gave birth in a hospital where they did not let me use a birthing position that was safe for my pelvis. (There wasn’t much choice where I lived at the time.)

We are just human beings, living and learning every day. That’s why I love the mind-body-spirit tools. They help you navigate any challenge, and they help you release the pain and stress of mind-body syndromes like interstitial cystitis and vulvodynia, which come largely from internal self-pressures and emotional suppression. I am so grateful I’ve been able to handle this new pelvic situation with these tools to support me and to prevent recurring pain.

I am passionate about teaching people how to use mind-body-spirit tools to create a solid connection to inner wisdom and well-being.

If you want to learn ALL my mind-body-spirit tools, you are in luck! Join the Mind-Body Magic Coach Training.

In the training, you’ll learn the tools for yourself and for your clients, should you choose to become a coach. (You can certainly take the training just for you!)

Here’s to mind-body-spirit tools and the gifts they bring!

P.S. I’m focused on running the training and other programs for mind-body-spirit tools and Slacker Magic (which was a big part of my journey last year!), but you can always connect with one of my coaches if you need help with pelvic pain or pelvic syndromes. See the full list here!

It wasn’t cancer. It wasn’t a broken limb. It was not a clearly labeled disease.

It was complicated and confusing.

I was afraid it was the end of living a life I loved.

It was the end, actually. It was the end of that life I loved.

I want to tell you the story of my new life. To be honest, it’s not an easy story to tell.

It’s time to tell it, because I know other people face similar things and have to rebuild and recreate their lives, too. I know it can be terribly lonely and scary.

I’m in a place, now, where I can help and support others who are rebuilding or creating in their lives but feel alone – maybe even embarrassed – about vulnerabilities or limitations.

I know what that’s like, and I have both tools and empathy that were born from experience.

Here’s the story:

I had a thriving coaching practice. I was training mind-body coaches, I was coaching 1-1 clients, and I was contracting for another company to help them train coaches. I was thriving. I love coaching, and I LOVE training coaches. Especially around mind-body tools!

I had already been through a health crisis in my twenties, which is when I discovered mind-body healing. I had developed my own system of mind-body-spirit tools and created my programs and training around them. I had done all this original work and was helping hundreds of people all over the world. It was so much fun.

Then, everything turned upside-down.

A prescription I’d been prescribed caused constant nausea. I felt sick 24/7, and I couldn’t eat without feeling sicker. I lost weight rapidly. The medicine had to work its way out of my system, and that took an entire year. I felt sick the whole time.

Then, I started noticing another set of symptoms, and again, these were a mystery. My elimination systems were not functioning properly, and it was causing a lot of pain. I was terrified to eat – now for a new reason – because my body seemed to have some kind of terrible kink in the works. I went to doctor after doctor. I was called crazy, told I was fixated on my issues, and was misunderstood at every turn in the road. I had no idea what was going on, but I knew it was real.

Finally, through research and inner wisdom’s guidance, I figured out what was wrong. I was facing pelvic organ prolapse, an issue common among women but rarely discussed. My internal organs were collapsing into themselves and literally falling out of my body.

I had heard of bladder issues that can strike any woman postpartum or later in life. However, I had no idea prolapse could extend to so many other organs or wreak so much havoc in the digestive and eliminative systems. I would have gladly settled for just a bladder issue. This was, instead, a full system, widespread failure.

I’ll save you the gory details, but the end result was that I could no longer live a normal life. The debilitating pain and dysfunction made all my favorite things impossible and I was stripped down to just surviving.

Finally, inner wisdom led me to a surgeon who could help. After much deliberation and inner-wisdom listening, I chose to have surgery.

With the help of the surgeon and several fantastic pelvic physical therapists, I have now recovered from the surgery and regained nearly all my normal pelvic functions. Thanks to family and some incredible friends, I made it through the year-long recovery. It’s still a process. I still have to be gentle with my body, kind, and aware. I still need physical therapy weekly. I still can’t do a lot of the things I loved, but I am able to do so, so much more than I could two years ago. (And, I’m hopeful I’ll regain more freedom over time!)

I tell this story, because now I am back to coaching, teaching, and thriving. But how I live my life and how I do business now is different. It has to be. I’ve been through a war, and my body has suffered. I do have what amounts to a disability, at least for now. I have no idea what will happen as time goes on, but I have to honor and respect where my body is. I’m grateful to have as much normalcy as I do.

I also don’t want to hide behind a facade or pretend to live a life I don’t live. I’d rather be honest, while still positive and hopeful, about the limitations that are here right now. That’s the kindest way to honor me and my body.

At the same time, I also grieve the missing pieces. I grieve on the days that everything is harder and I have to face a limitation. I grieve when others ask me to join them on adventures that aren’t yet possible. I grieve when I accidentally offend people by being late or unable to join them.

I do my best to be open and communicate, but these are symptoms one doesn’t necessarily discuss. They’re hidden. They’re kind of embarrassing. It’s not easy to live with an invisible thing, and I know so, so many people do.

I tell this story because I know there are other people who are going through similar things, or who have gone through similar things. The world becomes a different place when a crisis like this hits.

I tell this story because I came back to my work with a new appreciation for how much I love it and new ways to work, even though I’m not as physically able as I was before.

I tell this story because I hope to inspire anyone who wants to create a thriving mind-body coaching practice or other business in the face of difficult obstacles.

I tell this story because, in the worst moments, I thought I’d lost the work I love.

Instead, the work I love saved me. This is what happens when our businesses are aligned with our souls.

In the weeks before my surgery, everything seemed pretty bleak. I had no idea if the surgery would work, but I was focusing on positive visualization and affirming. I had no idea if I’d ever work again, and it seemed pretty far away.

Then, one day, Carmen Schreffler sent me a text.

Carmen was my marketing and business strategist when this all hit, but we’d also become fast friends.

“We need to meet and talk about your business,” she wrote.

I thought she’d lost her mind. This was not a time to be rebuilding my business. I wasn’t even sure I could rebuild me!

She’s pretty persuasive, though, so I ended up on the phone with her.

It was the conversation that gave me my life back. I credit Carmen with saving my soul.

As we talked about business ideas, something magical happened.

Hope blossomed.

I told her the obstacles I saw and the reasons I couldn’t do what I loved anymore.

Carmen gently explained why they weren’t obstacles at all. For every concern I tossed out, she explained how I could still do what I loved.

We started talking about collaborating and helping people as a team, and my heart soared.

I could see new possibilities. I could see how I could still take care of my very different body and be a coach, again.

The doors to a new life creaked slowly open.

Now, I have my thriving coaching practice back.

Only – here’s the funny part – it’s better than it ever was.

I connect even more with my people. I know what it’s like to be sidelined, and now the passion for connecting and engaging with everyone is so much larger. I have more empathy than ever.

I don’t let physical limitations stop me from doing my work. There’s no need for them to when I have a business that allows me to take great care of myself and still show up for others.

Instead, I embrace working in a feminine, nurturing way; both for me and my clients.

I know so many people face similar things, and I hope to be a source of relief to those who are building and creating while facing struggles of any kind.

Even if you’re in a place where you really can’t “crush it” – because that’s just not an option for your body or your spirit – you can absolutely create it, whatever it is you are meant to do.

What I’ve learned is this:

There’s no shame in vulnerability.

It’s not a weakness to have limitations. It’s part of being human. We don’t have to hide limitations in order to be successful.

There are people who don’t get what I’m going through or don’t believe me. They aren’t my focus, because the people I’m meant to connect with and serve are all around me.

When I listen to my inner wisdom, I find healing around every corner. My creative work and connecting with others is a source of joy. (That’s how Slacker Magic was born!)

My spirit is unstoppable, and I can create a life that gives my body the support it needs so my spirit can thrive.

Love is always guiding me.

Thank you, so much, for reading this story and being one of those lovely people I’m meant to connect with in this human and very magical life.

(If you suffer from pelvic pain syndromes like vulvodynia or interstitial cystitis and have followed my past work around mind-body-spirit tools and healing pelvic pain syndromes, read this important post. You’ll understand the connection between the story I’m sharing here and why mind-body-spirit tools help you heal from many types of mind-body syndromes.)

P.S. All of this – this experience, what I’ve learned, and the healing force of collaboration – is why I’m excited for the upcoming Mind-Body Magic Coach Training and for my Mind-Body Magic for Business program. I know some of you face similar things every day and I’m so excited to help you and your spirit thrive and create.

However, the reason I natter on about it is this: Listening to your inner wisdom is actually one of the most important (if not THE MOST) elements of healing, stress-relief, and creating a life you truly love.

Learning to hear your inner wisdom, trust it, and follow it is the shortcut to everything you want.

It’s a seriously awesome life hack.

Got pain? Got stress? When you don’t know how to access your inner wisdom, you rely on others’ guidance, pressure yourself to do things the way others think you should, go against your gut, feel confused from all the conflicting information out there, and end up with tension, pain, and stress. You pressure yourself constantly and try to live up to your inner ideal, because you have no clear guidance from within to clarify what’s really right for you.

You get hooked on others’ approval because you have no other way of knowing if what you’ve chosen for yourself is “right.” Yet, everyone has different opinions, so you find yourself spinning from the various feedback – and, of course, it’s impossible to please everyone. Trusting your inner wisdom takes the pressure off and releases you from the approval trap. It releases tension and stress. It brings you back to self-awareness and knowledge about how to best care for yourself.

It is counter-culture to ask your inner wisdom before you Google it.

Even though I have learned to trust my inner wisdom, it took a long time to apply it to every aspect of my life. For nearly my entire adult life, I’ve bounced from one food plan to another, read a million diet and nutrition books, and generally felt completely lost about what to eat.

After researching nutrition for this many years, there’s only one thing I know for sure: pretty much all food is either good for you or bad for you, depending on your resource. Eggs – BAD! No wait, GOOD! Grains – GOOD! But only whole grains. No wait, now grains are the devil. Except in France, where white flour is perfectly healthy. Olive oil – GOOD! Except, don’t eat very much of it, because you should be focusing on coconut oil. Don’t eat meat. Do eat meat. Only eat organic meat. Mushrooms are the best thing, ever. No, actually, they are bad for your digestion. And, let’s not forget – gluten will basically kill everyone. Yet, I am willing to bet you a million dollars that in fifty years, gluten will be re-discovered as the most potent healing nutrient a person can eat.

To make it even harder, many experts will fervently explain to you why their food plan is really the ONLY healthy one, and all others are causing dreadful, deadly inflammation inside your body that can’t be seen, but is absolutely killing you. (This is why I love Dr. John Sarno, who has debunked hundreds of scary health issues, including inflammation, by using his highly effective TMS protocol.)

Finally, I started doing something radical: eating according to my inner wisdom. I’d had such success with pain-relief due to following my inner wisdom that I figured it might work. (Interestingly enough, it took me much longer to apply this to food than it did to physical pain – the result of so many years of brainwashing myself that someone else knew more about what I should eat than my own body.)

Now, when I hear nutrition advice, I filter it through my inner wisdom. Then, if it feels right, I try it, checking in with my inner wisdom the whole way.

I didn’t even think of parenting from my inner wisdom until my daughter was several months old. Then, I realized that all the parenting books, while somewhat helpful, were only useful if I started with my inner wisdom and then used them to figure out how the different pieces fit together.

Now that I’ve realized inner-wisdom is the key to everything, I treat every situation like this:

1. Check in with inner wisdom
2. Experiment with what it’s told me to do
3. Follow my inner wisdom to any new resources – which usually help me understand how the inner wisdom information was accurate and is working

This way of solving problems saves time, eliminates confusion, and keeps me grounded in myself. I’m certainly not perfect at it. I’m guessing trusting one’s inner wisdom is a life’s work and a pretty big part of this being human thing.

To get started, close your eyes and ask your inner wisdom this question:

What is your guidance for me today?

Then, listen quietly for a few moments. Sometimes you might hear a clear answer within yourself. Other times, it may take time for you to realize an inner knowing around a situation or issue. You might see images or hear short one-word answers at first. The more you ask the question and listen inward, the more you’ll understand the responses you get. It takes time to cultivate this new practice.

I get a lot of remarks from people that sound like this:

“I don’t know how you do what you do, or how you do all the things you’re doing!”

“You are so lucky!”

“How are you making that work?”

“You’re just magical, so it works for you.”

The truth is, I’ve just given you my big secret. I was forced to learn to listen to my inner wisdom, trust it, and follow it when I experienced years of chronic pain. (Which, trust me, did not feel magical or lucky at the time.) That was the only road that took me back to health. Then, I realized that’s basically the best life-hack for everything. I live my life completely backwards from the cultural norm. I check in with my soul before I research, take action, or try to figure something out with my mind. Quite often, I take action long before my mind understands why or what I’m doing.

A year ago, I moved from one city to another. I truly had no idea why. When people would ask, I had no clear answer. I had some ideas about what the reason might be, but they were just guesses. I was following my inner wisdom.

All I know is, when I listen to my inner wisdom, things work out for the best. I heal. I feel good in my body. I eat foods that give me energy and work for me. I live in cities that feel great for me and my family. I have success in my coaching practice. I enjoy my life. Things go well. I connect to my daughter in ways that feel right and good. I am able to create what I want most in my life.

Sometimes, people don’t approve of choices I make. Some of the experts would gasp in sheer horror. (I ate BREAD. And SUGAR.) I feel connected and approved of by the only person I really need approval from: me. My soul and I are aligned. And when we’re not, I know it’s because I’ve forgotten to listen to my inner wisdom instead of some outside source.

Listening to and trusting your inner wisdom creates an inner confidence that radiates into every part of your life. It’s the most powerful thing you can do for yourself, your body, your well-being, and your happiness.

I stepped into the isolation booth, violin in hand. I tried to act very calm, but my heart was pounding. I was about to record a violin part, and it was my first time in a professional recording studio. I tried some deep breathing. Gack. Why in the world did I agree to do this?

I may have a problem. A good friend of mine calls it the Cookie Jar Syndrome – I like to eat all the cookies in the jar. I’ll admit I like to say yes to life experiences whenever they sound fun, exciting, challenging, or generally good for my personal growth. I find it hard to turn down an invitation to such experiences, which means that my plate is often very full.

Recently, I’ve been beating myself up about this issue, because my schedule is cram-packed right now. Every work hour is already scheduled through the end of the year, and my personal time is also mostly booked. For some reason, all of the awesome experiences I’ve said yes to this year are happening right now. Including recording a violin track for a professional recording.

Oops.

I’ve been telling myself I’m an idiot, saying I have poor boundaries, and really hitting myself over the head with “I should be doing things differently than I am.” Ouch. This kind of self-flagellation goes exactly nowhere.

So, I remembered that I like to practice and teach this thing called self-kindness. In fact, I have even started an entire Kindness Community. Oh, right! That! Self-kindness! It’s only the most important tool in my toolbox for well-being. And here I am, completely forgetting about it.

Putting my own tools to the test, I tuned in to myself and listened to my inner wisdom.

(The tools I use for this are available in the Kindness Community, by the way!)

My inner wisdom was pretty easy to hear. First of all, there was the delighted humming of joy in my chest, which I’d been feeling ever since I left the recording studio, successful violin track completed. Then there was the delighted little voice in my heart, telling me ideas for an upcoming telecourse I’m giving. My inner wisdom was pretty clear. It said:

You are absolutely on the right track.

This is how you like to live.

This is you, listening to the joy and following it.

Come to think of it, right now I am very, very happy. Sure, my calendar is crammed. Yes, I am doing a lot of things. But I’m not saying yes to everything. I do listen to my inner wisdom, and I only do what feels right. I take quiet time and have found ways to increase the balance between doing and being. The only problem in this situation was the critical voice in my head, telling me I should be doing it differently right now. Funnily enough, the only thing that needed doing differently was that voice itself.

The thing I know about myself is this: I like to stretch and challenge myself. What’s a good week (or day, actually!) without something a little scary in it? Facing challenges is a part of building confidence and helps me grow. It helps me learn about myself. It helps me trust myself. It’s one of my biggest keys to business success, wellness, and life enjoyment.

Case in hand; the recording studio. When I found that, despite not playing violin professionally for many years, I still had the chops to go create a decent recording, I felt amazing. I could have said no to that opportunity. I could have missed out on the fun practice time with my violin, which added huge value to my life this month. I could have missed out on seeing an old friend and reconnecting around music. I could have missed out on nurturing my inner musician. I could have missed out on remembering a part of who I am. And I could have missed out on facing yet another scary experience and finding I can totally do it.

Building confidence and self-trust is about walking into the scary stuff, falling down, trying again, learning, and eventually succeeding.

I’ve crashed and burned on the violin hundreds of times. And even this time, I didn’t record the part perfectly by any means. We patched two different takes together for the final product. It simply doesn’t matter. It’s not about perfection. It’s about doing. I’ve failed enough with the violin to enjoy success. I’ve scared myself silly so many times that now I can feel an iron core of strength inside me when I see a microphone and music stand. It’s a juicy challenge.

I’ve been doing some research for a telecourse I’m giving this week, and I’ve been re-reading the book Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Csikszentmihalyi teaches us that optimal experience, or flow, is achieved by a perfect blend of passion and challenge. Easy stuff doesn’t make us happy. During flow, Csikszentmihalyi explains, people experience deep enjoyment, creativity, and a total involvement with life.

When I’m in flow, scaring myself with challenges that I adore, I experience a happiness that runs deep. Synchronicities happen. Connection deepens. I know myself more and more. I flourish. I feel healthy.

I don’t actually have Cookie Jar Syndrome. I’ve definitely experienced that before, but it’s not a chronic condition. I’m flowing with the adventure of life right now, and my plate is piled just high enough. Not too much. Not too little. Lots of deliciousness and plenty of fun. Because what is fun, in the end? Not easy stuff. That’s boring! Fun is flow.

However, in the meantime, here’s a peek into my daily life and how I’m using this concept for myself.

A year ago, I hired a contractor to do some renovations on my house. They weren’t huge changes like major additions, but there was a significant amount of work. Our house needed a laundry room, much updating, and lots of little fixes. We bought a fixer-upper before we knew we really hate fixing-up. So, I was delighted to have someone with expertise make our house a home.

I will admit, I was a newbie to the contractor experience. I did not realize that contractors live in a completely different time zone, independent of all officially recognized time zones. We’ll call it Contractor Time. Contractor Time is based on two-week cycles. This means that they tell you everything will be done in two weeks, every time you ask. They also disappear for two weeks at a time on a regular basis.

So here we are, a year later, and the project is not yet done. A few weeks ago, I found myself getting hysterical about this fact, and experiencing a great deal of anger and copious amounts of weeping. (I’m sure NONE of this is related to being pregnant.)

I really, really, really want this done before the baby arrives. I never in a million years thought we’d still be in construction mode at this point.

So, I sat down and connected with my emotions. I knew there had to be a message in there, and I was really hoping my soul wisdom would have something helpful to say. I had reached a limit. My life has been completely turned upside down between not knowing when the contractor will be in my house (every day it’s a gamble – in fact, my husband and I have started betting) and having constant disruption while trying to live here, run a business, and be pregnant.

I’ve kind of gotten used to the constant chaos. My life looks a little something like this: I’ve given the contractor instructions/input in between first-trimester vomiting events. I’ve dashed down the hall dressed only in a towel when he showed up unexpectedly. I’ve tripped over piles of equipment, moved in and out of rooms repeatedly, and coached from every corner of the house. Today, I ran into the bathroom to pee, forgot to shut the door, and realized he was right around the corner in the kitchen. To be honest, I didn’t even care. He’s like a permanent member of our household.

When I sat down to check in with my emotions and my soul wisdom, a message came through loud and clear. Here’s what my emotions and my soul said:

Sadness: It’s time to let go of your current way of working and living as you step into your new life as a mother. I’m here to help you let go.

Anger: I’m here to help you communicate clearly and stand up for what you believe in, which you’ll need to do as a mother. I give you strength.

Soul: This is all happening to give you practice ground for the new life you’ll be living as a mother. You’ll have constant interruptions. You’ll need to work and live differently. You’ll need to find ways to stay connected to yourself, to find peace, to make life the way you want it, with a lot of randomness and surprise curveballs. This is a great chance to practice so that you can move toward this new way of living.

Immediately, I felt my body relax. This all rang so true that I could see exactly why it all needed to happen this way. I’m not saying I became perfectly peaceful and haven’t had a moment of anger since. No, I’ve still had my freak-outs about this house project. However, I can return and return to this inner wisdom, reminding myself to use this chaos to practice what I know. And that is working.

Without my emotions and my soul wisdom, I would be in a constant state of stress and panic around this issue. I’m grateful to be able to let go of stress, let go of tension, and stay connected and healthy in the face of whatever is happening. That’s the power of the mind-body-soul connection, and the power of letting my emotions be a guide in my life rather than something I avoid or suppress.

Why practice at all?

Because it’s so much fun and so amazing to hear your intuitive inner wisdom. And it’s even more fun to hear it loud and clear. The more you practice (playfully!), the louder your intuitive voice speaks to you. It makes daily decisions much simpler and the path to your right life much more efficient. Whether you want to re-align with your body and feel healthy and comfortable in your own skin or you long to have a successful and fulfilling coaching practice, your intuitive voice is the ultimate guide. Your soul steers you perfectly. All you have to do is tune in!

On my birthday in December, 2010, I did a meditation and tuned in to my soul. It told me it was time to start down the path to motherhood. Prior to that, I wasn’t sure whether or not I wanted to be a mom. After that, I knew I was meant to be one. A little soul wanted to come hang out with my husband and me. Even though it sounded terrifying and exciting and life-changing and mind-blowing all at once, I knew it was the right next step.

Now I’m going to write something I had no idea I’d write today. I’m going to tell you the whole story that led up to this moment, today, where I’m having fun announcing if baby is a boy or girl. (I’ll tell you, I promise!)

When I miscarried last year, it was too early to know whether or not we were having a boy or a girl. However, from going through the experience, I felt that it was twins, and my doctor thought that was probably the case. I knew it was a boy and a girl. After the miscarriage, whenever I meditated and tuned in to my soul, I felt like I was also in touch with the little girl’s soul. She began to send me loving messages every time I connected to my own soul.

She told me that she wanted to be with me, to be my child, but that the first attempt wasn’t quite right – there were reasons we had to wait and start over again. Some were physical, some were spiritual, and some were emotional – I had things I needed to work through. She told me I would grow and learn and be ready soon. She said she and her brother were just fine, even though they didn’t finish their journey to be here in little baby bodies. I could feel the truth of this. Even as I grieved, even as I felt the loss of what was to be, I could feel that they were truly okay.

The baby girl soul told me she was coming back. She’d even already told us what her name was, but asked us to keep it to ourselves until she was born.

After this, I felt really excited to get pregnant again. Yet, my soul kept telling me to wait. I had healing to do, on every single level possible. So, though I was impatient and sometimes argumentative, I listened to that intuitive voice and waited.

I’m not really good at waiting. It was hard. Then, one night I had a dream. In the dream, I was far along in a pregnancy, and really happy. The dream was so vivid that it stuck with me for days. You see, in the past, I’d had a recurring dream that I was pregnant. In that recurring dream, I’d be very excited, but then I’d go stand in front of the mirror only to discover that I didn’t look pregnant anymore, and there was no baby. Three days before my miscarriage, I was standing in front of the mirror in my bathroom, and I noticed something looked different, as though I wasn’t pregnant anymore. It was the moment from the dream, happening in real life. (I’ve always had eerily accurate dreams like this, about myself and other people.)

To finally dream about being happily pregnant, for the first time in my life, felt like a deeply joyous message. I took it as a good sign. I thanked my soul.

Then, finally, the waiting was over. It was time to embark on the journey again. Exactly one year after my birthday meditation, I got the news – I was pregnant. It was the perfect birthday present.

Over the next two months, I had six dreams. In the first five, I was holding a little baby girl. I could see every feature of her face. In the dreams, I kissed her face and told her how adorable she was. I nursed her and snuggled with her. It was as though she was already here, in my arms. In the sixth dream, she was a little girl, laughing and playing. She seemed so absolutely real that I could hardly imagine anyone else but her inside my womb.

So I have to say, when the doctor looked at the ultrasound screen, smiled and said, “It’s a girl!” I wasn’t exactly surprised. Filled with joy? Yes. Deliriously happy? Yes. Filled with love? Yes.

I can’t wait to hold you in my arms, little baby girl!

I am not one of them.

I’ve always had a terrible case of curiosity, which I like to think makes me a great coach. (I’m sure it can also make me an annoying sister and friend, but hey, I’m going with the positive thinking here.)

I’ve been waiting for months for the ultrasound where, hopefully, my curiosity will be abated. On April 2, if the doc can see everything clearly, we’ll know if we’re having a boy or girl!

I thought it would be fun to play with intuition and invite you to practice tuning into yours for this momentous event. I’ve been intuiting and I have a feeling about the baby’s gender. (No, I’m not telling.)

Want to play? Here’s how:

1)     Take a couple of deep breaths. Notice your feet and hands to help you ground into your body.

2)     Imagine your wise soul sitting with you and enveloping you in loving, wise energy.

3)     Ask your soul to show you an image, share in words, or convey in whatever way works best for you whether the baby is a boy or girl.

4)     Wait for the answer without any pressure to get it right. We’re just playing, here!

5)     When you have it, fill out the survey below!

This is an ideal way to practice tuning in to your soul and hearing your intuition, because chances are you are not emotionally invested in my baby. You’re likely just fine with me having a girl or a boy. There’s nothing riding on the outcome, so you can just play. And play is the key to tapping into your intuitive inner wisdom! The more you play-practice in this way, the more trust you’ll build in your intuitive abilities. You do NOT have to be perfect. All you have to do is be willing to play. 

Here is the survey! I’ll share the results next week, as well as the results of the ultrasound!

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/GBDZB7D

• Introduction
• Help your Mind
• Experience Emotions
• Allow Relaxation
• Recognize Inner Wisdom
• Putting it all Together

You’ll be on your way to pain relief, stress relief, a new relationship with your body, and hearing your soul song in no time!

(If you were already on my email newsletter list as of Feb 21, 2012, you should have received the ebook in your inbox already. Didn’t get one? You have two options – sign up in the box to the right, or email info@abigailsteidley.com.)

For any technical difficulties downloading or accessing your ebooks, please email info@abigailsteidley.com.

Enjoy!

If you can’t see the video, click here

Last year, I thought I would be pregnant and then give birth to a baby.

Instead, I miscarried. Then I ended up being pregnant with my life’s work and giving birth to that instead.

Of course I mourned the loss of my baby. I grieved. I healed. But I’ve also had enough experience with my mind-body-soul connection to know that there was infinite wisdom in the experience, somewhere. I would just have to wait to see it.

Sure enough, I can see it now.

I needed to spend time writing and creating this new material. It brought me clarity. It connected me more deeply to my life’s mission: To facilitate the mind-body connection for anyone who needs it. To teach other coaches how to do the same. To help those who are suffering return to their inner wisdom, gain strength and confidence, and trust their own soul once again.

To do all that, I needed to connect with my own soul on a whole new level. Losing the baby and reassessing my whole life made me do that. It was the path I needed to take this past year.

Many years ago, a similar thing happened. I suffered mightily at the hands of chronic pain and mental panic. I went through hell. At that time, I didn’t trust my soul. I didn’t think it was happening to help me grow as a person. I just thought I was being tortured.

And yet…that experience forced me to take charge of my inner life. It forced me to stop playing the victim role and to dig deep into my own power. It forced me to learn how to heal myself, and to learn that was even possible. It forced me to look at where I was unwittingly creating stress in my body and imbalance in my psyche.

In the end, I became a totally new me. I became the real me, the Abigail who lets her soul sing, every day. Who no longer hides, hates her body, or uses achievement as her only way to self-worth. I became intimately aware and connected with my own soul, my spiritual beliefs, and the energy that keeps me alive, every day. I became a person who listens to her body, lets her emotions flow, and doesn’t criticize herself constantly.

I didn’t become perfect. I learned how to forgive myself for not being perfect, and how to know that I’m already perfect, just as I am.

I also found my life’s work, my passion, my calling – whatever you want to call it.

All that from suffering and pain.

Of course, I’d love to learn my big life lessons from joy instead of pain. And I actually think that’s possible, now. But I do know myself, and I know my stubborn streak. I needed a good whap upside the head to awaken to my true life path.

In just a couple weeks, anamsong will be officially born. I’ll be the proud mother of a baby I really do love, even if she’s not the one I thought I’d be holding in my arms. So maybe this post is my birth announcement. I’m so deliriously in love with everything that’s associated with anamsong. I love the Irish word “anam” in the name. I love that I’m finally finding a way to incorporate all of me into what I do – my musician self, my coach self, my writer self, and my teacher self. I love that I’ll be able to clearly serve three different groups of people: people in physical pain, people fighting mental stress, and coaches looking to grow amazing businesses.

You know what?

In a lot of ways, this birth announcement is really the rebirth of me. I feel whole and complete. I feel good in my own skin. I like who I am. I love who I am. I love what I do. Finally, all of me gets to come out and play.

When we fall off the shelf and shatter to pieces, we aren’t broken. Instead, we discover the amazing work of art that was inside all along.

I’ve fallen and shattered many times. I’ll probably do it again. But I’ll be reborn, just that much more whole, each time.

Let’s have a party to celebrate rebirth. I’m creating a new Facebook page for anamsong, and when it’s ready, I’ll let you know. You’re invited to come celebrate launch week there, with me. I don’t know what we’ll do at the party yet, but it will be virtual, fun, and whatever we want it to be. Share your party ideas with me! I might be sweaty, exhausted, and a proud new mama, but I’ll be ready to celebrate.

When the time comes for my specified workout, if my body isn’t up for it, I immediately feel guilt, frustration, and stress. My mind goes into a little battle with itself:

Me: “Well, you said you’d work out x number of times. You’ll HAVE to do this tomorrow, now, and on the weekend.”

Other Me: “But I feel sick to my stomach. I really don’t think I can do this workout today.”

Me: “You should really be working out right now. That’s the plan. You are not sticking to it.”

Other Me: “But I really don’t feel well. I think I need to lie down.”

Me: “Failure is not an option! Oh no! This is terrible! You should be working out today!”

Other Me: “Blehhhhckkkk.” (Actually vomiting.)

Etc. That’s just one example. The conversation can be different each time, but the essence is the same – me getting frustrated with the me that is taking my body and soul’s needs into account, creating a sense of pressure.

Oddly, this is actually an improvement over the past, when I used to simply override and ignore my body and soul’s needs entirely. Yet, it’s not quite the sweet spot, where I actually listen to my body and soul needs each day and make my mental decisions based on those instead of the arbitrary mental expectations.

This sweet spot is a relaxed, health-enhancing zone. It’s where you listen to what your body and soul actually need in this moment and take action from that knowledge. I spend a lot of time in the sweet spot, but I’m certainly not perfect at it. So, I recently came up with a new concept to help myself remember how to get back to it.

Here’s how you enter the sweet spot:

1)     Notice when you are feeling stress. Easy enough, right?

2)     Look for any ways you are employing self-pressure. Remember, it can be subtle. Anytime your mind has made a decision based on arbitrary expectations, this self-pressure can arise. (For example, I noticed it last week, while writing a blog post. My mind had decided I must write blog posts on Mondays. My soul felt differently – it prefers Thursdays. The dissonance created self-pressure. I felt stress.)

3)     Let yourself off the hook. This is a blissful moment where you recognize that your mind has made a decision based on arbitrary expectations and then release those expectations. Just because the magazines say it’s a good idea, the book you read last week recommends doing it this particular way, or mom told you to do it this way when you were ten does not mean it’s right for you, in this moment. But your mind may be hanging on to old information, random information, or simply deciding stuff on its own. Make this moment conscious by asking the question: “Where can I let myself off the hook?” What can you change/not do/do differently? Where can you let go of the expectation that is causing the stress? (For example, I quit writing the blog posts on Mondays, started writing them on Thursdays, and felt much freer.)

4)     Enjoy. There is nothing quite like the feeling of relief when you actually see the silliness of these subtle and pervasive expectations. You might find yourself dancing with abandon, skipping joyfully, spontaneously smiling, or experiencing other such signs of soul-relief. Letting yourself off the hook gives you the chance to listen to what your body and soul really, truly need in this moment. Maybe it’s not a 45 minute weight-lifting workout. Maybe it’s a walk. Maybe it’s ten minutes of stretching. Maybe it’s a job. Maybe it’s a swim. Whatever it is, it is exactly right for you. This is you honoring yourself.

To enjoy this experience, you’ll need to tap into what I call your Inner Nurturer. This is the mothering, nurturing voice within you that is often drowned out by the Inner Critic or the Arbitrary Decision Maker. Call up your Inner Nurturer and ask her to help you find ways you can let yourself off the hook. She’ll have ideas. She’ll speak softly, lovingly, and gently to you. She’ll be curious about your body’s needs, and she’ll want to know what your soul is saying right now. She’ll be open to new ideas and ways to honor yourself.

Don’t worry if your Inner Nurturer is a little shy. She might not have had a lot of room to speak in, say, the last thirty years or so. Maybe she’s been shoved aside by the Inner Critic and needs a little encouragement to speak up. You can conjure her by imagining how you would treat your own child in this moment, or your pet, niece, or student. Anything that brings out your mothering instincts will help you tap into this Inner Nurturer’s wisdom. Then, turn that feeling-state inward, toward yourself.

You might discover that your life changes in surprising and fabulous ways the more you let yourself off the hook. I once spent a few weeks letting myself off the hook around eating vegetables. I counted pickles as veggies and called it good. Talk about freeing! Then, when veggies stopped feeling like self-pressure, I found myself inspired to make new kinds of salads. I was able to enjoy them again. I’ve let myself off the hook in hundreds of little ways in the last several months. Now it’s your turn. I’d love to hear the fun, funny, and surprising ways you’ve decided to let yourself off the hook, today!